Before I get into what Sir Neil did with this issue I’d like to preface this all by saying I love me some Neil G, like for realz foreverrzz. Everything he touched turned to gold untillll The Sandman Netflix show. That Ambien substitute literally put me to sleep and his casting choices rankled me. Look, if you have existing material that fans have cherished close to their heart for decades and then you change the look of that material for no specific reason other than your whimsical fetish or cultural imperative then you have betrayed the trust of your fans. Period. I have ZERO issue with diverse casting/gender swap casting if it makes sense and the performance of that casting transcends the original by leaps and bounds. That’s not what happened here, it made a mockery of the existing material especially with Lucien who I adored in the comics. That casting right off the bat bit my balls every scene and I’m not really into nut play.
Look, if you have existing material but then are changing the world for a piece that exists prior to your existing material than you have every right to do whatever as you so please since the world has not been defined yet. I’m looking at you ‘Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power’. The diverse casting in that show was magnificently done and all the choices gave performances that uplifted the series to another level, especially Arondir; he was flat out brilliant. I also loved Princess Disa. Bottom line: The Non-Traditional Diverse casting for Sandman was jarring and a huge distraction. The Non Traditional Diverse casting for LOTR on Prime was seamless and amazing with stellar performances by each cast member. Just because you go a different way doesn’t mean it works. So lets just say that after the Sandman debacle Neil got a stink eye from me.
You open up the issue and even Marvisney is trumpeting the fact that it’s been TWENTY NINE YEARS since the story was left off. To put that into context, twenty-nine years ago Shawshank Redemption was released in theaters. Can you imagine if they were about to release a sequel to that masterpiece? Well, actually the way Hollywood works I’m sure there’s been countless drafts submitted for that hypothetical project:
Studio Exec: Shawshank 2 huh? Okay, waddya boys got for me?
Writing Partner One: Okay, so, Andy and Red finish the boat, they sail off and end up in a Bermuda Triangle vortex that takes them back to a land of dinosaurs and instead of escaping from a prison they have to escape into a prison to be safe.
Writing Partner Two: When the Aliens attack the Avengers show up and Margot Robbie is Captain America, Spike Lee is the Hulk and Mayim Bialik is Iron Yenta. Look, it’s a bit far fetched but we’ve got to find a way to sell all this Iron Yenta Merch we have in stock. The bidet that goes ‘Oy’ after it shoots water is a Holiday Gift that’s begging to go viral’.
Studio Exec: Mayim is a terror on set with her allergy requests. But I like it!
Okay, so, this comic? Basically it’s pure blah. Dicky ends up in the Himalayas, gets picked up by a random hiker dude hiking to meet some former Double M enhanced hero at the top. On their way they meet a horny superhero purple haired babe and a huge Brotha with Storm hair on a high tech motorcycle. Dicky sits behind the purple hair chick and she grabs his hands and places them under her boobs. So, everybody wants to bang Dicky. Maybe that should be your new Netflix show: Everybody wants to Bang Dicky D and you can cast Cardi B as Dicky D and Steve Buscemi as the purple hair chick and CGI the Olsen Sisters as each one of her boobs.
What does Neil have against chicks with red or multi-colored hair, are they all just sluts? Why is there no outrage from the masses? Maybe if he draws a Blue Haired chick she’ll insist Dickie join her in a protest against capitalism and shove some impossible meat up his impeccable anus. Anyway –
They finally get to the top, Dickie has nightmares of Johnny who looks like Namor in a suit, the Dude they’re hiking to meet looks like Hagrid from Harry Pooper. He whines about how he was made a hero by Double M and didn’t like it. Boo frikkin Hoo. I’m supposed to care, why? We get three panels of MiracleMan in sum total. Johnny gets cast out of Dickie Dreamland and…that’s it? Dude.
Here’s a question to all the Comic Geeks out there? What’s great right now? Not, what’s really good what’s ‘Oh my goodness cannot wait have to read in seconds once I get it’ great? I look on the stands and see, well, all the amazing Black Label books have just ended. Saga is back but it kinda stumbled out of the gate a bit. A Vicious Circle was great but it’s only three issues and I think it’s gonna need a beyond amazing second issue to cement its greatness. THIS book is supposed to transcend the medium. THIS book is supposed to set the standard for comic books in 2023. THIS is the one that you cradle in your hands and smile after you’re done reading it.
Come on Sir Neil. I have faith. Bring it. Maybe take out the bit of some green haired pan sexual flight attendant who wants to have Dicky D suck her scuffled flight attendant shoes and just focus on the main characters? I’ll be here waiting for your masterpiece…while looking out my window to see if any Purple Haired Babes walk past, I mean, I am kinda horny.
Rating: 6.5
Verdict: Pull
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