Sigh. Good not great. A lot of times in life we settle for good not great. Why? Because it’s good! What’s wrong with good? Everything can’t be great! True. But we should always strive for greatness. There must be an attempt. In art and entertainment I’m sure creative beings always want something to be great but it doesn’t always turn out that way. Sometimes the transition from thought to rough sketch to being done and taken in by a complete stranger is a nasty ride. Everything can’t always be great especially when it’s Batman comic books and there’s five hundred titles a month to choose from.
I believe you should choose comics to read based on a feeling not a brand. If you see something come out or hear about something that excites you pick it up! Conversely if you’re reading something and it doesn’t make you go ‘Ooh I should read blank blank today, that’ll be fun’ then stop reading it. Comic books are like dating. If whomever you’re dating doesn’t give you a great feeling and inspire you to want to see them then you should stop seeing them; don’t waste their time.
A lot of times we continue seeing people because you think ‘hey, I don’t have anybody else and I’m comfy with them’. I’m sure many girls have thought that about me ‘Yeesh, he’s so frikkin’ loud and I can’t stand it when he stares at me like he’s Prince but, I dunno, at least he’s not like my last meth head boyfriend who put a hot curling iron on my bare ass because he wanted to brand me like a cow'.
When I look over to my comic book rack (yes I have an actual wooden comic book rack that I keep my current comics in, best thing everrrr) I see a bunch of titles I have yet to read. There’s the final issue of Pearl which I am totally psyched about. Chicken Devil has just launched a new arc, fuck yes. Andromeda, by the same writer of the two Detective Comics I’m going to get to in a second, is wrapping up and that has been one of the best of the year. Actually, all three of these titles are great, top of the line can’t miss issues. So when I flip through the rack and see that I have two Detective Comics issues backed up because I didn’t read one last month it’s pretty obvious I need to break up with them.
If I was dating them, and clearly it would not be exclusive, I would take them to museums, art galleries, a hike, maybe a cool coffee spot, but all things that cost zero money.
I would Netflix and chill them.
Hulu and Woo Woo them.
HBO Max and Wax them.
Amazon Prime them and slime them.
I wouldn’t wine them and dine them.
To the comic. This Bat Book feels like it should be epic…but it isn’t. It wants to be epic…but it isn’t. It’s a little muddy and, I dunno, cornball? Has that 80s 90s Bat Book feel. Court of Owls by Snyder and Capullo was fucking epic. The first White Knight story was holy shit epic. Even Jock’s One Dark Knight had a hint of epic. This feels like Batman on a Tuesday night. No particular reason. The Orghams are these demonic European creepazoids on a ship sailing to reclaim their Arkham name or something. They submitted their DNA to 23 & Me and were like 'Yo, we own a prison for Bat Villains in Gotham let's go get that shit! Put your creepy contact lenses in and get that devil's dust so we can fuck with that Two Face loser who still owes us from the Fantasy Football league we won a few years ago'.
Talia As Ghul is Bats' Baby Momma right? I can't keep up with Bats and his girlfriends. They're fighting on a dock for alimony? He liked a Kim Bassinger post last week? He took Damian out for a steak when she's trying to keep him Vegan? He told her Bernie Sanders is a kooky loser after she donated a cool mill to him? They look great fighting. Bats fights a lot of dangerous hot babes in hot outfits. Maybe, I dunno Bruce, go to Erewhon sometime and pick up a wacky Actress chick see if that's a better fit. You have the house, the car and the money and your dark secret isn't that you're really gay and off to Palm Springs for a weekly White Party extravaganza; they'll be totally psyched to date you.
I mean, look, the creative team is as good as it gets and they all do a really good job. But see, if you’re gonna put out oodles of Bat books then I’m gonna want to read the great ones. I’m not throwing down a hundy a month on Bats cuz I have a Bat fetish. I can’t pick up every number one issue, you’re gonna have to grab me. And if you don’t I don’t care cuz I know there’s a dozen Bat books coming down the pike. This is why you don’t boo comedians. If they suck, so what, there’s a whole line waiting backstage to try to tickle your funny femur. If it’s the Headliner and they suck, yes, boo, they deserve it since they’re getting paid the big bucks and they’re on the marquee. Detective Comics is a headliner.
Boooo.
Rating: 7.3
Verdict: Drop
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