Oh fer goodness sake. Really? Like, are you kidding me. Seriously? Like, what the fuck guys? RoseyBoss, c’mon what the hell is going on with you dudes and this comic? Are you intentionally trying to torpedo this book? It started off so very very well, for a protracted amount of time, like a good six plus issues and then…what? You didn’t expect to have to write more so you ran off to Tulum with a sack of drugs while other Comic Book people did backstories for you for 3-4 months? Did you even come back from your ‘shroom escapade? Did AI write this issue for you? That’s a totally legit question. People, I think we need to start realizing and accepting the fact that AI is slowly encroaching into the world of creativity. It is going to get harder and harder to differentiate AI visual art, literature, music or any story for that matter versus Organic Earthling stuff. So, are we at ‘What’s the Furthest Place from Human Thought’ with issue eleven?
If Roseypants and T-Boss actually did write this book, I mean, do we need to go back to Creative Writing and Narrative 101 with you guys? Like, has everyone gotten so lost in the ideas and overarching themes and ‘wouldn’t this be cool if we did this’ type of approach that they forgot how to craft a fucking story? There was a story here, a good one, I have no idea where the fuck it went.
So, let’s recap. You wrote a riveting interesting story for 6 issues, you had vinyl variants, you had a cast of hipster losers in a vinyl shop living in this peculiar post apocalyptic yadda yadda world. Then you stopped. You had other people write and draw back stories for several issues. Which is totally fucking nuts, nobody writes 4 backstories in a row but whatever. One of them was actually fascinating and clued me into the mechanisms of your world. Okay, great. I’m into it again. The last issue was kind of a like a back issue since you showed us the path that a character took who was introduced in issue one and who we haven’t seen since issue one.
You finally come back and, what, where the hell are we? What’s going on right now? Why am I in a forest with this punk character whose Mohawk is always perfectly coifed and shaved on the sides? What happened to him again? He’s been sliced open, how again? Guys, you realize that the last time we were in the actual present time story it was around last Thanksgiving? Who do you guys think you are? The Cosby Show in its heyday? The Milton Berle Show? You think it’s 1955 and you’re the only show in town? So we’ll be waiting with baited breath for your return as we pore over your back issues that you clearly think are sitting right next to us, feathered out one by one on our couch? I don’t remember what the fuck is going on here!!! You used to have a character list on the inside of the cover, where did that go? Maybe give us a blurb, a ‘hey a quick little recap’. Give me the option of hitting ‘Skip’ on the previous episode recap at least. This is 2023 guys! Everybody’s got 50 stories they’re following at one time not to mention all the mind numbing neatly manicured pix and vids they take in from people who they think are their friends but who will refuse to ever see them in person.
I’m not reading one comic a month I’m reading 20! Well, more like 12 since Marvisney refuses to put out readable content on paper that doesn’t wilt in your hands like a liquefied banana peel.
Look, I don’t wanna be this asshole comic book review guy. I’m not sitting here with my vintage Spidey shirt on that barely covers my hairy paunch while I’m sipping on flat Mountain Dew with a bunch of pork rind crumbs on my collar. Dragon Ball Z is not playing in the background of my bachelor apartment in Korea Town. A bunch of 53 terabyte flash drives of porn are not laying strewn around my floor. I’m not that angry at the world guy. I’m the antithesis of that guy! I want you to be great. I want to read amazing comics. I want Marvel to be sold to someone who knows how to steer the ship of a great comic book universe. I’ve dropped 40 plus bux on this book RoseyBossmearound! Four. Oh. I’m invested mmkay? So. Stop. Fucking. Around. Write. The Fucking. Story!!!
Nooo, we don’t get story this issue, we get wild crazy half naked people in a forest with animal heads on their heads and a chick who goes ‘Clk Clk Clk’ instead of spitting out actual dialogue. You can’t do these self contained disparate seemingly disconnected issues if you intend to continue to put out a monthly. If it’s a trade, fine, this could work, so then write the damn trade and leave my desire for a drip drip once a month serial sequential art fix alone! Leave it alone!
Were you guys lying naked on your backs on a stone floor in a hotel in Havana doing ‘pot shroom brownie enemas’ and as the fudgy hallucinogenic traveled up your bungholes you thought:
Dude, remember when we were in camp and we fantasized about Trish the Arts and Craft chick pinning us down in our tents and taking our virginity?
Dude, no way, I totally do. We should make that into a comic book.
Dude, what if she looked like a Gopher Goddess?
Dude, I always pictured her as a Gopher Goddess.
And granted, the panels of the Gopher Chipmunk Squirrel Head chick ripping off her boob wrapping to hop naked on the Mohawk dude in the tent is good stuff by me. Who wouldn’t want a chick who goes Clk Clk Clk with perky boobies to bust into your serene boring night of camping out to wildly ravish you. But that’s all you got here, okay? Wild survivalist forest dude meets prehistoric-vibe half naked clan and falls for Barbara Bach in a Squirrel head. I’m going to believe she looks like Barbara Bach from the Ringo Starr ‘Caveman’ movie if that’s alright by you. Knowing you sickos if the gopher head fell off we’d see Elizabeth Warren and her clk clk would turn into ‘Me Cherokee, Apache, Sioux Sioux and the Banshees’ which would kill my morning wood for a month.
I see what you were trying to do with the ending. It wasn't a slam dunk that connected this issue to the main narrative. It was more of a half court shot that hit the top of the backboard. Maybe for the next several issues you should recreate the Napster site and have us download MP3s of the songs these hipster losers love for free. That would be a good gimmick. Make it so that they only download at 14.4kpbs so we can revisit the good ol days when we would sit for hours and stare at those percentage bars slooooowly increase as we waited for that bootleg Led Zeppelin gig from the Playboy Mansion where they conjured a demon into John Denver.
Cuz that's what you guys have now, a gimmick. I'm sticking around. I believe in this wacky book despite it pooping on my eyes for the past 5 months. Put the shroom brownies down, remove the enema tube and let's get back to knocking out a conclusion/climax to whatever the hell this is. In the meantime, if you could point me in the direction for the inspiration to your Gopher Babe I'd appreciate it. Lemme guess, she's on OkCupid. Sunavabitch. I hate that damn dating site. She's probably also on AdultFriendFinder also if you look hard enough. Yeah, not worth it. I did a little China CCP Search for Gopher Babe and found an insta site that had this pic on it:
Is this where you guys got this character from? Do you know the Black Cloak Comic chicks who are doing the Mermaid thing right now? Can we expect a hybrid book from all of you, 'Gophermaids?' I'd read that and buy all the variants in a heartbeat.
Rating: 5.7
Verdict: Grumble...pull, dammit.
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