August '24 Reading Round Up

 

 

 

I’ve ranted and raved on here before about my disdain for the whole variant cover mishegas. For the Non-Yids out there mishegas means craziness, use it! I’d like to see GenZ use mishegas more ‘Yo, this chick had mad rizz but all this other mishegas comes with it’. Variants started out innocently enough, ‘Hey, we printed a couple more covers for this milestone issue cuz it’s a big deal’. Now it’s morphed into a dozen covers for every issue with built in scarcity to artificially inflate prices and to boost sales; sales that have nothing to do with the story per se but everything to do with the cover. It’s gotten way out of hand.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s even been documented by podcasters and comic book pundits how publishers are more focused on the variant cover market than they are the actual stories that live inside of the covers; you know, the reason one should pick up a comic in the first place. As the variants have mutated and suffocated the industry the quality of books has plummeted, especially those by the Big Poo. Also, as a collector, I find it ridiculous that a Variant cover that comes out tomorrow with artificial scarcity can cost $100 while a comic from 40 years ago only cost $3. 

 

 

I actually paid up for a Variant Cover for the first time in ages this past week. It was for a David Mack Variant for the new Jeff Lemire series ‘Minor Arcana’ which I’m excited about. I’m a huge fan of Mack’s work and love his cover art. For whatever reason his cover was a 1:50. It didn’t have to be. There was a Tula Lotay cover which was just as nice that was regular price. So why the 1:50? There is no why, it’s just some random BS that a publisher will do to inflate sales and interest. And now, we’re hearing from a great Artist on how they’re not even being compensated properly on the usage of their covers. Read what Jen Bartel has to say about the variant cover market here:

 

Jen Bartel - Variants

 

While this may be standard operating procedure for corporate entities it still is gross. The whole model of art and commerce needs to change. Across all industries and throughout all time we see the basic construct of someone or some business paying an artist for something and them making money off of it in perpetuity without ever paying the artist more than what they were initially paid. When Actors were striking and begging these corporate dillweeds to come to the table and negotiate with them I was sitting there saying ‘Why are you negotiating with Satan. They don’t value us and see us as replaceable. If there ever was a time to unite and create out own platform away from their corporate clutches it is now. All corporate entities have is reach and logistics, that’s it. They don’t have imagination, they don’t have beauty, all they have is the ability to reach more people so they can sell more of what you have. Until artists find a way to supplant the reach and logistics of these entities they will always be exploited in some fashion.

 

 

Anyway, I love my David Mack Variant! Here’s what I got into this month...

 

Wow, Saga’s been away for almost a year? With a new installment finally coming out last month I had to dig and find the previous one to remember what the hell is going on even though BKV jumps around so much I probably didn’t need to read it. But yeah, last ish was September of 2023. Dude. That’s a long fucking time between issues. The way the world is going these days Friday can seem like a long fucking time from Tuesday. This issue was mnyeh. Maybe these hiatuses are fucking up BKV and Fiona's flow a bit too much. Look, I will pull Saga all day every day until Kingdom Come because it will always be a transcendental never-been-done-before series; Fiona’s art alone is worth every penny. It just seems like the past year or so it’s been turning its tires in mud. Every since the supposed ‘Halfway Point’ at Issue 54 when Marco was killed it’s been this hybridized ‘We’re on the Run/Hazel is growing up’ narrative; which isn’t bad per se, but, I dunno. It feels like the last 12+ issues are just random Hazel diary entries rather than a forward moving narrative. I don’t feel the high stakes of anything; feels like a lull in the action. Again, they could put Lull Issues out for the next 5 years and I’d grab every one of them but it’d be nice if, oh, I dunno, the main plot was amped up and moved forward. Is BKV gonna do that? Lying. Damn. Thanks Lying Cat. 7.5

 

 

 

The finale of this series was kinda blah. Everything felt rushed. I feel like this should have been a 12 issue series with at least two arcs, maybe more. All of the secondary characters save for one or two were two dimensional; there was no depth to them. The Katie Root subplot, which was a great idea and provided the necessary twist, also seemed to be hurried. I felt like it was glossed over completely. Just like Saga, I will pull anything by Bendis & Maleev, but this series had so much promise and just ended up as a ‘Ha we got the Evil Rich Dude’ story. Was it Dark Horse? Bendis got 6 and then was done no matter what? Does the Comic Book industry just think that our attention spans are so miniscule that we can’t endure a story that lasts more than half a year? Do they not realize that the prospect of finding out what happens next in a monthly series is part of the fun of buying comic books every week? Is it just a rush to get stories to the Trade market because that’s where the money is? Yes, some books need to end sooner than later (looking at you Monstress!) but some deserve some breathing room. I remember reading in the backmatter of 2022 amazing comic ‘The Good Asian’ where the author said that his publisher brought him in and suggested that the series go 9 issues instead of 8; that there was more story to tell and reveal. That’s the kind of leadership comic book imprints need. Editors need to look past standardized page counts for trades and focus on delivering the story in all of its serialized glory, no matter how long it takes. I would say most of these DSTLRY books could definitely go at least one or two more issues yet they’re all locked into 3 a pop. Anyway, these could’ve been one of the best of the year yet it fell victim to the state of 2024 comic books; which is mostly poop. 6.8

 

 

 

 

Well, this just got really fucking good. First 3 issues felt like a glorified YA Title/Fairy Tale; it felt like a cheesy Netflix anime series. The art was obviously spectacular, Juni Ba is a beast, but I was lukewarm on this book. I assume Ba somehow managed to somehow drug  and put to sleep his DC Editor Overlords so that he was able to write this fantastic issue without their meddling. It’s the only reason I can think of why this issue has soo much more depth and gravitas. There’s elevated storytelling and complex familial relationships that are explored within these pages, that’s something DC usually isn’t interested. Looks like Ba finally got both his artistry as well as his brilliance as writer a chance to shine. I’m definitely looking forward to the finale. Hopefully he has enough Ambien or whatever to keep his DC Overlords on snooze 9.1

 

 

Man, all praises due to Jonathan Hickman. He’s really turned this Spidey ‘alterna-origin story’ comic into an instant classic. It’s got the vibes of those old Stan Lee stories with a touch of modern flair. There’s nothing too complicated going on, the beats are smartly laid out and he’s really given the characters high stakes; simple efficient engaging writing – take notes! Fuck, it’s just fun to read, what a mind-blowing concept. Apart from the two backstory bingo issues that broke up the flow of the main narrative with a different artist in issues 4 and 5, this run has been nothing short of fantastic. Of course the odds that Marvisney will come in and somehow fuck it up are high (Peter falls for Tony Stark and spins him a web dong) but I’m along for the ride until they pull the butt plug on this series 9.4

 

 

 

 

Yeesh, this was pretty fucking bad. I was gonna just say bad but it warranted a fucking. I thought with Matt Kindt involved it would’ve been an enjoyable read but I forgot to adhere to one of my steadfast rules about comic books: Anthologies suck balls. You just can’t cram a bunch of stories that run 6-8 pages in a comic, none of them will be satisfying. They’re all just half baked ideas by writers that probably came up with them while sitting on the toilet. I loved the cover art and the concept is, well I don’t know what the concept really is other than a bunch of sci-fi stuff. I get that EC Comics is returning with a new batch of titles in a partnership with Oni Press. Be honest though, when you saw titles like this or like Eeerie Tales in a garage sale comic book bin you always rifled past them and thought ‘oh c’mon, where’s the Hulk or Batman’. I didn’t have high expectations for this, just reaching for anything these days that seems interesting. 

 

Kindt’s appearance in this reminded me of Eddie Murphy’s appearance in ‘Best Defense’ back in the 80s when he was a huge star during his SNL Beverly Hills Cops. It was a cameo in a Dudley Moore war movie and the studio hyped it up like it was another Eddie Murphy hit. I had my Dad take me to go see it since it was rated R and it was an enormous dud. He was in it for like 5 minutes and did close to nothing. Actually, I don’t think this is an apt comparison to Kindt’s appearance in this comic but it made me think of that movie, which isn’t a good thing. After Kindt’s recent debacles and descent into his Hollywood Cool Guy life he can suck it along with any future anthology comics I come across. 3.0

 

 

 

A bit of a blah ending to this Lemire tale. He took a wild turn with the last issue when it flashed back to some Irish Immigrant family that settled into a home of some nasty loggers. They ended up murdering the family except for the wife who then did some Wiccan magic or whatever to turn one of the logger d-bags into a bug. That wasn’t really wrapped up in this final issue and everything felt a bit rushed again. So the moral of the story is, if you’ve done something you regret and you’ve been turned into an insect: Find a stream that is a portal to the alternate mirrored dimension of yours. Make sure that it is also somehow able to connect to a past timeline, then stop the event from happening. I think the takeaway I get from this story is that I would prefer to be a fruit fly rather than a hulking lifesize beetle with pincers. I’d also like to go back to all the dates where I was put in friend zone and fly into my throat so I was stopped from babbling on about my hopes and dreams. There’s nothing more that will dry the panties of your date more than going on about your hopes and dreams; especially in LA 5.7

 

I’ve never been a huge Tynion fan. I feel like the books that I read of his always start off strong then slowly descend into a toilet of confusing mediocrity. Maybe what he’s needed all along was one of the best Comic Book Artists of all time in Christian Ward to show up on his pages and pull from him one of the most captivating stories he’s ever written. This one is a fucking banger. I’m already so bummed this is ending in just one more issue, ughh. DSTLRY did change up their format for one of their upcoming series by making it 6 instead of 3 issues. But it's an Azzarello offering and he's on my shit list after that Blood Brother Mofo debacle. Anyway, maybe Tynion’s breaking point is three issues, bam, and then get him out of Dodge before he ruins it. These DSTLRY’s are like naughty hot club chick quickies, you get into them, they’re fucking amazing and then they’re gone. I will say, the dynamic between the single Mom realtor chick and the red headed wanna-be-cool Goth chick is one of the best rando pairings I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, these two need a TV Show, stat! 9.7

 

 

Is there a 12 step group for this comic? Can we start one? I think the 14 people who are still reading this shit show of a comic book need to find a way to come together in a circle of metal chairs with Styrofoam cups filled with murky instant mud water coffee. We should all be dressed as little Anime foxes and pair up for dates after the meeting. Of course we don't show up for these dates due to all of us being on a dating hiatus. These meetings will help us cry together and wonder how and why we continue to believe that this once wonderful book will find an actual plot or story arc ever again. The first rule of Monstress Club is that nobody ever shows up to Monstress club in the same way that an ending will never seem to show up for Monstress.  Rating: N/A.

 

 

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that Monstress will never end, the courage to keep plopping down my $4 for every issue and the wisdom to know that an author who is a deranged lunatic  doesn't care about story arcs.

 

 

 

That's all I got! Happy Reading Geek-a-roonies!

 

July '24 Reading Round Up - AI COMICS!

 

Here. We. Go. This past week Colin Kaepernick of all people came out and announced that he’s launching an AI Start-Up called ‘Lumi’ that will create AI Generated Fucking Comic Books.  Now you don’t have to sit down to draw or write a comic book you can take a knee like Colin and suck on AI’s Shlong while it makes you into a regular Jack Kirbynick. I don’t know how we got from ‘You’re not good enough to even get a roster spot on the piss poor quarterback starved Las Vegas Raiders’ to ‘Hey, has AI ruined comic books yet? Get Colin in here!’

 

 

Of course there’s all the standard jargon mumbo jumbo bullshit that makes you think that it’s going to give some disadvantaged kid with a dream who scribble his comic book ideas down with crack pipes dipped in ink: “Lumi’s mission is to democratize storytelling by providing tools for creators”, yeah yeah blah blah. Just be honest and say, "Are you a fat talentless shlub who is finding new ways to be lazy? Wanna tell the AI followers of yours that you’re creating an AI comic book for them? Well here’s Lumi".

 

Lumi? Seriously? Sounds like a cheap as fuck lamp company. Like I just bought some crappy $10 book light from Amazon that doesn’t work, I bet it’s a subsidiary of Lumi. Lumi is the name of some Vegan Café that opens in Silverlake and closes in 3 months due to shitty Yelp reviews. Lumi is the name of that Goth chick you matched with who has way too many tats but a super cute face that ropes you in until she literally ties you up with ropes in her Subaru and puts a ballgag in your mouth. Look, there’s nothing to be done about this app, it was an inevitability. If it wasn’t Colin Kaepernick it would’ve been Ryan Fitzpatrick or Andrew Luck or some other former retired QB. We’re already seeing AI Covers being unknowingly plastered on books by ignorant publishers. I’m sure the Big Poo are looking into how they can leverage AI comics and replace their entire creative team. At this point it would probably be an improvement.

 

Yes, I know, the distance between AI generated Caca and organically produced Human art is an enormous chasm right now. But every day they inch closer and closer together. There’s this notion that ‘Democratizing’ anything will make it better. We’ve done that to music, video content and films. I’m quite sure it hasn’t made anything better. It’s made it so you really have to wade through a swamp of poop to find the diamonds. I’m all for getting rid of the gatekeepers in Entertainment who climb out of Satan’s Bunghole every morning to say no to good people with good ideas. But somebody’s gotta stand on that wall and say ‘Yeah, this sucks, people shouldn’t be exposed to this junk’. Lumi: The Comic Book Version of Unsolicited Dick Pix.

 

Here's what I got into recently:

 

 

I’m trying to figure out why this book ended up on a down note for me. It’s everything I was looking for. An old school/first days of the Bat set in the 30s; a dark gritty backdrop of a book in prestige format. And yo, don’t get me wrong, the first two drops were great, well, maybe not unbelievably great. Like, the end of the first issue was a red flag; the cliffhanger was way over the top. The cliffhanger of the second was also a bit, hmmm, out of character (Bats holding a gun in his hand), although I can let that slide due to it being set in his origin story. If I had to guess, I think the vernacular just got too outta hand for me. I mentioned this before, but every line of dialogue seemed to have some sort of old timey word pulled from a 1930s lexicon of slang and phrases of the day. I mean, it got a bit ridiculous which pulled me out of the story. 

 

You know what this book was like? It’s like going on a date with a babe who you’re completely thrilled about. You’re talking about her to your friends, you’re checking out her socials and loving every bit of it. You’re looking at Astro compatability (yes you fucking are, admit it) and your signs check all the boxes. You meet up, she looks amazing…and then she starts talking. And, well, there’s something about her voice that feels like bread knife on the back of your skull. You can’t be sure but it feels like with every word that zings out of her mouth your sinuses hurt more. She’s also putting you to sleep, there’s a distinct droning that activates your melatonin and before you know it you’re drowsy at 7pm. Yeah, somebody poured her into her dress but her sound is a car alarm that doesn’t quit at 2am. Most male animals would just think, ah, well, I’ll bang her and be done with it. But you know better. You know that the noises she’ll make while in the throes of passion will ruin sex for you for at least 5 years. Your friends will ask you ‘What happened???’ You’ll want to say she sounded like a donkey being run through a wood chipper but all that will come out will be ‘I dunno, something was off’. And your friends will look at you with a gleam in their eye while thinking ‘Wow, he’s not all about looks, he really cares about vibe and what’s going on in the inside of a woman’. But you’ll know. You’ll know. First Knight was hot. But it hurt my sinuses. 8.7

I was first hipped to the work of Juni Ba in the delightful ‘Deep Cuts’ mini series that consisted of 6 different jazz vignettes. His installment was absolutely fantastic. It actually blew the other installments away it was that good. Looks like the industry is catching on to his immense talent and the jobs are coming in. I was also immensely psyched to see this in the solicits but, I dunno. It’s definitely got a  fairy-tale/stylized Netflix anime series vibe to it which is cool but, I’m not sure it fully works. One thing he did accomplish was to clarify all of the Robin characters. Juni’s succinctly summed up each of them well enough where I could at least pass a Robin quiz whereas before I would definitely fail. Let’s be honest: Tim Drake and Jason Todd are weak as fuck names for Robin. As far as I see it, it’s Dick Grayson and then bubkes. Damien is straight outta ‘The Omen’ and I’d rather see Bats all verklempt around Thalia than deal with a spitfire kid.

 

This feels like a YA title. There’s an ‘aww shucks, air this at 3pm for the after school crowd kinda’ energy about it. My sense of this series is that DC peeped Juni’s unbelievable work in “Deep Cuts” and put him on a project they had in mind. I think Juni’s story is solid if not unspectacular but the art is for sure bananas. I don’t think Juni is really a capes and tights guy and hopefully he’s got a plethora of projects in his noodle that he’s psyched to unleash upon the world. 7.9

 

 

 

 

 

Now this what I’m talkin’ bout. Dude. Yay. I mean, for goodness sake, it’s a Spidey Comic. I just wanna read Spidey fighting shit, slinging some webs and his verbal zingers. After two BS issues of backstory bingo, one that was a complete utter dinner party bore and one that was interesting yet could’ve been boiled down to a few pages, the real creative team of this book is back and delivering the goods. I read it. It was fun. I enjoyed the escapism. Nobody was interjecting their personal bullshit it was all pure superhero in tights goodness done by two dudes at the top of their game. Can it all be so simple? Yes it can. Time to clone Hicksy and Marco and put them on every single Marvisney book until a new fresh crop of writers and artists are ready to come in and return this brand back to what made it great in the first place. 9.1

 

 

 

 

 

I somehow missed this when it came out several months ago, weird. I would have definitely grabbed it so I’m wondering how this slipped through my fingers. Perhaps it’s the Universe saving me $9, I thought. With my pulls being so low these days I had my LCS grab one for me and well, all I gotsta say is sometimes you gotta trust that the Universe has your back. My goodness this was gross, yuck. Yuck. Brian Azz, this is Yuck. You get the azz. I’m all for Westerns but this was a gory yuckfest about some steely eyed d-bag criminal who gets out of a Mexican jail and goes on his revenge spree. This includes finding his wife, who has since married a Reverend, and killing her husband. There’s lots of images of dead dogs who have been shot and a brutally intense image of a mother of a murdered family that the D-Bag and his fellow D-Bags come upon, who’s clearly been tied up, bound and, well, you get the idea, bleccch. The last straw was when one of the Wife’s three kids has a piece of his ear bitten off by one of the D-Bag’s henchman simply because the ears looked too big. Eff you B Azz, jeez. Go to therapy and work out your anger issues and Venmo me $9. Consider this DSTLRY’s first major dud. 4.5

 

I honestly can’t with this book anymore. I’ve grown weary of opening these gorgeous pages drawn by Sana Takeda. Yes, they’re gorgeous. I’ve been dating this gorgeous comic for almost 10 years now and there’s no other way to say it but she’s gone completely fucking bonkers. She just babbles incessantly about the same shit, just on a different day. I don’t see how Marj Liu can expect anyone to pick this book up after a month or so of having read the previous issue and not squint their eyes, rub their forehead and go ‘what the fuck is going on here???’. The longest relationship I’ve been in has been a little over 3 years so I don’t know how to break up with someone I’ve been with for 9 plus years. Maybe I need to take this book to comic book therapy and hash things out, is there such a thing? Can someone make it and book me for an appointment? I feel like Monstress is one of the casualties of the Mandela Effect. Maybe we’re in the alternative Universe where Monstress is a shit show and in the previous Universe it was spelled Monsstress or maybe Monstresses and it was fucking awesome. Somehow I feel in the Multiverse every Monstress version is hurting people’s brains. Monstress is a multiversal multidimensional punch to your pull list no matter where you exist. I feel like the only ones, besides myself, who are reading this book at this point are those who dress up like cats and pee in litter box that's been placed in the bathroom for them. 6.0

 

 

 

 

 

Greatness in serialized Comics requires consistency, a none too easy task especially in this day and age of hiatuses, variant cover madness and the subservience to the trade market. Yet every now and then something comes along that defies genre and the shortcomings of the industry to deliver a timeless story that will stay with you long after you add it to your long box. Rare Flavours was just that. The title encapsulated the book itself: a rare feat and a taste of something truly special. Every single offering of this six issue course was an enchanting delight, deftly written and wonderfully drawn by two masters of their craft. Rare Flavours transcended their logline and elevator pitch. It was this ephemeral paragon of storytelling, myth and family that will stay with their audience long after the embers that cooked up this beauty of a book die out. 10.0

 

 

 

 

There's a story in here where Conan turns into a Werewolf and has to fight a town that has already turned into Werewolves. GTFOH. Dude. As Stan Lee used to say: Nuff said. 9.4

That's all I got. I'm off to work on a new AI start-up called 'Homie'. It will democratize comic book blogs for everyone by providing the tools necessary to write and post blogs to the masses as if they were written by a Cholo from LA.

 

Happy Reading!

  

June '24 Reading Round Up

 

 

I pulled a piddly 9 comics in June. Nine. Nine times. I pulled Niiiiine Times. Yes, Rooney’s ‘Nine Times’ from Ferris Bueller is ringing in my head. 

 

 

That’s the first time in over 15 years (the two months of global shutdown notwithstanding) since I’ve been keeping track of my pulls that I went a month where I pulled in the single digits. I wish the country’s inflation problem was like my comic pulls; the price of good organic hummus wouldn’t make me cry anymore. Why just 9? I suppose I’m at the point where I see shit come down the pike and say to myself ‘Yeah, I ain’t falling for the banana in the tailpipe again’. I can tell when something that looks good is going to suck. Let me clarify: I can tell when a comic that looks good is going to suck, a woman…not so much. I can also tell when a comic that seems like it can be okay is not worth my dillies. 

 

 

With The Big Poo releasing drivel, decent books at least 5 or 6 bux a pop, really great prestige books around $9 a pop, and with new drops almost always being a limited series it’s been easier to give books that I normally might pull or continue to pull the Heisman. That said, at the halfway point of 2024 I’ve still pulled a little more than I did at this point last year yet last year was my lowest annual pull in 15 years as well. I would say it’s been a better year so far for the quality of comics that have come out versus last year. Image has kinda sucked but DSTLRY, Titan and Tom King may very well save the comic book industry if they keep on their current trajectory. Looking through July and August I don’t see much other than what I’m grabbing now. With that segue, here’s what I’ve been grabbing:

 

 

 

Christian Ward is not allowed to do any comics that are not in Prestige format ever again. I have gotten so used to seeing his amazing art plastered across enormous oversized pages that mushing it back into a standard comic size would be blasphemy. It seems like the Industry agrees with me as I feel like all of his recent books have been Super Sized. As expected, his work on this book is nothing short of absolutely fucking gorgeous. As for Tynion, I’m not really a huge fan. I know a lot of geeks geek out on his work and he’s regarded as one of the best by the publishers but he just doesn’t do it for me. The last two projects of his that I checked out was ‘Nice House on the Lake’ which started off wonderfully and by the midway point it had devolved into a wack CW Show inspired piece of poop. Same thing happened with ‘Department of Truth’. It started off with a bang/slap on the ass and spiraled into a whimpering fetal position of a book. The premise of Spectregraph is immensely strong and they’ve set it up perfectly. It remains to be seen if Tynion can handle maintaining the story arc. We know that Ward is going bring the ruffneck bizness to the art. Maybe that’ll jolt Tynion into actually finishing what he started. Otherwise, this is another solid release by DSTLRY which is fast becoming the Jewel of the Industry for the non Tights & Capes titles. 9.5

 

 

 

This 3 Issue Jock-O-Rama series ended with a resounding thud and put a stink on the first ever initial release from DSTLRY. Since this offering they have been slaying the marketplace with their spectacular books so they haven’t looked back. As I’ve said before these 3 issue Prestige Format releases that cost a grip are hard for the consumer to navigate through. As long as the premise and presentation of the initial issue grabs you, you’ll be on board for Issue 2, where it seems like more often than not that it goes off the rails; which it did in this series. Then you’re left wondering, well, I’ve already dropped $16-18 and there’s only one issue left, might as well get it, maybe it will have a great ending. In this case it didn’t. In this case it turned into a bumbling disconnected plot of Mommy & Daddy issues, Zombies, intergalactic politics and general poop on a page dialogue. They’re in a ship. They’re in a different ship. They want to come back to this ship. Nobody’s on the ship. We’re running from this ship. The other ship is running from something else. Now he’s on the ship. Zombies everywhere. Boom Bam. Zombies. Ships. Space. There, I just saved you $9, no need to get this now. Man, finishing a Sucky 3 Issue Prestige really punches you in the stomach. Mark Simpson, AKA Jock, really dropped the ball on this one. Shame. His ‘One Dark Knight’ was one of the best of 2022 so naturally one would assume he would knock this out of the park too. Nope. Your $27 be Gone. And Nelson is going Ha Ha to you like your name was Bart Simpson. 5.6

 

 

 

If someone rushed into my home and said ‘Quick, the Zombie Apocalypse is here, they’re minutes away and they’re mangling everyone in their path. You only have time to take your Dog and 3 comic books with you’, I’d say ‘Well, is that like, 3 comics I’d have to read over and over or could I keep pulling them?’. They’d say ‘What?’ I’d say, ‘Like, could I keep pulling the issues so I could continue following the story while I flee the Zombies’ They’d say ‘Well, of course your LCS is being relocated to within a safe enclosed fortress so they’ll still be able to distribute media to its customers’. I’d then rush over to my rack and take Conan the Barbarian first without question. I’d probably take Love Everlasting next and debate whether I should take Helen of Wyndhorn or fucking Saga. There’d be nothing worse if BKV still took 6 month hiatuses during a Zombie Apocalypse. Dude. You’re in a barbed wire enclosed fortress with Fiona, y’all should be pumping out Saga bi-weekly my guy. Anyway, this Conan comic is the fucking best. 9.8

 

 

 

After I stirred up all this Hullabaloo on LOCG (League of Comic Geeks) by proclaiming Ultimate Spidey 4 a Boring AF comic since it was nothing more than a dinner conversation, I had a stink eye prepped for this issue as the solicit told me it was going to be another one of those Backstory Bingos that publishers/creators use to deal with Artist hiatuses. I’m okay with a Backstory Bingo/Tangential Issue or Episode for a secondary character, but it has to be memorable AF - clearly my feeling of this book requires multiple AFs. I always use the recent example of the episode in the final season of Ted Lasso that was dedicated solely to Beard. He leaves Ted and goes on this wild and wacky adventure throughout London; it was fantastic and in a way I remember that episode more than I do the others of that season. So it can be done, but man, you better come wit dat ruffneck bidness if you’re going to do it. Did Hickman bring a ‘Beard’ issue to the table? Not really. It was a solid and interesting Backstory Bingo and Hickman’s such a fucking great writer he can make anything intriguing. Yet at the end of the page count, it’s still a Backstory Bingo Bonanza that could have been dripped in with subsequent issues that moved the story forward. 

 

If you ask me, Hickman could have taken the 2 months off that he used for Issue 4 & 5 of this book and, oh, I dunno, FINISHED THE BLACK MONDAY MURDERS!!! Hicksy! WTF?!?! That book is still hanging in the ether! Finish that shit! It was amazing! And while you’re at it FINISH THE DYING AND THE DEAD!!!! WTF is wrong with you??? I feel like a nerdy chick who just got picked up, banged and dumped by Brian Wood at a Comic Con. Get to work on those Dammit! Yeesh. Man, Issue 6 of this book better be the Shizzznit or I’m dropping this like a booger on a plane seat. 6.6

 

 

 

 

I am really loving this Dubz run. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Best Dubz run since the New 52 dropped out of the sky and Azzarello and Chiang absolutely destroyed this book with their combined genius. I do have a bone to pick here though. So at the end of last issue Dubz heroically overcomes her captor’s ‘Rope of Lies’ or whatever and is able to slough off her restraints and reach his neck with her hands. Next thing we see is that she’s in a prison cell in the dark with no windows. Umm, how did we get here? This is the same Dubz from a previous issue that was taking on the entire U.S. Army and was throwing tanks around like I throw doggie toys around my home. This is the same Dubz who took the blow of half of the Washington Monument being throttled on top of her, and yet, she couldn’t subdue a bunch of soldiers in a room, nor escape a guarded cell for months??? She had to eat a rat? Really? Then lost her mind and befriended another rat? 

 

Of course she ate the male rat and befriended the female rat who was its mate. I bet the male rat was a bumbling husband who had a gut and drank beer and had no respect from his rat wife but since she was so noble and had a heart she found it in herself to love the animal with no brains cuz that’s what females do when it comes to husbands since all husbands are Al Bundyesque idiots. You think I wouldn’t pick up on that King? C’mon dude. I’ll forgive you for the fact that you felt the need for some Steve McQueen ‘Papillon’ shit but let’s get back to main narrative. From the cliffhanger I can tell you’re ready to do so, so, bring the ruckus and dat roughneck Dubz bizness. 7.7

 

 

 

The Next Great book out of Image may have finally dropped after a long run of mediocrity and mnyeh from the Publisher that once could do no wrong. With Falling in Love On the Path to Hell Duggan & Co. have concocted a premise so bonkers and yet somehow so perfect that there’s almost no way you won’t be coming back for seconds. Sometimes reckless passion executed with acute simplicity is all you need to deliver something great. When creators go ‘Hey, what if we did this?’ and then laugh and get wildly excited about it at the same time it provides the breeding ground for creating a piece that people will never forget it. No need for me to break down their premise or explain the elements. Just go grab the first issue of this if you can and remind yourself why you love comic books so much. 9.1

 

 

 

 

Umm, this Masterpiece issue was kinda crappy and a general eye roll/flip ahead. Not sure why other than it felt like Bendis was trying to be too cool with the dialogue and character development. Maybe the premise of this book was wack from the get go. A billionaire who supposedly murdered a husband and wife who were thieves that stole from him is now after their kid because, she’s their kid. I think it’s a commentary on how the super rich are so narcissistic that whatever they want is justified, even if it means killing a kid. The kid's assembling a team with an array of cool spy type abilities was really neato, but maybe this premise needed to stay in the oven for a bit longer. It feels soft in the middle. Just one issue to go which feels a little wonky since there seems to be a lot of unresolved shit to tie up after these 5 issues. This was fun for a bit but it’s nowhere near as amazing as ‘Pearl’, Bendis’ last must read book. Still, give me a Bendis/Maleev half baked premise over The Big Poo’s $3.99 jam packed advertisements any day of the week. 7.0

 

 

Great Comics come and go pretty fast. If you don't stop reading caca Tie-In Events from Marvel and DC you might miss them - Pherris Schmuckler