I’ve ranted and raved on here before about my disdain for
the whole variant cover mishegas. For the Non-Yids out there mishegas means
craziness, use it! I’d like to see GenZ use mishegas more ‘Yo, this chick had
mad rizz but all this other mishegas comes with it’. Variants started out
innocently enough, ‘Hey, we printed a couple more covers for this milestone
issue cuz it’s a big deal’. Now it’s morphed into a dozen covers for every
issue with built in scarcity to artificially inflate prices and to boost sales;
sales that have nothing to do with the story per se but everything to do with
the cover. It’s gotten way out of hand.
It’s even been documented by podcasters and comic book
pundits how publishers are more focused on the variant cover market than they
are the actual stories that live inside of the covers; you know, the reason one
should pick up a comic in the first place. As the variants have mutated and
suffocated the industry the quality of books has plummeted, especially those by
the Big Poo. Also, as a collector, I find it ridiculous that a Variant cover
that comes out tomorrow with artificial scarcity can cost $100 while a comic
from 40 years ago only cost $3.
I actually paid up for a Variant Cover for the first time
in ages this past week. It was for a David Mack Variant for the new Jeff Lemire
series ‘Minor Arcana’ which I’m excited about. I’m a huge fan of Mack’s work
and love his cover art. For whatever reason his cover was a 1:50. It didn’t
have to be. There was a Tula Lotay cover which was just as nice that was regular
price. So why the 1:50? There is no why, it’s just some random BS that a
publisher will do to inflate sales and interest. And now, we’re hearing from a
great Artist on how they’re not even being compensated properly on the usage of
their covers. Read what Jen Bartel has to say about the variant cover market
here:
Jen Bartel - Variants
While this may be standard operating procedure for
corporate entities it still is gross. The whole model of art and commerce needs
to change. Across all industries and throughout all time we see the basic
construct of someone or some business paying an artist for something and them
making money off of it in perpetuity without ever paying the artist more than what
they were initially paid. When Actors were striking and begging these corporate
dillweeds to come to the table and negotiate with them I was sitting there
saying ‘Why are you negotiating with Satan. They don’t value us and see us as
replaceable. If there ever was a time to unite and create out own platform away
from their corporate clutches it is now. All corporate entities have is reach
and logistics, that’s it. They don’t have imagination, they don’t have beauty,
all they have is the ability to reach more people so they can sell more of what
you have. Until artists find a way to supplant the reach and logistics of these
entities they will always be exploited in some fashion.
Anyway, I love my David Mack Variant! Here’s what I got
into this month...
Wow,
Saga’s been away for almost a year? With a new installment finally coming out
last month I had to dig and find the previous one to remember what the hell is
going on even though BKV jumps around so much I probably didn’t need to read
it. But yeah, last ish was September of 2023. Dude. That’s a long fucking time
between issues. The way the world is going these days Friday can seem like a
long fucking time from Tuesday. This issue was mnyeh. Maybe these hiatuses are
fucking up BKV and Fiona's flow a bit too much. Look, I will pull Saga all day
every day until Kingdom Come because it will always be a transcendental
never-been-done-before series; Fiona’s art alone is worth every penny. It just
seems like the past year or so it’s been turning its tires in mud. Every since
the supposed ‘Halfway Point’ at Issue 54 when Marco was killed it’s been this
hybridized ‘We’re on the Run/Hazel is growing up’ narrative; which isn’t bad
per se, but, I dunno. It feels like the last 12+ issues are just random Hazel
diary entries rather than a forward moving narrative. I don’t feel the high
stakes of anything; feels like a lull in the action. Again, they could put Lull
Issues out for the next 5 years and I’d grab every one of them but it’d be nice
if, oh, I dunno, the main plot was amped up and moved forward. Is BKV gonna do
that? Lying. Damn. Thanks Lying Cat. 7.5
The finale of this series was kinda blah.
Everything felt rushed. I feel like this should have been a 12 issue series
with at least two arcs, maybe more. All of the secondary characters save for
one or two were two dimensional; there was no depth to them. The Katie Root subplot,
which was a great idea and provided the necessary twist, also seemed to be
hurried. I felt like it was glossed over completely. Just like Saga, I will pull anything by
Bendis & Maleev, but this series had so much promise and just ended up as a ‘Ha
we got the Evil Rich Dude’ story. Was it Dark Horse? Bendis got 6 and then was
done no matter what? Does the Comic Book industry just think that our attention spans are so
miniscule that we can’t endure a story that lasts more than half a year? Do
they not realize that the prospect of finding out what happens next in a
monthly series is part of the fun of buying comic books every week? Is it just
a rush to get stories to the Trade market because that’s where the money is?
Yes, some books need to end sooner than later (looking at you Monstress!) but
some deserve some breathing room. I remember reading in the backmatter of 2022
amazing comic ‘The Good Asian’ where the author said that his publisher brought
him in and suggested that the series go 9 issues instead of 8; that there was
more story to tell and reveal. That’s the kind of leadership comic book
imprints need. Editors need to look past standardized page counts for trades
and focus on delivering the story in all of its serialized glory, no matter how
long it takes. I would say most of these DSTLRY books could definitely go at
least one or two more issues yet they’re all locked into 3 a pop. Anyway, these
could’ve been one of the best of the year yet it fell victim to the state of
2024 comic books; which is mostly poop. 6.8
Well, this just got really fucking
good. First 3 issues felt like a glorified YA Title/Fairy Tale; it felt like a
cheesy Netflix anime series. The art was obviously spectacular, Juni Ba is a beast,
but I was lukewarm on this book. I assume Ba somehow managed to somehow drug and put to sleep his DC Editor Overlords so that he was able to write this fantastic issue without their meddling. It’s the only reason I
can think of why this issue has soo much more depth and gravitas. There’s
elevated storytelling and complex familial relationships that are explored
within these pages, that’s something DC usually isn’t interested. Looks like Ba
finally got both his artistry as well as his brilliance as writer a chance to shine.
I’m definitely looking forward to the finale. Hopefully he has enough Ambien or
whatever to keep his DC Overlords on snooze 9.1
Man, all praises due to Jonathan Hickman. He’s really turned
this Spidey ‘alterna-origin story’ comic into an instant classic. It’s got the
vibes of those old Stan Lee stories with a touch of modern flair. There’s
nothing too complicated going on, the beats are smartly laid out and he’s
really given the characters high stakes; simple efficient engaging writing –
take notes! Fuck, it’s just fun to read, what a mind-blowing concept. Apart
from the two backstory bingo issues that broke up the flow of the main
narrative with a different artist in issues 4 and 5, this run has been nothing short of fantastic.
Of course the odds that Marvisney will come in and somehow fuck it up are high (Peter
falls for Tony Stark and spins him a web dong) but I’m along for the ride until
they pull the butt plug on this series 9.4
Yeesh, this was pretty fucking bad. I was gonna just say
bad but it warranted a fucking. I thought with Matt Kindt involved it would’ve
been an enjoyable read but I forgot to adhere to one of my steadfast rules
about comic books: Anthologies suck balls. You just can’t cram a bunch of
stories that run 6-8 pages in a comic, none of them will be satisfying. They’re
all just half baked ideas by writers that probably came up with them while
sitting on the toilet. I loved the cover art and the concept is, well I don’t
know what the concept really is other than a bunch of sci-fi stuff. I get that
EC Comics is returning with a new batch of titles in a partnership with Oni
Press. Be honest though, when you saw titles like this or like Eeerie Tales in
a garage sale comic book bin you always rifled past them and thought ‘oh c’mon,
where’s the Hulk or Batman’. I didn’t have high expectations for this, just
reaching for anything these days that seems interesting.
Kindt’s appearance in
this reminded me of Eddie Murphy’s appearance in ‘Best Defense’ back in the 80s
when he was a huge star during his SNL Beverly Hills Cops. It was a cameo in a
Dudley Moore war movie and the studio hyped it up like it was another Eddie Murphy
hit. I had my Dad take me to go see it since it was rated R and it was an
enormous dud. He was in it for like 5 minutes and did close to nothing.
Actually, I don’t think this is an apt comparison to Kindt’s appearance in this
comic but it made me think of that movie, which isn’t a good thing. After Kindt’s
recent debacles and descent into his Hollywood Cool Guy life he can suck it
along with any future anthology comics I come across. 3.0
A bit of a blah ending to this Lemire tale. He took a
wild turn with the last issue when it flashed back to some Irish Immigrant
family that settled into a home of some nasty loggers. They ended up murdering
the family except for the wife who then did some Wiccan magic or whatever to turn
one of the logger d-bags into a bug. That wasn’t really wrapped up in this
final issue and everything felt a bit rushed again. So the moral of the story
is, if you’ve done something you regret and you’ve been turned into an insect:
Find a stream that is a portal to the alternate mirrored dimension of yours.
Make sure that it is also somehow able to connect to a past timeline, then stop the event
from happening. I think the takeaway I get from this story is that I would
prefer to be a fruit fly rather than a hulking lifesize beetle with pincers. I’d
also like to go back to all the dates where I was put in friend zone and fly
into my throat so I was stopped from babbling on about my hopes and dreams.
There’s nothing more that will dry the panties of your date more than going on
about your hopes and dreams; especially in LA 5.7
I’ve never been a huge Tynion fan. I feel
like the books that I read of his always start off strong then slowly descend
into a toilet of confusing mediocrity. Maybe what he’s needed all along was one
of the best Comic Book Artists of all time in Christian Ward to show up on his pages and pull
from him one of the most captivating stories he’s ever written. This one is a
fucking banger. I’m already so bummed this is ending in just one more issue,
ughh. DSTLRY did change up their format for one of their upcoming series by making it 6 instead of 3 issues. But it's an Azzarello offering and he's on my shit list after that Blood Brother Mofo debacle. Anyway, maybe Tynion’s breaking point is three issues, bam, and then get
him out of Dodge before he ruins it. These DSTLRY’s are like naughty hot club chick quickies, you get into
them, they’re fucking amazing and then they’re gone. I will say, the dynamic
between the single Mom realtor chick and the red headed wanna-be-cool Goth
chick is one of the best rando pairings I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, these
two need a TV Show, stat! 9.7
Is there a 12 step group for this comic? Can
we start one? I think the 14 people who are still reading this shit show of a
comic book need to find a way to come together in a circle of metal chairs with
Styrofoam cups filled with murky instant mud water coffee. We should all be
dressed as little Anime foxes and pair up for dates after the meeting. Of course we don't show up for these dates due to all of us being on a dating hiatus. These meetings will help us cry together and wonder how and
why we continue to believe that this once wonderful book will find an actual
plot or story arc ever again. The first rule of Monstress Club is that nobody
ever shows up to Monstress club in the same way that an ending will never seem
to show up for Monstress. Rating: N/A.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that Monstress will never end, the courage to keep plopping down my $4 for every issue and the wisdom to know that an author who is a deranged lunatic doesn't care about story arcs.
That's all I got! Happy Reading Geek-a-roonies!
