Somna is the sexiest comic book ever created in the history of the universe. Period. I wrote an entire review of how absolutely gorgeous and steamy this book was – and then my computer crashed. Now, given the fact that the sexy bits of this book revolve around a hot Salem Witchy type chick and a Demon, I have to wonder if God struck down my review since it’s blasphemy to proclaim a comic as the sexiest ever if it involves banging and diddling to a Demon. I figure God has waaay more things in the world to strike down as blasphemous these days so the next suspect up is probably that the CCP hacked my computer and shut it down mid-review, the same way they hacked that boat a few weeks back and crashed it into a bridge.
Clearly they’re looking to take down not only our country’s infrastructure but our deeply immoral behavior and perverse proclivities. So in a way, I’m honored that such a small fry like myself caught the attention of such a Big Potato. I do find it ironic that a political mechanism that ultimately is run by Satan himself is upset about a Demon Diddling comic book. Maybe he doesn’t like the competition? At any rate, I’m doubling down on my proclamation: Tula Lotay set these pages on fire with her divinely profane art and you will be hard pressed to find anything as deliciously racy in a comic book as the work she did on Somna.The juxtaposition of two distinct artistic styles that she used was absolutely mesmerizing. It’s not easy to pull something like that off and she rendered the whole device right down to its birthday suit.
Not to be outdone, Becky Cloonan penned a masterful tale about an enchanting young woman in the Salem Witch era who’s married to the main ‘Witch Hunter’ of her town. She’s visited by a Demon in her dreams; dreams that become erotically charged as she descends into a world of pleasure and truth where the lies of her townsfolk are revealed. It was a truly compelling read. I will say this though, I think it ended a bit abruptly and I was really disappointed the Female Lead ended up the way she did. I’m also not completely sure as to what the final panel is meant to imply. I don’t want to give it away but I’m not sure I could even if I wanted to.
Despite the slight slip at the very very end, I really hope these two find ways to continue to work with each other for many many more projects. Apparently this has been in the works for years. I wish I was a fly on the wall in one of their initial pitch meetings. Actually, I’ve never seen a fly on the wall in any important situation, have you? Maybe we need to change this phrase to ‘I wish I was an interdimensional wraith in the corner’, that sounds a lot more believable.
The name of the Comic Exec has been redacted due to pending litigation.
Comic Exec: So there’s Demon Sex?
Becky: Well, it’s not just – I mean, it’s an Erotic Folk Horror, a treatise on -
Tula: Sex with the Demon doesn’t happen until the 3rd issue
Comic Exec: So there’s Demon Sex
Becky: Well, there’s Demon Arousal and –
Comic Exec: Diddling?
Becky: Yes, I suppose you could say –
Tula: The Demon Diddling is tasteful and it’s not the Demon who’s Diddling.
Comic Exec: Who’s diddling?
Becky: Ingrid our female lead.
Comic Exec: To the Demon?
Tula: Yes, but that’s because she’s being ignored by her Puritanical husband who’s too busy finding excuses to condemn innocent dissatisfied women –
Comic Exec: Wait, are you saying that if you ignore your wife a Demon will bang her?
Becky: It takes place in her dreams, it’s implied that it could be –
Tula: My ex ignored me and I ended up having an affair with an Anarchist/Atheist who hated dogs and played Enya all day long. I suppose you could say he was a Demon.
Becky: Tula! [beat] It’s a story of persecution and desire, the Demon is really symbolic of –
Tula: Look, here’s some pages that I’ve been working on. As you can see there’s two distinct visual landscapes that
The Comic Book Suit Grabs them. Shuffles through them really quickly and rises
Comic Exec: Excuse me for a second
He exits
Becky: Tula what the fuck?
Tula: What?
Becky: I
thought we agreed we would focus on the themes and emotional undercurrents of -
Tula: Fuck these pervs.
Becky: This is our last domestic publisher!
Tula: You mean our last Perv. Fuck these guys.
Becky: I’m not doing a Goddamn Web Comic! Why did you give him those pages?
Tula: Because they’re fucking great and so is your story.
Becky: Uggh, where is this loser?
The Comic Suit's assistant pokes her head in
Assistant: Hi.
Becky: Hello.
Assistant: Hi. Yeah, umm, [Name redacted] is indisposed at the moment.
Tula: Where did he go?
Assistant: He’s in his private bathroom and, well –
Becky: Great, c’mon Tula let’s go.
Tula: Becky, you don’t know –
Becky: This always happens after you give them pages, I thought – uggh.
They make their way to the elevator
Tula: How was I supposed to know that every Comic Book publisher had a ‘Fuck a Demon’ fetish?
Becky: After seven in a row I thought it’d be obvious.
Tula: Well, I figure Marvel and DC would but they weren’t going to pick this up anyway.
Becky: They’re all fucking perverts Tula! They all go to the bathroom and jerk off! Every time!
Tula: They are sexy pages, I don’t blame them.
Becky: Do you want our book to be picked up or do you want to provide fat bearded men in their 40s with masturbatory material?
They get in the elevator
Tula: Well, that is our audience, isn’t it?
The doors close
You know this is exactly how one of their pitch meetings went, you know I’m right! Can anyone in the comic book industry even come close to what these two majestic titans have created here? Will anyone even try? I’d like to think there’s a huge audience for romance, erotica and relationship type books. I feel like the Capes and Cowls genre is running on fumes a bit after Marvisney & DeeCeeYaLater oversaturated our eyeballs and cheapened their brands the past several years.
Penthouse Comics is ripe for providing this type of content but so far their first offering shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence as this comic. They should be putting out stuff like Somna except they literally sleep walked through their first book in years and charged us $10 to boot(y).
Man, I’m bummed this is over. I’ve asked this before but it bears repeating: Why the fuck are these prestige comics always over after 3 issues??!? Is there a law on the books? Was it stuffed into one of those ridiculous omnibuses on Capital Hill recently? Send Ukraine another 60 Billion and cap prestige comics at 3 issues? Is it because of the Trades? You don’t wanna charge people more than $25 for your story or something? Dude, start an ongoing prestige series! What the fuck. These prestige format stories have been the best thing going the past few years. Is it Marvisney’s fault? They haven’t dabbled in this format yet, are they upset about it? They’d rather charge $8 for cheap poop and 30 variants instead of actually putting out an amazing book?
I shouldn’t even mention Marvisney in the same post as Becky Cloonan and Tula Lotay’s masterpiece. Bravo Ladies. You raised the bar and then some. Perhaps some of the Neanderthals out there will take up your gauntlet and meet you there only to inspire you to soar higher than before.
Rating: 9.8
Verdict: Wow.
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