October '22 Reading Round Up

 

It’s Hallow’s Eve! I don’t go Trick or Treating anymore but if I needed a costume I’d probably pick from some of the comics I read this past month and just tape them onto my shirt. Titles like Kevin Smith’s Maskerade and True Kvlt were downright terrifiying.

I was definitely tricked a whole bunch by the comic book industry this past month to buy stuff I didn’t need. I’m looking at you Batman vs Robin and Batman One Bad Comic Book Day after Day.

There were a couple of treats. Pearl’s third arc has blossomed into one the best series of the year and Love Everlasting’s second issue was another winner.

Here’s the links to all the reviews this month:

Superman: Space Age #2

Batman: Beyond the White Knight #5 

Pearl #5

Batman, One Bad Day: Two Face #1

Maskerade #1

Trve Kvlt #2 

Mind MGMT Bootleg #3

Daredevil #3

Love Everlasting #2

Batman vs Robin #1 

Old Dog #1

Parker Girls #1-2 

 

Remember you pull your pull list, don't let it pull you! Happy reading - Issac

SUPERMAN: SPACE AGE #2 - Review

It feels weird reading a Superman comic. It’s like I’m hanging out in Pasadena or Glendale. Nothing wrong with Pasadena or Glendale, hear great things about the brunch options there. The Rose Parade is supposedly a grand ol’ time. Yeah, not interested. Too much of a shlep to get there and back. I feel like Metropolis would be in Pasadena or Glendale. I can see reading about Supes saving a bunch of old Ladies from a drunken bunch of Armenians in a White Mercedes. Hey, don’t give me a look. Armenians love to drive White Mercedes, that’s a fact! Them and women in Beverly Hills on their way to their plastic surgeon. That’s the White Mercedes market here in LA.

 

Anyway, Gotham City would definitely be Downtown LA and I live right near there so I’m for a sure Batman neighborhood kinda guy. This Space Age comic actually feels more like a Batman comic despite Supe headlining the bill. It's like a Dane Cook show but Louis CK drops in for a set and kills it. The story launches forward from the Sixties into the Seventies and the first action we get is Superman saving a bunch of hookers from an out of control Pimp named Scutch in the Bowery right outside of CBGBs. The hookers look like they got to the final round of auditions for Charlie’s Angels but didn’t make it. Scutch is wearing purple pants, a wife beater and a purple fedora. Apparently the word Scutch is Italian slang for Pest but this guy definitely looks like Danny Trejo so perhaps its not an apt moniker. I’m no Supe Expert but I can’t say I’ve ever seen him save a bunch of hos from anything. I’d like to see more Ho Saving from Supe, that can be a real cool angle! Superman: Leave Dem Hoes Alone. Scutch doesn’t seem impressed by a man hanging in mid air in a cape and flips his switchblade at him. Oh Scutch. It’s gonna be okay, in the future you’re going to own a Donut and Taco Empire.

 

We then get a bunch of Bat stuff. Bats crashes through a window not once but twice to make an entrance. I don’t think the logistics of crashing through a window is as easy as it seems. They’re both high rises. I can see, oh I dunno, like a dent or a crunch but not a clear smash through. Maybe if he shot something to soften it up. I think we’re sending the wrong message to wannabe vigilantes out there that if you dress up in a costume and swing from a high vantage point to crash into a window in order to save some crime victims that you’ll make it in one fell swoop and be completely unscathed. Gotta knock some points off for that DC.

 

We get a lot of Clark and Supe being shy about telling Lois that he’s got the hots for her. I guess that’s what’s made Supes so endearing over the years. His sheepish ‘aww shucks I’m shy and gee whillickers she’s a looker’ demeanor. I wonder if Supes went on the dating apps if his attitude would change. Like after the 20^th time when he would message someone and they wouldn’t reply back or when he found out the girl he was chatting up was actually a guy would he get totally pissed and track them down. That could be an angle too. Superman: Deze Hoes better Message a Homie Back. I think if Clark was on dating apps long enough he would almost have to profess his hots for Lois because he’d be so worn out from getting bubkes on his phone that he’d beg for an actual date from someone he knows. Maybe all of this is coming in Superman Space Age: Gen Z.

 

At one point, while recounting a story about how his father was saved by a friend in the army while they were staying afloat on a log after their ship was hit, Superman reveals to Lois that it was because his friend lied to him that there was a ship on its way that his father decided to live. He then declares that “Hope is the Lie we make come True”. Well, you can hope all you want that the 23 Year Old Law student/Model will message you back Clark but that is the lie that will definitely not come true.

 

My goodness this comic just goes on and on; it’s quite long. I’m not sure what the point of all of this is. There’s a lot of corny/witty banter that gets volleyed back and forth between the JLA Members. It’s a whole lot of wacky 70s DC vibe so if that’s what they were going for they got it. I’m going to have to finish this book at a later date. This is 100% a ‘Have to be in the mood to read’ book. Maybe you’re in the mood, maybe you’re not. And maybe if you’re one of dem hoes this is the book you’ve been waiting for.

 

Rating: 7.5

Verdict: Ask Dem Hoes not Me.

BATMAN: BEYOND THE WHITE KNIGHT #5 - Review

 

Have you ever been with someone, got into a fight, went your separate ways, banged someone else, got bored, yearned for the one you fought with and then got back together with them? Of course you have. That’s what everybody does, at least once if not a couple times a week if you’re in your twenties. The problem will always be ‘Who the hell did you bang while you weren’t banging me?’ The Bang Replacement. The Meat Substitute. You’ll both (begrudgingly) laugh at each others and wonder how you both could be so foolish. A Ginger? Bahahahaha. An Asian Burlesque Dancer/Food Truck Owner? Bahahahaha.

 

It gets dicey when you actually have to see that Bang Replacement. For example, if they were a Bouncer at a club that you would frequent or a Barista or, who knows (it’s weird how Bang Replacements always seem to have a highly visible job). There’s that awkward moment when all three of you will occupy the same space. The Bang Replacement and the Bang Transgressor will almost always act casual like it’s not big deal. But the one on the outside looking in is going to stare deep into their soul and threaten their very existence with their eyes and any body part they can get their hands on. If tits or a pair of nuts could knock someone out they would in that moment. Don’t you evvverrrrrr think about banging what I bang everrrrr again THWOP Yeah! That’s my nuts in your face pal! THWOP THWOP More nuts! More face! THWOP

 

Well, at least that’s what's playing in your head. What actually happens is you hold out your wrist and they wrap a drink bracelet around you and you walk on in.

 

That’s what I felt like when I picked up this White Knight issue. After the Red Hood White Knight Two Issue Debacle by the Clay dude it was clear that the White Knight had a really awful Bang Replacement. It devolved into WB Afternoon kooky kiddie fare. A new Asian Robin Chick was introduced and it got all ‘Ooh you can do it, be all you can be’. Hurl. So I was a bit trepidatious in picking up this amazing run by Sean Murphy. Every page I was peeking around the corner waiting to have that awkward Bang moment. Yup there it is, there is the remnant of that really awful choice.

 

Thank goodness it barely happened. I got one, maybe two panels of the The Crimson Hoodie and that was it. The rest was classic White Knight Batman happy joy joy from the infinite goodness that springs from the bad ass mind of Sean Murphy. More Joker in the head. A Psyche switch! Now Joker is Batman doing Batman things with Batman looking on from his own head. Now Joker is proposing his love to Harley which is really Bats love, it’s all love, I love it! The great thing about Murphy is his uncanny ability to throw a twist at you at a moment’s notice. I don’t know of any other writer out there now that is so deftly dropping turn on a dime plot twist/character developments. It is a masterclass in story telling and I can’t wait for what I think is the finale next issue? Is it? Comes out this week. Woo hoo!

 

White Knight has been the best Batman story running for a couple years now. For the love of all that is good and holy in comicbookville don’t end this thing! I get it, it may have reached its organic conclusion by next issue but I’m going to miss the whole alternate universe despite its Bang Replacement. A universe as bountiful and majestically created such as this one can endure a bang replacement. Well maybe not, hold on, THWOP THWOP THWOP. Okay, now it can.

 

Rating: 9.2

Verdict: Pull

PEARL #5 - Review

 

It’s been a rough week of comic book reading, people. I don’t buy everything that comes out. I like to pick and choose and what I like to pick and choose are titles that I think are going to be great if not downright wowzarooni. So if I’m reviewing it I bought it thinking it had a chance to be downright wowzarooni. Sometimes things start out wowza and turn bozo really quickly. Hey, it’s not easy telling a compelling, yank you right in and hook your soul, type of story. But these are the pros, they’re being paid to do it. You stroll up to that comic book plate and knock it out the park, that’s your job. You might swing and miss but if you’re going to do that do it gloriously by swinging for a concept with all your might. If it fails it fails, but you went for it.

 

At any rate, I had a bunch of comics lying around and I needed a sure shot. I needed one to pull me out of the comic dung heap that has been this week. Remind me why I traipse back and forth to my LCS to get a form of media that many want to see become obsolete. They want a digital world with digital art and digital eyes that read and pay for digital things at the same time. Show me some words and sequential art that I can point to and say ‘Here, this, this is why we put up with four and a half thousand Bat Books and a Marvel Dumpster Fire every month’. I picked up Pearl #5.

 

Right from the get go you realize you’re in the presence of greatness. I mean, Michael Gaydos is absolutely murdering the art in this series. Brutal as the brutal Yakuza assassins he’s been tasked to draw. Page one and Boom! There’s a tattoo of someone’s entire back, full page, staring at you and it’s bananas awesome. The rest of the issue just gets better and the paneling layout is sublime. The full page action sequence with Pearl on pages 8 & 9 is off the rails. Gaydos has officially entered the ‘Whatever the hell you draw I will buy’ conversation. That’s a small conversation in a tiny booth in the back of a club with an eye popping hot server in sequins that will take your rare loose leaf oolong tea order.

 

Bendis has also been clicking on all cylinders. His ability to jump back and forth in time and still keep everything cohesive has been masterful not to mention the fact that he’s got a fully fleshed out cast of characters and a world that could support 100 issues if he wanted. The interlude with ‘Boyfriend video confession’ is a palate cleanser until the 'oh shit cliffhanger' that sets up the grande finale. I can't find anything off about this issue, it's just what the Comic Proctologist ordered

 

This is how comics should be done. Again, I don't know why it's only six issues. For God Sake keep it going; make it an ongoing series. Pick up it's option, give them an office, a Zoom Pro account, something! After suffering through that Kevin Smith caca earlier this week it's the least you can do Dark Horse. Like I dunno, do you like making amazing comic books? Oh and take notice Big 2. You’ve been taking too many number twos. Original Number One Bad Ass Takaka, the Ghost Dragon, should set her sites on your offices next. We can only dream.

 

Who woulda thought that an Albino Tat Chick from Frisco who becomes a Yakuza Boss in Training would be one of the best series of the year. Get your hands on all of them and thank me when you're done.

 

Rating: 9.8

Verdict: Pull

BATMAN: ONE BAD DAY - TWO FACE #1 - Review

I don’t get this Batman series. It’s called ‘One Bad Day’ but none of the stories so far happen in a day and the entire series doesn’t happen in a day. There’s nothing intensely or oddly different about any of these ‘Villain Centric’ stories other than them being standard Bat fare. It would be like if you went to a restaurant and it was their ‘Seafood Delight Night’ yet the menu had the same ol’ burger and chicken finger nonsense on it but ooh, look, salmon and a shrimp cocktail!

 

It would be like if you were a perv looking for kinky fetishy stuff and the site was ‘One Kinky Fetishy Pervy Day’ and it was nothing but air brushed playmates holding a riding crop while angling their perfect backlit areolas in a stable. That being said the first installment by Tom King featuring the Riddler was actually really good, but see, this series is a bullpen game. There’s no Starting Pitcher you’re just bringing a reliever in every inning or so and praying that you can get to the end of the game without one crapping the bed. Well, there’s a heaping pile of dung on my satin comic book sheets.

 

Spoiler, Two Face murders his Dad. Feeds him some birthday cake at a gala, his face bubbles up, makes him look like Two Face for a second and then he dies. Of course Bats gets there a bit too late. Two Face is back in jail. That could’ve been popped into one of those old school Hostess Cupcake ads that Marvel used to run in the back pages of their comics way back in the day. Everything else in here was rehashed Two Face retread, “He’s really a good guy! There’s a good man somewhere in there! He helped us once! He can’t be trusted! He’s a loose cannon” Oh fer fuck’s sake are we talking about Kanye or Two Face?!? Mariko, give me something, anything new. I paid 8 bux for this nonsense. All I got was two comic books worth of bubkes. More pages does not equal more comic book joy.

 

Another gripe, what the hell happened to Batgirl’s costume? I’m all for the Purple Goodness but what is this black mask covering her mouth? She looks like Bane’s sister. Is this for the Rona? Did she have to get a squeegee shoved up her nose before she could hang around Bats? She looks ridiculous. Also, Twofer’s 88 year old Dad looks like he’s a 50 year old umpire that just made a horrible check swing call. Was that your call Javier? Speaking of which, the one saving grace of this book is the art by Javier Fernandez and the constantly brilliant coloring by Jordie Bellaire. It’s a beautiful journey through the pages. Shame.

 

Do the Bats People at DC just drop a pound of coke on their boardroom table, shape it into the Bat Symbol and inhale it while coming up with dozens of ideas for Bat Books. Bats in a Spaceship! Bats in a Reality Show! Bats in Ukraine and a Zelensky Photo Op! Bats and Joey Boombats at Katzes and Steve Maetz shows up! My suggestion, pull back on the Bats y’all. I mean seriously, do we need 50 monthlies of Bat stuff?

 

So now Penguin is up next and I already pulled it. Yeesh. One Bad Day? Indeed. One Bad Day reading another Bad Bat Book.

 

Rating: 6.0

Verdict: Drop

MASKERADE #1 - Review

This comic starts with the panel of an ass crack. It's absolutely appropriate because this comic book is pure butt. It is a dump on the soul of the Comic Book industry at large. I don’t care if it’s an ass crack of a cute social media chick with a man face you might as well as have just kept showing panels of that ass crack opening wide onto your pull list as it pooped text bubbles all over your bags and boards. What a disaster this book was. Kevin Smith, my goodness, what in God’s name is going on in your life that you had to smear my eyes with the dung on these pages. Maskerade? This comic is masquerading as a comic! I hope that somewhere the soul of the tree that made these pages is haunting Kevin Smith in his living room.

 

I think the last comic I read by Kevin Smith was this Batman book that never got finished, this was years ago. That comic was actually pretty decent but my goodness, did they arrest Kevin Smith and replace him with a body double like they did Joe Biden??? Who authorized this trash onto the stands? Dark Horse this is a dark shit stain on your record, you are officially on notice. I can’t even tell you what the hell this is about. It feels like it’s just a bunch of sex fantasies that Smitheroo must have and he found a way to string them all together in a cacophony of mind boggling awfulness one after the other.

 

1.     Man Face Latina Chick shows me her ass crack in a DM

 

2.     Redhead Newscaster chick who I have the hots for blows me in the green room.

 

3.     Granny chick with a 20 year old face jumps off a window and lands with a panty shot showing her granny parts.

 

4.     Full latex body suit babe from American Horror Story kills people to come kidnap me and put me in a cage, hurt me mommy.

 

5.     Latex Chick then clicks a button and my face is now on her face, I’m the Latex chick with huge bazoobas and my latex doppleboober is gonna torture me in issue 2.

 

Did Kevin Smith just take out his pud and pull it with one hand and type this insanity with his other hand? How do I get a refund for this? I literally would rather have wiped my ass with four bucks or bought a homeless dude anything for four bucks than blistered my poor eyes with this excuse for a story. I would rather bid on Clerks on eBay or maybe it’s available as buy it now.

 

I mean, did he bumrush Dark Horse offices in Portland with a bunch of agro feminist blue haired psychopaths with Molotov cocktails and threaten them to publish this? This feels like it may have been a pilot that was passed around like Lindsay Lohan back in 2005. Maybe he was being walked around on a leash by his agent and woofed that he wanted to get meetings on this script and his agent lashed his ass with a rolled up copy of his Daredevil feature script.

 

Did he round up half of Antifa in Portland and storm Dark Horse demanding a meeting? How in all that is holy and good on this planet was this allowed to make its way into the collective consciousness. Is Hilary Clinton involved? Does Smith promise a billion dollars to Zelensky and thought that this comic masterbatorypiece would foot the bill? Did anyone like this??? Now I have to google and see, who was paid off?

 

While I’m doing that he advertises about his comic book shop in the back of the book. You know where his shop is? Red Bank, NJ. It used to be in Westwood but he shut that down ages ago. I’m from New Jersey, okay? No. Body. Goes. To. Red Bank. Ever. They call it the Greenwich Village of New Jersey. That would be the funniest line in this comic book. Look, I like Kevin Smith despite me ripping him a new one here. Prince called on him to shoot a documentary at Paisley Park and if you haven’t seen his story about his experience it’s must see. Here, let me pop it in for you. Oh, no more vid on YouDontTube here, try this:

 

https://archive.org/details/kevinsmithprince294000976

 

Wow, reviews are through the roof positive. Are reviewers scared to pan Smith? Like he would deny them entry into his Red Bank Palace of Punisher Exclusive Variants? Am I missing something here? Look Kevy Kev, this was NOT okay. Do better. Be better. Release the Prince footage you shot, give us a mea culpa and fund a new Daredevil series with EVERYBODY from the Netflix show, and I will love you all over again.

Rating: 2.0

Verdict: Burn

TRVE KVLT #2 - Review

  

Execution. It’s all about execution. The ability to execute that which you seek to manifest in the world. You can have the best idea ever but if you’re unable to execute it then it doesn’t mean ske-wat. I’m knee deep in the MLB Playoffs. Die Hard Yankee Fan. All you hear every two minutes is a pitcher being able to execute his pitches. You know you have to throw it down and away but if you can’t execute your pitch and it catches a chunk of the plate; you’re toast.

 

A pitch in baseball is not unlike a pitch in Hollywood. You have the best idea for a show ever. You get a meeting. If you don’t know how to execute that pitch, manifest your idea in the real world to people who can make your idea a reality then you’re lucky if you’re getting your parking validated and trust me, the cute receptionist who smiled widely at you will never acknowledge you if you happen to bump into her at a café.

 

I can hear the pitch for this comic book series. I would probably green light it too. Fast Food Loser goes on a loser heist and accidentally steals a coveted item belonging to a Satanic Cult. They show up after the cops and kidnap both he and this somewhat cute chick who’s mentally geeked out on getting a job at the Burger Joint which is called, wait for it…Burger Lord. Get it? Holy Jesus Fries and Satan? So the first issue was all that, the pitch and the set-up. I bit the Devil Bait. Well, issue two is always the payoff in a way unless you delay it to kingdom come like they do in a TV series sometimes; I’m looking at you Boring AF LOTR Amazon show. My goodness, just give the Blonde Elf Babe a solo show and flush the rest of this mess down the toilet. I will pay an extra $4.99 a month on any Prime subby if you let me watch the show without any Harfoot Scottish garbage.

 

Trivve Kivvltie Fishy crapped the bed in issue 2. No two ways about it. They had a choice. They could either make the Devil people super corny and goofy with no stakes whatsoever or they could actually do some fucking research and make them rooted in some sort of convicted reality thereby making the series have actual stakes involved. Nope, they went goofy af. Epic fail. The idea, brilliant, the execution, right smack over the plate; a homerun off my pull list. You had it all there, Tarantula the great lead heavy metal Burger character, the Burger Joint boss, the Janeane Garafalafel type chick. All wonderfully fleshed out and ready to do comic book battle. But what do you do? You throw them in a van so they can end up In front of some non threatening wack job that I sometimes come across in my Raya Dating app. She’s not a low level Satanist Boss, she’s a Creative Director at some online marketing whatsit that has a studio apartment in Echo Park with three cats, lots of open cereal boxes and a plethora of worn out dildos.

 

Issue 3 comes out this week. I was already on the other side of the fence but I peeked at the solicits for the synopsis of the finale in issue 5 and, yup, more goofy nonsense with zero stakes. Maybe instead of the random V in the words of the title they shoulda gone with the tried and true Hip Hop Z in the title, like ‘Trizzue Cizzult Boyee’; maybe then it woulda hit the outside corner. Maybe then I woulda swung at the next issue. Nah. Strike 666 and yerrrr out!

 

Rating: 6.6

Verdict: Drop

MIND MGMT BOOTLEG #3 - Review

 

Hollywood has become the land of sequels. The land of go with what you know. If it’s worked before it’ll work again and if it doesn’t work it doesn’t matter because people will spend their money on it to see if it worked or to complain that it stopped working. I get it, I mean, if millions of dollars are on the line and you’re paying for it you want to get a return on investment; cocaine on yachts with Girlfriend Experience Hookers that whisper ‘you’re huge, make Godfather 4 and 5 baby’ are very pricy from what I hear.

 

Comics aren’t the land of sequels so much as they are the pages of  ‘Ho’ing around’. Batman be ho’ing around lots of books. Put his bat ass here his bat ass there, team him up with that bat lookin’ ass and get asses that say they part of his ass family in a bunch of shit too. Marvel is so hoey with its characters they’ll put them together with each other in as many combinations as they can think of and say ‘story shmory look at deze hos!’. However, publishers that aren’t hero driven aren’t so quick to double up storylines or titles. They will but it’s not so egregious.

 

Mind MGMT Bootleg feels a little like one of dem hos. I don’t understand why it’s being written. Look, I loovvvvved Mind MGMT the original series; frikkin awesome stuff. So when I saw this in the solicits I got psyched but I was a bit curious about the limited series constraints. Why just 4 issues? Why not get it going again. The concept and set-up of the first issue was great and had me hooked but now as there’s just one issue left in the run, again I’m asking, what was the point?

 

Is it just to hype up the board game? The final issue has an option where you can get the variant that gives you an exclusive card for the game, hmm. Board game is selling for 60 bux, so again was this just a hype train choo choo to get you to buy a board game for that comic geek for Christmasanukkanza? Seems like it a bit. Did Matt Kindt approach Dark Horse and say hey I wanna reboot the series and they said ‘we stopped doing cocaine and swore of the GFEs so we’re not in need of copious amounts of cash but we have this idea for a board game…’

 

The opening of this issue is wildly fun and eye popping with The Eraser going up against Meru. After that it’s back to these kids that have been totally underdeveloped as characters and now there’s a reveal of a super villain called Mr. Hide that they’ve been tasked to take down. Their super psychic powers are then enhanced by the Chuck Norrisy character by them eating a crap ton of bubble gum. The back of the issue has a tongue-in-cheek script for the Mind MGMT TV Pilot and then there’s the added back story of this babe who looks like Batgirl that can kill people by whispering certain words in their ears (can I send her to Marvel Corporate’s weekly pow wow meetings?)

 

I dunno, it all feels too rushed and a bit too gimmicky. Why is it called Bootleg? A bootleg to me is a recording of a concert that you shouldn’t have. I have dozens upon dozens of Prince bootlegs. So is this a comic book I shouldn’t have? It feels like it. Like, I shouldn’t have pulled it but there was no way I wasn’t because it worked before and obviously I was going to see if it worked again and if it didn’t I was going to complain about…wait…dammit they got me.

 

Rating: 7.7

Verdict: Pull, like I have a choice at this point

DAREDEVIL #3 (2022) - Review

 

I’m pretty sure Hell’s Kitchen is the code name for Marvel Comics Corporate Offices. Actually their address on W 50^th street is only a couple avenue blocks away from the actual Hell’s Kitchen so Daredevil could easily expand his territory to include this building. I’d really like to see DD crash through their high rise window during Corporate’s mid-afternoon pow-wow on ‘how to ruin a title in 90 days’ that’s usually scheduled on Tuesdays.

 

It’s a raucous meeting by all accounts. Everyone sits around a pentagram and they all chow down on Shake Shack while mailroom interns massage the editors genitals while dressed as their favorite Marvel character. After that they have a lottery on which comic book title to turn into a trash rag for the upcoming month. Finally a local comic geek is brought in. He’s there under the pretense that he’s going to be allowed to air his grievances about the direction a certain title is going.

 

This past Tuesday the 11^th some nerd wearing Rick & Morty socks from Park Slope showed up to this pow wow and was all excited to rip the suits a new one on how the new Hulk comic is a reductive gore fest that’s taken a huge dump on all Hulk comics that’s preceded it. After he walked in, a naked and frothing at the mouth C.B. Cebulski (Editor in Chief of Marvel and soon to be baker on Food Network’s Holiday Baking Contest) tackled him while screaming at the top of his lungs ‘You will buy our drivel! You will purchase all our variants! Even the 1-2500 ones! You will not shit post our titles! You will extol them on your socials or I will send Paul Rudd to your apartment dressed as Antman and he will tell you all of his funny Hollywood anecdotes for hours until your ears bleed!’

 

The nerd begged for mercy in the face of such brutal torture and went on Reddit immediately and began posting reviews on how the She Hulk Disney + series is just an absolute hoot and is must see TV. He then moved to Germany and dressed up as a barrel of oil. He was attacked and almost torn to bits by the rabid freezing citizens over there. I suppose he did it due to the unimaginable shame over praising She Hulk; he just wanted to be beaten.

 

Yeah, I don’t think Marvel’s Daredevil will be able to take down that meeting. You know who could? The Daredevil from the Netflix Daredevil show, the most amazing superhero series in the history of ALL superhero TV shows. That guy would dismantle this demonic editorial staff in minutes and have CB whimpering for his severance package. Nevertheless, the current Daredevil title as I’ve said over and over has been the one mainstay of consistent greatness in the Marvel Comic Universe. This issue was turned into an exhaustive set-up of Fist Island with Elektra, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I was hyped up for it now I’m ‘stuck in a back room with a stripper and her badonkadonk with my hands tied to the chair’ hyped up for it. It’s basically DD tying up loose ends and choosing who he wants to come with to Fistville. It ends up being Cole the Cop and Foggy which seems a bit unnecessary but I suppose CB demanded it. I’m sure he’s been doing everything in his power to ruin this title and despite his attempt with the mind numbing Devil’s Reign crossover mega woopty doo event it’s still alive and kicking strong.

 

Hang in there Chip! You’re doing great, I mean, Batman, not so much, but this is gold. I’m sold. Now go to your secret hideout and write us a wham bam Fist Island story far far away from Marvel Corporate. In the meantime I’m making some phone calls and finding out how to get in touch with the Netflix Daredevil so I can hire him for some corporate ass whupping...and maybe some LA City Council ass whupping when he's done.   

 

 

Rating: 8.3

Verdict: Pull

LOVE EVERLASTING #2 - Review

 

Do you believe in past lives? I do. I’ve experienced them, felt them, seen pictures of them in my mind. The great thing about past lives, if you believe in them, is that eventually the life you’re living now is going to be one of your past lives. I see myself as a nine foot tall indigo avianesque being in my next life with lavender stripes that are suspended millimeters over my smooth supple skin. I’ll be in the future’s version of a therapy session and I’ll be seeing images of this scrawny big eyed Prince looking dude running haphazardly into a gay club after a bi curious Asian girl he met on a thing called an app and crying out of my hands and feet as I process and release my trauma.

 

Thankfully the future wont have any pull-lists. Comics will materialize in your hands and get sent through a wormhole when you’re done with them so they can be bagged and boarded in an alternate dimension and deposited in your holographic storage boxes; what a great thing to look forward to after your therapy session.

 

Love Everlasting seems to be operating in the world of past lives and multi-dimensional experiences so I am ALL in on this run. The first issue was a triumph and the second is as well. While the first hopped around several romantic interludes centered around the main character Joan Peterson this one sticks around in the 1920s for the entirety of the issue. It’s your basic ‘two kids fall in love but one is a rich one and the other a poor one’. In LA it would be ‘two actors fall in love, one has representation one does not’ that one neverrr works out. The inevitable pillow talk of

 

‘so can you get me in to see…’

 

‘oh my God you’re just fucking me for my rep!’

 

has doomed thousands of relationships out here. King masterfully (where the hell was this on Bat/Cat Tom??) weaves his tale of a love doomed by class and then twists it up so shockingly at the end that you’ll find yourself flipping back a few pages and re-reading it over and over to make sure you read it right.

 

I’m not clear what’s what yet but it’s been so perfectly set up by Tom King and so magnificently drawn by Elsa Charretier that I’m chomping at the metaphysical interstellar bit for the next issue.

 

I once had a past life in Egypt where I was like a Jug Boy or some teenager who had to fetch the water for one of the Queens. We ended up falling love and she dumped me in the Nile when it got out she was cavorting with a servant dude. I don’t know how that’s manifested in all my lives since but I can tell you that in this one, despite being an actor, I vowed at an early age to never ever be a waiter or wait on a table as long as I lived. So if you’re a cutie and you ask me for a bottle of water at a club and I blurt out ‘Get it yourself Cleo-fuckin-Patra’ and then storm off I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me and to not post it on your socials.

 

Get this comic people, support the Romance genre!

 

Rating: 9.5

Verdict: Pull

BATMAN VS ROBIN #1 - Review

  

I didn’t want to do it, believe me. I had enough Bat books in my life, didn’t need another one. With Batman it’s like I’m in my 20s all over again and dating a bunch of chicks in New York who are Bat shit crazy in their own right. You keep dating bat shit crazy chicks in your 20s because, why not? They’re usually amazing in bed and they make for unbelievable stories and jokes, especially if you’re a Comedian, wink wink. So if you’ve got yourself a stacked line-up of wackos with daddy issues and a culture that has done everything to make them feel inadequate, you really don’t need another position player.

 

Then you’re out, in that cool spot, it’s loungy, low lit, purple velvet couches, bartenders dressed in 1920s gear with Spatz and the bowties. Thievery Corporation ‘Lebanese Blonde’ comes on and then she walks in with those cute thigh high boots, tight black dress and an 'oh my goodness who the fuck is that' vibe and you’re pretty much figuring out who to trade or how you can squeeze her in for some at-bats. Then you take her out…and she’s a disaster.

 

That’s this comic book.

 

Holy Trash Bin Batman! I couldn’t wait to toss this book as far away from my sight as possible; it was that bad. How??? Mark Waid. Mahmud Asrar. Captivating story line. It’s like they were that girl in the club who when you open the door to your apartment she projectile vomits into your foyer, starts bawling and then pulls out a switchblade on you as she starts in on a Tennessee Williams monologue she's working on. What the hell happened here guys?

 

First, the whole beginning I thought was Damian approaching Wayne Manor not Bats, that’s how off this whole thing was right from the get go. Å panel shows you Wayne Manor and then the lightning crash illuminates someone, who by the looks of the height seems like it’s Damian. Nope. So the art was a bit wonky to start. Then Albert is now back from the dead with zero explanation as to how. He doesn’t know either. I suppose that’s the hook: let’s rope you in for $6 a pop for several months and we’ll tell you. Oh no you won’t! I already know how.

 

Editor’s meeting with Mark and Mahmud...

 

Editor #1: So Alfred comes back

 

Mark: How?

 

Editor #2: Exactly

 

Mark: Exactly how?

 

Editor #3: We are so on the same page here, off you go.

 

Mahmud (to Mark): What just happened?

 

Mahmud gets a text.

 

INSERT TEXT: We heard that and we love that you’re also on the same page.

 

Next thing is Damian showing up acting like a complete dick with two twerpy magic wielding kids who are like the X Men on steroids, they can do anything! They’re turning the T Rex into a live animal and racing it around the batcave while Damian is going ‘Mwahahahahahaha’. That’s what this whole comic felt like. Maybe it should have been renamed Batman vs Damian going Mwahahahahaha. He then shoots his Bat Daddy at point blank range. I can’t begin to say how completely bonkers and off the wall that moment felt. I mean, the unwritten rule in Bat Books is nobody uses guns except the low rate wack job henchmen. So now I’m throwing away 75 years of Bat Rules to justify this $6 shit show?

 

After more plot wackiness we now come to find out what’s wrong. Oh no. Not this shit again. Please tell me you couldn’t come up with anything more exciting than this worn out premise. Guess not. Oh no! Something is wrong with the Magic in the world! It’s been poisoned! You must save the magic Batman. Oh fer chrissakes! Didn’t we just go through this with Dr. Strange SEVERAL times in the past few years. Didn’t the Sandman basically use this little plot point? Is this why I had to suffer through the two little Harry Potter wannabes at the top? Honestly this feels like one of those Batman comics you find at a garage sale and you buy for 50 cents because, hey, it’s Batman and it’s 50 cents and I’ll read it on the subway or on the toilet for a couple minutes and then forget that I ever read it.

 

You know the worst part? I also got roped into the Variant cover mishegas. That’s the cover at the top of this review. It’s beautiful isn’t it? I actually begged my LCS to pull it for me. That’s when Variant covers go wrong. When they walk into a club looking absolutely perfect only to find out that after you open them up it’s nothing more than a swift kick to the nuts and a reminder that when Thievery Corporation plays in a lounge it’s time to get the hell out of there.

 

Rating: 3.0

Verdict: Drop