It feels weird reading a Superman comic. It’s like I’m hanging out in Pasadena or Glendale. Nothing wrong with Pasadena or Glendale, hear great things about the brunch options there. The Rose Parade is supposedly a grand ol’ time. Yeah, not interested. Too much of a shlep to get there and back. I feel like Metropolis would be in Pasadena or Glendale. I can see reading about Supes saving a bunch of old Ladies from a drunken bunch of Armenians in a White Mercedes. Hey, don’t give me a look. Armenians love to drive White Mercedes, that’s a fact! Them and women in Beverly Hills on their way to their plastic surgeon. That’s the White Mercedes market here in LA.
Anyway, Gotham City would definitely be Downtown LA and I live right near there so I’m for a sure Batman neighborhood kinda guy. This Space Age comic actually feels more like a Batman comic despite Supe headlining the bill. It's like a Dane Cook show but Louis CK drops in for a set and kills it. The story launches forward from the Sixties into the Seventies and the first action we get is Superman saving a bunch of hookers from an out of control Pimp named Scutch in the Bowery right outside of CBGBs. The hookers look like they got to the final round of auditions for Charlie’s Angels but didn’t make it. Scutch is wearing purple pants, a wife beater and a purple fedora. Apparently the word Scutch is Italian slang for Pest but this guy definitely looks like Danny Trejo so perhaps its not an apt moniker. I’m no Supe Expert but I can’t say I’ve ever seen him save a bunch of hos from anything. I’d like to see more Ho Saving from Supe, that can be a real cool angle! Superman: Leave Dem Hoes Alone. Scutch doesn’t seem impressed by a man hanging in mid air in a cape and flips his switchblade at him. Oh Scutch. It’s gonna be okay, in the future you’re going to own a Donut and Taco Empire.
We then get a bunch of Bat stuff. Bats crashes through a window not once but twice to make an entrance. I don’t think the logistics of crashing through a window is as easy as it seems. They’re both high rises. I can see, oh I dunno, like a dent or a crunch but not a clear smash through. Maybe if he shot something to soften it up. I think we’re sending the wrong message to wannabe vigilantes out there that if you dress up in a costume and swing from a high vantage point to crash into a window in order to save some crime victims that you’ll make it in one fell swoop and be completely unscathed. Gotta knock some points off for that DC.
We get a lot of Clark and Supe being shy about telling Lois that he’s got the hots for her. I guess that’s what’s made Supes so endearing over the years. His sheepish ‘aww shucks I’m shy and gee whillickers she’s a looker’ demeanor. I wonder if Supes went on the dating apps if his attitude would change. Like after the 20th time when he would message someone and they wouldn’t reply back or when he found out the girl he was chatting up was actually a guy would he get totally pissed and track them down. That could be an angle too. Superman: Deze Hoes better Message a Homie Back. I think if Clark was on dating apps long enough he would almost have to profess his hots for Lois because he’d be so worn out from getting bubkes on his phone that he’d beg for an actual date from someone he knows. Maybe all of this is coming in Superman Space Age: Gen Z.
At one point, while recounting a story about how his father was saved by a friend in the army while they were staying afloat on a log after their ship was hit, Superman reveals to Lois that it was because his friend lied to him that there was a ship on its way that his father decided to live. He then declares that “Hope is the Lie we make come True”. Well, you can hope all you want that the 23 Year Old Law student/Model will message you back Clark but that is the lie that will definitely not come true.
My goodness this comic just goes on and on; it’s quite long. I’m not sure what the point of all of this is. There’s a lot of corny/witty banter that gets volleyed back and forth between the JLA Members. It’s a whole lot of wacky 70s DC vibe so if that’s what they were going for they got it. I’m going to have to finish this book at a later date. This is 100% a ‘Have to be in the mood to read’ book. Maybe you’re in the mood, maybe you’re not. And maybe if you’re one of dem hoes this is the book you’ve been waiting for.
Rating: 7.5
Verdict: Ask Dem Hoes not Me.
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