THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2023

 

                  THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2023

Is the Comic Book Industry falling apart? Well, I think you can swap out ‘Comic Book Industry’ and put almost any business model, institution or political party before the words ‘falling apart’ and it would be an apt statement for this past year or two. Yet this year, more than any other, has been in my view one of the roughest years of comic books that I can remember. It just felt waaaay off. I mean, I hear how LCS retailers are constantly complaining about the publishers. I see how stores are closing all over the country. I hear the Comic Book Pundits (am I one? Mmm, not really) decrying the ills and missteps of the industry itself. Fans seem to whining and moaning left and right, what the fuck is going on?

 

Well, I can only speak from the experience of a dude who has been buying comics for over 40 years. What I would say is, mmm, it’s not that it’s falling apart it’s that it’s been reassigned. In other words, comics are means to other ends especially when you’re talking about the Big Poo (the Big 2). For these corporate death stars, comics feed into its inordinate amount of IP offerings that are charted on X & Y Axis graphs and all kinds of business degree mumbo jumbo bullshit that have basically ruined comic books. Sure, the independents are going strong. Wait, no, scratch that, Image is still going strong while other independents thrash and claw for a limited audience with either rehashed characters or gruesome over the top silly horror/sexy books. Dark Horse got bought out by a gaming company and their titles have also sunk to new lows of blecchh. Even Image, as wonderful as they are, didn’t knock a lot out of the park this year.

 

Here’s the bottom line for me: I bought 150 comic books this year. That’s the lowest amount of comics I’ve purchased since I started keeping track of it about 15 years ago. Back in the heyday of 2016-2018 I was buying over 300 comics a year. So what happened? Well, Marvel got bought out by Satan aka Disney and their comics became all but unreadable. 

 

I seriously root for Disney’s stock to crater every day with the hopes that, I dunno, they sell Marvel cuz they need the cash or don’t care anymore? DC? I dunno either, last year was the year of their amazing run of Black Label titles, this year? Pure poop. I don’t think anyone knows what the fuck to do or how to do it over in DC and it shows. Their recent Aqua Turd movie is dead in the water as was most of the garbage they put out this year. So when you have the Two Pillars of the Industry mired in caca it fucks things up for everyone else. One would think “oh there’s now a void to fill because Marvel & DC are churning out titles that look like the pink goo that they make McNuggets with” but it’s actually the opposite. Hate on them as much as you want but Marvel & DC are comic books. If they’re going strong everybody is going strong because that means butts in the Comic Book shops which means more sales of the independent offerings.

 

Here’s another reason why I bought less books: y’all raised the prices a bit too much. See, back in the day I could jump on a book for 5-6 issues, grab a mini-series for 4 issues, try out a series and spend about $15, woop dee doo. Now, every story arc/mini series is like $25-30, hmm, yeah fuck that! If issue one sucks, buh to the bye homie. Now I’ll check out the solicits for future issues to see what’s going on with the plot before I decide to pick something up whereas before I wouldn’t care, I’d just add it to my pull and read the whole series, because, well, I love comics. But I’m not trying to spend over $100 a month on comics right now especially since most of them are so disappointing. So with the quality of books in the toilet and the prices up it makes for a very nasty combination.

 

Mark Millar, who I’m not a big fan of but who I deeply respect as guy who loves comics, had this to say on what he thinks should be the fix for the industry

 

Mark Millar's Comic Book Plan

 

I wouldn’t know if this would work or not but it’s clear to me that something has to change. Somebody has to come in and clean fucking house at the Big 2 like Javier Milei is doing in Argentina. I need a Comic Book Geek of the People to go in the same way that Javier did and get rid of all the Editors and Ideological Fuckwits that have ruined Hero Books.

 

Yo Marvel and DC Dipshit Editors? AFUERA!

 

There’s a guy who makes amazing videos about the Comic Book Industry. I would say he is the true voice of reason for Comic Book Geeks like myself and it’s clear that he loves comics as much as anyone. I remember watching a video of his where he said that the Big 2 were more interested in the Variant Cover market than they were in actually making good comics. So, that makes a whole lot of sense to me. People are buying up covers at astronomical prices regardless of what’s inside so the more you poop out and the more you create artificial scarcity for them the more shekels you will make. That’s all well and good for your corporate hooker and blow budget but, yeah, sucks for us. If that is what’s really going on then we may not see the end of this downturn for a while until they cut back on these variants. You can check out this dude’s channel here:

 

Thinking Critical 

 

Anyway, as for the ‘Best of the Year’ it was a slog to say the least. Last year I chose a dozen books that were absolutely amazing along with some honorable mentions. This year? I couldn’t even find 10 titles that blew me out of the water. Not even 10 for goodness sake. I went over every week of my pulls and, man, I pulled a lot of stuff that ended up sucking ass. To be clear, this list isn’t of comics that were good, or decent or really good. This is a list of Greatness. This is a list of books that after I put them down I went ‘That was fucking awesome’ If I didn’t feel like that then it’s not on this list. So yeah, not that many to choose from but these did the trick, here ya go…

 

 

8. Deep Cuts - A series of stories that travel through the history of Jazz? Sign me the fuck up! Kyle Higgins and Joe Clark along with some bad ass artists deliver some wonderfully poignant and historically accurate tales that span the early decades of Jazz. I really wish this was an ongoing series rather than a standard ‘Six issues and we’re done’ affair. That’s something that would be exciting to dive into every month. I really loved the sheet music that they included in the back matter and the homage to Blue Note. This was Image's Golden Offering of the Year by far. For some reason they dropped three issues and then stopped in July but it looks like they’re picking up again in January. 

 

 

7. barnstormers - Dark Horse has been reprinting all of Scott Snyder’s Comixology’s Originals Digital Series into 3 issue Drops for the past year or so. One was atrocious (We Have Demons) one was mediocre (Night of the Ghoul) one was really good (Clear) but this one was downright awesome. I’d say the main reason besides an out of the box story of a death defying pilot and his forbidden love on the run is Tula Lotay’s spectacularly beautiful art that graced each and every panel. Bonnie & Clyde take to the air! What an absolute joy to read. Snyder’s got another one that just started, ‘Canary’ and so far it’s also a great first issue. Go Scott Go!

 

 

 

 

 

6. The Avengers: War Across Time - The best thing Marvisney put out all year by far was a Retro Series. What a fucking blast it was to read a story that hit on all the right notes from the Golden Era of Comics! They dusted off some dude named Paul Levitz who was probably busy noshing on a pastrami sandwich at Katz’s Deli and made him pop out a paean to what made hero books great: bright colors, silliness, goofy and sexy dialogue, gravitas, time machines and buildings and streets that were always being destroyed or spewing lava men. I’ve been saying for years that Marvisney should just publish monthly facsimile issues of their great titles like Spidey & FF & The Avengers on a monthly basis so it could give us the feeling that we’re reading them as if we were living back in the 60s when they first came out. But that would be too much fun, so, that won't work these days.

 

 

 

 

5. Love Everlasting - The second arc of what very well might be Tom King’s masterpiece of a series upped the ante and the wow factor on what already was a perfectly executed story of Joan Peterson and the multiple timelines of deadly love that follows and torments her through all of her lives in all of the different eras that she has lived in. Written in the style of a dimestore comic book romance this mind trip of a book just kept getting better and better from issue to issue. It’s one of those rare books that you really get excited about when you see a new issue pop up on the solicits. Elsa Charretier is officially an Art Super Star and I will follow her work wherever she goes. I will also say that so far King's first few issues on Wonder Woman are quite good, the best Dubz story I’ve read in ages! Tom King comin’ wit da ruffneck bidness in the two three boyeee.

4. Batman: City of Madness - It was a really tough year for my homie Bats. I just could not get into anything that he was in. All the books were just blah or refried plot beans. Sean Murphy ended his beyond brilliant White Knight run on a ‘ehh, that was cool but not great’ note then handed it off to his wonderful wife and a putz who wrote a series about the Joker’s kids which I couldn’t stomach. I suffered month after month begging the Comic Book Universe to deliver me a majestic Bat Book and it finally answered my prayers at the very end of the year with Christian Ward’s eye popping beast of a book. My goodness, give this man an ongoing series for the next five years! In a year of cheap fake meat Bat burger stories this was the Wagyu patty with the Goldleaf Bun story that beat the bejeezus out of them all. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new run of great Black Label titles.

 

 

 

 

 

3. Rare Flavours - The creative team behind one of the best comics of the decade ’The Many Deaths of Laila Starr’ returned with another magical tale that invoked the earthly representation of another Hindu deity. This time around it’s a Raksha or demon that fancies itself as a type of cannibalistic Anthony Bourdain. Each issue just feels like an event as you’re transported away from your life and immersed into a fully realized elevated world of monstrous beauty. I feel like these two had a conversation that went something like 'Should we tell the Demon Bourdain story now or should we wait?' as if they were waiting for the perfect moment to unleash this gem of a story on humanity.  Ram V and Filipe Andrade have that uncanny artistic synergy that doesn’t come along very often in comics. Catch them while you can. 

2. A Vicious Circle - Only one issue of this mind blowing three issue series was released this year, over six months after its first issue which was released in December of 2022 but oh what a fucking issue it is. The art in this comic is absolutely astonishing. Lee Bermejo puts on a clinic on how to turn a comic book into art gallery material. I suppose with the amount of assumed work and attention to detail that went into each of the first two issues it’s understandable why it takes them so long to release them. Mattson Tomlin’s exhilarating time jumping story of mortal enemies does more than enough to keep up with Bermejo’s legendary work. A book like this puts publishers and creators on notice. This is how it’s done. This is how you make a statement to the world on why comic books matter. Despite it being limited to only three issues this is a time traveling book for the ages.

1. Conan The Barbarian - By Crom you did it! You wrested the Conan license away from the evil clutches of Marvisney and showed the entire planet how to make a Hero Book. True, this Cimmerian isn’t like the heroes of neon tights and inter-galactic superpowers but make no mistake, this Barbarian slashed his way through those mangy curs to the top of the heap of the comic book world this year. Oh, what a joy to experience the true unbridled love that the creators of this comic most certainly have for this character and for them to have the courage to present him in all of his glory. In a pathetic world where nitwits, meager mealy mouthed toads and spindly cowards froth at the mouth with their idiotic claims of toxic masculinity, Titan Comics had the balls to say ‘Yeah, fuck that, here’s Conan’. 

 

And yes, it wasn’t just their approach, Jim Zub’s writing and Roberto De La Torre’s art was as perfect a match for Conan as you could ask for. What an absolute triumph. If you’ve never read a Conan story before you could actually pick up the first arc of this book and know exactly what it’s like to read one of the best from the past as it feels just as authentic as any of Robert E. Howard’s offerings. Perhaps this is the future of comic books. Is it possible for a group of hyper excited artists and writers to somehow get the licenses from all of our favorite heroes and start them over for us? Can we join Conan on his pirate ship with Belit and do a hostile takeover of the Hulk, Spidey and Iron Man? Can we have Scott Snyder and Christian Ward storm DC's offices with guns blazing and take Batman from them? 

 

Is this the way? Will there need to be a Comic Book Civil War? Drastic times call for drastic measures. Titan's 'Conan' reminded me how amazing it is to read a heroic tale. Yes, all genres can be found in comics but it's the heroes that really shine the most. It's the heroes that we can't find in our world, lifting buildings, shooting lasers out of their eyes, flying above us, it's these heroes that we find next to the staples of the pages of our favorite childhood titles that inspire us the most. And yes, we're adults and we have jobs and responsibilities now that go beyond these tales. Yet these tales remind us of what can be, not only in the world but within ourselves. They reminds us that life is a magical journey where anything can happen at any moment. The improbable victories over evil that we read in the pages of strong iconic heroes can somehow give us what we need to overcome the obstacles that we face in our lives.

And so as we turn the page on another year I see hope for a return to this glorified experience of reading comics that sit in our hands, not in our computers. I'm not sure how it will happen but I know it's possible. 

“There is always a way, if the desire be coupled with courage,” - Conan

 

Happy New Year - Issac

RARE FLAVOURS #1 - Review

 

Boy, this one almost slipped through my fingers and my pull list. Seems like it got zero press, zero previews and zero hype from comic book hype machines. Can’t figure out why not, this creative team is the same one that was behind the mind blowingly amazing ‘The Many Deaths of Laila Starr’ which dropped a few years ago. That was legitimately one of the best series of the year and one of the most unique stories I had read in quite some time. It vaulted Ram V into the ‘writer of the moment’ conversation and predictably he was given a bunch of high profile DC books to lord over.

 

As I cringed and anticipated a massive failure from his transition into major hero books Ram shut me the hell up and put out an eye poppingly great Aquaman masterpiece with Christian Ward entitled ‘Aquaman:Andromeda’. Aquaman. He knocked an Aquaman story out of the park. The exit velo was off the charts. My goodness, that book was a triumph. I then followed Ram a Dalai Lama Ding Dong down the DC Doo Doo trail into their cheap $3.99 books and predictably he wasn’t able to transcend the titles he was assigned to. I’m completely baffled by this. It keeps me up at night.

 

Why do creators crash and burn on the $3.99 Big Poo titles? I mean, it doesn’t actually keep me up at night. Maybe when I feel my little Princess staring deep into my soul at 4am which causes me to wake up and lift the covers so she can burrow herself underneath them, maybe then, as I tossing and turning to go back to bed I may think ‘why did Ram V’s Detective Comics run feel like a cheese grater against my nuts?’

 

So as this team got back together to drop this series I’m wondering why wasn’t this trumpeted from the roof tops? My initial thought was, oh this looks bad. The logline and solicit made it seem like it was some sort of cannibalistic horror comic that followed around some fatso who, I dunno, ate something fancy and then ate someone fancy. I pulled it nonchalantly, it is Boom! after all. Boom! Which is kinda like “Boom! You bought another wack ass comic from us!” Granted, they have been getting better. A Vicious Circle is one of the best books I read this past year even if it is taking them six months or more to put out an issue.

 

Why didn’t Boom! go all in on this book? I did see them put out some $3 preview book or something called an “Ashcan” a month before which seemed superfluous. What’s an ashcan? Isn’t it supposed to be some mini comic yet it’s not it’s normal sized but it only has 10 pages of material. Huh? Maybe this was Boom! going all in on the creative team. Maybe it’s just that something spectacular these days is easily swept under the rug of the Big Poo’s major releases and incessant drama. The only thing we can do is stay vigilant and pore over the weekly solicits with a fine tooth comb to make sure that great books do not in fact fall through the cracks but get snatched up mightily by the geeks at large so that publisher’s realized that greatness will in fact be rewarded by the marketplace.

 

And, yes, this book is fucking great.

 

It’s so obvious right out the gate too. You’re just swept up right into this world by Ram V’s supple word combinations and Filipe Andrade’s distinct and visually satisfying artistic style. They’re building off their Laila Starr premise by introducing another Deity/Demon who adopts a human form to fulfill an ambition of theirs. This particular demon is called a ‘Rakshasa’, which sounds like Shakshuka, a yummy Middle Eastern breakfast dish. 

 

 

 

Has a punk band adopted the name ‘Shakshuka’ yet? C’mon punkos, it’s perfect. The alternative spelling of Shakshuka is Chakchouka which you know has to be the name of new Star Wars character that Marvisney plans to introduce in their next Disney Minus series. Maybe he’ll be an Ewok Warlord, I can see that. Bring back the Ewoks! C'mon Marvisney, you haven't ruined that memory yet, time to make a clean sweep of all my Star Wars happiness and turn it into misery.

 

At any a rate, a Rakshasha is a demon/ shapeshifter that can take the form of an animal or human if it’s a male. If it’s a female Rakshasha it can only take the form of a beautiful woman. Clearly female Rakshasha’s think it’s a hoot to upload dating profiles to all the dating apps. I think I just matched with a female Rakshasha. She’ll take three weeks to reply in 10 words or less to my well thought out, audience tested, flip yet emotionally mature audio message. I’ll sit patiently and anxiously for a day biting my fingernails, waiting for the moment to reply so as to appear busy and preoccupied with my full work and dating schedule; all for naught. Damn, these fucking Rakshasha’s got me all twisted! At least now, thanks to Ram V, I know that they’re actual demons, and Hindu ones at that. Yeah. Indian babes have always looked at me like I’m a plate of food that just fallen on the floor. I have zero chance with them so this Rakshasha demon horde infiltrating my dating app preference makes total sense.

 

Back to this spectacular comic. This particular demon has a dream to become an Anthony Bourdain type celebrity and enlists some wayward musty filmmaker dude to shoot the documentary of his journey into food. Obviously some blood and guts occurs but it is downplayed enough that it doesn’t turn the book into a gore fest which is what I was expecting when I saw the solicits. This is just another magical premise by this creative duo and I hope that Boom! or whomever signs them to a long term deal to continue pumping out stories like this for the near future.

 

We can’t let books like this slip away into the comic book memory holes. We have to support them. We have to make sure the marketplace takes notice when real dyed in the wool artists come together to put out their special brand of special. Is this going to be made into a show or a film, of course it won’t. Will it smash records on social media shares, of course it won’t. It’s a story that’s perfectly made for the medium of comics and it should be celebrated as such. Boom! You did good! Pow! Right in the Kisser Ralph Kramden Good!

 

Rare Flavours: An under the radar smash from an Indy Publisher. Rare indeed.

 

 

Rating: 9.7

Verdict: Pull

A VICIOUS CIRCLE #2 - Review

 

A Vicious Circle is back! It took them a whopping 8 months to come out with the second installment but my goodness, it so majestically beautiful in its prestige format; definitely worth the wait. Lee Bermejo must be an Alien who decided to go incognito upon arriving here. He milled about humanity but for some reason he ended up a comic book artist and now his Alien Art Techniques have made it onto the page. Thankfully Mattson Tomlin is keeping up with this generational intergalactic talent by weaving a super cool and highly engaging sci-fi tale for the ages.

 

This issue was more of a back story issue rather than a plot forward issue but who cares, it could be about doing the laundry and Bermejo could keep you riveted for hours with his line work. I think this is a 3 issue series, shame, this needs to be like, I dunno, 12 or something. Pull a Saga and stretch it out for ten years or so. By then we will have been invaded or disclosure will be in full effect and they can get an Alien Editorial team to take over the slow of brain Boom dudes who are probably unsure of how to release the best thing to hit the stands in over a year.

 

I fully blame the Boom! suits for taking 8 months to release issue #2 not the creative team. I just don’t think they’re used to having such an unbelievable book on their roster. I can imagine that when the first issue came out the Head of the Company lost his shit and made a big scene about it. Probably went something like this:

 

 

The Head CEO Big Whig of Boom! Comics bursts into a Boom! Conference Room where a couple of lackeys sit along with the resident Wise Ass who got the job because he knows someone who knows someone.

 

CEO: What the hell is this?

 

Lackey #1: What’s what?

 

CEO: This!

 

He tosses a copy of ‘A Vicious Circle #1’ on the table.

 

CEO: Is this thing ours?

 

Lackey #1: Yeah, big hit.

 

CEO: Look at these pages, they’re amazing, this is fucking real art!

 

Lackey #2: Is that a problem boss?

 

CEO: Well, yeah makes all our other books look like shit.

 

Huey: Because they are shit

 

CEO: Shut the fuck up Huey. Who is this Bermejo guy, how much are we paying him?

 

Lackey #1: Not much.

 

CEO: Not much? We got Picasso on the cheap?

 

Lackey #2: He hasn’t worked since the Bat cock scandal, so he took what we gave him.

 

CEO: Bat cock scandal?

 

Lackey #1: You don’t know about the bat cock?

 

CEO: What bat cock?

 

Lackey #2: He drew Batman’s cock.

 

CEO: What? Where? How?

 

Lackey #2: In a bat book, Black Label’s first book several years ago, forget the name.

 

CEO: Waddya mean he drew his – what? Like Disney draws subliminal dicks on everything?

 

Lackey #1: No you could see it.

 

Huey: I’ve heard if you melt a pair of Mickey Mouse Ears it turns into a puddle that looks like a dick.

 

Boom! Comics Receptionist pops her head in.

 

Receptionist: Shut the fuck up Huey.

 

CEO: Wait, was it hard, the bat dick?

 

Lackey #1: No, flaccid.

 

Lackey #2: It was kinda like a silhouette

 

CEO: A flaccid silhouette bat cock, hmph.

 

Lackey #1: You missed all this?

 

CEO: How did this guy not get cancelled?

 

Lackey #2: Books were selling like hotcakes.

 

Lackey #1: They were going for $150 on eBay

 

CEO: $150. Fuck me. Did anyone get canned?

 

Lackey #1: DC suits did, this Bermejo guy walked but became untouchable.

 

Huey: Fucking Brian Wood gets cancelled for feeling up average looking comic book chick employees and this Bermejo guy goes scott free for drawing a legendary hero’s dick for the first time ever, makes no sense.

 

Lackey #2: Maybe those average comic book chicks wanted to see the Bat Dizzle

 

Lackey #1: Maybe that was part of the Wood settlement, cancel Wood and draw the B-Peen.

 

CEO: Jeez 150 a book. [beat] Do we have any cocks we can draw?

 

Lackey #1: You want us to draw cocks?

 

CEO: How about Keanu’s on that Brzrkr book?

 

Lackey #2: You think people wanna see Keanu’s cock? He’s like 80 years old.

 

Huey: I give that no more than 40 bucks on eBay.

 

CEO: How about Power Rangers, can we throw some silhouette flaccid cocks on them?

 

Lackey #1: Mmm, hard to do with those suits.

 

Huey: What about Buffy?

 

CEO: Huey you are a sicko perv.

 

Huey: No, listen, no cocks, we –

 

Lackey #1: Ohhh, you mean –

 

Huey: Yup, the Buffy Toe.

 

Lackey #2: Buffy’s Puffy.

 

CEO: Buffy’s Puffy, hmm, okay, run some numbers and take a look at next month’s panels I don’t want anything too obvious.

 

Lackey #1: A ‘Camel Silhouette’

 

Lackey #2: A ‘Camel Flip Flop’

 

Lackey #1: A ‘Camel Pinky Toe’

 

CEO: Just make it delicate and - whoa! What the fuck? This Bermejo book costs 10 bucks?

 

Lackey #2: We ran that by you

 

CEO: I thought you were joking.

 

Lackey #1: It’s selling.

 

CEO: Without any cocks? This is going to make all our other series look – don’t say it Huey.

 

An IT Nerd Guy pops his head in.

 

IT Nerd: Shut the fuck up Huey!

 

CEO: Get this Bermejo guy in here, have him draw Buffy’s cee-toe, if anyone figures it out or calls us out on it we blame this Bermejo pervert and fire him, make a big scene, capische?

 

Lackey #1: Got it.

 

CEO: Implicate Wood too if you can, say he was involved somehow.

 

Lackey #2: Done.

 

Huey: DC, what a bunch of fucking losers. Everyone wants to see Wonder Woman’s tits not Batman’s cock. What were they thinking?

 

Lackey #1: Facts.

 

Lackey #2: I just texted Bermejo and he’s down for the Buffy Puffy.

 

CEO: Nice.

 

Huey: Did you know that if you go to Disney Land and shine a black light on any Disney Princess the outline of a cock going into their mouth will appear on their face?

 

Lackey #1: Oh, that’s actually true, I tried that a few months ago.

 

CEO: Enough with the cocks gentleman, I wanna see the Buff Puff going for 300 on eBay. Now get to work!

 

 

I know it’s been rough out there in Comic Book Land lately but this is a bona fide smash. Highly highly recommended for fans of any genre.

 

Rating: 9.6

Verdict: Pull

A VICIOUS CIRCLE #1 - Review

I’ve been in Santa Fe this whole week so it’s been hard to concentrate on anything except the absolutely ridiculous sunsets, picturesque purple mountains, clean air and genuine smiles. As a Jersey Boy and long time Angeleno I still don’t trust a genuine smile. I’m always thinking ‘yeah yeah what the fuck do you want, what’s your angle? Where’s the knife you backstabbing...’ then saying ‘so great to meet you, let’s go on a hike sometime soon, blessings [heart hands]’. I did bring my comic stash but it’s hard to look at art on a page where there’s art every time you look at the sky. So I needed a powerhouse to grab my attention. I needed something that could match the Wow of the World with the Wow of its Comic Book Goody Googamoogah Goodness. So I picked up Vicious Circle and it did not disappoint.

Lee Bermejo is not of this world. Maybe he emerged from one of these mountains as an Alien Native American Spirit from an alternative dimension and decided to try the Human thing. His art is bonkers amazing. The opening arc of the book almost feels like you’re watching a film and his subsequent alternative timeline styles are all also eye-poppingly beautiful. Before I continue to wax comicbooky about Mr Bermejo I have to admit that this is the first book I’ve seen of his since the Batman Wangdoodle series. The ‘Batman…Dayummm’ series. I mean, it’s the Elephallus in the room right? Did we all just sink that down our memory hole? I’m personally dying to know what that convo in the room was like, who started it?

DC: Did you draw Batman’s dick?

Lee: You told me too.

DC: We said we wanted a provocative artistic style.

Lee: Bat Cock not provocative enough for you?

DC: - - -

Lee: I can shade it in more.

DC: - - -

Lee; Or take it out -

DC: Nooo, nooo, leave it leave it leave it. Penny get legal on the line.

I remember that the Bat Dong issue was going for like 75 bux on eBay or something and one of my Comic Book Shop guys said I should sell mine. I remember thinking ‘Isn’t that like, selling porn online? I mean, who’s paying 75 beans for Bruce’s Skin Moose? And do I really want to communicate with them? What do I do with that money? Like, okay, here’s 75 bones for your foray into Cinemax Comic Book smut land. Am I just waiting and hoping to flip that into Hulk’s Puny Peen if it ever comes out? I mean Disney puts in subliminal schlongs all over their movies, was this going to be a thing going forward? Does Spidey have a stiffy in this panel? Yeah, I just bagged and boarded the filthy rag and stuffed it away somewhere.

Anyway back to Beautiful Comic Book Land. The Premise? Two dudes are fighting each other across timelines over activating some death robot machine thingy which we haven’t seen yet. When somebody dies they pop out into another timeline. At least that’s what I’m getting from it. As far as I can tell, I hope they pop into dozens of different timelines because it looks like each timeline gets a different spectacular artistic style from Lee Buymybatdongejo. The writer, Mattson Tomlin, has been involved in some really prestigious projects over the years and is scheduled to co-write the sequel to the recent ‘The Batman’ movie, so he’s definitely in the Hot Hollywood zone. And this is on Boom! Comics?

Does it feel like Boom! is a little out of its league here? Like they stole a Black Label project away from DC or they’ve recently infused their coffers with a cartel sized Walter White dump of cash to pay up for the Monsters of the Industry to work for them? I rarely get a Boom Boom Book. I just picked up their recent ‘Once Upon a Time When We Wrote Another Fucking Apocalypse Story’ which was okay. Here’s a link to all their series:

Boom! Comic Book Series 

How many of them have you pulled? I snagged the ‘Faithless’ first arc until it got way too disgusting, evil and weird. I nabbed their first ‘Abbott’ arc which was, mnyeh. Their ‘Laila Starr’ series was one of the best series of 2021 so they nailed that one but, I’m scrolling, I’m scrolling, yeah not so much on any of these. So this one is only the 4th one out of 128 series on that page that I have. That’s a low ass batting average, but they did hit a homer with Laila and this clearly is a moon shot so maybe they’re angling to get themselves into the Image type publisher convo for 2023.

I will say I have one gripe about this book. It has nothing to do with the story, art, lettering or base concept. I have a little issue with the name of their antagonist: Ferris. Really? You named your baddie Ferris? You couldn’t come up with anything else? Not Dracon or Klaw or Adolph or Bob Iger, but Ferris? I think Ferris has been retired from all literary works and from entertainment in general. I mean, now I’m just waiting for the timeline where Ferris is on a parade float singing ‘Twist and Shout’ while wielding an Alien Bazooka. Will they pop into Wrigley field where the hero, Shawn Thacker is running through the bleachers with his laser gun while Ferris yells back at him ‘Swing Batter Batter Swing Batter Swing Batter?’ Is Bermybatballzejo gonna draw us a hot Sloan type babe? Oh pretty please? 

Hey admit it, as you watched every episode of the great TV show Succession, aren’t you waiting for Connor Roy to to do this to his dad Logan?

Well, Boom is biting DC’s Black Label modus operandi and has this book down for a 3 issue series. Is there a reason why expensive AF prestige books can’t go for 12? Or be an ongoing series? Why only 3? I’m going to have to get into this pricing insanity over comics at some point. At any rate, Vicious Circle is a vicious line drive over the center field wall. Grab it now and inhale the pages unless you’re being distracted by a purple mountain majesty sunset right in front of you, or if you’re surfing down Santa Monica Blvd on jet skis.

Rating: 9.1

Verdict: Pull

ONCE UPON A TIME AT THE END OF THE WORLD #1 - Review

It’s time to enforce a moratorium on apocalyptic dystopian tales of the future. Enough already. No more decimated, radiated, fumigated worlds of debris and bug-out bags. I don’t care how hopeful, endearing, prophetic or alarmist you wanna be, it’s enough. Look we get it, the world’s a bit screwy right now. Yet as Artists not everything has to veer straight into a big ol’ kablooey. Maybe you want a kablooey. Maybe you’re hoping for one. You’re so disgusted by what you see you just think to yourself, let’s just end it and go back to one and then you start writing from there. Don’t. Resist the urge. Rather write from the place of ‘where do we go to create the world we want to from now’. Where are those heroes? I want to read those stories. The collective consciousness may be screaming death, destruction and annihilation but you can emit a solitary peep of ‘look how amazing it can all turn out’.

 

So here we have another ‘the world exploded, it’s empty and junked up’ love story. Honestly this comic could have been called ‘Once upon a time in Downtown Los Angeles last Tuesday’. Downtown LA, or LA in general is about a week away from rowboats careening through zombie sea monsters and Target overstock. Maybe Jason Aaron, the writer, took an Uber from Downtown LA through Echo Park to Hollywood and landed in Venice and thought the entire plot of this story through! I’m glad we can be an inspiration to you Jason. You had about a 22% chance of being kidnapped so it’s a shame that couldn’t be arranged but maybe next time you swing by you’ll get that ‘trapped in a truck on its way to a Luciferian ritual in the desert’ story you know you want to write.

 

The premise: End of the world, butch chick rows boat through end of the world, ends up meeting someone in a high rise who has a bunch of stuff including their dead parents locked up in a room. Butch chick gets stuff and leaves as High Rise person gathers stuff and runs after her. Oh, and there’s a moment where High Rise falls hard in love with Butchy. Cute. First of all, I thought the High Rise chick was a chick until about 3/4 through the book until the captions confirmed he was a dude; totally threw me. I thought I was reading a burgeoning futuristic Lesbo story not a Boyle Heights Babe in Bangs meets Burbank Mop Top Boy with Toys story. I mean, either is fine but High Rise could easily pass for a chick. If this is a pronoun switcheroo and now I’ve become insanely insensitive because I didn’t realize that when they said He they meant Her because He/Her romances are racist and frowned upon unless it’s a He/Her/Them falls for Ze/Zey/Zem who’s got a polyamorous/panpanbangbam thing going with a Xex/Xexem/Xexes, I apologize. Today I saw a a video of a girl with multi-colored hair and a nosering in her 20s complaining that people are just using specific pronouns with her and that they should instead use as many as they can when speaking with her. So now I have to rotate, guess and pepper them in from an approved list when speaking to people, just to be sure? Reason #11373 why I hate to leave the house.

 

The issue ends with a jump ahead again into the future where High Rise now looks like an old dude in a compromising torturous position and…okeedoke! Alexandre Tefenkgi, who was the main artist on the wonderful ‘The Good Asian’, kills it once again with the art so it was a delight taking in the visuals. As mentioned in my most recent review I absolutely loved Jason Aaron’s King Conan story. So, I’m willing to go along for a little bit with Downtown LA in February 2023 based on street cred alone. When I picked up my pull list recently the woman who is my favorite at the shop made a remark that this was actually a really popular comic. Look at me being all hip and with it. You know what else is really popular? Kablooey Books. I say Phooey on your Kablooey! 

 

Rating: 7.7

Verdict: Pull