Ah, another issue drop of ‘What’s the Furthest Place from the Main Plot Narrative’ yippee! This comic is like a hot babe who you had one amazing date with but who you haven’t seen in months. You can’t figure out why she’s not interested in you even though you’re quite sure you both enjoyed yourselves immensely while bowling and making out between gutter balls. Yet she’s distant and barely responds to your DMs on Insta. You want to give up on her but then you see her post something and all your blood rushes to your crotch and then commands your brain to think up an excuse as to why you would be reaching out to her; it’s pure madness. That is what this comic book is like: It was great and now it’s in wackadoodleville but you keep coming back to it because it hooked you so well when it was going great.
WTFPFH was brilliant for the first six issues but now we’re still in a forest with some ancillary characters and I have no fucking idea what this story is about anymore. Actually wait, we’re back in the forest but now we’re in another backstory on another timeline. You know, I really think these two dudes wanted a Netflix series and instead somehow got roped into writing a comic book instead. Like, this was their dream pilot project but while getting lit at a grungy hipster loft party where everyone was dressed as furries somebody convinced them that using your comic book as a storyboard to pitch your TV project is all the rage now. This actually would work way better as a Netflix Series than a comic. It reminds of this current hot show called ‘Beef’, have you seen it? It’s actually really good but it goes so far off the rails from episode to episode, it’s insane. It’s like they’re trying to figure out ways from episode to episode to just blow up the entire plot; but it somehow works! That’s what Boss and Rosiecheeks I feel are trying to do but in Comic Book land it just comes off as a sequential art shit show.
I’ve stated this before but it bears repeating in order to understand why this comic book has flown off the rails into the clouds and off into another dimension. It has left the main story bloodied and butchered on the train tracks in its wake but there’s a logical explanation. I’m gonna call Boss and Rosenberg BossBurger for convenience sake. Let’s recap:
1. BossBurger, two Hipster Flat White drinking He/Her/Them/Don’t Forget Us did a micro dose one night that turned into a macro dose. They came up with this wild dystopian future/Lord of the Flies type story that was fantastic.
2. After developing the pilot for years they allowed a pseudo hottie at a hipster loft party to convince to turn it into a comic that would eventually turn into the Netflix series they wanted. They brought the concept to Image and although there was no Oatly available at their initial meeting BossBurger forgave Image and let them publish their new opus.
3. The first six issues were a groundbreaking wild success. Several of the initial variant issues had 45 records which exploded the heads of the many hipster vinyl aficionados who latched onto the series. This caused them to halt the Vinyl Variants due to a major drop off in sales due to a chunk of their audience spontaneously combusting – but they kept chugging along
4. Due to the success Image called BossBurger after the 5th issue and said they wanted to continue the story after issue 6. Both Tyler and Boss answered the phone during one of their annual Ayuhuasca trips and completely freaked out. First, they never intended for this story to go longer than 6 issues and secondly, due to them tripping balls Robert Kirkman’s voice sounded like the character Sho Nuff from the 1985 Martial Arts Film ‘The Last Dragon’ BossBurger were mortally afraid of this character and had nightmares as kids from the “guy who looked like a Black Gene Simmons”, according to them. This caused them to flee to Tulum with their insignificant others.
5. Image, at a loss as to what to do since they already paid for 6 more issues ended up hiring a bunch of different artists and lured Matt Fraction out of a Canadian Sex Dungeon to write back-up stories as a Ghost Writer for 4 issues, this continued until issue 10 at which point they had to wrap Fraction up and ship him back to Montreal after Image’s offices turned into what looked like an S&M Convention. Kirkman was also tired of telling Fraction that he did not want to dye his pubes and back hair cherry red like Fraction’s girlfriend super cute ultra talented girlfriend Kelly.
6. Eventually BossBurger returned from Tulum. They were broke from spending all their money on hallucinogenics and from investing all their earnings in Silicon Valley Bank stock since one of their dealers was a shareholder of the bank and promised them untold riches. They crawled in their tattered rags to Image’s office and begged them to let them complete the story. It took them a few hours to wade through the rows of Sex Swings but eventually they made their way to Kirkman’s office and groveled in his lap
7. Back in their Silverlake hovel, BossBurger had no idea what their comic book was about anymore so after tripping balls on cheap Hashish that they procured at a creepy pot and pan store in Chinatown they tapped into their childhood fantasies about banging chicks with animal heads on in the woods.
And now here we are at Backstory #6 of the initial 12 issues at some wacky young/old folks home that we already visited before sometime back when there were vinyl variants and a cast list inside the front cover. Here’s the thing, it’s not that any of these issues are bad per se it’s just that they’re so all over the place there’s zero continuity from month to month. Bossburger needs to be sat down at a UCLA Writing Class and be whipped with a switch until they realize the importance of maintaining a consistent timeline and not to lose your readers by incorporating a dozen over the course of your initial story arcs.
The final panel reveals the face of the enormously tall ‘Parental Figures’ of this series who have been popping in and out of the story dressed in puritanical long black dresses and washcloths that cover their entire head. Let’s just say Picasso would have enjoyed the reveal. As for me, I just rolled my eyes. Looks like next issue is the only issue left until they release another trade and there’s nothing scheduled as far as I can see after that.
I suppose Bossburger have probably defaulted on their Silverlake Hovel due to the exorbitant rental prices that plague the LA Market. I’m sure they’re gonna take time off as they move to Austin or Nashville or Florida or maybe they’ll go backpacking in Chile, who knows, whatever they need to do to continue to avoid figuring out where the hell their main narrative went. It doesn’t matter though, I’ll keep coming back every month because I’m a sucker for a hot story idea even if it continues to emotionally abuse me and ignore my blog posts begging for it to come back home to a grounded tale.
Just be careful Bossburger, ya never know when Matt Fraction will step away from his addiction to brimping and take over your comic book when you’re too busy shrooming to notice. Happens all the time.
Rating: 5.7
Verdict: Pull. Yes pull it! Don’t ask why just pull it! Arrrggghhhh!
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