Some
would say there has been a concerted effort by the World Elites over the past
several decades to depopulate the planet. They’ve introduced the Climate Scam
and made people think they are in fact a virus, promoted abortions worldwide,
poisoned the food supply, introduced hormone blocking chemicals into any and
every product they could get their hands on, made porn accessible to anyone so
that it’s easier to stay at home and get off rather than forage out and into
the world for love and satisfaction. Fertility, birth rates and sperm counts
are at an all time low everywhere you look. All of those are valid arguments to
indicate there’s been an agenda to systematically eliminate humans. But the
biggest tool used by the elites to prevent humans from meeting, copulating and
creating children and families is:
Dating Apps.
Dating
apps are a scourge on the planet. One could argue they have done more to
disintegrate and antagonize male/female relationships than any other
technological and chemical advance in the history of the Universe. Yeah, sure,
blah, blah, people have met their soulmates and found love and great
connections on these apps. But it’s probably the same percentage of people that
win lotteries or win actual prizes from those scratch off games.
Humanity,
if AI lets us stick around, will look back upon this period of Dating Apps many
many years from now and wonder how men and women weren’t using ice picks and
machetes on each other in the streets due to the inordinate amount of
frustration and angst that dating apps gave them.
I
think a great business idea would be to open a space where people could post
the pictures of all the profiles that made them feel useless, used, ugly and
unworthy so that they and other people could walk in and scream and throw
rotten produce at it. It would be like an art gallery for ‘unemployed fake ass
busta douchebags’ and ‘stank ass skeezy dick teasing hos’ that everyone has
fallen prey to on these fucking apps from Hades. I think the High Ranking
Demons came to the Pope or Satan or both one day and said that the world still
believed in God and Love and they hatched a plan together to create dating apps
so that people would not only stop believing in God and Love but question
whether it ever existed in the first place.
I’ve
tried every single fucking dating app. If my soul was a dick then it would be
great because they have all sucked my soul dry. I wish I could get back all the
time I’ve spent on these illusions. If you said ‘You can have a chance at every
beautiful in woman the world on your phone’ or I’ll let you loose naked and covered
in dung on a Victoria’s Secret party in the hills for 15 minutes I would’ve
taken the naked dung offer. What. A fucking scam. It is the illusion of choice.
Nothing but greener grass wherever you look and it’s ruined male female
relationships or any type of preferred gender relationship for a long time.
Why?
The main reason is this: Why bother talking to that cute guy/girl on line at
the supermarket or sitting with their friends at the bar when there are a
hundred of them on your phone? Why bother dealing with the ups and downs of
what it takes to get to know somebody you really like when you can just hit the
reset button every day and find someone new on your phone? What dating apps
have done is they have removed us from our lives and shoved our faces and our
desires into our phones. So what happens is we miss life that’s happening all
around us at all times. We forgo taking a chance or making a move that’s
steeped in fear and possible rejection for the easier option of a swipe.
Now?
Nobody talks to anybody anywhere. I used to talk to girls everywhere out in the
world. Now? Nothing. You can just feel it. People are weirded out when a
complete stranger starts chatting them up. Sure, there are exceptions but in
one of the largest cities in the world (Los Angeles) we just move amongst each
other in silence or in packs; there is close to zero interaction and it’s
pathetically depressing.
So I
was intrigued when I saw a comic about a dating app. Oh, you might ask, what’s
the worst dating app/site of them all? Sorry, they all sucked in unique and
interesting ways. I would say the most debilitating aspect of them all is that
so many times I never knew if I was talking to a real person, a real girl or a
bot. Is this hot babe a dude posing as a
girl, or maybe it’s a 400 pound bedridden meth addict in the middle of nowhere.
That’s why I use the Raya app because at least they vet everyone on there and
you can confirm they’re real with their Insta account. Although with AI these
days, who fucking knows. Still, even with thousands of real people on the we
screen for real interesting people app, nobody talks to anyone or messages
back. It’s a thing.
Okay,
so back to this comic. It fucking sucks, just like a dating app. I don’t even
know where to begin. It’s like a bad CW Show if a CW Show was spam ads on your
Insta feed. There’s an app called crave that gives you everything you want when
it comes to whoever is on the app. It’s set in a college environment so it’s a
controlled location and supposedly once you tell the app what you want it
delivers it to you. Oh go fuck yourself. I’m insulted by how cavalier it just
assumes acquiescence. A lot of the hooking up has to do with ‘Oh you want so
and so, they’re here go get them’. So one scenario has a meek little loser
ending up in an elevator with this hot chick. Now the hot chick doesn’t know
anything about the meek little loser but we’re to assume that meek little loser
hooks up. Yeah, no.
I
mean, what the hell do I know? It is college and given how horny you are in
college maybe this app works, especially these days with kids so sexualized.
Back when I was in college we had ‘Let’s talk about Sex’ by Salt n Pepa and
‘Red Light Special’ by TLC as naughty songs. The most risqué video was the
frikkin’ ‘Thong Song’. Now they got WAP. Like basically, they should just come
out with a song now that says shove your stuff in my crotch and suck suck suck;
call it ‘Suck Suck Suck’. Instead of the ‘Thong Song’ I’m wating for the song
called ‘Cervix’. It’ll be five minutes of someone wailing in Autotune ‘Hit my
Cervix Harder!’ Regardless, this is a comic and I need a, you know, a story,
which would be nice. There’s some flimsy plot about a normal looking dude who
has a blah normal looking uppity girlfriend that he ditches for this other hot
blonde chick who ignores him but who is probably on the app doing naughty
things and gee, I wonder, will he end up doing naughty things with her?
Yaaaaawwwn.
Yes
the hot blonde that grips this normal dude who has zero likability is the chick
on the cover with the nipple tape. I would say as a rule of thumb if you see
nipple tape at a chick’s place, run. Is there a preferred nipple tape brand or
do they just get by with 3M or Scotch tape. I wonder if that’s like a convo in nipple
tape circles. Maybe when you see a bunch of scantily clad hotties arguing in a
club it’s not about men or where to shop it’s about the pros and cons of using
duct tape as nipple tape versus caution tape.
Oh,
that’s another thing, the roommate of the lead boring loser leaves for the
weekend or something and before he goes he leaves a post-it note on a desktop
monitor to warn his roomie to not use the Crave app. Are you fucking kidding
me? Do you think college kids even know what a ‘post it’ is other than to mean
put that reel up of you puking on so and so on your Insta account? And really?
A desktop monitor in a college dorm??? Oh yeah, I’m sure college kids are all
about old school 15” desktop iMacs, or are they Commodore 64s on their desks? How
ridiculous, I’m gonna write a comic about a dating app and use a post-it note
on a desktop monitor as a plot device. I suppose in the next issue our lead
loser gets a message on his answering machine that he doesn’t get in time and
he’s also unable to receive pings on his Motorola two-way pager. Oy vey.
Another
major gripe that I have is I’m totally taken out of the story by this Maria
Lovett person putting her name on a chunk of the panels. What is this shit? Is
this a thing now? The dude who did Scott Snyder’s ‘Night of the Ghoul’ did
this, some Franky Franachancavilla dude. Is this like comic book artist
tagging? I get yanked out of the story when I’m reading it and I see a name on
the art, like it just pops my imagination bubble. Look at this:
Those little circles in the corner, which are all over the comic, have her name in it and the year although the year is 2022 which tells me, hmm, what does it tell me, it
tells me that there should still be zero references to post-it notes and fucking
desktop monitors!!!
I
will leave you with this. Here’s the thing with dating apps. I’ve met my share
of girls off of the apps. Maybe one or two at most looked like their pictures
and of them all maybe only one or two did I feel like I had an actual vibe with.
Everybody else was a major disappointment or when we met it felt awkward and
wonky despite our dozens of messages that we had sent each other. The reason
being is that nothing beats vibe. Nothing beats the feeling you get when you
see someone in person for the first time and it’s far more of a surer thing to
get that vibe from meeting someone out in the world than it is to connect with
them on the illusion that they’re projecting on the app. Period. Yes, I hear
from many that this is the organic way of meeting somebody these days and to
that I say, go fuck yourself.
The
tag line of this comic is ‘Tell us what you Crave – We’ll make it happen’.
Okay, I crave that all dating apps would go poof and we’d get back to the joy
of finding someone in our day to day lives again.
Crave?
Swipe left.
Rating:
5.5
Verdict:
Drop
