So the first question I have after getting through the first several pages of this comic is this: Was Frank Miller jerking off while he was drawing this or did he wait until he knocked out a couple of pages and then jerked off? It’s probably a combo of both, like, draw half naked babe getting banged by metal tentacles, jerk jerk, draw muscle dude, almost finish, draw naked babe with even more tentacles all over her and in her and and…ahhhhh. What the hell am I reading here? I like sexy, not really into the filthy. This feels filthy.
You got a naked babe in bed. First frame looks like she’s being banged upside down. Then it looks like she’s cumming. Then on the next page she’s on her haunches, her naked buttocks ready for God knows what. Then we’ve got her wrapped in a sheet looking like she’s doing a shoot for a creepy photographer and then, Boom! Her face and mouth are being penetrated by a dozen metal insert thingies. Next page it’s her entire body. Maybe this is why he had to publish this on his own. His pitch to the Comics Industry was ‘Naked Babe. Tentacles. In her [snicker] like everywhere [Beavis laugh] metal in flesh, naked, yeah’. Mr. Miller you need to leave.
Is this Frank’s ex, or some girl in a bar who didn’t fawn over him when he mentioned to her:
‘I did that Daredevil Elektra thing, know what I’m talking about baby? Elektra, dead, I killed her, Daredevil 181 baby’
‘Uh huh, so medium rare or just medium on the steak?’
I mean, if I’m 15 years old I’m probably going through a lot of hair conditioner while reading this while screaming ‘Robot bang her robot bang her’ but I’m not. I’m an adult male and we’re not in 1989 anymore. This feels like one of those things I would see in a cheap comic convention in New Jersey in the 80s when some local artist would have blown up panels of some random chick half naked with a panther in the background and a full moon in the upper left corner. Do I have to keep reading this? How much was this again? I can’t find the price on the comic? I think it was like, eight bucks right? Dammit. Eighties comic porn for eight bucks, I could have bought two ounces of coffee at the cafĂ© up the street instead!
I didn’t read the first Ronin. I don’t know who anybody is. I shouldn’t have to. A story is a story. So far I have ‘Babe dreaming of her man wakes up and gets banged by robot run by something named Virgo’ who I assume is the villain or baddie. Am I missing something here? I never did well with Virgos, they always had this blank stare on our dates. I don’t think they do sarcasm very well. I think they need like, really aggressive guys to take charge otherwise they’re just gonna stare at you with a blank look while wondering if they’re running out of cumin, paprika and coriander in their spice rack.
I don’t care how ‘nice’ the art is, not one bit. I didn’t buy a book called ‘The Jerkmeoff Art of Frank Miller’ I bought a book called Ronin so I could read a compelling story with sequential art! Story. Story. Story. If I wanna see haunches haunched up in my face with lips apart I can scroll through my Insta which is constantly goading me with clips of half naked chicks. I don’t know why though. Like, what’s the end game? I suppose there’s so much ads on there now the more I look the more ads they pay out on. Blecch. I’m flipping through this more, my goodness Frank Miller hire an Escort at a Comic Con or just pick up a random Anime babe who actually knows who you are (is that possible, Anime? Maybe like Black Cat or Supergirl cosplayers would really be into Frank) and leave us alone already.
I can’t finish this. I wonder, can I stuff this in one of those little Library book thingies they have in the neighborhood? You know, where you can take a free book or leave a book for people to read for free? Could I get apprehended for disseminating porn if I do? You ruined my Thursday morning Frank Miller with this swill! I had my coffee with these newfangled gluten-free mini matcha donuts all set up to enjoy a goofy AF 80s cheesefest. I had Level 42 playing in the background and then your personal masturbation material invaded my humble abode. That and these Matcha donuts tasted like your cover if they were covered in sugar. Jeez, and these donuts also cost 8 bucks! Why is the Universe robbing me eight dollars at a time!
My goodness. What’s the imprint of this again? FMP. Frank Miller’s Pussy? Is that it? Would he write that using a Sharpie on the buttocks of all those Elektra Cosplay Girls that followed him home from that rinky dink bar in the Bowery at 230am in the 80s? I don’t wanna know. You know who did a sexy mind blowing book all in black and white in the 90s with an Asian influence that actually had a compelling story? David Mack: Kabuki. You want to read something that enriches your comic book life read that instead of this stroke off fest.
FMP. Frank Miller’s Pud. Keep it in your pants Frank.
Rating: 1.0
Verdict: Drop
