BATMAN: ONE BAD DAY - TWO FACE #1 - Review

I don’t get this Batman series. It’s called ‘One Bad Day’ but none of the stories so far happen in a day and the entire series doesn’t happen in a day. There’s nothing intensely or oddly different about any of these ‘Villain Centric’ stories other than them being standard Bat fare. It would be like if you went to a restaurant and it was their ‘Seafood Delight Night’ yet the menu had the same ol’ burger and chicken finger nonsense on it but ooh, look, salmon and a shrimp cocktail!

 

It would be like if you were a perv looking for kinky fetishy stuff and the site was ‘One Kinky Fetishy Pervy Day’ and it was nothing but air brushed playmates holding a riding crop while angling their perfect backlit areolas in a stable. That being said the first installment by Tom King featuring the Riddler was actually really good, but see, this series is a bullpen game. There’s no Starting Pitcher you’re just bringing a reliever in every inning or so and praying that you can get to the end of the game without one crapping the bed. Well, there’s a heaping pile of dung on my satin comic book sheets.

 

Spoiler, Two Face murders his Dad. Feeds him some birthday cake at a gala, his face bubbles up, makes him look like Two Face for a second and then he dies. Of course Bats gets there a bit too late. Two Face is back in jail. That could’ve been popped into one of those old school Hostess Cupcake ads that Marvel used to run in the back pages of their comics way back in the day. Everything else in here was rehashed Two Face retread, “He’s really a good guy! There’s a good man somewhere in there! He helped us once! He can’t be trusted! He’s a loose cannon” Oh fer fuck’s sake are we talking about Kanye or Two Face?!? Mariko, give me something, anything new. I paid 8 bux for this nonsense. All I got was two comic books worth of bubkes. More pages does not equal more comic book joy.

 

Another gripe, what the hell happened to Batgirl’s costume? I’m all for the Purple Goodness but what is this black mask covering her mouth? She looks like Bane’s sister. Is this for the Rona? Did she have to get a squeegee shoved up her nose before she could hang around Bats? She looks ridiculous. Also, Twofer’s 88 year old Dad looks like he’s a 50 year old umpire that just made a horrible check swing call. Was that your call Javier? Speaking of which, the one saving grace of this book is the art by Javier Fernandez and the constantly brilliant coloring by Jordie Bellaire. It’s a beautiful journey through the pages. Shame.

 

Do the Bats People at DC just drop a pound of coke on their boardroom table, shape it into the Bat Symbol and inhale it while coming up with dozens of ideas for Bat Books. Bats in a Spaceship! Bats in a Reality Show! Bats in Ukraine and a Zelensky Photo Op! Bats and Joey Boombats at Katzes and Steve Maetz shows up! My suggestion, pull back on the Bats y’all. I mean seriously, do we need 50 monthlies of Bat stuff?

 

So now Penguin is up next and I already pulled it. Yeesh. One Bad Day? Indeed. One Bad Day reading another Bad Bat Book.

 

Rating: 6.0

Verdict: Drop

MASKERADE #1 - Review

This comic starts with the panel of an ass crack. It's absolutely appropriate because this comic book is pure butt. It is a dump on the soul of the Comic Book industry at large. I don’t care if it’s an ass crack of a cute social media chick with a man face you might as well as have just kept showing panels of that ass crack opening wide onto your pull list as it pooped text bubbles all over your bags and boards. What a disaster this book was. Kevin Smith, my goodness, what in God’s name is going on in your life that you had to smear my eyes with the dung on these pages. Maskerade? This comic is masquerading as a comic! I hope that somewhere the soul of the tree that made these pages is haunting Kevin Smith in his living room.

 

I think the last comic I read by Kevin Smith was this Batman book that never got finished, this was years ago. That comic was actually pretty decent but my goodness, did they arrest Kevin Smith and replace him with a body double like they did Joe Biden??? Who authorized this trash onto the stands? Dark Horse this is a dark shit stain on your record, you are officially on notice. I can’t even tell you what the hell this is about. It feels like it’s just a bunch of sex fantasies that Smitheroo must have and he found a way to string them all together in a cacophony of mind boggling awfulness one after the other.

 

1.     Man Face Latina Chick shows me her ass crack in a DM

 

2.     Redhead Newscaster chick who I have the hots for blows me in the green room.

 

3.     Granny chick with a 20 year old face jumps off a window and lands with a panty shot showing her granny parts.

 

4.     Full latex body suit babe from American Horror Story kills people to come kidnap me and put me in a cage, hurt me mommy.

 

5.     Latex Chick then clicks a button and my face is now on her face, I’m the Latex chick with huge bazoobas and my latex doppleboober is gonna torture me in issue 2.

 

Did Kevin Smith just take out his pud and pull it with one hand and type this insanity with his other hand? How do I get a refund for this? I literally would rather have wiped my ass with four bucks or bought a homeless dude anything for four bucks than blistered my poor eyes with this excuse for a story. I would rather bid on Clerks on eBay or maybe it’s available as buy it now.

 

I mean, did he bumrush Dark Horse offices in Portland with a bunch of agro feminist blue haired psychopaths with Molotov cocktails and threaten them to publish this? This feels like it may have been a pilot that was passed around like Lindsay Lohan back in 2005. Maybe he was being walked around on a leash by his agent and woofed that he wanted to get meetings on this script and his agent lashed his ass with a rolled up copy of his Daredevil feature script.

 

Did he round up half of Antifa in Portland and storm Dark Horse demanding a meeting? How in all that is holy and good on this planet was this allowed to make its way into the collective consciousness. Is Hilary Clinton involved? Does Smith promise a billion dollars to Zelensky and thought that this comic masterbatorypiece would foot the bill? Did anyone like this??? Now I have to google and see, who was paid off?

 

While I’m doing that he advertises about his comic book shop in the back of the book. You know where his shop is? Red Bank, NJ. It used to be in Westwood but he shut that down ages ago. I’m from New Jersey, okay? No. Body. Goes. To. Red Bank. Ever. They call it the Greenwich Village of New Jersey. That would be the funniest line in this comic book. Look, I like Kevin Smith despite me ripping him a new one here. Prince called on him to shoot a documentary at Paisley Park and if you haven’t seen his story about his experience it’s must see. Here, let me pop it in for you. Oh, no more vid on YouDontTube here, try this:

 

https://archive.org/details/kevinsmithprince294000976

 

Wow, reviews are through the roof positive. Are reviewers scared to pan Smith? Like he would deny them entry into his Red Bank Palace of Punisher Exclusive Variants? Am I missing something here? Look Kevy Kev, this was NOT okay. Do better. Be better. Release the Prince footage you shot, give us a mea culpa and fund a new Daredevil series with EVERYBODY from the Netflix show, and I will love you all over again.

Rating: 2.0

Verdict: Burn

TRVE KVLT #2 - Review

  

Execution. It’s all about execution. The ability to execute that which you seek to manifest in the world. You can have the best idea ever but if you’re unable to execute it then it doesn’t mean ske-wat. I’m knee deep in the MLB Playoffs. Die Hard Yankee Fan. All you hear every two minutes is a pitcher being able to execute his pitches. You know you have to throw it down and away but if you can’t execute your pitch and it catches a chunk of the plate; you’re toast.

 

A pitch in baseball is not unlike a pitch in Hollywood. You have the best idea for a show ever. You get a meeting. If you don’t know how to execute that pitch, manifest your idea in the real world to people who can make your idea a reality then you’re lucky if you’re getting your parking validated and trust me, the cute receptionist who smiled widely at you will never acknowledge you if you happen to bump into her at a café.

 

I can hear the pitch for this comic book series. I would probably green light it too. Fast Food Loser goes on a loser heist and accidentally steals a coveted item belonging to a Satanic Cult. They show up after the cops and kidnap both he and this somewhat cute chick who’s mentally geeked out on getting a job at the Burger Joint which is called, wait for it…Burger Lord. Get it? Holy Jesus Fries and Satan? So the first issue was all that, the pitch and the set-up. I bit the Devil Bait. Well, issue two is always the payoff in a way unless you delay it to kingdom come like they do in a TV series sometimes; I’m looking at you Boring AF LOTR Amazon show. My goodness, just give the Blonde Elf Babe a solo show and flush the rest of this mess down the toilet. I will pay an extra $4.99 a month on any Prime subby if you let me watch the show without any Harfoot Scottish garbage.

 

Trivve Kivvltie Fishy crapped the bed in issue 2. No two ways about it. They had a choice. They could either make the Devil people super corny and goofy with no stakes whatsoever or they could actually do some fucking research and make them rooted in some sort of convicted reality thereby making the series have actual stakes involved. Nope, they went goofy af. Epic fail. The idea, brilliant, the execution, right smack over the plate; a homerun off my pull list. You had it all there, Tarantula the great lead heavy metal Burger character, the Burger Joint boss, the Janeane Garafalafel type chick. All wonderfully fleshed out and ready to do comic book battle. But what do you do? You throw them in a van so they can end up In front of some non threatening wack job that I sometimes come across in my Raya Dating app. She’s not a low level Satanist Boss, she’s a Creative Director at some online marketing whatsit that has a studio apartment in Echo Park with three cats, lots of open cereal boxes and a plethora of worn out dildos.

 

Issue 3 comes out this week. I was already on the other side of the fence but I peeked at the solicits for the synopsis of the finale in issue 5 and, yup, more goofy nonsense with zero stakes. Maybe instead of the random V in the words of the title they shoulda gone with the tried and true Hip Hop Z in the title, like ‘Trizzue Cizzult Boyee’; maybe then it woulda hit the outside corner. Maybe then I woulda swung at the next issue. Nah. Strike 666 and yerrrr out!

 

Rating: 6.6

Verdict: Drop

MIND MGMT BOOTLEG #3 - Review

 

Hollywood has become the land of sequels. The land of go with what you know. If it’s worked before it’ll work again and if it doesn’t work it doesn’t matter because people will spend their money on it to see if it worked or to complain that it stopped working. I get it, I mean, if millions of dollars are on the line and you’re paying for it you want to get a return on investment; cocaine on yachts with Girlfriend Experience Hookers that whisper ‘you’re huge, make Godfather 4 and 5 baby’ are very pricy from what I hear.

 

Comics aren’t the land of sequels so much as they are the pages of  ‘Ho’ing around’. Batman be ho’ing around lots of books. Put his bat ass here his bat ass there, team him up with that bat lookin’ ass and get asses that say they part of his ass family in a bunch of shit too. Marvel is so hoey with its characters they’ll put them together with each other in as many combinations as they can think of and say ‘story shmory look at deze hos!’. However, publishers that aren’t hero driven aren’t so quick to double up storylines or titles. They will but it’s not so egregious.

 

Mind MGMT Bootleg feels a little like one of dem hos. I don’t understand why it’s being written. Look, I loovvvvved Mind MGMT the original series; frikkin awesome stuff. So when I saw this in the solicits I got psyched but I was a bit curious about the limited series constraints. Why just 4 issues? Why not get it going again. The concept and set-up of the first issue was great and had me hooked but now as there’s just one issue left in the run, again I’m asking, what was the point?

 

Is it just to hype up the board game? The final issue has an option where you can get the variant that gives you an exclusive card for the game, hmm. Board game is selling for 60 bux, so again was this just a hype train choo choo to get you to buy a board game for that comic geek for Christmasanukkanza? Seems like it a bit. Did Matt Kindt approach Dark Horse and say hey I wanna reboot the series and they said ‘we stopped doing cocaine and swore of the GFEs so we’re not in need of copious amounts of cash but we have this idea for a board game…’

 

The opening of this issue is wildly fun and eye popping with The Eraser going up against Meru. After that it’s back to these kids that have been totally underdeveloped as characters and now there’s a reveal of a super villain called Mr. Hide that they’ve been tasked to take down. Their super psychic powers are then enhanced by the Chuck Norrisy character by them eating a crap ton of bubble gum. The back of the issue has a tongue-in-cheek script for the Mind MGMT TV Pilot and then there’s the added back story of this babe who looks like Batgirl that can kill people by whispering certain words in their ears (can I send her to Marvel Corporate’s weekly pow wow meetings?)

 

I dunno, it all feels too rushed and a bit too gimmicky. Why is it called Bootleg? A bootleg to me is a recording of a concert that you shouldn’t have. I have dozens upon dozens of Prince bootlegs. So is this a comic book I shouldn’t have? It feels like it. Like, I shouldn’t have pulled it but there was no way I wasn’t because it worked before and obviously I was going to see if it worked again and if it didn’t I was going to complain about…wait…dammit they got me.

 

Rating: 7.7

Verdict: Pull, like I have a choice at this point

DAREDEVIL #3 (2022) - Review

 

I’m pretty sure Hell’s Kitchen is the code name for Marvel Comics Corporate Offices. Actually their address on W 50^th street is only a couple avenue blocks away from the actual Hell’s Kitchen so Daredevil could easily expand his territory to include this building. I’d really like to see DD crash through their high rise window during Corporate’s mid-afternoon pow-wow on ‘how to ruin a title in 90 days’ that’s usually scheduled on Tuesdays.

 

It’s a raucous meeting by all accounts. Everyone sits around a pentagram and they all chow down on Shake Shack while mailroom interns massage the editors genitals while dressed as their favorite Marvel character. After that they have a lottery on which comic book title to turn into a trash rag for the upcoming month. Finally a local comic geek is brought in. He’s there under the pretense that he’s going to be allowed to air his grievances about the direction a certain title is going.

 

This past Tuesday the 11^th some nerd wearing Rick & Morty socks from Park Slope showed up to this pow wow and was all excited to rip the suits a new one on how the new Hulk comic is a reductive gore fest that’s taken a huge dump on all Hulk comics that’s preceded it. After he walked in, a naked and frothing at the mouth C.B. Cebulski (Editor in Chief of Marvel and soon to be baker on Food Network’s Holiday Baking Contest) tackled him while screaming at the top of his lungs ‘You will buy our drivel! You will purchase all our variants! Even the 1-2500 ones! You will not shit post our titles! You will extol them on your socials or I will send Paul Rudd to your apartment dressed as Antman and he will tell you all of his funny Hollywood anecdotes for hours until your ears bleed!’

 

The nerd begged for mercy in the face of such brutal torture and went on Reddit immediately and began posting reviews on how the She Hulk Disney + series is just an absolute hoot and is must see TV. He then moved to Germany and dressed up as a barrel of oil. He was attacked and almost torn to bits by the rabid freezing citizens over there. I suppose he did it due to the unimaginable shame over praising She Hulk; he just wanted to be beaten.

 

Yeah, I don’t think Marvel’s Daredevil will be able to take down that meeting. You know who could? The Daredevil from the Netflix Daredevil show, the most amazing superhero series in the history of ALL superhero TV shows. That guy would dismantle this demonic editorial staff in minutes and have CB whimpering for his severance package. Nevertheless, the current Daredevil title as I’ve said over and over has been the one mainstay of consistent greatness in the Marvel Comic Universe. This issue was turned into an exhaustive set-up of Fist Island with Elektra, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I was hyped up for it now I’m ‘stuck in a back room with a stripper and her badonkadonk with my hands tied to the chair’ hyped up for it. It’s basically DD tying up loose ends and choosing who he wants to come with to Fistville. It ends up being Cole the Cop and Foggy which seems a bit unnecessary but I suppose CB demanded it. I’m sure he’s been doing everything in his power to ruin this title and despite his attempt with the mind numbing Devil’s Reign crossover mega woopty doo event it’s still alive and kicking strong.

 

Hang in there Chip! You’re doing great, I mean, Batman, not so much, but this is gold. I’m sold. Now go to your secret hideout and write us a wham bam Fist Island story far far away from Marvel Corporate. In the meantime I’m making some phone calls and finding out how to get in touch with the Netflix Daredevil so I can hire him for some corporate ass whupping...and maybe some LA City Council ass whupping when he's done.   

 

 

Rating: 8.3

Verdict: Pull

LOVE EVERLASTING #2 - Review

 

Do you believe in past lives? I do. I’ve experienced them, felt them, seen pictures of them in my mind. The great thing about past lives, if you believe in them, is that eventually the life you’re living now is going to be one of your past lives. I see myself as a nine foot tall indigo avianesque being in my next life with lavender stripes that are suspended millimeters over my smooth supple skin. I’ll be in the future’s version of a therapy session and I’ll be seeing images of this scrawny big eyed Prince looking dude running haphazardly into a gay club after a bi curious Asian girl he met on a thing called an app and crying out of my hands and feet as I process and release my trauma.

 

Thankfully the future wont have any pull-lists. Comics will materialize in your hands and get sent through a wormhole when you’re done with them so they can be bagged and boarded in an alternate dimension and deposited in your holographic storage boxes; what a great thing to look forward to after your therapy session.

 

Love Everlasting seems to be operating in the world of past lives and multi-dimensional experiences so I am ALL in on this run. The first issue was a triumph and the second is as well. While the first hopped around several romantic interludes centered around the main character Joan Peterson this one sticks around in the 1920s for the entirety of the issue. It’s your basic ‘two kids fall in love but one is a rich one and the other a poor one’. In LA it would be ‘two actors fall in love, one has representation one does not’ that one neverrr works out. The inevitable pillow talk of

 

‘so can you get me in to see…’

 

‘oh my God you’re just fucking me for my rep!’

 

has doomed thousands of relationships out here. King masterfully (where the hell was this on Bat/Cat Tom??) weaves his tale of a love doomed by class and then twists it up so shockingly at the end that you’ll find yourself flipping back a few pages and re-reading it over and over to make sure you read it right.

 

I’m not clear what’s what yet but it’s been so perfectly set up by Tom King and so magnificently drawn by Elsa Charretier that I’m chomping at the metaphysical interstellar bit for the next issue.

 

I once had a past life in Egypt where I was like a Jug Boy or some teenager who had to fetch the water for one of the Queens. We ended up falling love and she dumped me in the Nile when it got out she was cavorting with a servant dude. I don’t know how that’s manifested in all my lives since but I can tell you that in this one, despite being an actor, I vowed at an early age to never ever be a waiter or wait on a table as long as I lived. So if you’re a cutie and you ask me for a bottle of water at a club and I blurt out ‘Get it yourself Cleo-fuckin-Patra’ and then storm off I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me and to not post it on your socials.

 

Get this comic people, support the Romance genre!

 

Rating: 9.5

Verdict: Pull

BATMAN VS ROBIN #1 - Review

  

I didn’t want to do it, believe me. I had enough Bat books in my life, didn’t need another one. With Batman it’s like I’m in my 20s all over again and dating a bunch of chicks in New York who are Bat shit crazy in their own right. You keep dating bat shit crazy chicks in your 20s because, why not? They’re usually amazing in bed and they make for unbelievable stories and jokes, especially if you’re a Comedian, wink wink. So if you’ve got yourself a stacked line-up of wackos with daddy issues and a culture that has done everything to make them feel inadequate, you really don’t need another position player.

 

Then you’re out, in that cool spot, it’s loungy, low lit, purple velvet couches, bartenders dressed in 1920s gear with Spatz and the bowties. Thievery Corporation ‘Lebanese Blonde’ comes on and then she walks in with those cute thigh high boots, tight black dress and an 'oh my goodness who the fuck is that' vibe and you’re pretty much figuring out who to trade or how you can squeeze her in for some at-bats. Then you take her out…and she’s a disaster.

 

That’s this comic book.

 

Holy Trash Bin Batman! I couldn’t wait to toss this book as far away from my sight as possible; it was that bad. How??? Mark Waid. Mahmud Asrar. Captivating story line. It’s like they were that girl in the club who when you open the door to your apartment she projectile vomits into your foyer, starts bawling and then pulls out a switchblade on you as she starts in on a Tennessee Williams monologue she's working on. What the hell happened here guys?

 

First, the whole beginning I thought was Damian approaching Wayne Manor not Bats, that’s how off this whole thing was right from the get go. Å panel shows you Wayne Manor and then the lightning crash illuminates someone, who by the looks of the height seems like it’s Damian. Nope. So the art was a bit wonky to start. Then Albert is now back from the dead with zero explanation as to how. He doesn’t know either. I suppose that’s the hook: let’s rope you in for $6 a pop for several months and we’ll tell you. Oh no you won’t! I already know how.

 

Editor’s meeting with Mark and Mahmud...

 

Editor #1: So Alfred comes back

 

Mark: How?

 

Editor #2: Exactly

 

Mark: Exactly how?

 

Editor #3: We are so on the same page here, off you go.

 

Mahmud (to Mark): What just happened?

 

Mahmud gets a text.

 

INSERT TEXT: We heard that and we love that you’re also on the same page.

 

Next thing is Damian showing up acting like a complete dick with two twerpy magic wielding kids who are like the X Men on steroids, they can do anything! They’re turning the T Rex into a live animal and racing it around the batcave while Damian is going ‘Mwahahahahahaha’. That’s what this whole comic felt like. Maybe it should have been renamed Batman vs Damian going Mwahahahahaha. He then shoots his Bat Daddy at point blank range. I can’t begin to say how completely bonkers and off the wall that moment felt. I mean, the unwritten rule in Bat Books is nobody uses guns except the low rate wack job henchmen. So now I’m throwing away 75 years of Bat Rules to justify this $6 shit show?

 

After more plot wackiness we now come to find out what’s wrong. Oh no. Not this shit again. Please tell me you couldn’t come up with anything more exciting than this worn out premise. Guess not. Oh no! Something is wrong with the Magic in the world! It’s been poisoned! You must save the magic Batman. Oh fer chrissakes! Didn’t we just go through this with Dr. Strange SEVERAL times in the past few years. Didn’t the Sandman basically use this little plot point? Is this why I had to suffer through the two little Harry Potter wannabes at the top? Honestly this feels like one of those Batman comics you find at a garage sale and you buy for 50 cents because, hey, it’s Batman and it’s 50 cents and I’ll read it on the subway or on the toilet for a couple minutes and then forget that I ever read it.

 

You know the worst part? I also got roped into the Variant cover mishegas. That’s the cover at the top of this review. It’s beautiful isn’t it? I actually begged my LCS to pull it for me. That’s when Variant covers go wrong. When they walk into a club looking absolutely perfect only to find out that after you open them up it’s nothing more than a swift kick to the nuts and a reminder that when Thievery Corporation plays in a lounge it’s time to get the hell out of there.

 

Rating: 3.0

Verdict: Drop

OLD DOG #1 - Review

Do you have a Comic Book Shop Mecca where you live? I don’t. I used to but I don’t anymore which is puzzling because I live in Los Angeles. One would think LA, the breeding ground and destination for comic book geeks seeking fame, fortune, silicon body parts and hipster validation would most certainly accommodate these nerds with a Shop that gleams and glistens in the smoggy sun. Nope. But we did. It was called ‘Meltdown Comics’ and it was glorious.

 

When I first moved to LA I lived around the corner from them on Sunset Blvd when they were a tiny shop on the north side of the street; nothing special. But upon moving to the cavernous space across the street from them the Comic Book Universe in LA changed. This place had everything: new issues, back issues, merch, toys, gear, D&D campaigns, nerds, babes wandering in dressed in mini skirts, combat boots, multicolored knee high socks, pigtails and their midriff showing their newly minted belly ring…it was a Gawker’s Paradise.

 

Celebrities and Comic Book luminaries began pouring in for book signings and shows. The back area became the go-to spot for Comedians and Sketch Artists working out their stuff. Matt Groenig was known to sneak in and sit in the back row. And this was all happening around the corner from me! I was where I was meant to be on the planet, in La La Land and Comic Book Nirvana. The crazy thing was that I didn’t have my pull list at Meltdown. Why? Well, the comic book shop that I actually did go to (and still do) gave customers 20% off and free bags and boards. Meltdown only gave 10% off and no bags and boards. The Jew in me couldn’t resist the deal. Yeah, I don’t care if I have to swim through a cauldron of rotting pigs feet if I’m getting an extra 10-15% off my monthly habit along with some free goodies. But I was always at Meltdown, who wasn’t?

 

I say all this because one day I meandered in and sitting at a table was a very non-descript sheepish scruffy guy who was there to sign his comic books. At first I thought it was Declan Shalvey and I got all excited and happily bought his book. I’m pretty sure I said ‘Thanks Decks!’ It wasn’t him. Oy vey. It was a new comic book creator that was promoting his new work and it was actually great (the name of him escapes me) but every time I see a Declan Shalvey title I always think of me calling his comic doppelganger ‘Decks’. Since then Meltdown has closed its doors, even before the cee ninteen shut down. It couldn’t compete with the digital world and since I knew the guy who ran it pretty well he confided in me that rents in the area were soaring and they just couldn’t keep up. Since then the entire block was razed to the ground and looks like new residences and store fronts are coming in. What a shame. There was also this cool Vegan spot down the block that I supported all the time, loved the owner as well, they did comedy nights there and poetry and music; a wonderful place for the community. And man, the girls that worked there were ridiculously cute.

 

Now you look at the Comic Shop landscape in LA and where’s the mecca? There isn’t one. Yeah, there’s a lot of great shops and cool hole in the walls but nothing that makes you go, ‘Wow, this place is unbelievable’. My fantasy is to one day build that place here. I can't wait to be taken to the hospital when I find out the real numbers and mechanics of the insane variant cover scam.

 

As for this comic, it’s okay. A former wrinkly ornery Agent Guy finds himself on a crap job doing surveillance when all of a sudden he’s back in action due to a simple mission going awry. Next thing you know he’s shooting at a dude in a body suit that inadvertently blows up this enormous machine that somehow turns back time to make him look like the younger version of himself. SPOILER: At the end he’s put back in action with, wait for it…his daughter…and he looks as young as her…and she calls him Dad. And they’re jumping outta windows doing super spy shit together.

 

It’s a cool little wrinkle Decks. I’ll tag along for a bit. I’ll sign up for the long haul if you can email me and remind me who the hell that guy was that looks like you; ‘cause he was a serious comic book bad ass. Now pardon me as I stare out of my window and dream of the day when a cavernous comic heaven welcomes comic geek babes and their mini skirts, combat boots, multicolored knee high socks, pigtails and newly minted belly rings. The funny thing about talking to these girls when you meet them in a comic book shop is that you can't help but sound like Butthead 'So, uh, uh huh huh huh huh, you like, uhhh, Spidey, uh huh huh'.

 

Rating: 7.9

Verdict: Pull

PARKER GIRLS #1 & #2 - Review

I love me some Terry Moore. There’s no other creator out there that does what he does. He puts out what he wants when he wants how he wants. It’s his own imprint. It’s just his stuff. He writes and draws all of it and never uses color. No ads. If Prince was a comic book creator he’d be just like Terry Moore although there’d be waaaay more naughty stuff, lingerie and purple outlines. Like Prince, you can tell that Terry loves women. All of his leads are pretty much women and to varying degrees they all kick serious ass although I've yet to see one do the splits.

 

If you look at actual pictures of Terry Moore he looks like the kind of guy that would be featured in an episode of ‘Six Feet Under’. He's that odd bald guy that would switch back and forth between bawling and making cartoonish faces in a funeral parlor. He'd have some hot vixen in heels and a pompadour with him and he'd be sketching her while Michael C. Hall stares and wonders how to get him to fork over a grip for a casket.

 

Anyway, many moons ago I was traipsing around the web and found the entire ‘Strangers in Paradise’ comic book run on Craigslist here in LA; it was selling for like $100. I dove right in and loved all of it. But then the series took a wacky turn when it got into this international spy conspiracy global conglomerate stuff. This was a while ago but I remember there being all these threats on the main characters from these agents and hit men and I’m like ‘Whooaaa, how did we go from two cutesy lesbians and a Metro dude  in an art Gallery to Mission Impossible? So I put it away and have yet to finish the series.

 

Since then Moore has had some hits and misses. His best book by far if you ask me is ‘Echo’; it’s just perfectly done and balances his whole global intrigue with deep interpersonal relationships. Then ‘Rachel Rising’ came out and that was also a spectacular series that blended massive biblical implications with a small town horror vibe. The subsequent series were…mnyeh. Nothing great but nothing unreadable. His last go round was called ‘Serial’ which spun out of Rachel Rising and followed the little psychopath hatchet loving demon girl as she tried to hunt down another killer. That series got waaay too gory and violent for my taste so I had to drop that one also.

 

Now we get ‘Parker Girls’. Hmm. So, I remember this whole deal from previous series. These chicks are bad ass global agents that do all kinds of spy assassin stuff and they’re the best at what they do yadda yadda yadda. Terry Moore, you are a genius when it comes to writing relationships and emotions. Die Hard 5? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad by any stretch of the imagination it’s just…I mean, Billy Joel doing Metallica could be okay but you’re like, ‘Dude, piano stuff homie, c’mon, bring the bottle of red and shit’.

 

The basic premise? Some accountant dude steals a bunch of money from some rich white CEO assholy dude who finds him and leaves him naked in a desert after he was banged the night before by a Parker Chick who takes the money he stole. Then the CEO’s wifey washes ashore dead somewhere else while the main Hulkamania lookin’ Parker chick goes to Kachoo in her art gallery (the best SIP babe) to recruit her for God knows what. It feels a bit dated to me. Not sure if that's Terry's intent but it gives me 90s action TV show/late night HBO series vibe. A couple of the Parker Girls are called Cherry Hammer and Becky the Gun Girl which sounds more like Roller Derby names than international spy chicks. Maybe Terry should do a Roller Derby Suicide Girl series, that would be amayyyyyzing. 

 

Look, the best thing about Terry Moore books is that you can gobble them up in just a few minutes. So if you’re in a rush and just sitting down for a sec with your morning java you can knock a few of these puppies out in a heartbeat, which is what I did. I’ll strap myself in for the ride but I got a parachute nearby and I'll disappear like Matt Fraction does in the middle of a series just in case Hans Gruber shows up.

 

Rating: 7.5

Verdict: Pull on alert.

September '22 Reading Round Up

 

 

 

All the comics I’ve reviewed in September are right where you need them. Book of the month by far is Andromeda, it is beyond amazing; pick that up yesterday. Loved the start of Love Everlasting by Tom King as well. Daredevil also made a nice comeback from a middling start to their post mega cross over event nonsense.

Seven Sons #3

 

Andromeda #2 

New Think 3.0

 

Detective Comics #1063 

Batman One Bad Day: Riddler

 

Batman. White Knight: Red Hood 1 & 2 

Mind MGMT: Bootleg #2

 

Daredevil #2 

Love Everlasting #1

 

Starhenge: Dragon & The Boar #2 

Trve Kvlt #1

 

 

Remember, you pull your pull list not the other way around!  - Issac