Oh Marvel Comic Books. What hast thou wrought! Why must thy line of men and women in colorful tights be such a fecal spectacle. It didn't use to be this way. I remember the good ol' days of 'Make Mine Marvel' and the 'Bullpen Bulletins'. Stan would cry 'Excelsior' and you'd run to the comic racks in your nearest general store or supermarket and snatch up what was left. This was the Marvel I knew and loved:
Then the Mouse sunk its teeth into you. That demonic rat from the depths of Hades. Him and his moronic laugh that causes the River Styxx to bubble up and flow through its Buena Vista Studios in Burbank. It didn't see comic books, it saw properties and more opportunities for subliminal cocks. It became this:
That’s Marvel right now. Christina would probably get a role in the next Thor movie if she hasn’t already. Maybe she ended up on the cutting room floor. Maybe an executive finally came to his senses and said ‘We can’t leave Dildo Aguilera in the final cut are you guys crazy? She’s banging Thor’. Then Taika Waititi walks in and says 'We're all queer, aren't we?'.
Marvel is a huge mess if you ask me. The Mouse got a hold of them and just pumped out way too many MCU movies way too many Star Wars movies way too much everything. Disney was Hunter Biden who’s been away from the pipe for too long it just got ravenous and inhaled and puked out everything it got its hands on. Right now I have no idea what their vision is for their comic book universe. Actually I do know, the comics are a cog in the wheel of the beast machine that spits out content. The comics have to feed the movies and TV shows first which is why they all taste of conference rooms and market share conversations. The quality of the books themselves are trash, they just feel cheap compared to an Image book or any other publisher who actually cares about their brand. None of the story lines are riveting and seems like any amazing writer or artist that comes in get swept up in the dung heap. Their last truly great book was the Black Panther run by Ta’Nhisi Coates, and this one: Daredevil. Daredevil has been great. So what did they do? They turned their best title into a ‘Everybody gets a piece mega event’ where every comic got a taste of that DD poon. Look at that DD Poon, it’s everywhere, go buy them all. I didn’t. Did you? Blecch.
Daredevil #1 was basically a rehash of all the poon I missed and a setup which made it mnyeh. Not only that but Zdarksy just began on a run on…Batman. Batman! Only the #1 comic in the Universe. Can he do Bats and DD? Can you date Jennifer Lawrence and Megan thee Stallion at the same time? U might but to say you’d be stretched thin would be an understatement. Actually you might be stretched wide, especially if Megan’s bestie Dildo Aguilera shows up to double dip poon night. As a major Shakespeare head who has directed and acted in numerous Shakespeare scenes I take umbrage at Megan's usage of 'Thee'. It should Thy if anything. For goodness sake you nitwits can't even get Shakespearean pronouns right how do you expect to us to take your modern pronouns seriously???
Daredevil #2 turns out be Daredevil #650 in the legacy issue count which is what they honor when it’s a milestone but which they’ll ignore if they want to drop Issue #1s every 3 months. So it was giant sized and priced accordingly $5.99. Whatever. But when you pick it up it immediately feels different, the cover heavier than normal Marvel poop and the pages on a different stock. Okay, now we’re talking. The story that Zdarsky weaves through the issue centers on a college cohort of DDs past who is now revealing to Red that he’s been a part of his entire life due to his uncanny powers of psychokinesis in that he can influence people’s thoughts. Through the tale we encounter different artistic styles of Daredevil’s comic history over the years which unlike Liam Sharp’s recent cat dropping of a comic feels perfectly right given the nature of the tale. Now I’m already wound up emotionally over getting a bit weepy from Tom King’s ‘Love Everlasting’ which I just read so my tear ducts were primed to well up at the conclusion of the story when DD finally gets his hands on his love interest Kristen McDuffie. Aww, lovey dovey stuff, sniffle.
The back-up stories were a bit confusing and silly but they
didn’t matter in the grand scheme of the book. What WAS incredibly cool was
over the course of several pages they printed every single Daredevil cover from
the past 50 years. Okay look Marvel, is this the deal? Like, your $3.99 comics
are poop but when you ratchet the price up to $5.99 they become great and you
actually print them on quality stock not recycled McDonald’s Styrofoam coffee
cups from 1975? I’ll pay it! Just make a line of first class books and then
coach books, I’ll pay it! $5.99 real Marvel books. Done. Minor gripe, the main cover for this comic implies that DD and Elektra are already on the island fighting the Hand and that is clearly not the case, so, false advertising from their very busy false advertising department.
Daredevil #2, while still rehashing the events of the recent mega marvel money grab event, manages to deliver a stand alone story worth every penny while setting you up for an all out rumble on an abandoned island with Elektra and Stick as the Fist versus the Hand. Yes, there is a cheap dirty joke there that I will not give you. Okay, well, let’s just say I’ll obviously be rooting for the Fist but I’m definitely a Hand guy although I’m intrigued by the Fist I’m not sure I wanna be with somebody who’s a Fist chick. There, happy? How about this tagline:
After getting the Fist from Marvel for the past several years they finally deliver a Handshaking comic worthy of the six bucks they charged me. Ba dump bump, crash. Get it.
Rating: 9.2
Verdict: Pull with your hand
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