BATMAN: GARGOYLE OF GOTHAM #1 - Review

 

As the year hastily dwindles to a close I’m beginning to look back and take stock at what the hell I’ve been spending my hard earned cashish on. Something that’s missing from the receipts of my hard earned cashish has been an amazing Bat Book. I mean, dude, where is it? This calendar year has been devoid of anything Bat-tacular. It’s been a Rat-A-Bat-Bat of blecchh month after month. Maybe you need to have a new arc start up in Detective Comics where the B to the M is actively searching for the reason why he can’t exist in any plots that make readers go ‘Wow’.

 

Bats: I can’t put my finger on it Alfred. All the stories that are written about me suck donkey balls.

 

Alfred: What type of donkey balls Master Bruce? A Catalan Donkey? Maltese? Irish?

 

Bats: That’s just it Alfred. These stories are sucking every single breed of Donkey Sack.

 

Alfred: That’s not possible Master Bruce.

 

Bats: Here, read this –

 

Bats tosses Alfred one of DC’s 2023 Bat Book offerings. Alfred flips through it.

 

Bats: Are you going ‘Wow’ or are you going ‘Hmm’.

 

Alfred: I’m going Egad, Master Bruce.

 

Bats: Exactly. Someone or something, perhaps an existential force, is calibrating all the plots of my books to the suckage of equine sackage.

 

Alfred: How very Hip-Hop of you to say sir, adding an ‘age’ to your verbs and nouns.

 

Bats: Thanks old chum, that Sirius XM subscription you added to the Batmobile was a magnificent idea.

 

Alfred: I’m glad you’ve finally discovered EPMD Master Bruce.

 

Time is running out for Bats to deliver the Bats comic of the year. I saved this comic for today so I could delve into what looks like a Halloweenie type of comic. Not that I care about Halloween at all, it’s just, I dunno, I thought it’d be fun, cut me a break! Jeez. In the corner of my eye I spy Christian Ward’s ‘Batman: City of Madness’ in prestige format which may ultimately be the Bat Book of the year, but I already purchased this one, so…, yeah. It’s kinda like how you set up a date with a chick where you’re thinking ‘Ah, she’s cool, this could be fun’ and then you match with a smoking hot Yoga teacher who loves making smoothies and practicing reiki in the nude. 

 

You’ll go out with the ‘cool this could be fun chick’ but all you’ll be thinking about is the Yogi Babe Hoagie, such is life.

 

So for the cool, this could be fun chick, well, there are issues. First, I appreciate the amount of pages I’m getting that are completely ad-free but methinks 7 bux is a bit much. I’m getting Ward’s prestige Bat book for the same price, I think you need to knock off a few bucks here. Secondly, this may sound ridiculous, but I can’t stop thinking about the Writer/Author’s last name, Grampa. He’s Brazilian, I get that, but I immediately went to ‘Wait, are there, like, Grampas and Grannies and Aunties for last names in Brazil?’. If Mr. Grampa married someone with the last name of Granny could he then hyphenate it to Grampa-Granny and then would my head explode or just short out for a couple of minutes.

 

DC created an animated trailer for this book that Gramps put on his insta page:

 

Gargoyle Trailer

 

Their tagline is ‘When you chase your own Shadow, it leads you into the Abyss’

 

Maybe it should be ‘When you buy $3.99 books from DC, it leads you into eBay to see how much you can sell a comic that you don’t want anymore’.

 

I mean, this book is a bit confusing and slightly off. I saw that there was a lot of gripes about Gramps and his artistic style. I happen to dig it, it’s very stylized for sure. Only thing is it’s heavy on the eyes, meaning it kinda takes you a moment to take in the panels if that makes any sense; the linework is a bit busy with the detailing and caricature approach to some of the characters. It’s really cool in some instances and somewhat muddy in others; sounds exactly what dating a ‘She’s cool this could be fun’ babe would be like.

 

My main complaint is that I really don’t know what time period or universe this book exists in. By the look of Bats, it seems like they’re going for the first appearance in Detective Comics look with the slanted eye slots and curved pointier ears. But then we get panels where people are on the subway looking at their phones and then a scene with a news reporter whose online video just went viral with a hashtag. Huh? Is this the 30s or present day? The feel of it gives me the sense that it’s old school yet clearly that’s not the case but the cops are reacting like Batman just appeared on the scene. Bats is also tinkering with what seems to be his first ever Batmobile so it’s 2023 and Batman just started do his Bat thing in a world that looks old-timey. Oy vey.

 

Next, the villain, I’m not sure what to make of him, you see him, wince and go ‘Umm, what?’ It looks like something straight out of a high school/art school sketchbook. It’s doodle-ish and does not feel like he’s based in a grounded reality in relationship to the world that Gramps has created. Look at him:

 

 

So that’s tears streaming out of his eyes, he’s almost always crying or has tears just pouring out his eye ducts like he’s Daniel Kaluuya in ‘Get Out’.

 

 

 

But this dude isn’t heaving or hunching over or making any facial expressions that would indicate that he’s deeply upset; so he’s clearly not Jewish. This dude is fighting with tears just flowing out of his eyes, c’mon Grampy, feels contrived. Bats is on the tail of some serial killer that’s murdering dudes in a weird way and the whole ‘Detective Procedural’ aspect of this book actually works quite well and progresses nicely. Maybe Law & Order should hire Grampa.

 

So upon further investigation this guy's name is Crytoon, he is the Gargoyle of Gotham [crickets] umm, deep sigh, face plant, brow furrowing. Admit it, the first thing you thought of when you saw that name was wonder if there was a 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' sequel coming out since this guy sounds like someone straight from Toonland.

Look, if you’ve got a serial killer villain who’s weeping all the time maybe you should have him on a killing spree of all the dudes who run the dating apps. I mean, I’m constantly weeping inside from having to use them maybe this Weepy Goth dude in the cool Matrix coat could be our hero? You’d find all the CEOs of apps like OKCupid, Tinder, RAYA, Hinge murdered over the mainframe computers that house the proprietary algorithms. Perhaps affixed to their bodies are little emojis that look like roses, super likes, direct requests and other bullshit that you have to pay up for in order for an AI Insta Chick to see before not responding to your messages.

 

My last gripe of the book is, how many times are we going to see Alfred descending some stairs in the Batcave with a tray and a bowl of soup on it to deliver to Brucey? 

 

 

 

You think Bats is eating soup after flying around Gotham and exerting every ounce of his energy? Homie needs a steak or an arroz con pollo or something hearty. At one point Alfred leaves a piece of cake for Bruce in the Batmobile and I’m immediately like, a loaded breakfast burrito would’ve made more sense. Seriously, we need to see heroes fueling up more. I wanna see Wonder Woman biting into a lamb chop while holding the bone. I wanna see Supes doubles fisting two roasted chickens before taking off.

 

Oy vey ismir. Going out with ‘Could be fun chick’ was kind of a bust. Now, I still may very well grab the next issue based off of the interesting procedural that Granny Grampy Campy has got going on but it’s hanging on by a thread.

 

Alright Christian Ward, you’re up next. I swear though, if I see one fucking bowl of piping hot soup anywhere in your book I’m going to blow a gasket. First Batman Artist to draw Batman devouring a steak in the Batcave should win an Eisner.

 

 

Rating: 7.1

Verdict: Pull hesitantly and cry about it

The Plot Holes #1 - Review

 

Wow. A new Sean Murphy book! Where did this come from? I heard zero about this comic being released then all of sudden, oompah, a new Murph book on the solicits! Praise Be The Murph! How was the comic book world not pre-empted with oodles of ‘Murphy is dropping another gem’ hype articles? Am I missing something here? Murphy can do no wrong!

 

Punk Rock Jesus! Tokyo Ghost! The frikkin entire Batman: White Knight series! He single handedly created the greatest Bats Alt-Uni ever to the point that DC is like:

 

DC Suit: Please, Murph, White Knight every one of our fucking characters! Like, every single one! Even Mister Mxyzptlk, White Knight his corny ass as well!

 

Word has it you can’t enter the DC Offices without dressing like a White Knight character. I’ve heard that interns just print out drawings of his characters from Tokyo Ghost onto onesies and masks and walk around in them all day long. Maybe I’ll do that for Halloween. I’ll dress up as Punk Rock – wait, I’m Jewish, can’t dress up as Punk Rock Jesus. Maybe I can figure out a Punk Rock Rabbi or Punk Rock Bagel Broker or something.

 

Anyway, I’m wondering why this was so on the down low. After all he’s done for DC you’d think they’d be like ‘Sure dude, print whatever you want with us’. Except, they didn’t. It’s printed at, huh, Massive Publishing, who the fuck are they? Let me look them up, hmm, I don’t recognize any of these – wait, they’re Whatnot? Wait, are they Whatnot publishing or Massive? Pick one for goodness sake. Whatnot has been more like What? - Not. Their Ninja Funk book was an unmitigated disaster from the jump, reviewed here. Why is Murphy hobknobbing with Massive? Can’t Image, the greatest comic book publisher on the planet, hook a bad boy up with 5 issues?

 

I’m always so curious why comic book creators jump from publishers to publisher. I wish they put out Comic Book Creator salaries the way they did with professional sports players so we could argue over whether or not a guy or gal was sufficiently or overly paid or not. I feel like there should be a lot more transparency on how these amazing creators are getting paid. Like, DSTLRY put together some of the baddest Comic Book Superstars for their imprint, yet they’re charging an arm and a leg for their issues. Is this because this is what they need to charge for these creators to actually be paid properly or are they kinda price gouging us and inflating the price to inflate their new approach?

 

Whatever the case may be, I have no idea what this Plotholes book is about and I don’t care. It’s The Murph. I’m fired up to read thi – hmm, what the – okay well, the art is fan-fucking-tastic per usual but what the – okay, hmm. So these characters are like saving books and, hmm, umm, [flip flip fiip] but it’s Murphy! Woo Hoo! Seany Love! Bring the ruck – wait, dude, seriously. Oy. Umm, Seany Murph! The Murphster – the - uggh, really? Okay. Umm, okay, umm. Oy.

 

So, uh, well, umm, yeah this book is kinda wack.

 

I mean, the art, I could take in Murphy art every day and be happy but, yeah, I can see why DC and maybe other Publishers were like ‘Uhh, you got any Silver Paladins or Gold Wizards to pitch us?' Otherwise this ‘Book Heroes’ comic is a pass. Real quick on the premise: A rag tag group of literary misfits led by an elderly ‘Jane Fonda type’ jump from unpublished book (in imagination land) to unpublished book to save the books from their obvious flaws so that they ultimately get published.

 

The obvious response to this premise is 'Well, you should send these plot savers to both DC & Marvisney to save the comic book universe first', but that's probably too on the nose. 

 

I feel like this is one of these ideas where if I met Murphy for a coffee in La La Land and he told me his idea I’d be like ‘Dude, that’s really cool like, wow, so out of the box’ but I’d be validating my parking and thinking ‘Dude, is Murphy losing it?’. Because you can’t tell Murphy he’s got a butt butt idea, you just have to trust that the guy is going to make it work. But this idea feels so, I dunno, like a promotional approach you’d read in pamphlets and placards at a library trying to encourage kids to read more. It doesn’t feel grounded at all and the group is so disparate that it’s not cohesive by any stretch of the imagination.  Not to mention that the first issue centers around them saving a kid who makes comic books from his world being destroyed; a little too meta for me.

 

The ‘Something Epic’ series that Szymon Kudranski is putting out that’s ongoing right now is also engaging is a similar approach towards the whole idea of “What happens to imaginative creations when they’re not finished?” a brilliant concept. However, five issues in and it’s getting a little cornball what with the lead doing battle in the world of discarded imaginative creations, it just feels a little goofy.

 

The greatest comic to ever majestically triumph over the deconstruction of the entire literary construct was ‘The Unwritten’. My goodness, that comic was beyond phenomenal. Did you read it? If not, drop what you’re doing and read this scintillating mind blowing series that should get annual awards for being so fucking amazing:

 

I mean, when a comic does something to perfection like this one it’s hard to take anything else really seriously unless it shatters another mold and takes it to another level. Murphy’s ‘Plot Holes’ doesn’t really do that. The world and the devices he uses are, well, flimsy. A meter with a percentage on it that has dwindled to almost zero which indicates that, from what I can gather, that the world of digital books and the ability for this group to fix them is about to vanish? Yeah, I'm not buying it.

 

Plus the oddball assortment of characters from various genres feels like he and his beautiful and talented wife Katana were up getting high and just threw out a bunch of different archetypes to be included. I mean, one of them looks like a Calvin and Hobbes reject and none of them are even close to being fully developed. There’s some wonky large alien ‘Dune’ worm that’s jumping from book to book and destroying them, I dunno, as I said, feels like a Library Marketing Approach.

 

 

Now, despite all of this I am on board for subsequent issues. It is Sean Murphy after all and if anyone can rescue a premise and turn it into a – wait, what is he doing, he’s doing a Zorro series next with Matt Hollingsworth? Umm, hmm, Murphy! Woo hoo! Oy. Is this like him owing something to the people who are behind Massive Publishing and Whatnot so rather than give them his gems he’s just giving them some throw-away stories? Like, is this comic in the vein of Prince’s ‘Chaos and Disorder’ when he just pooped out an album to finish off his Warner Brothers contract so he could own all of his own masters?

 

I did a little digging and it seems this comic was crowd funded back in the summer of 2020 and made $250 K. Wow. Maybe Murphy freaked out during the lockdowns and was like ‘Dude, I gotta get a book funded and made, my White Knight life is over!’. Here's the IndieGoGo link for that campaign:

 Plot Holes Crowd Funding

 

Maybe Murphy is too busy working on completely destroying the JLA/Wonder Dubz White Knight books that he doesn’t have time to make his own premises sparkle. He’s still doing that right? Well of course he is. Maybe this is his ultimate shell game. Look over here as I put out some middling books at a wack imprint while I completely overhaul the entire DC Universe with my White Knight brilliance. Maybe this group of Plot Holes heroes is a wink to his actual team of rebels who are hacking away at the DC decay that's been ongoing since the beginning of this year.

 

Maybe it's a good thing this didn't get picked up by DC or Marvisney. If it did the series would probably have to be changed to 'The Sinkholes'.

Rating: 6.3

Verdict: Pull for now

WONDER WOMAN #1 (2023) - Review

 

Pre-Date Jitters

 

It’s been a while since Double Dubs main title and I have gone out. It’s not that I’m not attracted to her it’s just that, well, she’s been a sequential art shit show for over 10 years and counting. I never was really into Double Dubs. I’m not into tall burly women who have gadgets that make you confess everything to them:

 

‘Yes I’m late because I was watching the game and checking on a fantasy football injury update it had nothing to do with traffic, okay? Get this lasso thingy off of me!’

 

But back when the New 52 was born I decided to check out Azzarello and Chiang’s ‘Wonder Woman’, it looked like it was going to be amazing, and it was. That comic began right as I started living with my soon to be fiancé/soon to be ex fiancé. She loved how I took it easy in the mornings and had a cup of joe with a comic before I started my days so she would sometimes join me. There were only two comics she would read: Saga…and Azzarello and Chiang’s Wonder Woman.

To this day I consider that run along with Batman’s ‘Court of Owls’. which also started in the New 52, as one of the best hero book runs I’ve ever experienced in my entire life; it was that good.

 

But all good things they say never last and neither did Chiangarello’s Double Dubz. Since then, well, the comic has fucking sucked, like totally putrid. I check on it every now and then at my LCS, flip through the pages and roll my eyes, uggh, what is this tripe. Now granted, last year’s ‘Wonder Woman: Historia’ was one the best things I read last year, it was a masterpiece. But that wasn’t an ongoing, that was a Black Label Droperoo. Oh, what hast thou done to my label of Adult Darkness DC??? Tis now a Poop Label.

 

Anyway, word on the street was that Dub Dubz was back and in full effect. King was bringing the ruckus. Oy, Tom King. Can’t say I’ve been a fan of King when it comes to him doing the tights and capes. Everything feels off during his runs for some reason. Yet in the past year he has lorded over one of the best ongoing series to date, ‘Love Everlasting’ an absolute beast of a comic that has dropped 10 amazing issues in a row. I’m chomping at the bit for the next arc. So, since King has created such a smash of a book it had me thinking ‘Hmm, maybe he can take some of that ‘Love’ juju and bring it to the Dubz. I was skeptical yet intrigued.

 

So here I am, about to flip through my comic rack, find Dubz #1 and sit down. I’m genuinely nervous. It’s like that babe who you saw years ago, had an amazing time with, she went batshit crazy on you, but you followed her on Insta, and then one day your buddy said he ran into her and she looked amazing, eventually in a moment of loneliness you DM her and before you know it you’re meeting her for bagels at the dope Bagel spot in Culver city. Fuck. Okay, here we go…

 

 

The Date

Well, umm, she looks a little weird, at least on the cover. Is it me? I mean, it looks like her head is a bit smaller than it should be, like the proportion is off. Look at it:

 

 

I mean, did she just get that buff that her chest and shoulders just exploded on her? I dunno, did AI draw this cover, what’s going on here. I’m a little put off just by looking at it and I legitimately stared at it for several minutes before opening it.

 

Okay, so just to be clear, I have no idea what’s been going on in this book at all or what this Dawn of DC crapola is or what the DC Universe at large has to do with Dubz at all, I’m coming in completely cold. So it’s clear that Amazons are now living all over the United States. Why? Why would they leave Paradise for this crumbling empire that is fat, sick, angry and ready to call you a bigoted racist nazi just for asking them the time? Okay, so Amazons and their, wait, their wives and daughters have moved in to the US and they’re living everywhere. Umm, I’m not so sure that’s gonna work outside of NY, LA, Miami or Frisco but, whatever.

 

The first scene is of some Blonde Amazon, killing, yes killing, 19 greaseball/douchebags in a greaseball/douchebag bar/pool hall in the middle of nowhere in Montana. At first I though Dubz went blondie, yowza hubba hubba, but turns out it was some other Amazonian. Can we just admit that having these women called the Amazons is a bit of a mind fuck since the company Amazon pretty much rules the country? Maybe the Amazons were moved here by Amazon to be the Amazon army? Now that I can believe. Maybe the Amazons are going to be the ones who finally track down and beat the shit out of all these porch thieves? Maybe they’re going to replace the drones that never worked and fly around everywhere so I could technically get my ridiculously expensive doggie jerky treats for my little baby in 15 minutes or less, delivered by a 6 foot babe in a shiny metallic outfit? 

 

Before you call me crazy let's just acknowledge the fact that Amazon employees consider themselves Amazonians. Look:

 

 Amazon Amazonians

 

 

Now I can’t stop thinking about a horde of Amazon Delivery Babes delivering stuff all day long in invisible Amazon vans, putting the comic down for a bit.

 

 

Okay, I’m back from my Amazon Amazonian Delivery Service fantasy, it was lovely. Okay, wait, why the fuck is a drop dead gorgeous Amazon babe going to a bar which looks like douchebag central and then getting upset when a douchebag, who has probably never been close to a babe such as this, goes to touch her? What did you expect to happen? Did you think they were going to sit you down and debate which brand is a better non-dairy option for coffee creamers??? Then she kills all the dudes? Like, kills them. Actually dead.

 

This is like if I had met that bat shit crazy babe who I hadn’t seen in 10 years and she told me that she now owned an Uzi and has been acquitted multiple times of murdering home invaders due to her lawyers claiming self defense. Since when do Amazons kill loser dudes?

 

Predictably the response is that some weirdo Fed guy who has a steel hand that shoots bullets is now put in charge of some lethal government task force that is responsible for gathering up all the Amazonians and shipping them out of the country. Congress passes the 'Amazon Safety Act' which I'm sure a bunch of small business owners got excited about until they realized it was about a fictional super hero. I’m not sure if King is making a commentary on our out of control illegal immigration issue or not. Now I’m on edge, is this going turn into some political diatribe, oy King, you’re killing me.

 

The task force is now apparently rounding Amazons and also killing some of them. Umm, is this the new DC? Is Batman killing people now? How about Supes? This seems a little over the top for me and excessively violent for a Dubz story. Now Amazons are all outlaws and so is Dubz and, hmm, reminds me of a bunch of hero books where the Hero is now the outcast of society blah blah, Marvisney has been doing that trope for years. Oy, King! WTF???

 

I’m getting cranky, I’m shifting in my La-Z-Boy, I’ve spilled a bit of coffee, this reunion date is not going well…until Dubz finally shows up. Oh thank goodness. King finally takes the gloves off and flexes his muscles and the results are stupendous. I mean, it’s not like he reinvented the Wonder Woman wheel but the whole scene with Dubz at a cemetery in the snow surrounded by Fed Goons and the new Fed Yucky and his Steel Glove was just perfect. Looked like Daniel Sampere saved his best work for that scene as well. Hey there hubba hubba:

If I was on my ten year reunion date with my former Batshit GF it would be here where she would tell me a hilarious story that would have me in tears while being cutesy and endearing. Then a book would fall out of her pocketbook entitled ‘How to make the Best Sandwich for a Guy who’s Watching his Favorite Team Play’ and I’d be all googly eyed.

 

We then get the introduction of some new villain who supposedly is orchestrating the Amazon persecution. Some old crotchety hawk-nosed grump who sits on a throne in a room with a masonic checkerboard floor. Hmm, is King going for the 'Conspiracy' angle? Last time I read a comic book dude try the conspiracy angle it was Tynion doing the 'Department of Truth' which was a department of mish mosh half baked caca ideas that pulled from a disparate amount of urban myths and actual verified ideas. Uggh, Tynion's a putz. 

I dunno, this villain could turn out be a complete goof or he could be powerfully imagined; it could go either way. I mean, this is DC, a comic book universe where goofiness reigns supreme. After the final frame where this villain is introduced you're thinking hmm, is this goofy or cool AF, then you turn the page and DC is promoting some are you effin' kidding me series where the Justice League meets Godzilla vs King Kong ahahahahahahahaha soo frikkin' corny!

Post Date Vibes

Hmm, well, I'm interested, this is interesting, Dubz is interesting. It's been a while since my interest has been piqued in Dubz's main title. Piqued has two meanings though, one is to be stimulated the other is to be resentful or irritated. I can see myself getting piqued by this series really quickly; it could go either way, I'm on the fence. It's like, hmm my Batshit Ex seems different, she seems like she's on the ball, she seems like she's turned a new leaf, but Batshit is lurking inside of that temptress, does it come out and if so when and how much and is it during Monday Night Football? How many sandwiches get made for me until she tosses the plate at my head and presses my face between two slices of sourdough?

I'd have more faith if this was a Black Label title, feels like writers on Black Label get way more leeway than they do on the cheaper ongoing titles. I guess I'm down for a second date even though I know it could turn into a dumpster fire.

We'll go on a hike somewhere. Yeah, a hike, zero money invested, in public, separate cars. It'll be lovely. Or, it'll be a Justice League meets King Kong and Godzilla unmitigated disaster. Man, it's rough out here tryna date.

Rating: 7.5

Verdict: Pull

RARE FLAVOURS #1 - Review

 

Boy, this one almost slipped through my fingers and my pull list. Seems like it got zero press, zero previews and zero hype from comic book hype machines. Can’t figure out why not, this creative team is the same one that was behind the mind blowingly amazing ‘The Many Deaths of Laila Starr’ which dropped a few years ago. That was legitimately one of the best series of the year and one of the most unique stories I had read in quite some time. It vaulted Ram V into the ‘writer of the moment’ conversation and predictably he was given a bunch of high profile DC books to lord over.

 

As I cringed and anticipated a massive failure from his transition into major hero books Ram shut me the hell up and put out an eye poppingly great Aquaman masterpiece with Christian Ward entitled ‘Aquaman:Andromeda’. Aquaman. He knocked an Aquaman story out of the park. The exit velo was off the charts. My goodness, that book was a triumph. I then followed Ram a Dalai Lama Ding Dong down the DC Doo Doo trail into their cheap $3.99 books and predictably he wasn’t able to transcend the titles he was assigned to. I’m completely baffled by this. It keeps me up at night.

 

Why do creators crash and burn on the $3.99 Big Poo titles? I mean, it doesn’t actually keep me up at night. Maybe when I feel my little Princess staring deep into my soul at 4am which causes me to wake up and lift the covers so she can burrow herself underneath them, maybe then, as I tossing and turning to go back to bed I may think ‘why did Ram V’s Detective Comics run feel like a cheese grater against my nuts?’

 

So as this team got back together to drop this series I’m wondering why wasn’t this trumpeted from the roof tops? My initial thought was, oh this looks bad. The logline and solicit made it seem like it was some sort of cannibalistic horror comic that followed around some fatso who, I dunno, ate something fancy and then ate someone fancy. I pulled it nonchalantly, it is Boom! after all. Boom! Which is kinda like “Boom! You bought another wack ass comic from us!” Granted, they have been getting better. A Vicious Circle is one of the best books I read this past year even if it is taking them six months or more to put out an issue.

 

Why didn’t Boom! go all in on this book? I did see them put out some $3 preview book or something called an “Ashcan” a month before which seemed superfluous. What’s an ashcan? Isn’t it supposed to be some mini comic yet it’s not it’s normal sized but it only has 10 pages of material. Huh? Maybe this was Boom! going all in on the creative team. Maybe it’s just that something spectacular these days is easily swept under the rug of the Big Poo’s major releases and incessant drama. The only thing we can do is stay vigilant and pore over the weekly solicits with a fine tooth comb to make sure that great books do not in fact fall through the cracks but get snatched up mightily by the geeks at large so that publisher’s realized that greatness will in fact be rewarded by the marketplace.

 

And, yes, this book is fucking great.

 

It’s so obvious right out the gate too. You’re just swept up right into this world by Ram V’s supple word combinations and Filipe Andrade’s distinct and visually satisfying artistic style. They’re building off their Laila Starr premise by introducing another Deity/Demon who adopts a human form to fulfill an ambition of theirs. This particular demon is called a ‘Rakshasa’, which sounds like Shakshuka, a yummy Middle Eastern breakfast dish. 

 

 

 

Has a punk band adopted the name ‘Shakshuka’ yet? C’mon punkos, it’s perfect. The alternative spelling of Shakshuka is Chakchouka which you know has to be the name of new Star Wars character that Marvisney plans to introduce in their next Disney Minus series. Maybe he’ll be an Ewok Warlord, I can see that. Bring back the Ewoks! C'mon Marvisney, you haven't ruined that memory yet, time to make a clean sweep of all my Star Wars happiness and turn it into misery.

 

At any a rate, a Rakshasha is a demon/ shapeshifter that can take the form of an animal or human if it’s a male. If it’s a female Rakshasha it can only take the form of a beautiful woman. Clearly female Rakshasha’s think it’s a hoot to upload dating profiles to all the dating apps. I think I just matched with a female Rakshasha. She’ll take three weeks to reply in 10 words or less to my well thought out, audience tested, flip yet emotionally mature audio message. I’ll sit patiently and anxiously for a day biting my fingernails, waiting for the moment to reply so as to appear busy and preoccupied with my full work and dating schedule; all for naught. Damn, these fucking Rakshasha’s got me all twisted! At least now, thanks to Ram V, I know that they’re actual demons, and Hindu ones at that. Yeah. Indian babes have always looked at me like I’m a plate of food that just fallen on the floor. I have zero chance with them so this Rakshasha demon horde infiltrating my dating app preference makes total sense.

 

Back to this spectacular comic. This particular demon has a dream to become an Anthony Bourdain type celebrity and enlists some wayward musty filmmaker dude to shoot the documentary of his journey into food. Obviously some blood and guts occurs but it is downplayed enough that it doesn’t turn the book into a gore fest which is what I was expecting when I saw the solicits. This is just another magical premise by this creative duo and I hope that Boom! or whomever signs them to a long term deal to continue pumping out stories like this for the near future.

 

We can’t let books like this slip away into the comic book memory holes. We have to support them. We have to make sure the marketplace takes notice when real dyed in the wool artists come together to put out their special brand of special. Is this going to be made into a show or a film, of course it won’t. Will it smash records on social media shares, of course it won’t. It’s a story that’s perfectly made for the medium of comics and it should be celebrated as such. Boom! You did good! Pow! Right in the Kisser Ralph Kramden Good!

 

Rare Flavours: An under the radar smash from an Indy Publisher. Rare indeed.

 

 

Rating: 9.7

Verdict: Pull

DAREDEVIL #1 (2023) - Review

 

 

When you’re in a long term relationship with someone you get to see various sides of them. You get to see them evolve, devolve, look this way, look that way, talk this way, talk that way, hate something, then love it, love something then hate it so much you can’t even mention it, and so on and so on; you will run the gamut with them. That’s the beauty of being with someone for a long time. That and being able to fart around each other.

 

Being in a relationship with a Comic Book character is similar but different. The difference being, it’s as if someone were orchestrating the changes of your lover over time from afar. Like they were hired by Ed Harris in the ‘Truman Show’ control room to make changes to Truman’s wife on the fly. In the case of the Big Poo (Marvisney & DC) they’re in all likelihood orchestrating the events of your comic book characters from Satan’s ante chamber, or at least it seems like it's been that way for the past several years.

 

Needless to say I’ve broken up with almost all of my Hero characters. I’ll date Batman every now and then but it’s more like a GFE than it is actually seeing him on a regular basis. Hey, I’ve got a date with Wonder Woman this week, I hear she’s gotten her shit together; we shall see. As for Marvisney, it’s been one heartbreak after the next. My first true love, the Hulk, has been a basket case and a fucking red hot mess for years. Moon Knight was like my secret little bang bang on the side but now he’s been pimped out to the masses and I don't recognize him anymore; same with Black Panther who’s now more like a Wack Puma. Then, there’s Daredevil:

 

Through thick and thin, while garbage creative team after garbage creative team were put on other Marvisney books Double D was consistently Double your pleasure great. Didn’t matter who was on the title, it could not fail. When Zdarsky, who became the Big Poo’s little darling, joined both Bat Mizzle and Dare Dizzle I was skepticizzle. How can the guy who drew Anime cum angels in Sex Criminals be expected to carry two of the biggest hero books in the industry? Well, as it turns out he couldn’t. Batmizzle was dog pizzle and Daredizzle started out really wonderfully and then descended into one wretched plot development after the next. So I broke up with DD. It was hard. I wept. I played ‘Faithfully’ by Journey over and over.

 

 

But as I stated recently, I stalked Daredevil as one does after you break up with someone and we reunited for it’s grand finale in my La-Z-Boy for old time’s sake. Double D put out. Double D came wit dat boom bap. Yeah, it was a bummer that Chippy Z didn’t stop time so that Matt Murdock could take a dump in a flower pot in Marvisney’s office but he delivered a touching heartfelt goodbye to a series that clearly meant a lot to him.  

 

I don’t understand why it just can’t be someone’s job to write a hero book. Like, once you find someone great you just keep them at all costs regardless if they need to take months off or whatever, just stick with what works for goodness sake. Scott Snyder should be writing Batman until his fingers fall off. Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang should be chained down on Themyscira and writing Wonder Woman until kingdom come. Chase down Ta-Nehisi Coates and give him a replica Wakanda to lord over on an island somewhere so he can write Black Panther every, single, month.

 

As for Double D, it’s been so magnificent for so long just rotate between Bendis/Maleev, Waid/Samnee and maybe get Frank Miller off the sauce for a bit here and there. Look, I hate the Chicago Bulls but Phil Jackson coached MJ for 11 years in a row. You telling me you can’t have Matt Fraction write Hawkeye for 11 years in a row with time off for him to get paddled and brimped in a dungeon for weeks on end? Alas, tis not so. Now Saladin Ahmed is on the 1s and 2s for the Double D breakbeat, your long-term relationship hero has undergone another complete cosmetic makeover once again. Except this time they paid the cosmetic surgeon a bit too much and it’s a word salad of way too many anchovies and stale croutons.

 

You could tell you were reading a sequential art shit show just several pages in. Daredevil was the one Marvisney character that wasn’t a strung out on the sauce addict like all the other Marvisney characters had become. He kept to himself, stayed in Hell’s Kitchen, juiced daily, did coffee enemas, and did his hero thing. After a few pages of the 873,133^rd new number one of Daredevil you knew that Double D was totally wasted and on crystal meth or maybe something stronger. What the hell happens to great writers when they go to work for the Big Poo? Something is going on in these walls that causes them to spit out caca. The editor of this book at the conclusion mentioned that Ahmed had a great run of Black Bolt back in the day. I remember that run, it was like 5 or 6 years ago, it was phenomenal. I had never read Black Bolt before but I distinctly remember Ahmed’s take on it being wonderfully done. So why are creators turning into echoes of themselves when they go to work for the big guyz these days?

 

Look, this story was pedestrian at best, Elektra is possessed, Matt doesn’t remember anything, then does, he’s Father Double D kicking frat boy thugs one moment and then flying all over the city the next. I dunno, it just feels cheap and rushed, maybe it’s because the art looks like it was done by a School of Visual Arts student on an antiquated graphics program. Seriously, these pages look like the kind of art you’d see for those Hostess Cupcake ads you’d find in the Marvel books back in the 70s or 80s. The editor at the end of the issue, while extolling the virtues of everyone, went on to say that the artist was the best in the biz and that, and I quote "His characters are expressive and true to life". Dude. Seriously? Dude.

 

Look at this:

Wow. So expressive. Is that a comic book or AI doing Human face. His face is saying a million words to me. Unfortunately they're all the same word. It's: Huh?

This next panel is where Elektra convinces Matt to get rid of his cheek bones:

 

 

I feel like Matt's hair keeps changing while his face keeps being reduced to a Robot. This is really really unsatisfying art:

I mean, who is this? Elektra or Maribel from around the block?

These characters look like your average 'Women with Text Bubbles' artist stuff, can't remember the name of who made them, but they all look like this:

Another gripe, dude, you charged me 7 bucks for this piece of swill? Really? 7 bucks? Why? What in your pathetic Marvisney minds made you think this was worth 7 bucks? Cuz it's 56 pages? So what? Here's what you say, to comic geeks:

 

'Hey we know we're moving on from what was another great run (for me not so much) for Daredevil with a new writer and artist and you might feel hesitant to check them out, so here's double the issue for 4 bux, enjoy!'

Remember when Marvel books had a big explosion on the upper left that said 'Still only 35cents!'? Now it should read 'Still figuring out how we can make all of our comics $5 to $6 each'.

 

One of the greatest books ever put out in recent memory was last year’s Wonder Woman Historia. It was in an oversized prestige format and that was 8 bucks! This comic wasn’t even a fancy variant! DSTLRY’s Devil’s ballsack was a whopping $10 but it was huge and had unfinished ideas from all of the greatest comic book creators that the industry has to offer. You give me AI art, a Caesar’s Saladin and two fingers in my eyes like you’re Mo from the Three Stooges. 

 

We're breaking up Marvisney! Get out of my comic book rack! You’re not putting out anymore Marvisney! Granted I’m not the horndog I once was but I still need my comic booky nooky every now and then and your story poon has dried the fuck up.

Couple in the fact that the new Daredevil series that Marvisney was doing has been all but cancelled and things are looking bleak for Double D. It's probably for the best it got cancelled. What? You thought 'Daredevil: Born Again' was going to be as good or better than the greatest Hero TV Show in the history of Hero television? Netflix's 'Daredevil' was bar none the greatest original show that Netflix ever put out save for 'Stranger Things'. You think Marvisney's penchant for ruining everything was going to make this show better?

 

You might think I'm being harsh about this comic. C'mon, it's Double D, give him a chance to make you love him again. Nah, I've been around the block enough times to know a dumpster fire of sequential art when I see it. 

 

Look, Double D, it's not me, it's you.

 

Rating: 5.1

Verdict: Buh Bye 

DSTLRY 'DEVIL'S CUT' - Review

 

 

What in the actual fuck did I just pay $10 for?!? Ten Buckeroos. Gone. Hey that’s the name of the first actual series from the new imprint DSTLRY. Gone. Coming out this month. It psychologically prepares you to see your comic book budget get gone. Buh bye. Oh that new series is gonna cost you Nine Buckeroos also. And guess what? I will happily pay it! It looks spectacular. DSTLRY’s new website is also all sleek and kinda wow as well. You can check it out here:

 

DSTLRY SITE 

 

They’ve got countdowns for their new books. You could keep your eyes glued to that or you could, you know, just pull the damn thing knowing that your LCS will have if stuffed in a box for you so you don’t have to worry. You can also pay $300 bucks for some tiny little Devil Panda Demon that some Asian chick made that’s supposed to be the Publisher’s mascot. I mean, yeah, that's definitely putting a lot of cashish in a creator's bank account. Does this thing sing 'Purple Rain' or talk to my doggie while I'm gone or will it get me access to some Hollywood Demon party?

 

 

You can also pay $100 for all sorts of different fancy shmancy covers of their Big D on the Devil Book. A Big Old D on the Cover. Yeah, I’m sure that’s purely coincidental. 

 

Chip Mosher: “I’m gonna give the comic world my D!”

 

Who’s Chip Mosher? Who’s David Steinberger? Are they agents? Are they crypto weirdos? No they’re Doogie Howser wannabes who are Alen/Twins and apparently they love love love comic book creators:

 

 

Here’s a link to an article on their whole approach to this new imprint.

 

Doogies do Comics Right!

 

As far as their approach to giving comic book creators lotsa love it looks like that means charging an arm and a leg and a left nut while limiting the amount of copies and chances you have to give your body parts to get said copy. So you’re gonna only sell a limited amount of hard copies and digital copies and that’s it? That’s your angle? So artificial scarcity? Sounds like Big Oil to me. So if for some reason I’m unable to get it then that’s it, that’s what you think? So you don’t think any of the free illegal comic book sites online aren’t going to post every single page of your comic for everyone who wasn’t able to get their hands on it? So they’ll blast the readers with a gazillion ads and make buckets of cash because you think only printing a few of your 9-10 buckeroo books is going to change the comic book game? Dude. Anybody can get anything anywhere any time for free. It’s sad. It’s just the way it is. So, what you have to do is you have to give people the incentive to want to pay for your art because they want to support you. Scarcity doesn’t mean shit you Whiskey Wankers. Now, I will support you 100% because the people you have on board are incredibly talented and put the best shit out there. But get out of their way and leave the gimmicks for Penn & Teller.

 

Look, I know, I’ve been boasting about how I’m willing to pay up for prestige books like since they usually deliver the goods unlike what most $4 books are delivering these days, yet I am bewildered as to why this $10 ADD Fest was put out as the first book from the new creator owned imprint that is going to reinvent the industry.

 

Before I continue I would like to say that everything in this ‘Anthology’ looks amazingly beautiful and it’s clear these writers and artists are at the top of the Comic Book game now. It’s just a glorified ‘We are the World’ video. Each creator gets a line to sing and then it’s on to the next one except there’s no chorus and there’s no sham charity run by a complete idiot save for the lining of the pockets of the best in the biz; which I don’t really have a problem doing, just, you know, give me a coherent happy ending story for my hard earned ten bonez.

 

Anthologies absolutely suck. It’s like going to a Strip Club and seeing comic book creators come out and spin their stories around the pole for a few pages to Def Leppard and then disappear. They pour their sugar on you for a blip and then they’re gone. None of the stories are satisfying. They’re all big teases, “Hey, that’s awesome, wait, don’t stop, is there a champagne room???”. I have an immense amount of respect for Will Dennis and all the creators that joined in this ADD Give us the Big D anthology but I don’t get the point of it. Is it to show how cool you are and how many bad ass comic book peeps you know? Did they just reach out to all of them and go:

 

 ‘Hey send me whatever three or four pages you have of a story or comic that you never got off the ground and I’ll put them in a $10 book and give you a chunk of the proceeds’

 

Ten bucks is like the far reaches of comic book pricing. Once you go past 10 you’re in graphic novel land so you better come wit dat boom bap if you’ve got the sack to charge ten. What it also does is it makes you go ‘Wow, they do have the sack to charge ten, it must be amazing’. You know what this reminds me of. It reminds of that gluten-free coffee cake mix I got from Whole Foods last month. I always peruse the ‘Cake and Muffin’ mixes in the baking aisle. I’ve tried a bunch of them, most of them are okay, some are yuck. After you make one you always are reminded that baking your own stuff is always far superior to the store bought crap. Yet one day I walked by and there on the shelf right at my eye line was a new brand. It looked sexy. It looked delicious. It wasn’t on a dating app. I was sold. But, oy, it was pricy. The coffee cake mix was $13. I thought, wow, if they have the chutzpah to charge thirteen then that coffee cake must be a party in the mouth. It turned out to be awful. I threw it out, it was barely edible. The difference here is that this book is yummy AF but it changes flavors so much you have no idea what it is that you’re eating.

 

I’m sure that when we all saw this list of writers and artists that were joining this publisher we all got ridiculously excited. Yet this book feels like an old school ‘Battle of the Network Stars’ from back in the day. You’re like, ooh, Wonder Woman is going to be in a swimming race! Then you watch Wonder Woman in a normal old swimsuit do an average job at swimming, then it’s over really quickly and then another star is doing something that’s over quickly and it’s never satisfying. My goodness Linda Carter was so unbelievably beautiful:

 

 

The stories in this Anthology of the Big Erect D were over so quickly I had to flip backwards and forwards to make sure I didn’t miss a page. Like, seriously, three pages and then done. Are any of these going to be continued at all? You got my Comic Book Johnson all up and excited and I have no idea where to go next to fulfill it’s comic booky needs. Here’s what I thought as I read every inch of this Big D:

 

Wow this is great I wonder what – hey what the fuck, it’s over? What’s this, ooh, wow, cool visuals, who’s this chick, she seems – wait, that’s it? Oh man I am dying to know what – huh. Oh. Next one already?

 

I’m going to go through all these lightning quick stories so you don’t have to. Better that you save up your shekels for the AI created mascot of your face on a Demon Armadillo for $700 next month.

 

1. Spectregraph. Tynion/Ward - I dunno, some dude goes to steal something and his ghost comes and kills him or some dude hammers the thief's head. Looks great, Ward is a beast. Not a fan of Tynion. He gets the NBA 'over-rated' chant.

2. Shepherd. Bernadrin/Kristantina - Some futuristic tale about colonists in pods going somewhere in a space ship who need a robot/AI/human chick to protect them from space thieves. Mnyeh, it was aite. But quick!

3. 8 Rules etc. Charretier/Cowles - Woo hoo! The amazing team behind Tom King's spectacular 'Love Everlasting' is doing their thing. Some blonde super spy babe kills a bunch of people on an island in a bikini. Elsa draws a wonderful pair of boobies at the end. Now it feels like I paid $10 for comic boobies like I'm some Oni Anime Jungle Chick Comic pervy Dynamite Red Sonya drooler. I think this gets its own comic soon. Yay. Did I mention Elsa drawing boobies?

4. What's Mine is Hearse. Phillips/Jones - Umm. A sexy Asian chick bangs the corpse of a handsome dead dude and then either kills or gets rid of the guy driving the hearse so she can drive off while laughing like a complete wacko. Ohhh-keedokee. Art is ridiculously gorgeous though aaaannnnd I feel unclean.

5. A Blessed Day. Andolfo - An actual Demon manages and runs a huge Pop Star and a record label. Ho hum. I run into Demon Managers at Trader Joe's all the time. This gets made into a series later this year, may or may not pass. Andolfo drew the recent White Knight debacle written by Mop Top Loser kid so still got that icky taste on my comic book mouth.

6. The Stowaway. Jock - Kid steals food off a helicarrier. Jock is great. Super short like the others. Really looking forward to forking over $9 for Gone.

7. Deleted Scene #2. Azzarello. Risso - Three pages of a Western scene over a campfire where, I dunno what the hell this is about, Azzarello! Get Chiang and take over Wonder Woman again for goodness sake!

8. White Boat. Snyder. Francavilla - The same team that did the underwhelming super silly 'Night of the Ghoul'. Interesting tale about a ghost boat or whatever. Snyder! Get Capullo and take over Batman again for goodness sake!

9. What Happens Next. McElvie - By this point my brain was spinning and I hit a wall. Some futuristic AI soul in a cloud avatar love story, I dunno. I'm gonna need another gluten free twinkie to wake up and be alert for the final two stories. Did I really pay $10 for this?

10. Waiting to Die. Ram V. Garbett - Another boobie shot, nice. A couple has sex and then one goes outside to watch a solar flare that will kill everyone. Oh, a weiner shot also. So that's 2 Pairs of Boobies, a Big D on the cover, a tiny D and a corpse banger for those who aren't keeping score.

11. What Blighted Flame Burns in Thee. Cloonan. Lotay - They saved the best for last. They gave this unbelievably talented duo 11 pages to tell their tale about a man who saves a woman from being executed for being accused of being a witch. The art is breathtaking. They did the right thing by leaving this until the end because now I want more more more. I think this duo gets a comic soon also. Somna in December? They have a clock on their website you can watch for 40 days if you want.

 

Here's the big D-eal Doogie Dudes: Just put out great stuff. Hard stop. You don't need toys or $100 variants or artificial scarcity. You've obviously assembled a who's who of genius comic creators so just let them do their thing and you'll sell a bunch of books. I'm down. Just leave the gimmicks to the Big 2. Their gimmick is pretending to be a comic book publisher while actually being a cog in a TV/Film machine. 

 

Speaking of which, I've got this throbbing comic book stiffy from reading this anthology that gave me zero happy endings. Let me see here, ooh, the new Daredevil #1, oh yeah, that's a major turn off and wait, ooh, let me find that White Knight Jokers kids book, ahh, yeah, that's Janet Reno and Elizabeth Warren in fetish gear bad. Yeah, I'm down to a shriveled turtle, DSTLRY, you may carry on.

 

 

Rating: 7.0

Verdict: Pay through the nose to get their Actual Series coming out soon.