No other way of putting this, It’s been a really rough start to the world of comic books in 2023. I mean, what the hell is going on out there??? Is it just me? Does it seem like they’ve pulled a switcheroo on us? It’s as if we were going to a farmer’s market to get these delicious mangos every weekend but all of a sudden the mangos taste horrible but the dude at the market with the chapped ruddy skin and a wad of bills in his hand is like ‘Waddya mean, it’s the same mango!’ It is not the same mango and it is not the same comic book universe. Did something happen with all these stories of multiple timelines and multiverses where they accidentally switched places with one of their multiverses where all the comic books are mediocre?
If I was to get all corporate and put on a monkey suit and masonic tie/noose around my neck so that I could assess the first quarter of comic book solicits I would come back and notate this one phrase on my quarterly review: There be slim pickins. What has been great so far? Truly great? Don’t say Saga. Saga has become like the show ‘Cheers’ in its heyday. Every episode is an enjoyable experience and a comfort zone for your life; you can count on it delivering the goods. It’s not changing the landscape of TV or shattering the mold it’s just doing what it does best. BKV and Fiona found their formula, it’s brilliant and it can go for a century if they so choose. But it’s not necessarily at that ‘Awe inspiring great wow level’ that is turning your world upside down. The only thing I can think of that has even come close to a Wow this year was ‘A Vicious Circle’ which actually came out at the very end of last year but has yet to deliver issue 2 of 3. That’s it. I say all this because one of the potential ‘Wow Books’ of the year was this one. Gaiman and Buckingham were supposed to deliver a story for the ages as they took up the mantle of Double M. Their first installment was nothing short of a WTF and the one after was a gigantic ginormous ‘Mnyeh, that was aight’.
So as I sat down in my perfect comic reading environment with a perfectly made cup of pour over organic coffee, a gluten free twinkie and my doggie nestled by my side I looked at the current issue of MiracleMan and said ‘Oh for goodness sake, would you fucking be amazing already!’ First things first: This Variant Cover rocks.
Don’t get me started on the absurdity of the variant cover market and how ridiculous the prices are. Real quick, if you make poop, and then say hey, I’m going to put this poop out there but you’ll only be able to find this poop in 1 of 125 or 1 of 250 comic books, well guess what? When you get lucky enough to find it or pay through the nose for it I have some bad news for you: it’s still poop. Just because it’s scarce doesn’t mean it’s valuable. It’s called artificial scarcity my friends and they are raking your wallets across the coals over it. That said: I absolutely looooove all these faux action figure comic book covers. Love Love Love. Here’s a thought: Why can’t these be real?
You want to milk us for our complete paycheck for a variant then why can’t these action figures be real? Why isn’t this MiracleMan action figure able to be purchased with this comic??? Look how cool it is, I want it! How hard can that be? My goodness every previewsworld I look at has dozens of new action figures why can’t the marketing departments get themselves together over some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings one Friday afternoon and figure out how to release actual action figures with these action figure variants? How amazing would that be?!? Dude. I would pay like, I dunno, $25 for a DoubleM Action Figure and this comic, does that sound about right? Maybe $30, possibly $40 but no more. There, you’ve sapped me of a chunk of change over something that probably costs $5 to make. Do it! Make our geeky dreams come true. Look, there’s awful soul sucking evil marketing schemes and then there are ones where there is joy, giddiness and a free flowing exchange of currency for widget. Make It so people. Dammit I want the DoubleM in this cover! Anyway.
As for this issue Gaiman was smart enough to revisit the alien world of the Qys and the Warpsmiths which immediately reminded us of the epic grandeur of what this book has been. Is it me or does the Qys chick look like Portman’s Padme Amidala from Star Wars? Check it out:
Pretty sure Double M and the Qys came out before this installment of Star Wars so either Gaiman gets a real Wookie in his house as a payoff or maybe Gaiman has been guaranteed to pen a new Star Wars Tale where Han Solo becomes Hannah Solo, C3PO gets tits and the exhaust fumes of every spaceship will spit out a rainbow. At any rate, I really love the Alien aspect of this book. Maybe the Qys chick saying that 'Things are weird' was Gaiman's way of acknowledging how wonky the series start was, one can only hope. Feels like he was doubling back in this issue especially with Hagrid/MisterMaster questioning Dicky D and his Dicky D name which is what I'm sure all of us would do if we ever met the kid...
Me: Seriously Dicky? Dude, you think that's your real name?
Dicky: But it's all I know, it's who I am
Me: Hulk Hogan's name is Terry. Dirk Diggler's names is Eddie Adams, got it? You either have a wrestler's name or a porn name but it's not real homie.
Dicky: [Blank Stare]
Me: I think that MiracleWoman chick who looks like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct is your problem bro, she's fuckin' wit Double M. You needs to confront her ass.
Dicky: [Blank Stare]
Me: Dude, she told Double M to kiss you, it wasn't his idea. She's after the MM Throne. This is like some Shakespeare shit but with tights and a guy who ruined a show called 'The Sandman'.
Dicky: [Blank Stare]
Me: So imagine if you watched a TV show of your life but you looked like Beyonce and MiracleMan was being played by Greta Thunberg, you'd be pretty annoyed right?
Dicky: I don't understand.
Me: Can you make me the action figure on this comic? Let's start there.
Gaiman and Buckingham then go all Retro Comic Book vibe for the second half of this book and introduce Johnny Bates as...Young Nastyman! What??? I wanna be Young Nastyman! I think I was actually, black and yellow tights notwithstanding. There's gotta be a spinoff after this is done, the Exploits of Young Nastyman! A streaming show! An immersive experience! A burger pop-up, young nasty burgers! Some fancy shmancy Japanese Anime figurine company needs to release thei $500 Young Nastyman 1:4 action figure! This world needs Young Nastyman!
The final panel of Double M looking at a looking glass at the retro comic art and then gazing out into the stars is just perfect. I got a little verklempt just reading it. Aww, it's good, it's really good, sniffle. Phew. Okay, Neil, you done did it. You got this book back in the saddle and I'm all in for the rest of the ride. This is what brilliant writers do and there's never been any question as to Neil's pedigree. Of course it could all go hooey kablooey by next issue so I'm gonna hold off for as long as I can before reading the next installment.
In the meantime, who do I talk to about getting that Action Figure made?
Rating: 8.9
Verdict: Pull. Yay.
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