October '24 Reading Round Up

 

Well, another election come and gone. One group is losing their minds while another group gloats. We’ve got meltdowns, sanctimonious finger pointing and doom and gloomers gloomily dooming and damning all of us. My reaction to all of this is…yeah, so what, DC and Marvel still suck wrinkly donkey scrotum.

Which got me to thinking - could there be a Comic Book Election??? Like, could the comic book masses finally be able to influence these corporate conglomerates to bend to their will? I get that these are privately owned companies but they deeply exist within the public sphere, shouldn’t there be more accountability rather than the effects seen on their bottom line when geeks say yuck to their titles? Consumers can always vote with their dollars but sometimes they’re too stupid to realize they keep voting for caca poop because they’re used to it.

It’s like pop vocalists. So many of them are auto tuned or can’t sing for shit yet when one comes out who can actually sing and hit a note or two everyone loses their minds simply because the bar has been set so low. That’s where we are with the Big Poo. The bar has been set so low that when a decent comic comes out everyone goes bonkers.

So what if the Comic Book Community came together - okay that will never happen but, what if it did - and collectively approached all the major comic book publishers and said:

‘From now on we are going to vote every four years for our feeling about the Head/CEO of all the major comic book publishers: Marvel, DC, Image, Dark Horse, Boom, IDW etc. If your approval rating dips below 33%, meaning 2 outta every 3 comic geeks thinks your comics suck, then you have to replace the head with somebody else otherwise we will collectively abstain from purchasing your comics’

A far fetched fantasy? Sure. Yet I would be interested to see a poll that is sent out to the comic book buying masses to see how they felt about all the publishers. Would they listen? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s no secret that the American Comic Book Market is in a free fall, perhaps a vote by those who care the most would crystallize the discontent to the point where there are shifts in leadership.

Then if the publishers ignored the will of the geeks the geeks could revolt and have the equivalent of a Boston Tea Party but instead of tossing tea over the bow of a ship the geeks could just be tossing comics out of their long boxes. Imagine a country just littered with comic books everywhere! Of course they would all be bagged and boarded because nobody would take the time to take them out of the bags and boards and eventually geeks would stop and rifle through all the piles of comics looking for gems and then the country would basically turn into one enormous garage sale of free comic books for everyone.

So, yeah, nothing would ever get done with the losers who might be running the comic book industry but hey, what a glorious day to celebrate where comic geeks are huddled over comics, stopping traffic everywhere while checking their apps for variant cover prices, we’d turn the entire country into one big local comic shop for a week. Here’s what I got into this past month:

 

 

I gave this a shot, because, I dunno, my pull was low? Yeah, no bueno. It reads like one of those cheap Penguin Paperbacks you used to get from the library when you were a kid from the Mystery aisle. A group of friends befriend a new adopted kid in grammar school who’s a cripple. Of course the cripple is the best of all that humanity has to offer and becomes a genius and a superhero because that’s what all people with handicaps do. He gets brutally murdered and of course the savvy sassy chick of the group is out to find who it is, and surprise surprise it’s probably one of the friends from their childhood. Whatever. Another dud from Image. Now excuse me while I pick up where I left off in my Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys Mystery ‘The Secret of the Silent Dating App’  6.2

 

 

 

 

 

If you love fantasy and literature and you’re not reading this comic then you’re truly missing out on an absolutely astounding series by Tom King. Wyndhorne may very well be his best work ever and Bilquis Ivey is fast becoming one of my favorite artists. The story is being so perfectly executed and paced that it’s hard to not get excited for every upcoming issue; that’s no small task these days. This issue in particular was riveting and the moment with the Helen's Elder Custodian Lady berating Helen's Grandfather for not loving Helen enough as he's forced to kill a dragon that appeared because of her wheedling was especially fun. Typical for an English broad to not be impressed enough with a Dragon to put a halt to her reprimand. I feel like English girls and Latinas would not let a dragon get in the way of telling you how wrong you are about everything. Curl up with a hot cup of tea and get lost in this magical story. 9.5

 

 

 

 

 

Saga has hit a wall. Seems like we’re in this loop of awkward pre-teen angst and growing pains mixed with somebody is convincing somebody to give up information on somebody so they can hunt them down and kill them. Actually, it’s a lot of: Tell me where this person with wings or horns or a retractable dick is! I don’t even know why anybody is being hunted down at this point. Is there still a war going on? I don’t know. What did they do again? I’ve forgotten. Where are they running to or where are they hiding out? No fucking clue. Again, Fiona Staples could illustrate Bazooka Joe comics and I would buy them up every day but this story is officially in Duds-ville. After one of the most scintillating 54 issues to mark the first half of this epic tale, the last 15 have been blah; it’s SaBlah. Hey, it happens to the best of them. Can BKV turn it around, well, duh. Yet this comic has dropped into ‘Monstress’ territory where I still buy it every month yet give it the stink eye. It’s a very stinky eye. 6.9

 

 

 

 

The classic “Frost Giant’s Daughter” story by Robert E. Howard is being tackled by the brilliant creative team behind the main Conan title. I’ve seen this story before in previous Conan iterations, the last great one was by Kurt Busiek and Cary Nord when Conan was at Dark Horse. The results here are of course spectacular, why would you expect anything less? Now that I’ve seen this tale a bunch it got me to thinking about it and, well, I think it’s basically a story about a bar fight. Check this out and tell me this isn’t the core plot of the Frost Giant’s Daughter:

 

So, there’s a huge bar fight and a bunch of burly dudes are beating the shit out of each other. The strongest dude wins and lays waste to all the other drunk losers. A hot Redhead at the bar who’s bored yet intrigued by the melee watches the whole thing and realizes, hmm, the Dude that won is actually a stud. She’s wearing hot pants and a crop top. She flirts with him a whole lot and obviously, after kicking all this ass, he’s up for some ass. She teases him and teases him to the point that he’s frothing at the mouth.

 

She then leaves the bar and gets in a cab. So does he. He tails her tail. Realizing she went a bit too far she has the cabby take her to her house in Queens. She’s texting her meathead brothers that a guy is following her. By the time she gets there they’re ready for him. The Dude finally shows up and the brothers are like ‘Yo, what the fuck, leave our Sis alone asshole’. They fight the Dude and the Dude kicks their ass as well. Now the redhead is freaking the fuck out, she screams for Daddy. Her pops pulls up in a Çadillac, cuz he's a Pimp like that, and scoops her up before the Dude knows what’s going on. He’s completely bewildered, like, WTF? Was this chick even real? Where did she go? He notices that there’s a business card on the ground, picks it up, reads it. It says – ‘For a Great Insurance Quote call Frosty’s Insurance’. I know, I’m good. 9.0

 

 

 

 

Without a doubt, this is the best Spider Man comic since, I dunno, McFarlane? I never read Spidey past the 80s or 90s, seemed like everything since then has been butt. Yeah, yeah, you’ll disagree and say this guy or that guy had a good run and I’ll say, a good run at being a butt comic. This just feels right. It feels like what a great Spidey comic should be. Hickman is masterfully handling all the elements to a tee and also, dare I say it, making it really fun. A Spidey comic should be fucking fun! My goodness! It’s rough out there, is it too much to ask to have a fun Spidey comic to read once a month?? I don’t know why and how Marvisney hasn’t fucked this up yet, oh wait, they did when they stuffed another artist and storyline in for two months at the beginning. Somebody find Hickman and put a security detail around him so Marvisney dipshits don’t mess with his flow. I will say that Hicksy did have a blunder during this issue. After Spidey belted the villain dude onto the street, he and Green Gobby call for an ambulance and an action heading then read ‘Minutes Later’. Umm, yeah, this is New York right? More like, ohh, an hour or so later. I think my head would’ve exploded if Hicksy drew in Flava Flav on the sidewalk and had him yell up from the street to Spidey and Gobs that ‘911 is a Joke’. 9.3

 

 

 

 

I think this wacky, throw a ridiculous off the wall premise at the ceiling and see if it sticks, comic is becoming one of the best titles that I’m reading right now. I didn’t think it had legs after the first two or three issues but it really turned a corner and now I’m totally invested in the Cowboy and the Samurai chick on a Zombie Island in purgatory. The fact that it’s also at Image guarantees that the creative team will be allowed to cook and won’t have meddlers in suits with unhealthy eating habits telling them what to do. In lesser hands this probably would have crashed and burned after 5 issues but with Duggan at the helm it’s being nicely simmered. Image’s website says ‘This series is stabby, shooty, and horny, and you know you need it’. Clearly that’s going to be my new bio for my dating app profile: I’m stabby, shooty and horny and you know you need me! I mean, that’s guaranteed to reel in at least a few pyscho goth actresses or a Social Media Manager/Creative Director who hates herself and is way taller than me. 8.7

 

 

 

 

Wait, what? We're getting a fourth issue of this??? No fucking way! Praise DSTLRY! I think this may be the first of the prestige formats that were locked into this inane '3 Issues a Series Max' mandate to extend to 4. Well, it's a long time coming and of all of the prestige format series currently going this is by far the best of them. It may actually be turning into one of my favorites of the year. What a perfect pairing between Tynion and Ward. I hope they become the new Waid & Samnee or Bendis & Maleev of the industry and keep churning out stories. This one in particular has been an absolute thrill to read while taking in Ward's otherworldly art work. Huge recommendation to pick this up. Also, is it me or do you the word DSTLRY and think it means Dusty Larry? I think that's what I'm going to call them from now on. Man, Dusty Larry has been putting out some uhhmayyyzing comic books this year. Go Larry! 9.8

 

 

That's all I got! Next month I'll be dropping my best of 2024. See you then...
 

September '24 Reading Round Up

 

 

 

I absolutely loved, and I mean truly loved, the original Joaquin Phoenix ‘Joker’ movie. I thought it was one of the best movies to have graced our screens in the past several years. It transcended the traditional comic book flick. Phoenix deserved every accolade and award that came his way; his performance was that good. Couple that movie with Reeves’ ‘The Batman’ which I thought was also quite good despite a plot that went off the rails, and I thought we were in for a new golden age of Batman movies. Pattison’s Batman was surprisingly great and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman was a wham bam knockout. Of course they teased some other dude as the Joker at the end of  ‘The Batman’ but that’s easily corrected had they decided to unite the two movies under one umbrella later.

 

Yet there was nothing really that developed about the two alt-universes becoming one and then the chatter started about this Joker Sequel being turned into a musical with Lady Ra Ma Ma Ma as Harley. Now, I’m actually a big musical guy, love ‘em. Yup. I’m one of those guys that raved about the movie La La Land and cried during Les Miz with Wolverine as Jean Valjean and Anne Hathaway as a blubbering teary eyed Fantine. Needless to say, I was amped up for this new Joker movie.

 

And…well, haven’t seen it yet hahahaha. I mean, wow, the reviews are fucking brutal dude. Holy Thumbs Down Batman! It’s being torn apart across the board by everyone. I mean, if it was a mixed bag of good and bad I’d dismiss the bad press and go, yet this is a resounding bleccch from the world. That doesn’t mean I still won’t love it, but it does mean I can wait until it gets to streaming to cry and sputter like a baby in the comfort of my own home with my own homemade organic popcorn with pauses for doggie pee breaks.

 

It’s a shame how far hero movies have fallen. I’m about to dive into the Deadpool Wolvy flick, yet I’m not really a fan of either of those characters. I vividly remember when Tim Burton’s first Batman came out and what a historical event that was. Now, hero movies are as common as bat shit crazy social media reels except they come with 200 million dollar price tags. What’s the solution? Well, easy, stop making them! Seriously. Give the world a break, like, take 3-4 years off and come back with something special. Put the Comic Book movie and TV Show for that matter on a time out and develop the characters in their monthlies more. Will that happen? Duh, of course not, the studios are face planting their noses into comic book IP like it’s a mound of coke on their desks. Hopefully for our sake the recent spate of complete and utter bombs will at least temper the release schedule.

 

 

 

Another idea is to send in a violent Venezuelan gang into Marvisney and DC with the goal of having both of them forced to release all rights of everything comic book related to Titan Comics since they’re clearly the best comic book publisher right now. Oh I kid I kid. Here’s what I got into last month:   

 

 

 

What a majestic finale this was. Seriously, this is why you stick with stories penned by creators like Juni Ba, you have to trust that they’re ultimately going to deliver and deliver he did. I was underwhelmed by the first couple of issues of this mini-series but things took a turn at the halfway point where you could tell that Juni had designs on making this great. For the first time, I feel like I actual know who’s who in the Bat Universe as far as all the Robins, Wings, Thighs and Hoods are concerned. Not only that, I understand their dynamics. Ba’s spectacular visual style was a given going into this yet he truly elevated this tale into a familial drama that transcended the hero genre. He twisted the ending into something that landed not only in the world at large but in your life as well. A star is born. I don’t give many of these out but it is well deserved  10.0

 

I’ve run out of superlatives to describe this series. I mean, I could just copy and paste a shitload of adjectives but even then it wouldn’t measure up to how great this series has been. Actually, it’s not just this series. I’m going to lump in the entire Conan experience that Titan is currently bringing to the comic book world at large. Without a doubt, Titan’s Hyborian Age is the Golden Age for Conan fans and fans that don’t even know they’re Conan fans yet. The current issue is another take of the Frost Giant story that I’ve read a bunch of times before but it’s somehow new all over again in the hands of this creative team. I wasn’t over the moon for Braithwaite’s art in his first run of issues of this title but this time around his work is the perfect fit for the snowy climes of the Vanir and the Aesir. Grab these books and treat yourself. 9.6

 

Ooh, even more Conan!

 

Hey Marvisney and Dee Cee Ya Later, this is how you do a frikkin’ crossover event through a bunch of titles. Now granted, Titan doesn’t have 500 books on the stands yet, but Jim Zub has masterfully woven (notice the term woven) this through line of a Dark Evil Black Stone that affects multiple characters through multiple eras and books. Getting everything needed for this storyline won’t even come close to breaking the bank. If you’ve been reading their Conan title since it first released you’re already halfway there! Also, something that’s really cool is that they’re including a Novel as part of the crossover event, how cool is that? Growing up I remember reading and collecting all of those Conan paperback books that I used to see in bookstores or in cardboard boxes at garage sales. Again, I cannot say enough about how fantastic a job Titan is doing with this historical character. My goodness, just, please find a way to get every character out of Marvel and DC’s clutches somehow! Can you imagine what Titan could do for every comic book hero if given the chance??? 8.8

 

 

Saga has turned into a beautiful woman without a spark. You know what I’m talking about? You’re in a long term relationship with this gorgeous girl. She checks all the boxes. There’s no conflicts, no fights, by all accounts you’re fine. Yet something’s missing. That fire is gone. Sure, looks will fade and beauty isn’t everything but she was more than just beauty, she was smart, insightful, adventurous, spontaneous; now all of those qualities seems to have faded away. There’s no way you could ever think of dumping her but man, it’s rough. You try different things but nothing seems to change the fact that your relationship is stagnant and stale despite the fact that there’s a talking spider in the house with a punk haircut. Welcome to Saga in 2024. 7.5

 

 

 

Well, I didn’t have ‘Samurai Chick saves Cowboy from being anally raped by members of an army that are fighting zombies on an island of purgatory between life and death’ on my 2024 Bingo card, did you? This was a pivotal issue for me since I thought the first two were a little heavy on the violence and less on the relationships. Yet Duggan & Co have paced this perfectly and have set up the next installments to really let this romance unfold between two very unlikely characters. Sometimes a premise is so bonkers it takes your logical mind out of the equation and makes you deal with the creation as it is presented to you; this is one of those times. I’m looking forward to seeing how love can bloom on Zombie Island. 8.1

 

 

 

I ponied up and got the pricey David Mack variant cover for Lemire's new series 'Minor Arcana'. Ain't it purty? It kind of threw me for a loop. It was sitting there front and center on my comic book rack for weeks and when I finally picked it up to read, the jagged water color Lemire linework made me do a double take. I was wrongfully expecting more Mack. It’s like going on a date with a Babe who’s make-up is perfect and dressed to the 9s and you find out she loves the band Rancid, curses like a sailor (do sailors curse as much as they used to) and eats nothing but crappy fast food. Anyway, a girl returns home to her small town from the city to take care of her ailing Mom and is forced to take over her cheap Psychic business and all wacky weird Lemire-ness ensues. Just take my money. 8.6

 

Another 6 issues that crush your comic book geek soul and now another Monstress hiatus. I’m pretty sure they’ve outsourced this to scientific labs or advanced AI to figure out how long they can go with a chunk of issues before they cause the 13 readers that are left reading this comic to say 'that’s enough' and drop the title from their pull. Clearly Image is funding this as a social experiment. Truth be told a lot of what is coming out of Image these days is kinda p to the oop so maybe Kirkman has been compromised or kidnapped and replaced with an evil clone the same way that Marj Liu has. I seriously can’t anymore with this book. The plot has been muddied so much it’s turned to sludge. This comic is a prime example of how not to introduce so many characters to a story that your audience forgets who the fuck is who. Like seriously, there’s so many wolves, foxes, snakes, cats, tigers and wrinkly insane old women in this fucking story I lost track back in 2021 and it’s turned into a mish mosh of knowing looks and menacing glares. If I don’t see ‘Final Arc’ in their solicits next year I’m, I’m gonna have to have an comic book intervention so I don’t add this to my pull like a drug addled meth addict in a trailer park. 3.0

 

 

 Another fun fun issue by Hickman and co. I will say though, I think Hickman has his Borough Villains a bit wrong. Kraven should most definitely be the Head of Brooklyn not Staten Island. He’s Russian, big Russian pop in Brooklyn. He wears Cheetah Print leggings which is like a fashion staple for Brooklyn Babes. I could see Kraven rifling through some spots on Nostrand or Flatbush looking to complement his get-up and then getting all hyped up over the huge animal print selection. Mysterio is forrrr surrrre the Staten Island head. Why? Obviously since there’s a circular smoky space helmet on him you’d never know which of the Wu Tang clan is taking over the Mysterio persona at any given moment. I had to reread the scene with Mysterio in this issue but I think it’s either Inspektah Deck or Ghostface Killer. Just a hunch. 8.5

 

That's all I got! Thanks for popping by and happy comic booking.

August '24 Reading Round Up

 

 

 

I’ve ranted and raved on here before about my disdain for the whole variant cover mishegas. For the Non-Yids out there mishegas means craziness, use it! I’d like to see GenZ use mishegas more ‘Yo, this chick had mad rizz but all this other mishegas comes with it’. Variants started out innocently enough, ‘Hey, we printed a couple more covers for this milestone issue cuz it’s a big deal’. Now it’s morphed into a dozen covers for every issue with built in scarcity to artificially inflate prices and to boost sales; sales that have nothing to do with the story per se but everything to do with the cover. It’s gotten way out of hand.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s even been documented by podcasters and comic book pundits how publishers are more focused on the variant cover market than they are the actual stories that live inside of the covers; you know, the reason one should pick up a comic in the first place. As the variants have mutated and suffocated the industry the quality of books has plummeted, especially those by the Big Poo. Also, as a collector, I find it ridiculous that a Variant cover that comes out tomorrow with artificial scarcity can cost $100 while a comic from 40 years ago only cost $3. 

 

 

I actually paid up for a Variant Cover for the first time in ages this past week. It was for a David Mack Variant for the new Jeff Lemire series ‘Minor Arcana’ which I’m excited about. I’m a huge fan of Mack’s work and love his cover art. For whatever reason his cover was a 1:50. It didn’t have to be. There was a Tula Lotay cover which was just as nice that was regular price. So why the 1:50? There is no why, it’s just some random BS that a publisher will do to inflate sales and interest. And now, we’re hearing from a great Artist on how they’re not even being compensated properly on the usage of their covers. Read what Jen Bartel has to say about the variant cover market here:

 

Jen Bartel - Variants

 

While this may be standard operating procedure for corporate entities it still is gross. The whole model of art and commerce needs to change. Across all industries and throughout all time we see the basic construct of someone or some business paying an artist for something and them making money off of it in perpetuity without ever paying the artist more than what they were initially paid. When Actors were striking and begging these corporate dillweeds to come to the table and negotiate with them I was sitting there saying ‘Why are you negotiating with Satan. They don’t value us and see us as replaceable. If there ever was a time to unite and create out own platform away from their corporate clutches it is now. All corporate entities have is reach and logistics, that’s it. They don’t have imagination, they don’t have beauty, all they have is the ability to reach more people so they can sell more of what you have. Until artists find a way to supplant the reach and logistics of these entities they will always be exploited in some fashion.

 

 

Anyway, I love my David Mack Variant! Here’s what I got into this month...

 

Wow, Saga’s been away for almost a year? With a new installment finally coming out last month I had to dig and find the previous one to remember what the hell is going on even though BKV jumps around so much I probably didn’t need to read it. But yeah, last ish was September of 2023. Dude. That’s a long fucking time between issues. The way the world is going these days Friday can seem like a long fucking time from Tuesday. This issue was mnyeh. Maybe these hiatuses are fucking up BKV and Fiona's flow a bit too much. Look, I will pull Saga all day every day until Kingdom Come because it will always be a transcendental never-been-done-before series; Fiona’s art alone is worth every penny. It just seems like the past year or so it’s been turning its tires in mud. Every since the supposed ‘Halfway Point’ at Issue 54 when Marco was killed it’s been this hybridized ‘We’re on the Run/Hazel is growing up’ narrative; which isn’t bad per se, but, I dunno. It feels like the last 12+ issues are just random Hazel diary entries rather than a forward moving narrative. I don’t feel the high stakes of anything; feels like a lull in the action. Again, they could put Lull Issues out for the next 5 years and I’d grab every one of them but it’d be nice if, oh, I dunno, the main plot was amped up and moved forward. Is BKV gonna do that? Lying. Damn. Thanks Lying Cat. 7.5

 

 

 

The finale of this series was kinda blah. Everything felt rushed. I feel like this should have been a 12 issue series with at least two arcs, maybe more. All of the secondary characters save for one or two were two dimensional; there was no depth to them. The Katie Root subplot, which was a great idea and provided the necessary twist, also seemed to be hurried. I felt like it was glossed over completely. Just like Saga, I will pull anything by Bendis & Maleev, but this series had so much promise and just ended up as a ‘Ha we got the Evil Rich Dude’ story. Was it Dark Horse? Bendis got 6 and then was done no matter what? Does the Comic Book industry just think that our attention spans are so miniscule that we can’t endure a story that lasts more than half a year? Do they not realize that the prospect of finding out what happens next in a monthly series is part of the fun of buying comic books every week? Is it just a rush to get stories to the Trade market because that’s where the money is? Yes, some books need to end sooner than later (looking at you Monstress!) but some deserve some breathing room. I remember reading in the backmatter of 2022 amazing comic ‘The Good Asian’ where the author said that his publisher brought him in and suggested that the series go 9 issues instead of 8; that there was more story to tell and reveal. That’s the kind of leadership comic book imprints need. Editors need to look past standardized page counts for trades and focus on delivering the story in all of its serialized glory, no matter how long it takes. I would say most of these DSTLRY books could definitely go at least one or two more issues yet they’re all locked into 3 a pop. Anyway, these could’ve been one of the best of the year yet it fell victim to the state of 2024 comic books; which is mostly poop. 6.8

 

 

 

 

Well, this just got really fucking good. First 3 issues felt like a glorified YA Title/Fairy Tale; it felt like a cheesy Netflix anime series. The art was obviously spectacular, Juni Ba is a beast, but I was lukewarm on this book. I assume Ba somehow managed to somehow drug  and put to sleep his DC Editor Overlords so that he was able to write this fantastic issue without their meddling. It’s the only reason I can think of why this issue has soo much more depth and gravitas. There’s elevated storytelling and complex familial relationships that are explored within these pages, that’s something DC usually isn’t interested. Looks like Ba finally got both his artistry as well as his brilliance as writer a chance to shine. I’m definitely looking forward to the finale. Hopefully he has enough Ambien or whatever to keep his DC Overlords on snooze 9.1

 

 

Man, all praises due to Jonathan Hickman. He’s really turned this Spidey ‘alterna-origin story’ comic into an instant classic. It’s got the vibes of those old Stan Lee stories with a touch of modern flair. There’s nothing too complicated going on, the beats are smartly laid out and he’s really given the characters high stakes; simple efficient engaging writing – take notes! Fuck, it’s just fun to read, what a mind-blowing concept. Apart from the two backstory bingo issues that broke up the flow of the main narrative with a different artist in issues 4 and 5, this run has been nothing short of fantastic. Of course the odds that Marvisney will come in and somehow fuck it up are high (Peter falls for Tony Stark and spins him a web dong) but I’m along for the ride until they pull the butt plug on this series 9.4

 

 

 

 

Yeesh, this was pretty fucking bad. I was gonna just say bad but it warranted a fucking. I thought with Matt Kindt involved it would’ve been an enjoyable read but I forgot to adhere to one of my steadfast rules about comic books: Anthologies suck balls. You just can’t cram a bunch of stories that run 6-8 pages in a comic, none of them will be satisfying. They’re all just half baked ideas by writers that probably came up with them while sitting on the toilet. I loved the cover art and the concept is, well I don’t know what the concept really is other than a bunch of sci-fi stuff. I get that EC Comics is returning with a new batch of titles in a partnership with Oni Press. Be honest though, when you saw titles like this or like Eeerie Tales in a garage sale comic book bin you always rifled past them and thought ‘oh c’mon, where’s the Hulk or Batman’. I didn’t have high expectations for this, just reaching for anything these days that seems interesting. 

 

Kindt’s appearance in this reminded me of Eddie Murphy’s appearance in ‘Best Defense’ back in the 80s when he was a huge star during his SNL Beverly Hills Cops. It was a cameo in a Dudley Moore war movie and the studio hyped it up like it was another Eddie Murphy hit. I had my Dad take me to go see it since it was rated R and it was an enormous dud. He was in it for like 5 minutes and did close to nothing. Actually, I don’t think this is an apt comparison to Kindt’s appearance in this comic but it made me think of that movie, which isn’t a good thing. After Kindt’s recent debacles and descent into his Hollywood Cool Guy life he can suck it along with any future anthology comics I come across. 3.0

 

 

 

A bit of a blah ending to this Lemire tale. He took a wild turn with the last issue when it flashed back to some Irish Immigrant family that settled into a home of some nasty loggers. They ended up murdering the family except for the wife who then did some Wiccan magic or whatever to turn one of the logger d-bags into a bug. That wasn’t really wrapped up in this final issue and everything felt a bit rushed again. So the moral of the story is, if you’ve done something you regret and you’ve been turned into an insect: Find a stream that is a portal to the alternate mirrored dimension of yours. Make sure that it is also somehow able to connect to a past timeline, then stop the event from happening. I think the takeaway I get from this story is that I would prefer to be a fruit fly rather than a hulking lifesize beetle with pincers. I’d also like to go back to all the dates where I was put in friend zone and fly into my throat so I was stopped from babbling on about my hopes and dreams. There’s nothing more that will dry the panties of your date more than going on about your hopes and dreams; especially in LA 5.7

 

I’ve never been a huge Tynion fan. I feel like the books that I read of his always start off strong then slowly descend into a toilet of confusing mediocrity. Maybe what he’s needed all along was one of the best Comic Book Artists of all time in Christian Ward to show up on his pages and pull from him one of the most captivating stories he’s ever written. This one is a fucking banger. I’m already so bummed this is ending in just one more issue, ughh. DSTLRY did change up their format for one of their upcoming series by making it 6 instead of 3 issues. But it's an Azzarello offering and he's on my shit list after that Blood Brother Mofo debacle. Anyway, maybe Tynion’s breaking point is three issues, bam, and then get him out of Dodge before he ruins it. These DSTLRY’s are like naughty hot club chick quickies, you get into them, they’re fucking amazing and then they’re gone. I will say, the dynamic between the single Mom realtor chick and the red headed wanna-be-cool Goth chick is one of the best rando pairings I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, these two need a TV Show, stat! 9.7

 

 

Is there a 12 step group for this comic? Can we start one? I think the 14 people who are still reading this shit show of a comic book need to find a way to come together in a circle of metal chairs with Styrofoam cups filled with murky instant mud water coffee. We should all be dressed as little Anime foxes and pair up for dates after the meeting. Of course we don't show up for these dates due to all of us being on a dating hiatus. These meetings will help us cry together and wonder how and why we continue to believe that this once wonderful book will find an actual plot or story arc ever again. The first rule of Monstress Club is that nobody ever shows up to Monstress club in the same way that an ending will never seem to show up for Monstress.  Rating: N/A.

 

 

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that Monstress will never end, the courage to keep plopping down my $4 for every issue and the wisdom to know that an author who is a deranged lunatic  doesn't care about story arcs.

 

 

 

That's all I got! Happy Reading Geek-a-roonies!

 

July '24 Reading Round Up - AI COMICS!

 

Here. We. Go. This past week Colin Kaepernick of all people came out and announced that he’s launching an AI Start-Up called ‘Lumi’ that will create AI Generated Fucking Comic Books.  Now you don’t have to sit down to draw or write a comic book you can take a knee like Colin and suck on AI’s Shlong while it makes you into a regular Jack Kirbynick. I don’t know how we got from ‘You’re not good enough to even get a roster spot on the piss poor quarterback starved Las Vegas Raiders’ to ‘Hey, has AI ruined comic books yet? Get Colin in here!’

 

 

Of course there’s all the standard jargon mumbo jumbo bullshit that makes you think that it’s going to give some disadvantaged kid with a dream who scribble his comic book ideas down with crack pipes dipped in ink: “Lumi’s mission is to democratize storytelling by providing tools for creators”, yeah yeah blah blah. Just be honest and say, "Are you a fat talentless shlub who is finding new ways to be lazy? Wanna tell the AI followers of yours that you’re creating an AI comic book for them? Well here’s Lumi".

 

Lumi? Seriously? Sounds like a cheap as fuck lamp company. Like I just bought some crappy $10 book light from Amazon that doesn’t work, I bet it’s a subsidiary of Lumi. Lumi is the name of some Vegan Café that opens in Silverlake and closes in 3 months due to shitty Yelp reviews. Lumi is the name of that Goth chick you matched with who has way too many tats but a super cute face that ropes you in until she literally ties you up with ropes in her Subaru and puts a ballgag in your mouth. Look, there’s nothing to be done about this app, it was an inevitability. If it wasn’t Colin Kaepernick it would’ve been Ryan Fitzpatrick or Andrew Luck or some other former retired QB. We’re already seeing AI Covers being unknowingly plastered on books by ignorant publishers. I’m sure the Big Poo are looking into how they can leverage AI comics and replace their entire creative team. At this point it would probably be an improvement.

 

Yes, I know, the distance between AI generated Caca and organically produced Human art is an enormous chasm right now. But every day they inch closer and closer together. There’s this notion that ‘Democratizing’ anything will make it better. We’ve done that to music, video content and films. I’m quite sure it hasn’t made anything better. It’s made it so you really have to wade through a swamp of poop to find the diamonds. I’m all for getting rid of the gatekeepers in Entertainment who climb out of Satan’s Bunghole every morning to say no to good people with good ideas. But somebody’s gotta stand on that wall and say ‘Yeah, this sucks, people shouldn’t be exposed to this junk’. Lumi: The Comic Book Version of Unsolicited Dick Pix.

 

Here's what I got into recently:

 

 

I’m trying to figure out why this book ended up on a down note for me. It’s everything I was looking for. An old school/first days of the Bat set in the 30s; a dark gritty backdrop of a book in prestige format. And yo, don’t get me wrong, the first two drops were great, well, maybe not unbelievably great. Like, the end of the first issue was a red flag; the cliffhanger was way over the top. The cliffhanger of the second was also a bit, hmmm, out of character (Bats holding a gun in his hand), although I can let that slide due to it being set in his origin story. If I had to guess, I think the vernacular just got too outta hand for me. I mentioned this before, but every line of dialogue seemed to have some sort of old timey word pulled from a 1930s lexicon of slang and phrases of the day. I mean, it got a bit ridiculous which pulled me out of the story. 

 

You know what this book was like? It’s like going on a date with a babe who you’re completely thrilled about. You’re talking about her to your friends, you’re checking out her socials and loving every bit of it. You’re looking at Astro compatability (yes you fucking are, admit it) and your signs check all the boxes. You meet up, she looks amazing…and then she starts talking. And, well, there’s something about her voice that feels like bread knife on the back of your skull. You can’t be sure but it feels like with every word that zings out of her mouth your sinuses hurt more. She’s also putting you to sleep, there’s a distinct droning that activates your melatonin and before you know it you’re drowsy at 7pm. Yeah, somebody poured her into her dress but her sound is a car alarm that doesn’t quit at 2am. Most male animals would just think, ah, well, I’ll bang her and be done with it. But you know better. You know that the noises she’ll make while in the throes of passion will ruin sex for you for at least 5 years. Your friends will ask you ‘What happened???’ You’ll want to say she sounded like a donkey being run through a wood chipper but all that will come out will be ‘I dunno, something was off’. And your friends will look at you with a gleam in their eye while thinking ‘Wow, he’s not all about looks, he really cares about vibe and what’s going on in the inside of a woman’. But you’ll know. You’ll know. First Knight was hot. But it hurt my sinuses. 8.7

I was first hipped to the work of Juni Ba in the delightful ‘Deep Cuts’ mini series that consisted of 6 different jazz vignettes. His installment was absolutely fantastic. It actually blew the other installments away it was that good. Looks like the industry is catching on to his immense talent and the jobs are coming in. I was also immensely psyched to see this in the solicits but, I dunno. It’s definitely got a  fairy-tale/stylized Netflix anime series vibe to it which is cool but, I’m not sure it fully works. One thing he did accomplish was to clarify all of the Robin characters. Juni’s succinctly summed up each of them well enough where I could at least pass a Robin quiz whereas before I would definitely fail. Let’s be honest: Tim Drake and Jason Todd are weak as fuck names for Robin. As far as I see it, it’s Dick Grayson and then bubkes. Damien is straight outta ‘The Omen’ and I’d rather see Bats all verklempt around Thalia than deal with a spitfire kid.

 

This feels like a YA title. There’s an ‘aww shucks, air this at 3pm for the after school crowd kinda’ energy about it. My sense of this series is that DC peeped Juni’s unbelievable work in “Deep Cuts” and put him on a project they had in mind. I think Juni’s story is solid if not unspectacular but the art is for sure bananas. I don’t think Juni is really a capes and tights guy and hopefully he’s got a plethora of projects in his noodle that he’s psyched to unleash upon the world. 7.9

 

 

 

 

 

Now this what I’m talkin’ bout. Dude. Yay. I mean, for goodness sake, it’s a Spidey Comic. I just wanna read Spidey fighting shit, slinging some webs and his verbal zingers. After two BS issues of backstory bingo, one that was a complete utter dinner party bore and one that was interesting yet could’ve been boiled down to a few pages, the real creative team of this book is back and delivering the goods. I read it. It was fun. I enjoyed the escapism. Nobody was interjecting their personal bullshit it was all pure superhero in tights goodness done by two dudes at the top of their game. Can it all be so simple? Yes it can. Time to clone Hicksy and Marco and put them on every single Marvisney book until a new fresh crop of writers and artists are ready to come in and return this brand back to what made it great in the first place. 9.1

 

 

 

 

 

I somehow missed this when it came out several months ago, weird. I would have definitely grabbed it so I’m wondering how this slipped through my fingers. Perhaps it’s the Universe saving me $9, I thought. With my pulls being so low these days I had my LCS grab one for me and well, all I gotsta say is sometimes you gotta trust that the Universe has your back. My goodness this was gross, yuck. Yuck. Brian Azz, this is Yuck. You get the azz. I’m all for Westerns but this was a gory yuckfest about some steely eyed d-bag criminal who gets out of a Mexican jail and goes on his revenge spree. This includes finding his wife, who has since married a Reverend, and killing her husband. There’s lots of images of dead dogs who have been shot and a brutally intense image of a mother of a murdered family that the D-Bag and his fellow D-Bags come upon, who’s clearly been tied up, bound and, well, you get the idea, bleccch. The last straw was when one of the Wife’s three kids has a piece of his ear bitten off by one of the D-Bag’s henchman simply because the ears looked too big. Eff you B Azz, jeez. Go to therapy and work out your anger issues and Venmo me $9. Consider this DSTLRY’s first major dud. 4.5

 

I honestly can’t with this book anymore. I’ve grown weary of opening these gorgeous pages drawn by Sana Takeda. Yes, they’re gorgeous. I’ve been dating this gorgeous comic for almost 10 years now and there’s no other way to say it but she’s gone completely fucking bonkers. She just babbles incessantly about the same shit, just on a different day. I don’t see how Marj Liu can expect anyone to pick this book up after a month or so of having read the previous issue and not squint their eyes, rub their forehead and go ‘what the fuck is going on here???’. The longest relationship I’ve been in has been a little over 3 years so I don’t know how to break up with someone I’ve been with for 9 plus years. Maybe I need to take this book to comic book therapy and hash things out, is there such a thing? Can someone make it and book me for an appointment? I feel like Monstress is one of the casualties of the Mandela Effect. Maybe we’re in the alternative Universe where Monstress is a shit show and in the previous Universe it was spelled Monsstress or maybe Monstresses and it was fucking awesome. Somehow I feel in the Multiverse every Monstress version is hurting people’s brains. Monstress is a multiversal multidimensional punch to your pull list no matter where you exist. I feel like the only ones, besides myself, who are reading this book at this point are those who dress up like cats and pee in litter box that's been placed in the bathroom for them. 6.0

 

 

 

 

 

Greatness in serialized Comics requires consistency, a none too easy task especially in this day and age of hiatuses, variant cover madness and the subservience to the trade market. Yet every now and then something comes along that defies genre and the shortcomings of the industry to deliver a timeless story that will stay with you long after you add it to your long box. Rare Flavours was just that. The title encapsulated the book itself: a rare feat and a taste of something truly special. Every single offering of this six issue course was an enchanting delight, deftly written and wonderfully drawn by two masters of their craft. Rare Flavours transcended their logline and elevator pitch. It was this ephemeral paragon of storytelling, myth and family that will stay with their audience long after the embers that cooked up this beauty of a book die out. 10.0

 

 

 

 

There's a story in here where Conan turns into a Werewolf and has to fight a town that has already turned into Werewolves. GTFOH. Dude. As Stan Lee used to say: Nuff said. 9.4

That's all I got. I'm off to work on a new AI start-up called 'Homie'. It will democratize comic book blogs for everyone by providing the tools necessary to write and post blogs to the masses as if they were written by a Cholo from LA.

 

Happy Reading!