Is
the Comic Book Industry falling apart? Well, I think you can swap out ‘Comic
Book Industry’ and put almost any business model, institution or political
party before the words ‘falling apart’ and it would be an apt statement for
this past year or two. Yet this year, more than any other, has been in my view
one of the roughest years of comic books that I can remember. It just felt
waaaay off. I mean, I hear how LCS retailers are constantly complaining about the publishers. I see how
stores are closing all over the country. I hear the Comic Book Pundits (am I
one? Mmm, not really) decrying the ills and missteps of the industry itself.
Fans seem to whining and moaning left and right, what the fuck is going on?
Well,
I can only speak from the experience of a dude who has been buying comics for
over 40 years. What I would say is, mmm, it’s not that it’s falling apart it’s
that it’s been reassigned. In other words, comics are means to other ends
especially when you’re talking about the Big Poo (the Big 2). For these
corporate death stars, comics feed into its inordinate amount of IP offerings
that are charted on X & Y Axis graphs and all kinds of business degree
mumbo jumbo bullshit that have basically ruined comic books. Sure, the
independents are going strong. Wait, no, scratch that, Image is still going
strong while other independents thrash and claw for a limited audience with either
rehashed characters or gruesome over the top silly horror/sexy books. Dark Horse got bought out by a gaming company and their titles have also sunk to new lows of blecchh. Even Image,
as wonderful as they are, didn’t knock a lot out of the park this year.
Here’s
the bottom line for me: I bought 150 comic books this year. That’s the lowest
amount of comics I’ve purchased since I started keeping track of it about 15
years ago. Back in the heyday of 2016-2018 I was buying over 300 comics a year.
So what happened? Well, Marvel got bought out by Satan aka Disney and their
comics became all but unreadable.
I seriously root for Disney’s stock to crater
every day with the hopes that, I dunno, they sell Marvel cuz they need the cash
or don’t care anymore? DC? I dunno either, last year was the year of their
amazing run of Black Label titles, this year? Pure poop. I don’t think anyone
knows what the fuck to do or how to do it over in DC and it shows. Their recent
Aqua Turd movie is dead in the water as was most of the garbage they put out
this year. So when you have the Two Pillars of the Industry mired in caca it
fucks things up for everyone else. One would think “oh there’s now a void to
fill because Marvel & DC are churning out titles that look like the pink
goo that they make McNuggets with” but it’s actually the opposite. Hate on them
as much as you want but Marvel & DC are
comic books. If they’re going strong everybody is going strong because that
means butts in the Comic Book shops which means more sales of the independent
offerings.
Here’s
another reason why I bought less books: y’all raised the prices a bit too much.
See, back in the day I could jump on a book for 5-6 issues, grab a mini-series
for 4 issues, try out a series and spend about $15, woop dee doo. Now, every
story arc/mini series is like $25-30, hmm, yeah fuck that! If issue one sucks,
buh to the bye homie. Now I’ll check out the solicits for future issues to see
what’s going on with the plot before I decide to pick something up whereas before I wouldn’t
care, I’d just add it to my pull and read the whole series, because, well, I love
comics. But I’m not trying to spend over $100 a month on comics right now especially since most of them are so disappointing. So
with the quality of books in the toilet and the prices up it makes for a very
nasty combination.
Mark
Millar, who I’m not a big fan of but who I deeply respect as guy who loves
comics, had this to say on what he thinks should be the fix for the industry
I
wouldn’t know if this would work or not but it’s clear to me that something has to change. Somebody has to come in and clean
fucking house at the Big 2 like Javier Milei is doing in Argentina. I need a
Comic Book Geek of the People to go in the same way that Javier did and get rid
of all the Editors and Ideological Fuckwits that have ruined Hero Books.
Yo Marvel and DC Dipshit Editors? AFUERA!
There’s
a guy who makes amazing videos about the Comic Book Industry. I would say he is
the true voice of reason for Comic Book Geeks like myself and it’s clear that
he loves comics as much as anyone. I remember watching a video of his where he
said that the Big 2 were more interested in the Variant Cover market than they
were in actually making good comics. So, that makes a whole lot of sense to me.
People are buying up covers at astronomical prices regardless of what’s inside
so the more you poop out and the more you create artificial scarcity for them
the more shekels you will make. That’s all well and good for your corporate
hooker and blow budget but, yeah, sucks for us. If that is what’s really going
on then we may not see the end of this downturn for a while until they cut back
on these variants. You can check out this dude’s channel here:
Anyway,
as for the ‘Best of the Year’ it was a slog to say the least. Last year I chose
a dozen books that were absolutely amazing along with some honorable mentions. This year? I couldn’t even find 10 titles
that blew me out of the water. Not even 10 for goodness sake. I went over every
week of my pulls and, man, I pulled a lot of stuff that ended up sucking ass. To
be clear, this list isn’t of comics that were good, or decent or really good.
This is a list of Greatness. This is a list of books that after I put them down
I went ‘That was fucking awesome’ If I didn’t feel like that then it’s not on
this list. So yeah, not that many to choose from but these did the trick, here
ya go…
8.Deep Cuts
- A series of stories that travel through the history of Jazz? Sign me the fuck up! Kyle Higgins and Joe Clark along with some bad ass artists deliver some wonderfully poignant and historically accurate tales that span the early decades of Jazz. I really wish this was an ongoing series rather than a standard ‘Six issues and we’re done’ affair. That’s something that would be exciting to dive into every month. I really loved the sheet music that they included in the back matter and the homage to Blue Note. This was Image's Golden Offering of the Year by far. For some reason they dropped three issues and then stopped in July but it looks like they’re picking up again in January.
7.barnstormers
- Dark Horse has been reprinting all of Scott Snyder’s Comixology’s Originals Digital Series into 3 issue Drops for the past year or so. One was atrocious (We Have Demons) one was mediocre (Night of the Ghoul) one was really good (Clear) but this one was downright awesome. I’d say the main reason besides an out of the box story of a death defying pilot and his forbidden love on the run is Tula Lotay’s spectacularly beautiful art that graced each and every panel. Bonnie & Clyde take to the air! What an absolute joy to read. Snyder’s got another one that just started, ‘Canary’ and so far it’s also a great first issue. Go Scott Go!
6.The Avengers: War Across Time
- The best thing Marvisney put out all year by far was a Retro Series. What a fucking blast it was to read a story that hit on all the right notes from the Golden Era of Comics! They dusted off some dude named Paul Levitz who was probably busy noshing on a pastrami sandwich at Katz’s Deli and made him pop out a paean to what made hero books great: bright colors, silliness, goofy and sexy dialogue, gravitas, time machines and buildings and streets that were always being destroyed or spewing lava men. I’ve been saying for years that Marvisney should just publish monthly facsimile issues of their great titles like Spidey & FF & The Avengers on a monthly basis so it could give us the feeling that we’re reading them as if we were living back in the 60s when they first came out. But that would be too much fun, so, that won't work these days.
5.Love Everlasting
- The second arc of what very well might be Tom King’s masterpiece of a series upped the ante and the wow factor on what already was a perfectly executed story of Joan Peterson and the multiple timelines of deadly love that follows and torments her through all of her lives in all of the different eras that she has lived in. Written in the style of a dimestore comic book romance this mind trip of a book just kept getting better and better from issue to issue. It’s one of those rare books that you really get excited about when you see a new issue pop up on the solicits. Elsa Charretier is officially an Art Super Star and I will follow her work wherever she goes. I will also say that so far King's first few issues on Wonder Woman are quite good, the best Dubz story I’ve read in ages! Tom King comin’ wit da ruffneck bidness in the two three boyeee.
4.Batman: City of Madness
- It was a really tough year for my homie Bats. I just could not get into anything that he was in. All the books were just blah or refried plot beans. Sean Murphy ended his beyond brilliant White Knight run on a ‘ehh, that was cool but not great’ note then handed it off to his wonderful wife and a putz who wrote a series about the Joker’s kids which I couldn’t stomach. I suffered month after month begging the Comic Book Universe to deliver me a majestic Bat Book and it finally answered my prayers at the very end of the year with Christian Ward’s eye popping beast of a book. My goodness, give this man an ongoing series for the next five years! In a year of cheap fake meat Bat burger stories this was the Wagyu patty with the Goldleaf Bun story that beat the bejeezus out of them all. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new run of great Black Label titles.
3.Rare Flavours
- The creative team behind one of the best comics of the decade ’The Many Deaths of Laila Starr’ returned with another magical tale that invoked the earthly representation of another Hindu deity. This time around it’s a Raksha or demon that fancies itself as a type of cannibalistic Anthony Bourdain. Each issue just feels like an event as you’re transported away from your life and immersed into a fully realized elevated world of monstrous beauty. I feel like these two had a conversation that went something like 'Should we tell the Demon Bourdain story now or should we wait?' as if they were waiting for the perfect moment to unleash this gem of a story on humanity. Ram V and Filipe Andrade have that uncanny artistic synergy that doesn’t come along very often in comics. Catch them while you can.
2.A Vicious Circle
- Only one issue of this mind blowing three issue series was released this year, over six months after its first issue which was released in December of 2022 but oh what a fucking issue it is. The art in this comic is absolutely astonishing. Lee Bermejo puts on a clinic on how to turn a comic book into art gallery material. I suppose with the amount of assumed work and attention to detail that went into each of the first two issues it’s understandable why it takes them so long to release them. Mattson Tomlin’s exhilarating time jumping story of mortal enemies does more than enough to keep up with Bermejo’s legendary work. A book like this puts publishers and creators on notice. This is how it’s done. This is how you make a statement to the world on why comic books matter. Despite it being limited to only three issues this is a time traveling book for the ages.
1.Conan The Barbarian
- By Crom you did it! You wrested the Conan license away from the evil clutches of Marvisney and showed the entire planet how to make a Hero Book. True, this Cimmerian isn’t like the heroes of neon tights and inter-galactic superpowers but make no mistake, this Barbarian slashed his way through those mangy curs to the top of the heap of the comic book world this year. Oh, what a joy to experience the true unbridled love that the creators of this comic most certainly have for this character and for them to have the courage to present him in all of his glory. In a pathetic world where nitwits, meager mealy mouthed toads and spindly cowards froth at the mouth with their idiotic claims of toxic masculinity, Titan Comics had the balls to say ‘Yeah, fuck that, here’s Conan’.
And yes, it wasn’t just their approach, Jim Zub’s writing and Roberto De La Torre’s art was as perfect a match for Conan as you could ask for. What an absolute triumph. If you’ve never read a Conan story before you could actually pick up the first arc of this book and know exactly what it’s like to read one of the best from the past as it feels just as authentic as any of Robert E. Howard’s offerings. Perhaps this is the future of comic books. Is it possible for a group of hyper excited artists and writers to somehow get the licenses from all of our favorite heroes and start them over for us? Can we join Conan on his pirate ship with Belit and do a hostile takeover of the Hulk, Spidey and Iron Man? Can we have Scott Snyder and Christian Ward storm DC's offices with guns blazing and take Batman from them?
Is this the way? Will there need to be a Comic Book Civil War? Drastic times call for drastic measures. Titan's 'Conan' reminded me how amazing it is to read a heroic tale. Yes, all genres can be found in comics but it's the heroes that really shine the most. It's the heroes that we can't find in our world, lifting buildings, shooting lasers out of their eyes, flying above us, it's these heroes that we find next to the staples of the pages of our favorite childhood titles that inspire us the most. And yes, we're adults and we have jobs and responsibilities now that go beyond these tales. Yet these tales remind us of what can be, not only in the world but within ourselves. They reminds us that life is a magical journey where anything can happen at any moment. The improbable victories over evil that we read in the pages of strong iconic heroes can somehow give us what we need to overcome the obstacles that we face in our lives.
And so as we turn the page on another year I see hope for a return to this glorified experience of reading comics that sit in our hands, not in our computers. I'm not sure how it will happen but I know it's possible.
“There is always a way, if the desire be coupled with courage,” - Conan
Anybody get any of those Free Comics on Free Comic Book Day?
I usually pass on everything, figure it’s just gonna be a middling preview of
something with a ton of ads. But I did notice this Titan Publishing Conan
thingy and I was intrigued to see if they were gonna come wit da ruffneck bidness
since they now own the Conan license. People. Conan Fans. Praise Crom. It may
have only been a few pages but it’s beyond obvious that Conan is finally back
in the hands of a bunch of creators who absolutely honor and love this
character.
Even though it’s only a few pages they give me all the feels
of those classic Marvel Conan books from the 70s. I think I remember Jim Zub
writing some Conan stuff from the recent Conan Marvel debacle. Clearly you can’t
fault any writer or artist when it comes to Marvisney, who knows what torturous
evil they’re subjected to as they’re hung upside down in a dungeon underneath
Disney Land between issues. Anyway, Robert De La Torre looks like he’s mastered
the gritty dusty old school Conan vibe and Jose Villarrubia's colors are pure perfection. I can’t frikkin’ wait for this
series to begin, woo hoo!
Phantom Road is turning into a wonderful Twilight Zone-ish
type of story and there’s nobody else I can think of that I would want as my
comic book Rod Serling than the one and only Jeff Lemire.
Avengers War Across Time is about to wrap up and for the
love of all that is good and holy Marvisney, please keep putting out these
retro stories, it’s what the world needs right now! You had a formula, the formula worked, it spawned a Universe like no other, for goodness sake stop messing with the formula! Stop trying to make New Coke or Green Tea Coke or whatever, get back to your roots and stay there. Hey, Disney stock is under 90 last I checked! Where do you think it needs to drop to for them to freak out, dump Marvel and sell it to a
conglomerate of multi billionaire comic geeks? 70? 65? Dump those shares
people!
I have no idea what the hell happened in the second issue of
Dead Romans, the story officially became unreadable. I have no idea who’s
marching on who, who wants to kill who, where the hell we are, what the hell
people want and why the hell they want it. It feels like I’m watching a bad
Sunday Political Talk Show where all the lights are off. An absolute fail after
a promising first issue with amazing art, this book is at best kindling and at
worst last second poopy bags for my little princess.
Hitomi was an under the radar book that just wrapped its fifth
and final issue recently. HS Tak wove a fanciful engaging tale of a young
female samurai in training and her lust for revenge over the murder of her
family. Isabella Mazzanti’s lush sweeping palette gave the book a real feel as if you were
watching ancient Japanese paintings in a museum come to life. While I’m sure
this won’t win any awards or garner immense accolades it was definitely an
enjoyable read and a breath of fresh air from the standard comic book fare of
the day; definitely recommend it.
Chicken Devils, the second arc of one of my Top series of
2022 has kind of fallen off a cliff. I don’t think the plot
development of our Hot Chicken Vigilante now working with dirty vigilante cops
is a good one. That, and his confession to his family about everrrrything has
diffused almost all of the tension of the story and now it’s just a whiny cranky
family and creepy gross cops murdering gang members in cold blood; no bueno. It’s
a shame, I’ll probably grab the last two issues of the arc with the hopes that
Buccellato drops in a gem of a final twist but right now it’s a soggy bland bird
of a book.
Finally, Kroma wrapped up it’s final issue in it’s 4 issue
mini-series and it was pretty frikkin’ good! It gave off this whole Ralph
Bakshi vibe and the plot twist that Defelici introduced to the world he created
really clicked and moved the story to a satisfying conclusion. Imagine that, a
satisfying conclusion to a comic book series. I feel like I just got a comic book
handy, ah, it’s been a while. Also, looks like Lorenzo and Robert Kirkman are putting
out a book in June called ‘Void Rivals'. Based on this series and the fact that it's Kirkman I would have to say that’s a definite
pull.
That’s all I got. Lot’s of intriguing new series dropping
this month, happy reading you Geeklings!
Why are all ‘Best Of’ lists a Top 10? Or Top 25? Top 100? Are you not allowed to have a list that doesn’t equate into denominations of 10s and 5s? I always wonder, are they squeezing stuff in to make it an even 25 or are they leaving a bunch out and if they are leaving a bunch out why not just extend the frikkin’ list???
Well, my Best Of List will be a Top 12 mmkay? Problem??? Nothing was left off, nothing was squeezed in these are legitimately the best Comics that I read all year. 2022 was the year of ‘One and Done's’. I don’t remember pulling so many first issues and trashing them before I got to issue 2.
I pulled 185 comics this year down from 250 last year and down from about 300 five years ago. So I’ve basically lost 10 titles a year which I would say is a direct reflection of the miserable direction Marvisney is headed coupled with the new norm of long layoffs between arcs of successful books and more and more shorter series. Look at all the books I’ve reviewed. Almost all of the are issues 1-4 or 5, maybe 6. Seems like creators are given shorter leashes and the market is being inundated with titles that are looking to stick to the wall like spaghetti.
What does that mean for comic geeks? It’s just like anything these days. They will over saturate your options to the point where you’ll have no choice but to pick up something. I mean, one of these new series has to be good right? Well, I’m not looking for good. I’m not interested in ‘myneh, that was okay’. I want great. I want ‘ooh, blank just dropped a new issue, yes!’ The comics below all fit the bill. As the guy from the Insta Account of ‘LA in a Minute’ would say “Let’s get into it!’
12.Defenders (2022) - This old school cosmic dimensional hopping mishmash team-up by Al Ewing & Javier Rodriguez brought back all the feels of those mind bending Marvel acid trips comics of the 60s and 70s. In a year of Marvisney misfires this one hit the mark dead center. Speaking of Marvisney, honorable mention to Daredevil (2022) which has been consistently great for years but has unfortunately gone downhill as of late.
11.Chicken Devil - Nothing special about the plot but something special about the execution. This fast food co-owner/ average Joe/family guy pushed to the brink by the Russian Mob over a drug deal misunderstanding was a splatter fest that was spicy enough to stay on everyone's pull. In a year where you wanted to go out into public and go ballistic I'm sure we all now wonder if wearing a Chicken Suit will help us get away with it. How this is not a Streaming TV Show by now is beyond me.
10.Love Everlasting
- Love! Romance! A time traveling saga, a heartbreaking mess. Gimme
Gimme Gimme. More Love! I love me some wooing and some smooch smooching
and Tom King and new art superstar Elsa Charretier delivered the goods.
I’m fascinated by what the hell is going on even though I don’t know what
the hell is going on with Joan and all these dudes who either wanna kill
her or marry her but I must find out. After Tom King’s triple
time-lined Batman/Catwoman debacle he bounced back with this heart
thumping winner. Grab it and demand more smooches and lovey dovey stuff
in comics.
9. Pearl III - Michael Gaydos should probably get an Artist of the Year Award. What's next Mr. G? I will follow you anywhere you go. Bendis kept upping the ante on this phenomenal Yakuza Tat Artist Boss Babe story for three arcs in a row. The final installment of this series had enough twists and eye popping layouts to satisfy even the hardest of hardcore Tattoo Yakuza Frisco Tokyo Petite Albino Bad Ass lovers out there. A Streaming Show HAS to be on its way soon. If not, umm, hello? Stream. My TV. Soon.
8.Robin & Batman - I was super psyched when I saw that Lemire/Nguyen, the same team behind the perfectly done Descender/Ascender series, were doing a Robin Batman series and they did not disappoint. A unique twist on the Robin origin story that might bring a few tears to your eyes if you’re not careful. As for other great Batman books this year Honorable mention to White Knight by Sean Murphy and One Dark Knight by Jock which brought a rock em sock em Gotham black out tale to an electric life.
7.Echolands - J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman literally turned the comic world on its side and created a horizontal book filled with all the amazing layouts you’ve come to crave since they dropped them in the classic New 52 Batwoman series. The story is nothing to write home about but the visual style blender is so visually holy fuckamoley good you don’t care. Plus the reveal of his insane vinyl collection in the back that provided the soundtrack to the creation of the book will probably make you cry over the piddly vinyl collection you just started recently.
6. King Conan (2022) - The Best Conan story in like forever. Probably the best since Brian Wood’s epic Dark Horse run. An emotional gut punch of a Father Son story paired with a ‘You have to team up with your mortal arch enemy Wizard wack job to defeat an island of zombies’ story. Leave it to Marvisney to screw everything up and cancel not only this series but Conan completely. Crom willing Titan Publishing will get it right when it starts Conan back up next year. In the meantime this is a six issue Conan run that will stand the test of time.
5.The Good Asian- A riveting Chinatown Detective story that overflowed with heart, history and heat. There was nothing like this series on the racks before, during and probably won't be anything like it long after the trades come out. What really made this series extra special was all the backmatter that included so many great interviews and historical references from those who experienced this part of America. It really rounded this book into an experience not to be missed.
4. Primordial - Sniffle. This one got me good. If you’re a doggie owner good luck in not bawling at the finale of this space traveling time bending tale. My goodness, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at this pitch meeting with Jeff Lemire ‘Two monkeys and a doggie in an inter-dimensional spaceship come home’ What??? GTFO. I’m not sure my Diva Doggie would’ve done well on this ship. She barely handles being stuffed like a pocketbook underneath an airline seat.
3.Step by Bloody Step - A book with no translatable dialogue. Instead it gave you so many beautiful haunting indelible images you realized that words would have just mucked up the genius. There are moments in this series that still stay with me months after I put it down. A truly unique tale. I won’t even begin to try and describe the story just grab the trade, take a seat and let this gorgeous work take you away on a fantastic journey.
2.Aquaman: Andromeda - Wait, an Aquaman book was better than all the other Batman books I read this year? Yes. Yes it was. Ram V and Christian Ward were a masterful duo that dragged you down to the depths of their combined genius and dared you to want to leave. Christian Ward is a beast when it comes to colors and his signature artistic style was made for this ‘Crew seeks out crashed Alien Ship’ tale. Ram V’s Aquaman was mystical, mysterious and deeply human. I was enthralled by every single page. A truly majestic perfectly woven story. Wow.
1. Catwoman: Lonely City - What if a villain, way past her prime, gets released from jail and tries to recapture her past glory while solving the mystery of her lover/rival? This was the alternative universe born out of the brilliant mind of Cliff Chiang who found the perfect future self for a host of villains including Poison Ivy, Killer Croc (who looked like a goombah in a Lower East Side bar. Of course he was a Mets fan lol) and the Riddler; all a little creakier and paunchier and all a lot more sympathetic. The finale was masterfully done with dire consequences for all. This was a triumph in every aspect of the medium and Chiang better have multiple books coming out in 2023.
Okay. I said Top 12. But I HAVE TO mention one of the greatest comic books I've ever experienced. An over the top Wow Fest. A Most Honorable and High Exalted Mention of the Year goes to...
Wonderwoman: Historia - Due to it’s protracted release schedule from last year to the end of this year (final issue just came out this week) it’s hard to call this 3 issue series a true 2022 comic; but oh what a comic it is. Actually this wasn’t really a comic, it was an event. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like this before. An Epic Deified Origin Story that laid waste to all epic origin stories that came before it. It harkened back to the spectacular Azzarello/Chiang Wonder Woman run of the New 52 a decade prior where The Gods were an integral part of the story and just blew the whole thing to the heavens and beyond. My God. Read this. A truly jaw dropping work by Kelly Sue DeConnick and three dazzling artists.
2022 was the year DC Black Label knocked it out of the fucking park. A complete moon shot, with titles I would never in a million years purchase let alone at the price points that they had them at. Yet with the talent they put together plus the stories and sublime art that poured into the pages of this holy moly triumvirate, this imprint went above and beyond what any Comic Geek could hope for. Take notes Marvel! Not to be outdone, Image continues to pump out eye blazing books month after month, year after year. Just get BKV and Staples back on their desks please and keep them there? Let's not have Saga go until 2087 mmmkay?
That’s it people! Thanks for coming along or popping in every now and then to this page. I’m having a lot of fun with it and I see no reason to stop ranting and raving about these little mags filled with sequential art and words. In a world and time where the big things seem so much larger than they are, it’s the little things that remind you to take a breath, pull up a chair, and let your imagination run free.
As Billy Ray Valentine said in Trading Places: Merry New Year!
Conan. Yes. Love. I would consider myself a Conan-sseur, buh
dump bump psssh.
I know good Conan from bad Conan like I know good coffee from
cheap crappy coffee. I have the novels, the magazines, the old school Marvel
comics, the wrinkled ragged black and white Savage Sword magazines, the Dark
Horse compendums, the movies on VHS; all of it. When Marvel reacquired the
Conan license I was…concerned. Conan didn’t really fit in the new Disney Marvel
Universe. He’s an unapologetic asshole/womanizer who wouldn’t think twice about
slicing the head off of a wizard. If he was left to roam in the Marvel offices
he wouldn’t find any wizards but he’d find CGI animators and he’d probably lop
their heads off and throw a hipster editorial chick over his shoulder while
crashing through a window; just because.
Marvel predictably celebrated his return and promised oodles
of new Conan tales by creators who loved and honored his legacy, mm hmm. The
first offerings out of the chute by Marvel were…mnyeh. They weren’t bad but
they weren’t wow. The reboot of the Conan the Barbarian title was simplistic,
formulaic and didn’t really offer up any new insight or angle towards the
character. It was like they just acquired a wonky European car and took it
around the Burbank neighborhood for a spin or two. I dropped it from my pull
list. Meanwhile, over at Ablaze Comics they were reprinting old Robert E Howard
Conan stories and illustrating them over the course of three issues. Since the
stories were in public domain due to being published over 75 years ago they got
away with it. They named the comics ‘The Cimmerian’ instead of Conan and
promised an uncensored brutal Conan unlike ever before. The comics were hit and
miss, some great some not but what made them special is that they reprinted the
actual stories in the back of the comics for you to read which was great. So I
was happy to get my Conan fix from them until Marvel came along with King
Conan.
King Conan’s creative team of Aaron, Asrar and Wilson were
fantastic and well, they just got it. They keyed into the essence of the entire
Conan dynamic and the start of the series was pure Conan yumminess. It was a
great premise: King Conan and his arch nemesis Thoth-Amon were stranded on an
island in the middle of nowhere haunted by Zombie shipmen and pirates who had
crashed there over the years. The Zombies were led by some crazy sorceress
chick who was cursed to remain on the island forever and Conan and Thoth were
forced to join forces in order to defeat the psycho wizard babe. The creative
team balanced that story with a story of Conan and his son dueling their wits
and brawn over the future of the crown of Aquilonia. Fuck. Yes. Now, this
series ended months upon months ago but the reason I’m just getting to it now
is because of my comic book shop.
My local comic book shop is a tiny hole in the wall on
Melrose and they get shorted books all of the time. I suppose it’s distributors
or publishing companies figuring that if they screw this shop over nothing’s
going to happen to them, and they’re right. If you’re a tiny store of anything
who cares if you don’t get what you need to sell, you’re tiny, wah wah wah, you’re
not paying our logistic bills. Just die and become a Target already jeez.
Welcome to the modern world of retail. At any rate, my King Conan #4 didn’t
ship and it took forever to come in. I finally got it and the remaining issues
of the series recently and so here we are, and…holy fookamoley, this story gets
uhhhhmayzingly good. Dude.
Issue 4 was a Daddy Son emotional heart bomb of a story I
was not expecting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the King/Prince Conan
relationship done in such a way. The final panel was kind of a tearjerker, not
gonna lie. I had to turn the book over and look at the cover, this is Marvel
right? Is Marvel hitting a homerun here? Issue 5 presented a Thoth Amon origin
story that was so on the money I wish there was a Conan Evil Wizard story Award I
could bestow upon this comic. I think that should be an awards show: Evil
Villains and Asshole Awards. Like, let’s acknowledge all the great actors and
characters that make up the antagonists of the world. Either that or just
stream any conference the World Economic Forum is having where Klaus Anal
Schwab is talking; my goodness that guy needs to be hunted by Bond and thrown
to some sharks or ejected into space while going Booooooooooonddddd!
The climactic issue of this series just brought everything
home, it was like a Conan cupcake in a baking competition that someone was
tasked to bake and who won the cupcake of the week or whatever. Seriously, why
can’t a shop in LA just recreate all the pastries, cakes, cookies and whatever
that they do on these baking shows so I can eat all of them? It’s pastry porn
and I’m tired of the visual masturbation I want the real thing Food Network et
al! So the final panel has Conan sailing off into the distance and immediately
I go…oh fuck, no way! I turn to the letters column and read the send off of the
editor and sure enough…they’re cancelling this series. WHAT? WHY? Why on earth
would you cancel the best Conan comic that’s come down the pike since Brian
Wood? What the hell Marvel? You finally hit a homerun and retire the book? Was
this written by Roy Hobbs? Oh wait a minute I know why…
It’s Conan isn’t it? He doesn’t fit in the new Marvel Way?
Him and his toxic masculinity? Were there discussions to paint his hair blue
and put him in a tutu??? Can’t have a guy slashing his way through life and
banging whomever he wants right? Maybe he needs to get with the new Hulk and a
have a good cry before he gets a title again. Jeez, so there’s no more Conan
books! You fucking cancelled Conan! After a genius story! That may or may not
have had me sob a bit. WTF???
I calmed down and did a bit of googlyboogly and saw an
article that said Marvel’s letting the license for Conan expire and Titan Books
is picking up the rights to publish new material. Okay, I’ve calmed down a
little bit more but seriously Marvel? Do you have a problem creating amazing comics? Stan Lee's sign off was Excelsior! Which loosely translates to ever upward. Have you changed your saying to Ordinarius! While we’re on the subject of a new home
for Conan have we really cancelled Brian Wood forever?
Brian Wood’s run on Dark Horse was the greatest Conan run in
recent memory. Now, apparently he did some yucky things to women. I daresay it
wasn’t Harvey Weinstein yucky but yucky nonetheless, so, is that it? No more
Brian Wood comics? Titan can you call Brian and maybe work out a mea culpa or
something? Have a female creative/editorial team surround him and love and lead
him on the right path? I did some digging on Brian Wood’s accusations and it’s
a lot of him being a douchebag in a bar. Okay, I mean if we’re going to
disallow bar douchebags from working I think we’d lose 80% of our entire
government at every level and probably 90% of our professional athletes and
musicians. Now Brian also did this while he was married with a pregnant wife or
girlfriend, not sure, okay, so, clearly d-bag a-hole, fine. But he can’t work
anymore? He’s untouchable? Has the market made that determination or social
media?
Here’s another woman who came out as another accuser of
Brian Wood. This is her story:
So, lemme get this straight. You clearly are low self worth
needing validation. You meet this guy at a bar, you’re psyched, he takes you
around the block, he goes to kiss you, you say no, he says okay, takes you back
to the bar. Later on he says ‘Yeah this chick wanted me but I said no’. Mmkay.
So, dick move? Yes. But, don’t you ever set foot in a Comic Book office again
move? Read what she wrote. What do you think?
Anyway, phew, I’m whooped. Titan, come with that roughneck
Conan bidness boyee. The world needs Conan. The world will always need Conan and by
Crom you’ll never get rid of him!
