Uggh, I’ve been holding off on reading this one since it’s the final White Knight book. I mean, it is DC so they’ll probably bring it back at some point. One underachieving exec at an Editor’s meeting years from now will say ‘Hey, why don’t we do another White Knight story’ and everyone will go bananas for the idea, call the meeting over and jump in piles of cocaine while underage hookers and Drag performers are shipped in from Echo Park for entertainment. But that might not happen until, oh I dunno, December. But for now we have to assume this is the last one for a while and my goodness what a majestic run this has been.
Granted, nothing has been as great as that first series but all the subsequent runs have been good enough to stay atop all the other Batman offerings in that timeframe. Make no mistake, this has been the crown jewel of the Batman universe since it’s inception; nothing has come close. So, once I close the cover of this issue and toss it on my ‘yeah I read that pile’ I won’t have any active Bat Books on my pull and I don’t see anything coming down the pike either to change that. Of course DC could release 25 new Bat Titles next week, so ya never know with Bats.
I do feel that they missed the boat with this series a bit by not making it into a Prestige Large Sized format. What, Sean Murphy ain’t prestigious enough for you DC? Dude has got accolades! His art is also extremely detail oriented so a larger size would really bring his world to life. I say that because the opening offensive by the Bat Team in this issue gets kinda lost with all the small details in the panels. Honestly, it was a bit confusing to follow what was going on. I knew that shit was being blown up and that the Batmobile turned from speedboat into a car which was cool.
I’m waiting for the moment when Batman makes an appearance somehow in the Chicken Devils series where his Batmobile turns into a Bat Food Truck. Waddya think Bats would sell from his Bat Truck? Batties Jamaican Patties? Swing BATter BATter (pancake/crepe truck)? Bats Batty Burgers? You know if campy 1966 Adam West Batman was still doing it to death he’d roll up in a Bat Food Truck for realz.
So the opening was a bit all over the place for me. Also, this Gan chick, who I’m not a fan of, is now all of a sudden a former Special Ops Bad Ass from Afghanistan and is shooting arrows like Erroll Flynn in tights? Wasn’t she like a bumbling nitwit when she was being trained by the Red Hood in the mini series of this Universe? I could be wrong but I remember her as being shy and not very agile. The whole Gan Robin thing irks me, not sure why, just feels pushed in by a frothing at the mouth editor to get a diversity point rather than an organic development of the story.
What has set Murphy’s Batverse apart from all of the others is the emotional core that he’s found with the relationships of all of his characters. He’s infused love, regret, envy and deep flaws within this cast which has taken us as readers on a real rollercoaster ride. The one thing you learn first about screenwriting or writing of any kind is that ‘Story’ is all about your characters. If you just have a plot and two dimensional mannequins nobody’s gonna give a shit. I mean, they may for a second but then they’ll forget everything about your plot except the explosions and shocks. This is exactly how the dating scene in LA goes, you don’t remember names or job titles just property damage, ego damage and social media ruin; it’s fun out here!
Eventually the Bat Team gets their act together, the attack on the Bad Guys is moving along and then we get this moment: Bats, who has been running around without his mask since getting out of jail, puts his cowl back on:
I mean, cmon, Murph just gets it. If you’re a Bat Fan and you didn’t think or emit some sort of ‘Fuck Yeah’ when you saw this then you’re not a Bat Fan you’re a depressed comic geek and you need to get outside and get some sun, maybe take a break from those Ramen packets for a week or two.
As the pages winded down and Bats and the unfrikkinbelievable holographic Jack Napier/Joker character worked their way to their inevitable conclusion I began to feel appreciative and nostalgic for how great this run has been and how there’s nothing like sitting down to a great Bat Story…until…I read the last page…and
NO
FUKCIN
WAY
You’re kidding me. You’re continuing the White Knight story??? WHAT? With who? WHAT? Mirka Andolfo is doing a Joker Daughter/Daddy story??? Mirka Andolfo of ‘Unnatural’ fame? The chick who draws Pig Porn??? I mean she’s really good but, my goodness, her anthropomorphic books are seriously naughty. Like, I had to stop myself and think for a second as I bought a variant cover from her Unnatural Series which was a cover of her main pig character on the cover half nekkid with her big pig tits and pig ass hanging out.
‘Umm is this Kosher?’ I could feel Rabbi Shapiro from my Bar Mitzvah days
looking over my shoulder, glaring at me with his scraggly nose and beady eyes,
sorry Rebbe, I’d never date Pig Babe but, I mean, I might like her on a dating
app but no way she’d like me back. I’d need a bunch of tats, a drug habit and a complete lack of empathy; probably a few guns in my night stand too.
Ha, and now they got Murph taking on Supes and Double Dub Babe in a Whitey Knighty Knight way as well??? And JLA? Wow. They couldn’t even wait a few months. I bet Murphy was picking up his last check from DC and they called him into their Bigwig Editor’s meeting. He walked in and they all had these big grins on their faces. Unbeknownst to Murph all the editors were scratching each other’s eyes out before he walked in because all the Bat Books they currently had on the stands sucked, and the crown jewel of their Alt Uni was about to walk and start his Zorro Book.
DC: Seanie Love, have a seat.
Murph: Hey guys, yeah, I gotta go, Zorro beckons. Thanks for the opportunity, had a blast.
Murphy turns to go
DC: Superman and Wonder Woman! Anything you want! Draw Plastic Man! Mr Mxyzptlk! They’re all yours! White Knight them all!
Murph: Wait, what? You want me –
DC: (bawling on their knees) Please don’t go, please, we – we’re nothing, we –
Murph: But I can’t right now, I have a Zorro -
DC: It’s okay we got Mirka doing the next one, Joker’s Daughter and Jack –
Murph: The Naughty Pig Chick? Is drawing Joker?
DC: Her contract clearly stipulates no Pig Tits, we swear.
Murph: Okay. Hmm. Chippy Z’s Batman run sucks saggy donkey scrotum. Say it.
DC: What?
Murph: Chippy Z’s Batman run sucks saggy donkey scrotum. Say it.
DC: Zdarsky? Well, the numbers are down but he’s doing a swell –
Murph: Chippy Z’s Batman run sucks saggy donkey scrotum. Say it or I walk.
DC: -
The editors huddle over the pile of coke in the middle of
their boardroom table, they snort and bicker for several moments.
DC: Chippy Z’s Batman run sucks saggy donkey scrotum.
Murph: Louder.
DC: Chippy Z’s Batman run sucks saggy donkey scrotum.
Murph: Wonder Woman here I come. No pun intended.
The DC Editors erupt in jubilant cheers as they all swiftly make a conference call to their fave escort service in Echo Park
DC: WE WANT ALL DEM VEGAN TAT HOES! Murph’s doing Supe & Dub!
Well, I guess I’m happy. I mean, that White Knight JLA Verse is going to be amazing. I guess I feel a little cheated. It’s like it’s the last day of Jew kid summer camp and you’re weepy and hugging all your tiny Jew friends that you’ll probably never see again and all of sudden the Camp Director goes ‘Psych! We’re adding another month! Schools across the country aren’t starting until October this year!’ It’s cool, but weird, ya know.
Whatever happens, let’s just be clear, this was a genius alt Bat Verse and if he can do to JLA what he did to Bats we may need him to take over DC…and yes Chippy Z’s Bat run does suck on animal genitalia. Hey Andolfo, don’t get any ideas mmkay?
Rating: 9.2
Verdict: 60% chance a naughty pig babe makes it into Mirka’s run.
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