My Brut commercial would be different though, instead of putting on a shirt, a hat and tie my girl will be getting naked and putting on a New York Knicks hoodie, fuzzy Batman pants and my Ra Optics nighttime blue blocking glasses. When I call she’ll be picking up some poop from by dog in the yard. She’ll answer with a sexy ‘What the hell do you want, your dog is driving me nuts’ voice. Fire.
Oh look Prince is on the cover as some contributor! This is the perfect comic to begin the year, let’s do it. Well, once I opened up this comic it was like turds flew out from the pages and exploded all over my face. My face and chair looked like Jackson Pollack just frenetically splattered it with fecal paint. What the hell is this nightmare??? Nooo.
The Premise? Somebody is stealing/ruining art and killing people as well with their signature being the removal or alteration of their left eye. Okay, so is this some occult thing? Are the creators saying this is an occult thing or are they making a nod to their occult friends? Hard to say. I woud like to think the elite families of the world don’t need to put their stink on comic books as well but then you look at Marvel… Anyway, so some Detective Chick who's got a big ass Jody Whatley forehead goes to recruit some lunatic art dude from an insane asylum to help her track down the killer(s).
Now right off the bat I'm annoyed because when she gets to the Loony Bin the nurse is running down the list of things the Lunatic is taking for his condition and gets to the fact that he’s taking homeopathic supplements which are doing nothing for him. Oh great another dipshit idiot denigrating alternative medicines. Dipshit writer idiot lists turmeric, oil of oregano and milk thistle as the remedies. Oh really those are doing nothing??? Well. Provided that you have high quality organic supplements the turmeric is effectively battling his inflammation the oregano is killing all his respiratory bacteria and the milk thistle is helping his liver which by the looks of it this guy definitely needs it (glug glug puke). Maybe if he wasn’t taking this stuff he wouldn’t be alive for this shit show.
This guy’s magic super hero power is that he can jump through paintings and go on the ‘other side’ of the art world. When he does so he meets his life size talking wooden mannequin that helps him fight the baddies. And I’m sure they love to take Thomas the Tank Engine through this world and maybe they can call on Aslan from the Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe to help as well. Oh look, there’s Elmo dressed like Basquiat ready to tackle the evil art thieves! Oh look, there’s me looking like Curious George in a lacy get-up and sneakers and I’m cursing everyone out for dreaming up this nonsense. Don't worry, we all join hands and sing 'The Lollipop Guild' song from The Wizard of Oz to make things better.
The worst part is at the end when the baddies bust into the room of the Mona Lisa and start spraying everyone with bullets. Really? Like, security at the fucking Louvre is so lax they could just waltz in with zero body armor looking like they’re straight out of a Kajagoogoo video and go on a murder spree? Is Adam West’s Batman about to make an entrance? How about the Pelosi’s drunk arguing? Goofus Doofus just jumps through a painting. Neat trick. I’ve been working on jumping into a cup of coffee and rolling away down the street on my next nightmarish dating app date.
I did a little digging and this all makes sense now. So this is a reprint of a series from 5 years ago called ‘The Electric Sublime’. I like that title a whole lot better than Art Brut. The Electric Sublime actually sounds like the name of a Prince song from 1983. Why they renamed it is beyond me. It’s from the same creators that are doing the current series ‘Ice Cream Man’ which didn’t grab my attention enough to pick up. Apparently it’s super popular and due to its popularity Image went ahead and repackaged something that these guys did before they got popular. Yeah, that never really works does it? Resurrecting old work to cash in on somebody’s current popular work?
Yo, you like this? What about this? This happened before this but since you love this then this must be just as great, right? Haha. Get it! Woo hoo!. And you do and…it sucks. Great so I started my year with a rehash of a piece of trash. So what is that telling me and you?
It’s telling us, hey, at least you recognize this is trash. Toss it! Let’s toss and discard all the repackaged repurposed rebranded art they throw at us from now on. Let’s demand new spectacular original works and flow our monies only to these efforts. The more we settle for pigs being painted and called bright white ponies the more they’re going to poop them out for us.
In honor of this deep resolve I am not bagging and boarding this comic. I am ripping it into shreds and trashing it. I tried tossing it through my friends painting but it didn’t make it to another dimension. Hopefully the LA Sanitation Department will have better luck.
Rating: 3.5
Verdict: Incinerate
My 'Best Comics of 2022' is a perfect antidote to this swill. You can find them here:
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