Monday, October 17, 2022

TRVE KVLT #2 - Review

  

Execution. It’s all about execution. The ability to execute that which you seek to manifest in the world. You can have the best idea ever but if you’re unable to execute it then it doesn’t mean ske-wat. I’m knee deep in the MLB Playoffs. Die Hard Yankee Fan. All you hear every two minutes is a pitcher being able to execute his pitches. You know you have to throw it down and away but if you can’t execute your pitch and it catches a chunk of the plate; you’re toast.

 

A pitch in baseball is not unlike a pitch in Hollywood. You have the best idea for a show ever. You get a meeting. If you don’t know how to execute that pitch, manifest your idea in the real world to people who can make your idea a reality then you’re lucky if you’re getting your parking validated and trust me, the cute receptionist who smiled widely at you will never acknowledge you if you happen to bump into her at a cafĂ©.

 

I can hear the pitch for this comic book series. I would probably green light it too. Fast Food Loser goes on a loser heist and accidentally steals a coveted item belonging to a Satanic Cult. They show up after the cops and kidnap both he and this somewhat cute chick who’s mentally geeked out on getting a job at the Burger Joint which is called, wait for it…Burger Lord. Get it? Holy Jesus Fries and Satan? So the first issue was all that, the pitch and the set-up. I bit the Devil Bait. Well, issue two is always the payoff in a way unless you delay it to kingdom come like they do in a TV series sometimes; I’m looking at you Boring AF LOTR Amazon show. My goodness, just give the Blonde Elf Babe a solo show and flush the rest of this mess down the toilet. I will pay an extra $4.99 a month on any Prime subby if you let me watch the show without any Harfoot Scottish garbage.

 

Trivve Kivvltie Fishy crapped the bed in issue 2. No two ways about it. They had a choice. They could either make the Devil people super corny and goofy with no stakes whatsoever or they could actually do some fucking research and make them rooted in some sort of convicted reality thereby making the series have actual stakes involved. Nope, they went goofy af. Epic fail. The idea, brilliant, the execution, right smack over the plate; a homerun off my pull list. You had it all there, Tarantula the great lead heavy metal Burger character, the Burger Joint boss, the Janeane Garafalafel type chick. All wonderfully fleshed out and ready to do comic book battle. But what do you do? You throw them in a van so they can end up In front of some non threatening wack job that I sometimes come across in my Raya Dating app. She’s not a low level Satanist Boss, she’s a Creative Director at some online marketing whatsit that has a studio apartment in Echo Park with three cats, lots of open cereal boxes and a plethora of worn out dildos.

 

Issue 3 comes out this week. I was already on the other side of the fence but I peeked at the solicits for the synopsis of the finale in issue 5 and, yup, more goofy nonsense with zero stakes. Maybe instead of the random V in the words of the title they shoulda gone with the tried and true Hip Hop Z in the title, like ‘Trizzue Cizzult Boyee’; maybe then it woulda hit the outside corner. Maybe then I woulda swung at the next issue. Nah. Strike 666 and yerrrr out!

 

Rating: 6.6

Verdict: Drop

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