I’m not really into a ‘Girl in a Uniform’ and that includes the whole ‘Corporate Pencil Skirt and Heels’; not really a huge turn on. I think uniforms work much better for fantasies of the fairer sex. The whole fireman, policeman thing works well for the ‘ooh save me’ girl and the whole construction worker, lumberjack, mechanic works for the ‘ooh work harder you manly man’ type of girl.
Guys usually gravitate towards three fantasies
1. French Maid – Ooh yeah you’re sexy when you clean
2. Nurse – Ooh yeah make me feel better
3. Naughty – As in put 'Naughty' in front of anything. Naughty Flight Attendant, Naughty Batgirl, Naughty Barista, Naughty Secretary, Naughty Stimulus Check Writer?
I’m all for a sexy Batgirl but the other stuff I can take it or leave it. I did once have my ex-fiance dress up in a revealing New York Knicks top and bottom and that did wonders. I told her to say ‘We just won the championship’ over and over, I think I lasted 2 minutes.
Well here we have a comic about Firewomen. Not naughty Firewomen but women who are firefighters. Actually turns out there's 5 of them and 4 of them are convicts. So it’s ‘Orange is the new Fire Woman’ or maybe ‘Orange Woman Bad’.
It’s written by Scott Snyder who has a lot of Comic Capital when it comes to me even though his ‘Court of Owls’ (best Batman story in modern history) story line was about ten years ago. He muddied through a bunch of DC Metal books and other stories where the entire DC Universe had to be included. You know it’s going to be a rough comic when the Martian character is in the book. There’s probably a plump editor who’s pushing 70 who sits in editorial meetings and gets his Martian in the comic at the last minute, "You know who would be great in this story? Marty the Martian!' I can see writers leaving those meetings thinking ‘Fuck, where the hell am I going to write in that damn Martian’. And when you read the books the Martian is somewhere stuck in the back of the crowd like a bad undersized right fielder in little league.
Snyder did have a major win with the ‘Wytches’ series, highly recommended if you haven’t picked it up, but his other offerings have been mnyeh. His latest ‘We have Demons’ with Capullo was a major mish mosh of demon guts and daddy I love you tropes. Looks like IDW is launching a new line of original stories with his book at the top. While imprints like AWA or Scout are the minor leagues of comic books the IDWs and Booms are the small market teams like the Royals, Rays or A’s. I can see Snyder pitching his ‘Orange is the new Firefighter’ story to a bunch of the majors and getting a no but when he showed up at IDW he said:
‘Well, I have this story about female fire –‘
‘Sold! When can you start? How many variants do you want?’
After establishing all the characters and not telling us what they were incarcerated for we get to the whole premise: While putting out a forest fire that was probably started by a DEW/Directed Energy Weapon (my hunch), one of the firegirls (do you say that’s fire? I don’t. I think it sounds silly. Unless you say that’s ice you can’t say that’s fire) mentions that there’s a mansion nearby that has a server with a fortune of crypto on it. After hemming and hawing with whether or not the C.O. who has cancer will allow them to fetch it, it obviously becomes a yes.
So Orange Fire is off to get the crypto. I hope they do it quickly. I mean, bitcoin is going to crash soon. I wonder if this story takes place a year ago when it was triple the price it is now. Where do you even put stolen crypto? Are flash drives the new cash bag?
Well, I’m in for now. The characters aren't necessarily strong, perhaps their backstory will flesh out better as the series progresses. I looked this up and apparently a book was released in 2021 called 'Breathing Fire' which was about Californian Female Inmates fighting wild fires. That actually looks like an exciting read. Perhaps Snyder was inspired by this and the drama will ratchet up several notches.
Who knows maybe as the mansion is burning down and they’re trying to squeeze their way out they’ll have to take off their cumbersome fire coats and one of them will be wearing a Sexy Knicks Girl Outfit. One can only dream.
Rating: 8.4
Verdict: Pull
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