Okay. Wow. Well, I’m gonna try to make heads and tails out of this thing and by tails I mean Mermaid Tails. It’s a murder mystery, triple homicide to be exact, so there’s that. We’ve got humans, an ornery Brotha Detective who scowls a lot, elves, and a ton of anthropomorphic characters with no discernable rhyme or reason to their features. Oh, and there’s Mermaids, not like hot Darryl Hannah ‘Splash’ Mermaids but like screeching grey average looking Mermaids. It’s got a bit of magic to it, a bit of lesbo lovin’ in it (par for the course these days) and a bit of royal familial vibes to it.
The Detectives on the case are called ‘Black Cloaks’ and somewhat feared by the citizenry; not sure why. They just wear these cloaks. They don’t, as far as the first issue goes, present any physical intimidation to anyone nor do they seem to possess any supernatural abilities. They’re just your average Law & Order Human with an Elf Babe on the hunt for a killer. The main character is a female Elf named Phaedra who apparently was exiled by the Royal Family of Elves for not marrying some Dude Elf who is now dead after being found in a flop house where he was frequenting some hooker Elf. Well, now that sounds like modern London to me, do we have ourselves a Prince Andrew parallel here, hmm?
I mean right there I’m kinda sold, we got a frikkin’ fancy elf who likes dem hos. I would think Elves, who usually are all very attractive, wouldn’t necessarily be the hottest bang out of the fantasy bunch. I mean, I have a crush on the Galadriel Babe of the Prime LOTR but she doesn’t strike me as freaky namean? I bet you Dwarves are by far the freakiest, like toys, tools, stones at different angles, pouring mead on buttocks kinda stuff. As for Hobbits, they’d probably giggle a lot and be all ticklish while gnawing on some loaf of bread while tappin’ that ayass. Anyway, the Ho be dead and there’s also a Mermaid who took a bite of her in a lagoon that also washed up dead and ugly AF.
The bar where the Elf was tappin’ it had a tank behind the bartender where a melancholic Mermaid swam. This reminded me of, wait, I think it was the Mondrian Hotel on the Sunset Strip that had a long rectangular glass enclosure behind the Front Desk where a different cute hot babe would be in just hanging out. It never failed to make me stop and stare for at least a couple of minutes. Like, how many drugs was the designer or architect on when he got the wackiest idea in Hotel History?
Dude, let’s put some chick in a glass case behind the front desk
We should put a chick in a glass case on like every floor.
Dude, like, outside behind the valet n’ shit.
Oh, Dude, room service should come and there should be a chick in a glass case on the bottom of the rolling tray.
What if the executive suites had a glass bed where you sleep on top of a bunch of chicks doing their homework?
This went on and on into the wee hours of the morning and these two psychopaths finally just had to settle on just chick in a case behind the front desk. These girls would just be in there reading a book or working on a laptop. This was way before social media took off so it wasn’t like they were Tock Ticky Tockying or Insta’ing or Snappy Wappying. I actually knew a girl who had that gig. She said it wasn’t that bad at all, she got breaks, worked on her scenes and lines, handled her emails, decent pay. She wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with customers or do anything lewd but she was in there in like boxer shorts or a skimpy bed get-up. Yeah, that’s way pervy man. I mean how do you explain that to a kid who’s with you?
Mommy why is that lady in the glass case?
She’s reading sweetheart.
Why does she have to read in a glass case?
Because it’s where she likes to read.
Does she sleep in there?
Maybe sometimes honeybunch.
Do other people go in there with her?
Only Studio Executives after 2am cutie pie.
Okay, so this comic has a lot going on. I’m reading a lot of people say ‘This is the New Saga’ or ‘Move over Saga’. Uhh, slow your roll homies. This doesn’t even come close to holding a Mermaid’s grey scrunchy nipple to the majesty that has been Saga. You got randy Elves, a teenager with a smoky purple head that curses and Centaur Bartenders, whoop dee doo. You got a long long way to go before you can even claim that you have anything resembling Saga. Meredith McLaren’s art is lovely If a bit Disneyish. I most certainly appreciate Image Comics dropping three times the page count for only an extra buck; uhh Marvisney are you taking notes you cheap bastards.
I’m on board for now. I’m intrigued and grateful that this wild murder mystery tale somehow reminded me of that super cute actress I had a crush on back in the day who spent her nights in a glass case behind a hotel’s front desk. Admit it, next time you check into a hotel you’ll look behind the front desk and wonder ‘Where’s the chick in the case?’.
Rating: 8.0
Verdict: Pull
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