Pre-Date Jitters
It’s been a while since Double Dubs main title and I have gone out. It’s not that I’m not attracted to her it’s just that, well, she’s been a sequential art shit show for over 10 years and counting. I never was really into Double Dubs. I’m not into tall burly women who have gadgets that make you confess everything to them:
‘Yes I’m late because I was watching the game and checking on a fantasy football injury update it had nothing to do with traffic, okay? Get this lasso thingy off of me!’
But back when the New 52 was born I decided to check out
Azzarello and Chiang’s ‘Wonder Woman’, it looked like it was going to be
amazing, and it was. That comic began right as I started living with my soon to
be fiancé/soon to be ex fiancé. She loved how I took it easy in the mornings
and had a cup of joe with a comic before I started my days so she would
sometimes join me. There were only two comics she would read: Saga…and
Azzarello and Chiang’s Wonder Woman.
To this day I consider that run along with Batman’s ‘Court of Owls’. which also started in the New 52, as one of the best hero book runs I’ve ever experienced in my entire life; it was that good.
But all good things they say never last and neither did Chiangarello’s Double Dubz. Since then, well, the comic has fucking sucked, like totally putrid. I check on it every now and then at my LCS, flip through the pages and roll my eyes, uggh, what is this tripe. Now granted, last year’s ‘Wonder Woman: Historia’ was one the best things I read last year, it was a masterpiece. But that wasn’t an ongoing, that was a Black Label Droperoo. Oh, what hast thou done to my label of Adult Darkness DC??? Tis now a Poop Label.
Anyway, word on the street was that Dub Dubz was back and in full effect. King was bringing the ruckus. Oy, Tom King. Can’t say I’ve been a fan of King when it comes to him doing the tights and capes. Everything feels off during his runs for some reason. Yet in the past year he has lorded over one of the best ongoing series to date, ‘Love Everlasting’ an absolute beast of a comic that has dropped 10 amazing issues in a row. I’m chomping at the bit for the next arc. So, since King has created such a smash of a book it had me thinking ‘Hmm, maybe he can take some of that ‘Love’ juju and bring it to the Dubz. I was skeptical yet intrigued.
So here I am, about to flip through my comic rack, find Dubz #1 and sit down. I’m genuinely nervous. It’s like that babe who you saw years ago, had an amazing time with, she went batshit crazy on you, but you followed her on Insta, and then one day your buddy said he ran into her and she looked amazing, eventually in a moment of loneliness you DM her and before you know it you’re meeting her for bagels at the dope Bagel spot in Culver city. Fuck. Okay, here we go…
The Date
Well, umm, she looks a little weird, at least on the cover. Is it me? I mean, it looks like her head is a bit smaller than it should be, like the proportion is off. Look at it:
I mean, did she just get that buff that her chest and shoulders just exploded on her? I dunno, did AI draw this cover, what’s going on here. I’m a little put off just by looking at it and I legitimately stared at it for several minutes before opening it.
Okay, so just to be clear, I have no idea what’s been going on in this book at all or what this Dawn of DC crapola is or what the DC Universe at large has to do with Dubz at all, I’m coming in completely cold. So it’s clear that Amazons are now living all over the United States. Why? Why would they leave Paradise for this crumbling empire that is fat, sick, angry and ready to call you a bigoted racist nazi just for asking them the time? Okay, so Amazons and their, wait, their wives and daughters have moved in to the US and they’re living everywhere. Umm, I’m not so sure that’s gonna work outside of NY, LA, Miami or Frisco but, whatever.
The first scene is of some Blonde Amazon, killing, yes killing, 19 greaseball/douchebags in a greaseball/douchebag bar/pool hall in the middle of nowhere in Montana. At first I though Dubz went blondie, yowza hubba hubba, but turns out it was some other Amazonian. Can we just admit that having these women called the Amazons is a bit of a mind fuck since the company Amazon pretty much rules the country? Maybe the Amazons were moved here by Amazon to be the Amazon army? Now that I can believe. Maybe the Amazons are going to be the ones who finally track down and beat the shit out of all these porch thieves? Maybe they’re going to replace the drones that never worked and fly around everywhere so I could technically get my ridiculously expensive doggie jerky treats for my little baby in 15 minutes or less, delivered by a 6 foot babe in a shiny metallic outfit?
Before you call me crazy let's just acknowledge the fact that Amazon employees consider themselves Amazonians. Look:
Now I can’t stop thinking about a horde of Amazon Delivery Babes delivering stuff all day long in invisible Amazon vans, putting the comic down for a bit.
Okay, I’m back from my Amazon Amazonian Delivery Service fantasy, it was lovely. Okay, wait, why the fuck is a drop dead gorgeous Amazon babe going to a bar which looks like douchebag central and then getting upset when a douchebag, who has probably never been close to a babe such as this, goes to touch her? What did you expect to happen? Did you think they were going to sit you down and debate which brand is a better non-dairy option for coffee creamers??? Then she kills all the dudes? Like, kills them. Actually dead.
This is like if I had met that bat shit crazy babe who I hadn’t seen in 10 years and she told me that she now owned an Uzi and has been acquitted multiple times of murdering home invaders due to her lawyers claiming self defense. Since when do Amazons kill loser dudes?
Predictably the response is that some weirdo Fed guy who has a steel hand that shoots bullets is now put in charge of some lethal government task force that is responsible for gathering up all the Amazonians and shipping them out of the country. Congress passes the 'Amazon Safety Act' which I'm sure a bunch of small business owners got excited about until they realized it was about a fictional super hero. I’m not sure if King is making a commentary on our out of control illegal immigration issue or not. Now I’m on edge, is this going turn into some political diatribe, oy King, you’re killing me.
The task force is now apparently rounding Amazons and also killing some of them. Umm, is this the new DC? Is Batman killing people now? How about Supes? This seems a little over the top for me and excessively violent for a Dubz story. Now Amazons are all outlaws and so is Dubz and, hmm, reminds me of a bunch of hero books where the Hero is now the outcast of society blah blah, Marvisney has been doing that trope for years. Oy, King! WTF???
I’m getting cranky, I’m shifting in my La-Z-Boy, I’ve spilled a bit of coffee, this reunion date is not going well…until Dubz finally shows up. Oh thank goodness. King finally takes the gloves off and flexes his muscles and the results are stupendous. I mean, it’s not like he reinvented the Wonder Woman wheel but the whole scene with Dubz at a cemetery in the snow surrounded by Fed Goons and the new Fed Yucky and his Steel Glove was just perfect. Looked like Daniel Sampere saved his best work for that scene as well. Hey there hubba hubba:
If I was on my ten year reunion date with my former Batshit GF it would be here where she would tell me a hilarious story that would have me in tears while being cutesy and endearing. Then a book would fall out of her pocketbook entitled ‘How to make the Best Sandwich for a Guy who’s Watching his Favorite Team Play’ and I’d be all googly eyed.
We then get the introduction of some new villain who supposedly is orchestrating the Amazon persecution. Some old crotchety hawk-nosed grump who sits on a throne in a room with a masonic checkerboard floor. Hmm, is King going for the 'Conspiracy' angle? Last time I read a comic book dude try the conspiracy angle it was Tynion doing the 'Department of Truth' which was a department of mish mosh half baked caca ideas that pulled from a disparate amount of urban myths and actual verified ideas. Uggh, Tynion's a putz.
I dunno, this villain could turn out be a complete goof or he could be powerfully imagined; it could go either way. I mean, this is DC, a comic book universe where goofiness reigns supreme. After the final frame where this villain is introduced you're thinking hmm, is this goofy or cool AF, then you turn the page and DC is promoting some are you effin' kidding me series where the Justice League meets Godzilla vs King Kong ahahahahahahahaha soo frikkin' corny!
Post Date Vibes
Hmm, well, I'm interested, this is interesting, Dubz is interesting. It's been a while since my interest has been piqued in Dubz's main title. Piqued has two meanings though, one is to be stimulated the other is to be resentful or irritated. I can see myself getting piqued by this series really quickly; it could go either way, I'm on the fence. It's like, hmm my Batshit Ex seems different, she seems like she's on the ball, she seems like she's turned a new leaf, but Batshit is lurking inside of that temptress, does it come out and if so when and how much and is it during Monday Night Football? How many sandwiches get made for me until she tosses the plate at my head and presses my face between two slices of sourdough?
I'd have more faith if this was a Black Label title, feels like writers on Black Label get way more leeway than they do on the cheaper ongoing titles. I guess I'm down for a second date even though I know it could turn into a dumpster fire.
We'll go on a hike somewhere. Yeah, a hike, zero money invested, in public, separate cars. It'll be lovely. Or, it'll be a Justice League meets King Kong and Godzilla unmitigated disaster. Man, it's rough out here tryna date.
Rating: 7.5
Verdict: Pull
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