This comic starts with the panel of an ass crack. It's absolutely appropriate because this comic book is pure butt. It is a dump on the soul of the Comic Book industry at large. I don’t care if it’s an ass crack of a cute social media chick with a man face you might as well as have just kept showing panels of that ass crack opening wide onto your pull list as it pooped text bubbles all over your bags and boards. What a disaster this book was. Kevin Smith, my goodness, what in God’s name is going on in your life that you had to smear my eyes with the dung on these pages. Maskerade? This comic is masquerading as a comic! I hope that somewhere the soul of the tree that made these pages is haunting Kevin Smith in his living room.
I think the last comic I read by Kevin Smith was this Batman book that never got finished, this was years ago. That comic was actually pretty decent but my goodness, did they arrest Kevin Smith and replace him with a body double like they did Joe Biden??? Who authorized this trash onto the stands? Dark Horse this is a dark shit stain on your record, you are officially on notice. I can’t even tell you what the hell this is about. It feels like it’s just a bunch of sex fantasies that Smitheroo must have and he found a way to string them all together in a cacophony of mind boggling awfulness one after the other.
1. Man Face Latina Chick shows me her ass crack in a DM
2. Redhead Newscaster chick who I have the hots for blows me in the green room.
3. Granny chick with a 20 year old face jumps off a window and lands with a panty shot showing her granny parts.
4. Full latex body suit babe from American Horror Story kills people to come kidnap me and put me in a cage, hurt me mommy.
5. Latex Chick then clicks a button and my face is now on her face, I’m the Latex chick with huge bazoobas and my latex doppleboober is gonna torture me in issue 2.
Did Kevin Smith just take out his pud and pull it with one hand and type this insanity with his other hand? How do I get a refund for this? I literally would rather have wiped my ass with four bucks or bought a homeless dude anything for four bucks than blistered my poor eyes with this excuse for a story. I would rather bid on Clerks on eBay or maybe it’s available as buy it now.
I mean, did he bumrush Dark Horse offices in Portland with a bunch of agro feminist blue haired psychopaths with Molotov cocktails and threaten them to publish this? This feels like it may have been a pilot that was passed around like Lindsay Lohan back in 2005. Maybe he was being walked around on a leash by his agent and woofed that he wanted to get meetings on this script and his agent lashed his ass with a rolled up copy of his Daredevil feature script.
Did he round up half of Antifa in Portland and storm Dark Horse demanding a meeting? How in all that is holy and good on this planet was this allowed to make its way into the collective consciousness. Is Hilary Clinton involved? Does Smith promise a billion dollars to Zelensky and thought that this comic masterbatorypiece would foot the bill? Did anyone like this??? Now I have to google and see, who was paid off?
While I’m doing that he advertises about his comic book shop in the back of the book. You know where his shop is? Red Bank, NJ. It used to be in Westwood but he shut that down ages ago. I’m from New Jersey, okay? No. Body. Goes. To. Red Bank. Ever. They call it the Greenwich Village of New Jersey. That would be the funniest line in this comic book. Look, I like Kevin Smith despite me ripping him a new one here. Prince called on him to shoot a documentary at Paisley Park and if you haven’t seen his story about his experience it’s must see. Here, let me pop it in for you. Oh, no more vid on YouDontTube here, try this:
https://archive.org/details/kevinsmithprince294000976
Wow, reviews are through the roof positive. Are reviewers scared to pan Smith? Like he would deny them entry into his Red Bank Palace of Punisher Exclusive Variants? Am I missing something here? Look Kevy Kev, this was NOT okay. Do better. Be better. Release the Prince footage you shot, give us a mea culpa and fund a new Daredevil series with EVERYBODY from the Netflix show, and I will love you all over again.
Rating: 2.0
Verdict: Burn
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