I’m pretty sure Hell’s Kitchen is the code name for Marvel Comics Corporate Offices. Actually their address on W 50th street is only a couple avenue blocks away from the actual Hell’s Kitchen so Daredevil could easily expand his territory to include this building. I’d really like to see DD crash through their high rise window during Corporate’s mid-afternoon pow-wow on ‘how to ruin a title in 90 days’ that’s usually scheduled on Tuesdays.
It’s a raucous meeting by all accounts. Everyone sits around a pentagram and they all chow down on Shake Shack while mailroom interns massage the editors genitals while dressed as their favorite Marvel character. After that they have a lottery on which comic book title to turn into a trash rag for the upcoming month. Finally a local comic geek is brought in. He’s there under the pretense that he’s going to be allowed to air his grievances about the direction a certain title is going.
This past Tuesday the 11th some nerd wearing Rick & Morty socks from Park Slope showed up to this pow wow and was all excited to rip the suits a new one on how the new Hulk comic is a reductive gore fest that’s taken a huge dump on all Hulk comics that’s preceded it. After he walked in, a naked and frothing at the mouth C.B. Cebulski (Editor in Chief of Marvel and soon to be baker on Food Network’s Holiday Baking Contest) tackled him while screaming at the top of his lungs ‘You will buy our drivel! You will purchase all our variants! Even the 1-2500 ones! You will not shit post our titles! You will extol them on your socials or I will send Paul Rudd to your apartment dressed as Antman and he will tell you all of his funny Hollywood anecdotes for hours until your ears bleed!’
The nerd begged for mercy in the face of such brutal torture and went on Reddit immediately and began posting reviews on how the She Hulk Disney + series is just an absolute hoot and is must see TV. He then moved to Germany and dressed up as a barrel of oil. He was attacked and almost torn to bits by the rabid freezing citizens over there. I suppose he did it due to the unimaginable shame over praising She Hulk; he just wanted to be beaten.
Yeah, I don’t think Marvel’s Daredevil will be able to take down that meeting. You know who could? The Daredevil from the Netflix Daredevil show, the most amazing superhero series in the history of ALL superhero TV shows. That guy would dismantle this demonic editorial staff in minutes and have CB whimpering for his severance package. Nevertheless, the current Daredevil title as I’ve said over and over has been the one mainstay of consistent greatness in the Marvel Comic Universe. This issue was turned into an exhaustive set-up of Fist Island with Elektra, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I was hyped up for it now I’m ‘stuck in a back room with a stripper and her badonkadonk with my hands tied to the chair’ hyped up for it. It’s basically DD tying up loose ends and choosing who he wants to come with to Fistville. It ends up being Cole the Cop and Foggy which seems a bit unnecessary but I suppose CB demanded it. I’m sure he’s been doing everything in his power to ruin this title and despite his attempt with the mind numbing Devil’s Reign crossover mega woopty doo event it’s still alive and kicking strong.
Hang in there Chip! You’re doing great, I mean, Batman, not so much, but this is gold. I’m sold. Now go to your secret hideout and write us a wham bam Fist Island story far far away from Marvel Corporate. In the meantime I’m making some phone calls and finding out how to get in touch with the Netflix Daredevil so I can hire him for some corporate ass whupping...and maybe some LA City Council ass whupping when he's done.
Rating: 8.3
Verdict: Pull
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