I’m absolutely floored. This has got to be a first. Issue #9 of this series became the THIRD backstory issue in a row. Have you ever seen that before? Comic book moseying along, narrative moving ahead just fine and then – Boom! Let’s put out not one, not even two, but an unconscionable THREE issues in a row from THREE totally different artists about stuff that happened before our story started with not even one single panel reminding us where the hell we actually are in the current story. There’s only one conclusion that can be drawn from this development: Boss and Rosenberg had no clue that this book was going to be at all successful. They were probably thinking ‘Dude, lets wrap some basketball player’s heads up in a sheet and put them in a Pilgrim dress and drop them in a Lord of The Flies story’. After laughing for a couple months they wrote this comic book and made sure to make as many references to vinyl as possible to maintain their street cred.
I’m sure they were smoking a phat bowl (is that what they say when you’re really getting stoned, I have no idea) in their loft/duplex/vinyl storage facility in Echo Park when they came up with this story idea. One of the Hipster chicks who supplies them with 'shrooms, Kimi Wawa Na Na, had an in at Image since she used to walk around Image’s offices as a half naked Anime chick while she was an intern. It’s where Marjorie Liu got the idea for Kippa for her Monstress series. She was visiting Image and this Kimi Wawa Na Na babe was parading around the offices in her ‘Little Fox’ get up while she was handing out invites to Image’s annual ‘Walking Dead: Nyotaimori’ event (That’s where everyone goes to a private Sushi den but instead of eating sushi off a naked woman they eat it off a naked Zombie).
So Rose Boss got a series, did a bunch of coke, wrote six issues and handed them into Image. Then they took their advance money and headed to Joshua Tree where they went on an Ayahuasca bender as they are wont to do. Problem is, Image got in touch with them somehow and said:
Image: Uh, hey boys, your series is doing really well, we wanna order another six issues, you up for it?
Boss: Who is it?
Rosenberg: The comic dudes.
Boss: Marvel?
Rosenberg: I didn’t say Satan I said the comic dudes.
Boss: Oh, Kirkman and the boys. What do they want? Fuck, I can’t stop seeing flamingos dressed in medical scrubs doing Tik Tok dances.
Rosenberg: Dude, I’m tripping balls, everywhere I look the characters from Saga are dressed up as the cast from Taxi.
Boss: No fucking way, who’s Latka?
Rosenberg: Ghus, the little sea fucker.
Boss: Duuuude, fuckin’ a. Who’s Louie DePalma?
Rosenberg: Lying Cat.
Boss: Dude, get me in your trip dude like yesterday. Shit, where’s Kimi at?
Rosenberg: You’re banging her dude. What do I tell Captain Kirk?
Boss: Six more issues? Dude.
Rosenberg: I know. Wait, I got it. Ass Backwards Story Lines Gambit?
Boss: Fuck yeah ass backwards story lines, ass, ass, ohhhh duuuude –
Rosenberg: Hey look, comic dudes, we’ll do it but like, y’all are gonna have to let us pump out a backstory issue first. We’re working on an anime project based on 70s sitcoms.
Image: Wow, you guys are so ahead of the times. Backstories? Love ‘em.
So Image hung up and Boss/Rosenberg never left Joshua Tree which forced Image to pump out their own backstory issue with an artist of their choosing. This has gone on since last October, for three issues. Don’t believe me? That image you see on the cover above is what they were staring at the entire time they were in Joshua tree. They attempted to climb into that thing and pilot it to Saturn every day while tripping balls. That freaked out fox/coyote you see looking off to the left is looking at Kimi Wawa Na Na who’s also dressed like a fox on her hands and knees. Boss and Rosenberg were finally found on New Year’s Eve at the Parkwest Bicycle Casino in Bell Gardens, CA passed out at the poker tables dressed as Lying Cats.
While in Rehab they pumped out issue #10 in a few days while pounding mushroom coffee which was approved by their rehab. I’m pretty sure I saw them dressed up as Antifa over the weekend in Downtown LA during the police protests. Makes sense, I would also want a way to release the stress of Image’s publication schedule and what better way than busting car windows and storefronts with a hammer knowing you’ll never be arrested?
Anyway, so Issue 10? I mean, I have no idea what the hell is going on at this point. I'm pretty sure Issue 6, where we left off, was released during Barack Obama's presidency. Why couldn't these doofuses have just taken a hiatus like all the other successful comic book series? These cats need to head over to Sherman Oaks and hang out with BKV, that dude will totally school these druggies on how to take mad breaks from creating comic book stuff. He'll have '4 Kids Walk Into a Bank' on Hulu faster than you can say 'For God's sake do not turn Saga into a wack streaming show'. Well, it turns out I didn't have to fish through all my comic book boxes to find Issue #6, why? BECAUSE ISSUE 10 IS ANOTHER BACKSTORY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Are you frikkin' kidding me? I mean, it's not half bad, it involves a Hall & Oates album and a Husky and I'm all for doggies. It was definitely done by our resident Ball Trippers. Maybe they got back to their loft/duplex/vinyl storage facility in Echo Park after finishing their rehab/Antifa stint and got writer's block. Maybe they wrote this story while crawling naked on their bellies in Joshua Tree chasing a coyote that looked like Tony Danza. Maybe we'll just have nothing but back story issues for the rest of the year.
Maybe I'll connect with Kimi Wawa Na Na on my Raya app and meet up with her at an Izakaya in Little Tokyo where she'll confess to me that she's written and drawn this entire series. And maybe, juuuust maybe, I'll read the next back story issue of this series as it's perfectly placed on her naked body while my mug of coffee rests on one of her boobs and my gluten free cinnamon roll rests on her poon. Maybe after I'm finished reading Kimi will text her contact at Paramount Studios and we'll head over there and pitch them a reboot of Taxi for their Paramount Plus network and I'll finally live my dream of playing Louie DePalma. That would be the furthest place from me sitting here by my onesies in my La-Z-Boy wondering when the hell this story is going to get going again.
Rating: 7.0
Verdict: Pull and Date Kimi
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