Bags, Boards and Burns - A City & Industry Up in Smoke

 

 

LA is weird right now. It’s been weird for a minute. The fires not only ravaged the city but they also ravaged the psyche of Angelenos; it was an unfathomable event that is still smoldering in the hearts of the people who live here. It feels like everyone has been trudging through sludge for the past month or so including yours truly. It’s not so much that the fires have exacted such an unflinching toll on everyone, rather it was more like they were the final body blow from a series of gut punches that LA has endured for the past 5 years. From the Pandemic hysteria to the Strikes to the upheaval in the Industry and now to the destruction of neighborhoods that meant so much to so many, there’s only so much you can take before it feels like the world has it out for you. Hell, today due to torrential rains we had mud slides wreaking havoc all over the city. Seriously what’s next? Locusts? Should I smudge my front door with some Lamb’s blood???

As I sat there watching LA go up in flames of course my mind drifted towards the things I love about LA. I will say this, no major Comic Book Shops went up in flames in the Pacific Palisades, Malibu or Altadena; at least none of note. Which got me thinking, there really isn’t a Mecca Destination for Comic Books in LA anymore. There used to be, it was Meltdown Comics. Meltdown Comics on Sunset near WeHo embodied everything great about being a Comic Geek. Within their cavernous space (at least for LA standards) one could find any and everything: new issues, back issues, graphic novels, toys, memorabilia, fashion, oversized knicknacks and doodads. There were tables to play D&D and other board games and if that wasn’t enough there was a back room where they held Comedy nights that drew some of the top Comedians in town. It was said that Matt Groening would pop in and just sit in the back to take in a show every now and then. Well of course he did, there was no place in LA where he could go and truly feel at home; he got to be just another nerd who loves comics just like anyone else.

I knew one of the guys who owned it pretty well from coming in so much. I remember when it was just a normal comic shop on the North Side of the street when I first moved to LA in 2000; they were a few blocks away from me. When they moved into the big space across the street it was like God answered my prayers for a legendary comic book shop. Well, Meltdown closed years ago and since then nothing has taken its place, which feels deeply wrong since LA is ostensibly the Comic Book Capital of the World now that both DC & Marvel have decamped from NYC to sunnier climes. Perhaps it’s a true indicator that the Big 2 really don’t give a shit about the actual comic books that fuel their movies and their IP (oy I hate that fucking word, IP, IP has ruined entertainment). One would think that if they really did love comic books they would combine their might and create a place where the ideas that made them who they are could be celebrated and shared with the masses. Nope, none of that. There’s a bunch of little cool shops here and there in LA but nothing overly special. My LCS is basically a hole in the wall but I’ve been going there for years and it suits me just fine. San Diego Comic Con doesn’t count, that’s just a circus and a Sales Pitch-athon and the fact that a normal comic book dude like me hasn’t been able to get into it once underscores the fact that it’s not really for normal comic book dudes.

January used to be a big month for comics, at least it seemed like that was the case to me. Looking back over the years my pull numbers show that January and February were big months for new releases and for publishers to ramp up current series or reveal their upcoming gems. Even as recently as 3 years ago I was yanking 20 books a month in both Jan and Feb. Ten years ago I was pulling 30. This year? 9. Nine, with two being facsimiles. WTF? According to this article, retailers are saying that the Industry is on the upswing and that they’re doing really well, so is it me? They’re extolling the virtues of the ‘Absolute DC’ line as one of the big drivers of sales. Look, I’m pulling both Bats and Dubz from that line and, well, yes they’re really good but they’re not oh my goodness fucking spectacular. The New 52? That was spectacular. Are you gonna tell me that Absolute Bats and Dubz are better than New 52’s Snyder’s ‘Court of Owls’ and Azzarello and Chiang’s ‘Wonder Woman’ run?? No, no you’re not. So, I think what’s happening is that it’s been so bad for so long and titles have just been cratering that when something half decent comes along people lose their minds. I would say that’s the same for the music and film industry as well. There's so much caca that when something comes along that doesn't soil your soul it comes off as genius. It's also an offshoot of the fact that content has become so over saturated it's almost impossible to sift through it all to find the greatness.

I believe things will change and yes there is still some amazing stuff out there, I’m looking at you DSTLRY. But man, it’s been fucking rough. With so few comics on my rack these days I started reading a novel that’s been sitting near my La-Z-Boy in what feels like forever, it’s Cold Mountain. I wanted to jump in front of a moving car after the first 16 pages. Maybe I’ll join a book club. Maybe I’ll make more of an effort to get into Anime. Maybe I’ll find a challenging puzzle! Oh who am I kidding, c’mon people, make some fucking unbelievable comic books! Oy. Nine. Nine this month. Googling Batman Puzzles...ooh this one looks good!

Here’s what I got into this past month or so:

 

I just put this down and, wow. I mean, wow, Snyder crushes this one over the fence. I'm not a huge gritty gruesome crime drama. true crime, serial killer guy but when I saw Snyder and Jock together it was a no brainer to grab this. It was perfectly done, like, there's really nothing bad you can say about this book. They deftly set the tone, drew you in, had strong characters and set up the plot with a cliffhanger as well as you possibly could. If this was a Pilot episode you'd binge the entire series. After Snyder's Wack 'White Boat' debacle on DSTLRY this is a heroic dub. This comic saved the beginning of my 2025 Comic Book Experience, thanks Scott & Jock 9.7

 

This 'Absolute Dubz' series is picking up steam and becoming a real page turner. My question is this, you’re saying that these ‘Absolute’ books are All In, right? So it stands to reason that your other books aren’t all in, right? I would go so far to say that most of what DC is putting is either halfway in or just full on the fuck out. Maybe what DC should do is put ‘Just the Tip’ on their normal comics so comic geeks know ahead of time to not expect a Wham Bam story. I will say this, having Dubz connected to Circe while affirming that her exile to Hell was by the Gods really makes me pine for the days when Azzarello and Chiang were writing that Dubz story line with all the Greek Gods. I know I probably mention that run at least once every two months or every other paragraph; shrug emoji. Regardless, Thompson, Sherman and Bellaire are putting together a real humdinger of a first arc that is definitely all up in that goody good. How much to bribe a DC Lackey to put 'Just the Tip' on all their non All-In books? 8.5

It was quite the surprise to see the Jade Snot Babe back in the solicits after, what has been, almost two plus years? No, wait, it’s been almost 5 years since the last issue! Wow. This was a silly yet delightful series about a neurotic model chick with a runny nose problem. You would think I would run into one of these girls in LA over the years but I haven’t. I did have a girl I was dating all of a sudden produce a bloody nose when she was alone with me in my apartment. She definitely wasn’t a cokehead so I attributed it to her being able to bleed from the nostrils when she wasn’t down for knocking dem boots, quite impressive. Yes, I just brought the boot knockin’ phrase back, and what? Anyway, this is why you don’t take long ass layoffs from your book, because it’s invariably going to suck or be less enjoyable than when you left unless you really really bring the ruff neck business. I’m looking at you Saga, and Monstress. O’Malley decided to show Snottie’s Boobies along with her new Hawt GF’s boobies in a big ‘Welcome Back’ ish but all they did was provide a brief ooh before spoiling the tension of the previous issues. The whole comic felt eye roll silly, not whimsical and fun. It’s been so long since I read one of these I can’t even remember where the plot left off. So as a ‘first issue’ of sorts it was quite blah and looking at the upcoming issues, they look blah as well. Safe to say it’s a different world today than it was in March of 2020. A world where a model babe with a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend who doesn’t seem to have a snotty nose problem anymore really doesn’t grab me. Dropping this like a snotty sinus infection tissue in my cheap bathroom garbage thingy. 5.2

 

Well, if you’re wondering what Belit the Savage Pirate Queen of the Black Coast would look like as a Disney Princess then this is the issue for you. Yeesh, Danica Whoever is definitely the 3rd String Quarterback Artist behind De La Torre and Braithwaite. A bit of. a dirty trick on Titan's part by having a De La Torre main cover while having a new Artist on the actual pages. These pages look like Darkwing Duck Material. Of course the difference between this Disney Princess is that you’re gonna get a lot of panels with nekkid boobies, which is nice. A plot point and wardrobe gripe: So Conan and Belit have just knocked boots (boot knocking!) in a bedroom in a tavern, they’re butt nekked, because of the boot knocking, and they hear thieves on the roof coming down to rob them. When the Thieves land on their balcony they’re fully clothed again, WTF? Do you think these two savage IDGAF heroes would deem it necessary to get their clothes back on??? Belit even has all of her necklaces and bracelets back on, like she needed to get ready before murdering some thieves - Conan: 'Dammit Girl! They're here', Belit: 'Just one more Nose Ring left to put in my Lion'. Like, if Danica drew a butt nekkid Conan and Belit slashing their way through some run of the mill loser thieves then I would have hailed this as a monumentally fantastic issue. As it stands, it's the first miscue from Titan's magnificent Conan experience. I will forgo the next issue in this two-issue blip and wait for one of the Top 2 QBs to return to knock some story boots. 3.0

 

 

Reading Saga these days is like watching the last season of Cheers, or maybe even Happy Days. It feels like BKV is just going through the motions, nothing is happening yet we come back because the love we have for the book has never died even though the mind of it’s creator seemingly has. It’s not like this comic has jumped the shark but the shark is jumping around in a carnival in a space ship so it’s really fucking close. Look, Fiona could draw on the back of the box of my non-dairy coconut cream coffee creamer and I’d buy it up every month, which makes me wonder - what if Fiona took a hiatus and BKV didn’t? Can you imagine someone else drawing this book, it would be an absolute disaster and fully droppable. The last 17 issues have been so blah they should be put on anti-depressants or I dunno, someone needs to go down on this story line and suck on it 'til it cums back to life. BKV says the next issue is going to be some major pivotal oh shit issue that he’s been dying to do forever. We shall see. Meandering plot lines and pages of letters with everyone saying how much this comic saved their lives or gave them a connection to someone who they eventually married is getting tired. I think Fraction and Zdarsky should take over the letters of this book and make it Sex Criminallish, now that would be a must read comic. C’mon BKV, find that magic homie you’re an issue away from putting Ghus on jet skis with a dozen Lying Cats floating on buoys off the Santa Monica pier. 6.3

 

 

Not sure this was the Spidey issue I was looking for. Seems like Hicksy likes to throw these curveballs into the mix where there’s no action just talking heads and relationship dialogue. Maybe deep down Hicksy wants to be writing TV Dramas on Oxygen Network or something. I definitely do not think all the Spidey fans of this book were thinking back in December ‘Man I hope Hicksy comes out with an issue where he delves into the interpersonal relationship of MJ and her estranged sister along with the complicated dynamics she shares with her Divorced Boss Mom during a holiday party for the entire comic'. Or maybe I just out of touch with the kids these days. Maybe Hicksy forgot he was writing this book and threw this together from scraps of dialogue from his ‘Oxygen Network’ desktop folder during a hop skip and a jump flight from LA to Vegas.Yeah Yeah, I get it, big Kraven issue incoming blah blah but this was a bit of zzzzzzzz. I did inhale the Kraven issue right after this one and although it was a little goofy, the whole ‘Drop Peter and Harry in the Prehistoric World of the Mole Man before Kraven hunts them down' is brilliant. This is still the only Marvisney title worth reading these days other than their facsimile reprints. 7.7

 

 

I just can’t with this fucking monkey detective. Why? Like, why? Who is this thing? I’m not like a huge longtime DC reader outside of Bats so is he some fever dream from the 60s when all the DC writers were doing acid? Am I supposed to be amused by a monkey detective? Are they butt hurt that Gerard Way took their talking monkey character and made a gajillion bux from it with his wonderful ‘Umbrella Academy’ comics and dirt garbage TV show on Netflix? It just takes this elevated tone that King brought to this great run and smears it in banana peels. Like, the Monkey is making banana jokes. Also, the Sovereign is all of a sudden a bumbling Mr. Burns rather than this sinister character that’s been slowly building for almost 2 years. It’s a bummer cuz this has been such a great run by King but it feels like it’s monkey poopin’ out as it swings to the finale. I just assume King like everyone who works at the Big Poo has been blackmailed into something, so whenever DC or Marvel wants something done or when they want to humiliate their writer to remind them who’s in charge they hold it over them. King must’ve fucked up big time. It’s the only valid explanation. Maybe that’s what this Monkey Detective is all about. When you fuck up at DC or don’t do their nefarious bidding after dark they send in the chimp. 4.5

 

Hey, it's a sunny day again in La La Land! Maybe I needed to slog through these comic book reviews to put them behind me so I can bask in the dawn of a new day of comic book goodness. Oy, my doggies are barking, guys relax it's just the frikkin' Amazon dude. Hmm, big box, what the hell is this? A Batman Puzzle??? When the hell did I order a Batman Puzzle?!?!?

THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2024

                   THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2024

It was a magical year for comic books. Well, maybe not magical. It was a prestigious year for comic books. Well, maybe not exactly prestigious. It was literally a year of the Prestige, as in the oversized Prestige releases; they were everywhere you looked. Since the "Prestige" in magic is the actual trick then it was most definitely a magical year for comics, as in now you see them - now you don’t.

These oversized editions truly began in earnest a couple years ago with DC’s Black Label. Despite the sticker shock they were absolutely worth it, books like ‘Wonder Woman:Historia’, ‘Lonely City’ and ‘Harleen’ were all triumphant releases; each one reminded you how amazing comic books could be. These books felt like something special, like they had to make it big to live up to how good it was - at least it felt that way. Whereas it seemed as if DC cut back on the oversized black label comics this year one new publisher decided to go balls to the wall with them: DSTLRY - or as I like to call them Dusty Larry. Dusty Larry doubled down on fancy shmancy comics deciding to only release oversized editions, promising to hire only the best in the biz for the ballsiest books on the shmaltziest racks. It was an interesting strategy and from what I can tell it’s paid off. 

 

According to sales numbers Dusty Larry just broke into the Top 10 in revenue generators for comic book shops in October, coming in at 9 after only one year on the scene. Now granted, Larry be selling dem books for 9 bones so it’s easier for them to pile up the dillies but it’s still impressive. I mean, they’re not gonna catch the Big Poo (Marvisney & DC) but do they really need to?


As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, these prestige comics are a sweet little trap and a genius marketing approach for comic book geeks especially since most stories only go 3 issues, maybe 4. All Dusty Larry, or anybody for that matter, has to do is rope you in with flashy art, pull-tastic writers and a dynamic premise for you to plunk down your cashish on one of their oversized hubba hubba books. Unless it’s God Awful, which some are, you’ll be back for the second issue. Now, the second issue could very well suck, but - there’s only one issue left! Clearly it’s gonna end with a bang. I mean, it would be silly to just buy 2 and not complete the story with the 3rd. So you buy it. Whether it sucks or not doesn’t matter. You bought all 3 issues for about $30. Dusty Larry takes your dingy money to his murky safety deposit box and says thanks. 

 

Now comic geeks are wont to froth at the mouth at shiny magic tricks with shiny nekkid boobs and butts but eventually they wise up. I would think that it’s going to get to the point consumers will realize ‘Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t just grab all of Dusty Larry’s offerings? Maybe I should wait until one of their premises seems extraordinary.’ That’s what I’ve already begun doing. I mean, it’s like Steak & Lobster. If you have Steak & Lobster every day it gets boring so I’m not sure if Dusty Larry is sustainable. I think they need to diversify and get on the normal sized comic wagon and maybe even do a 6 or 12 Maxi issue series every now and then.

 

That said, I’m shocked that Marvisney hasn’t joined in the Prestige-Palooza. I mean, Marvisney has all but turned to shit. Save for maybe one or two titles their books are unreadable. I can’t imagine someone hasn’t at least suggested putting out more adult themed prestige editions to create a new audience (and probably been dipped in a cauldron of hot wax). I assume Satan isn’t interested in bringing joy to comic book geeks. I think if they do, and writers are allowed to cook (as the kids would say) it could revitalize the entire Marvel Universe and maybe even bring fresh ideas to possible cinematic experiences. I suppose that’s like expecting every girl I match with on dating apps to respond to my messages…it ain’t happening!

 

 

In other news, I think Image had a down year. Seems like they used to put out nothing but hits and were the darling of indie comics. That’s definitely not the case anymore especially with a Blah year from Saga. Overall with the majority of the Big Poo dropping Poop-a-rific comics it was challenging to sift through and find the gems but there were out there. In a world where we are over saturated with content it’s becoming more and more challenging to actually find the good stuff. Seems like you just have to trust your gut, assume you’ll pick up some junk, and just plow through those solicits to feed your passion for sequential art goodness.

 

Lastly, my tale of the tape this year was pretty much unchanged as far as my pull was concerned. I grabbed 146 comics, down only 3 from 149 last year, but I spent 10% more this year which probably went to Dusty Larry’s Musty Safe. That’s still the lowest number in the 14 years that I started keeping track. So yeah, I didn’t grab a lot, but these tasty morsels below made the year worth it. 

 

This list, like Spinal Tap's Amps, goes to 11, not 10, 11! Presto Pull-Oh!

11. the Bat-man, first knight - The only dedicated Bats Book to make my list this year was actually a Prestige version as well. It’s like DC read my mind: Do a Year One/Old School 1939 Batman story where he’s figuring it all out set in gritty Gotham with Dames, Broads and Cement Mixers. Then DC saw all the middle fingers and WTFs in my mind when it came to their offerings and swiftly departed. Dan Jurgens had an engaging enough story, nothing spectacular, but it moved well and didn’t settle for cliches as it wrapped itself up. The star of this book was definitely Mike Perkin’s art which perfectly captured the look and feel of 30s Gotham. You really were swept away when you opened these pages whereas most of the other Bat Books just got swept under a rug. Gone too soon but at least First Knight was a Holy Moly Good Night.

 

 

 

 

10. wonder woman - This series would be a lot higher in the rankings if not for that gut wrenchingly bad cross over event that hijacked this title for 3 issues. I don’t even remember the name of it, I’ve shaved it out of my mind like Liberal women have shaved their heads post Election. Those issues notwithstanding, Tom King and Daniel Sampere have put on a clinic on how to write and draw a compelling visually yowza Dubz series. Their first issue back after the cross over event, Ish #14, may be the most emotionally heartfelt issue of the year; gave me all the feels and a whimper. There’s a lot of love going into this title right now and it shows. King is probably the Writer of the Year in my book. Between this, Love Everlasting and another title below, he’s undefeated. I would also like to shout out the “Absolute Wonder Woman” series by Kelly Thompson and Hayden Sherman. They’re creatively kicking ass and the pages are gorgeous but the whole ‘Dubs was raised by Circe in Hell’ premise doesn’t really sit well with me. Put these two on anything and I’m there.

9. Doom - Maybe Hickman should do a one shot for every Marvisney series so whatever creative team comes on after can just follow his blueprint. Or maybe Hickman should just clone himself a few times so he can write every Marvisney series. Or maybe Hickman should hang out with some billionaires who fund him to buy and separate Marvel from Disney so we have great Marvel comics again. Doom in an epic cosmic battle with Galactus? Nuff said. Pure escapist fun with that classic Marvel feel. It’s like we’ve been drinking a shitty coca cola formula for the past 5 years or so with Marvisney comics. Just go back to the original formula and take out whatever poison you’ve put in our favorite books. This one shot was the shit. 

8. falling in love on the path to hell - A Cowboy and a feisty Samurai Babe from the 1800s die and meet on a Zombie Island which acts as a sort of purgatory for their souls. Rather than falling in line with an asshole Indian Dude who acts as the self appointed head of the army that has to kill zombies every day, they rebel together. In their joint act of rebellion they slowly fall for each other while they plan their escape from the island. If someone pitched this idea to me I’d have a blank look on my face for several seconds and then I’d go ‘Lemme see the pages’. Well, the pages took a few issues to get warmed up but the fire has been stoked and this series is officially bananas enough to be great. Image has had a lot of misses the past year or two but this is a bullseye. I hope it gets the long form treatment and gives itself 25 issues or more to tell this tale. Also, this book ranks as having the 2nd sexiest sex scenes of the year in their most recent issue. As the kids would say, that shit was fire. There's an Indian Food joke here that's too easy and you're not getting it.

7. A vicious circle -  This isn’t technically a ‘Best of 2024’ since this limited 3 issue series debuted in 2022. Yet they’ve basically put out one of these a year and each is so unbelievably beautiful, if they released one of these a year for the next 10 years each year it’d be on every one of my “Best Of’ lists. Lee Bermejo gave a master class on sequential art. Like, seriously, get this dude one of those ‘Masterclass’ videos: The attention to details, the various artistic styles, the paneling - holy fuckamoley. This reminds me of Wonder Woman ‘Historia’ from a few years ago where the art was just mind boggling. Not to be outdone, Mattson Tomlin’s dropped a riveting story of time travelers connected to the hip through their own deaths in various time periods and the women whose love haunts them throughout the millennia. Just a glorious work by these two. I feel like the ending was really good, but not great. I think there was more meat on the bone that was left due to the whole ‘3 Issue Prestige Mandate’ that seems to be afflicting the industry. Given how the creators put so much of themselves into these three issues I think they get a pass on the abrupt ending and should be lauded for their heroic work on a series that will stay with you long after it hits your bags and boards. 

 

 

 

 

6. Conan the barbarian -  There's no better time to be a Conan fan than right now thanks to Titan Comics. Last year's 'Comic of the Year' kept the pedal to the chain mail metal and churned out a whole bunch of Cimmerian Goodness from the thrilling retelling of the Frost Giant's Daughter to retro yet new 'Savage Sword of Conan' books that took you back to being a horny teenager in your attic inspecting black and white boobs on a maiden who carried tankards of ale on a tray while the whispy silk around her hips barely covered anything. I wish Robert De La Torre would be chained to his chair so he does nothing else in his career but the art for Conan. Having artists jump in between arcs is fine but admittedly they can't compare to his pencils. Also, Titan's crossover event "Battle of the Black Stone" that brought together of all of Robert E. Howard's famous characters was bit of a miss; it felt a bit contrived. Still, the main title has yet to disappoint so by Crom, get yourself one to celebrate an Indie Publisher doing a mainstream hero the right way.

5. the boy wonder -  The only reason I even grabbed this book to begin with was because of Juni Ba's work on an issue of the wonderful 'Deep Cuts' anthology series from last year; his particular issue was the best of the bunch. I had no interest in reading another Robin Origin Story and the first couple of issues confirmed my suspicions regarding the material. Yet something happened midway through, Juni took this story, which seemed to be way too tame for a Black Label imprint, and elevated it to something that transcended the medium. I'm not even sure how he did it but his commitment to diving into the psyche of these heroes and mining for emotional gold really touched me in a way I wasn't expecting. I don't think you can just reduce this to a 'Bat Family' book. I think it's really a book about family and how messy it gets whether you're wearing jeans or capes. Juni Ba: A Star is Born.

 

 

 

 

4. ultimate spider-man - I get nervous every time I get set to read one of these issues. Why? Well, it’s been so unbelievably uhh-mayyzing and fun to have a great Spidey comic on my lap again that I’m worried Marvisney is going to find someway to fuck it up and ruin it, like they do with everything that’s good in the world. It’s like dating a beautiful woman in LA who checks ever single box you can think of. It’s LA. You always wonder "Is this the night she tells me she performs as a ventriloquist wearing a crotchless spandex onesie in Fetish Dungeons and still bangs Michael Bay on the side?" Well, so far Hickman has kept the Jackals at bay. Every issue has pretty much been a blast: Simple, Heroic, Action Packed. I'd go so far as to say this is the best Spidey book in over 30 years. I'm not a huge fan of 'Alt Universes' but clearly they needed to get far away from whatever current Universe the main Marvisney books are in to create this web slinging masterpiece. That’s two by Hicksy on this list. I’m almost ready to forgive him for not finishing the ‘Black Monday Murders’ and the ‘Dying and the Dead’…almost.

3. spectregraph - I’m not a huge fan of the Horror genre. I’m not a huge fan of James Tynion the 5th or 16th (stop cloning this dude it's diluting his work) or whatever comes after his name. I am an enormous Christian Ward fan so when I saw his name on this Dusty Larry book I had to pick it up figuring the art alone would be worth the price of admission. Well, turns out all James Tynion the XXV needed is Christian Ward by his side to put out one of the most riveting and enjoyable books of the year. Dusty Larry probably realized how fucking good it was and gave them an extra ish (four) to wrap things up rather than the standard three. I seriously hope that the best team-up that comic books had this year, (the single Mom vanilla blonde Real Estate Agent and the 20 something self absorbed red headed Goth), get their own series or a Streaming Show or get turned into a Cabaret Revue; they fucking ruled the roost. Maybe all Tynion MCMX needed was a shorter format to reign him in so he could deliver a concise and brilliant story on the quest for immortality in a creepy beach side Malibu home. I fucking loved this comic.   

2. helen of wyndhorn - I’m out of superlatives when it comes to describing how magnificent this series has been. I feel like I've been trumpeting and extolling the brilliance of this comic every month and if I wasn't, I should have been. This series may not be for everyone but maybe it should be. Maybe everyone should read this comic to witness the absolutely gorgeous panels that Bilquis Evely delivered. Maybe everyone should read this fantastic fantasy penned by Tom King who is fast becoming a virtuoso at writing stories that capture your imagination. Maybe if we show up to Comic Cons holding books like this in front of our chests to the editors and publishers who show up they'll get the fucking point. This comic reminded me a lot of 'The Unwritten', one of the greatest comics in the history of the medium. When someone asks me what non-superhero comic they should read I almost always tell them Saga and the Unwritten. 'The Unwritten' had over 70 issues to tell their tale. I feel like had Helen of Wyndhorn had that many I'd be sticking it right up there next to Saga. As it stands it only had 6 but what a magical 6 they were. In a year of 'Prestige' this comic left the card tricks on the table and within a normal sized book gave us a spellbinding tale for the ages. 

1. SOMNA - The true measure of Great Art, regardless of the medium, is that which stays with you long after the experience. No, soul crushing dates in LA that have you googling for trips to Mars do not qualify as great art since they stay with you long after the experience, but comic books like Somna does. Without question, the Crown Jewel of all of Dusty Larry’s oversized magic books was this one.They were smart enough to release this early on in their schedule because after reading this one you wondered ‘Wait, are all of Dusty Larry’s books going to be the best comics ever?’. 

 

Again, I’m not a fan of the Horror genre, but this went far beyond any hack and slash effort, this was pure genius. The juxtaposition of two distinct visual styles was done in a way that I’ve never seen before, notwithstanding the fact that both were bonkers unbelievably beautiful. I’ve never seen a Writer/Artist Duo both write and create art for a book the way that Lotay and Cloonan did. The two of them together are the Prestige, it’s pure fucking magic. Yes, one could argue that the story of hunting down women for patriarchal superstitions in the time of the Salem Witch trials has been done to death, yet Somna killed it. It can’t be done anymore. They literally put this time period to an end with this book. As for the Sex? I mean, I didn’t have naughty sizzling inter-dimensional Demon Sex getting me all  hot and bothered on my 2024 Bingo Card, now I know better. I will follow Lotay & Cloonan wherever they go, especially since there's no more Diddy parties. I could see Diddy getting baby oil dreams after reading these issues. I hope it’s soon, whatever they're working on. I’ve been longing for their work. Let’s give them a 50 Issue Prestige Run so they can show the world how it’s done. Somna, one for the ages and Numero Uno in 2024.

 

 

 

 

That’s it! What a wacky year. What a wacky time for entertainment. I think it’s safe to say that all mediums are going through a transitory period. All mediums are on shaky ground, wondering where to pivot next and how consumers of their content will choose to engage their work.

I have to say it’s kinda rough out there for comic books. I mean, yes, as I’ve shown, there were some spectacular books this year. Yet as I look at my pull list, it’s pretty slim. I’ve got a bunch of hero books, a Lemire book, a bunch on hiatus and a bunch of facsimiles. Rifling through January solicits I don’t see much that has me chomping at the bit. As often as I rag on the Big Poo (DC & Marvisney) deep down I want them to be great again. It’s like sports, when the iconic franchises of a sport are doing well the whole sport is doing well. Hopefully we will see a course correction in the new year. If not, we’ll be left to scrounging and digging for gems like the ones above to remind us how much we love comic books. Great Art and Great Stories will always remind us that things will get better. This year also showed us that Inter-Dimensional Demon Sex with a hot Salem Babe with bouncy bazoobas can help you forget about all those crappy comics you wish you never pulled.

 

 

Here's to a Prosperous Prestigious 2025 - Issac 

ABSOLUTE BATMAN #1 - Review

DC Comic Book Suits meet once a week in a darkened conference room in Burbank lit only by candlelight. The room reeks of repressed trauma, Chex Mix and Febreze ‘Linen & Sky’. Standing behind the chairs of the Suits are hooded figures who wield three foot steel pokers and week-old bagels from the Bagel Broker in LA (in other words, the hardest known material on Planet Earth). A hologram of Disney’s Stock Price dances in the middle of the coference table and placards showing the gross earnings of all of the MCU movies are placed in front of each of the suits.

 

 

This purpose of this weekly meeting is twofold: One, to humiliate and physically abuse the DC Comic Book Suits so they fear for their life from the Dark Lord that they worship. The other is to come up with at least 40-50 new names for Batman Titles that will soon be paired up with Batman Ideas that are spit out by the dozens from the asscheeks of a sloth that resides in their Dark Lord’s lair…in Brentwood.

 

 

Thesaurus’s are not allowed at this meeting, nor are phones. Suits must just come up with Batman Titles on their own, inspired by their own Bat Lunacy and need to maintain their Equinox gym memberships. When the Hooded Figures start poking the Suits, the Suits begin to whinge and wheedle; they roar out the names of possible new Bat Books one by one:

 

Unadulterated Batman!

 

Keto Batman!

 

The Dark Nighty Nite!

 

Peppermint Batty!

 

Murky Gloomy Dingy Batman!

 

The Golden At-Batman!

 

Cardi B-ats!

 

Batman: Folie a Trois!

 

Bat-a-Bar: The Last Bat-Bender!

 

And on and on and on it goes, for hours on end. Conservative estimates predict that by 2026 there will be 400 Batman Comics released by DC every year, those are conservative estimates. As it stands we get about 100 or so, clearly we’re in the lean years of being Batman fans, hang in there guys! This may all seem like pure sarcasm to you, but, is it? There’s a Bat Werewolf comic that’s coming out along with a Batman the Barbarian one. We’ve had a Bat Vampire, Bat Zombie, Bat Knight from the Middle Ages and a soon to be Bat Chef on the show ‘Chopped’ where he opens up Bat-skets of oddly paired food items.

 

 

In this particular comic they settled on ‘Absolute’. How you ask? Well, word has it that after a few mounds of coke and a little meth they decied that every Hero in the DC Universe should get an Absolute title. Then a fight broke out over the merits of an ‘Absolute Martian Manhunter’ series. It was started by a DC Suit, who was naked by this time, and who was sporting a large Plastic Man tat on his left butt cheek. This guy apparently assaulted the DC Suit who was pining for an Absolute Martian Manhunter. The Naked Plastic Man Dude had to be restrained and all he kept bellowing was ‘J’onn J’onzz is the stupidest fucking name for a fucking character ever!’.

 

I’d have to agree with Plastic Suit on that one, I mean, J’onn J’onnzz should either be the name of a Mumble Rapper, a forgotten member of Color Me Badd or a fancy cologne from Chanel. Anyway, looks like all we’re getting is Absolute Bats, Supes & Dubz. I picked up Bats simply because, well, Scott Snyder. I feel for ya Scott. You were writing the best Batman run in the past, oh, I dunno, 25 years maybe, when you started at the New 52 back in 2011. I mean, that Court of Owls story line was bananas. It had been years since I was so amped for a monthly. That, coupled with Azzarello and Chiang’s Wonder Woman run was a major part of the halcyon days of me buying comic books. I was pulling like 25-30 a month, it was heaven.

 

Well, shit ended weird for Snyder by the time he was on the Mr Bloom story line in 2015. Don’t get me wrong, this new villain was dope but, it felt like, DC meddled. The whole story had a bizarre ending, it didn’t feel like it came from Snyder and next thing you know he was unceremoniously replaced by someone else. I couldn’t even tell you who but I remember it sucking balls after Synder. What happened? Don’t know. Yet I got the feeling like DC felt bad about the way things went down and gave him this Wham Bam Slam ‘Dark Nights: Metal’ Mega Event to smooth things over with him. The Mega Event was Mega Boring and Mega DC Corny AF Character Heavy; it kinda soured me on Snyder a bit. I feel like that’s what they’ve been doing since the Bloom fiasco; trying to give Snyder stuff to make up for ruining his stellar run on Bats. Unfortunately, nothing has come close to that four year run of his.

 

Something similar to this happened to me in my Stand-Up Career. I was working with this Music Producer and making a Comedy Music album with like, real bonafide dance tracks and poignant lyrics. It was going to be huge; he knew people. I began writing a new One Man Show that we were going to record live over a few performances and intersperse the material throughout the album along with sketches. I ended up creating one of the best shows I had put together in years, a Bat-Snyderian-Owl show for the ages. The tracks were ready, the sketches were ready, all we had to do was record the show.

 

Now, this producer was eccentric and flighty as most Producers in LA are. After securing a great venue in Hollywood I let him know that he needed to go down and check out the audio set-up before the show to make sure everything would synch up with whatever he was planning to use to record the shows. He said, sure man, no problem. Days and weeks passed, the show was getting closer and Producer Dude had yet to go down to the venue. Reassurances. Eye rolls. It’s fine. Days to the show. No Producer Dude at venue. Dude. Go. To. The. Venue. Going tomorrow. No Producer Dude at venue. Day of shows. Okay, get there early. Sure. One hour to show time. No Producer Dude at venue. Crowd filing in. Producer Dude finally shows up with some equipment. We’ve had zero sound check. He says, chill, it’s fine.

 

I do my shows. I don’t care how arrogant this sounds but I murdered them. Murdered. Both shows. Hurt them. 

 

I knew the album was going to be an enormous success. Hmm, which canyon should I live in? Laurel, Nichols, Coldwater, hmmm.

So, Producer Dude, how’d it come out?

 

It didn’t.

 

Not one second.

 

His set up failed. Nothing was recorded. From that night on Producer Dude would get me lots of performance opportunities to recreate the shows that I did. It was his way of saying sorry and also his way of making good on the project. Every show after the original ones were ‘Dark Nights:Metal’ shows; they were all blah. The project was dead.

 

Now, that’s on me as well. I needed to find whatever was within me to have another murderous show, but I didn’t. Why? Because once something is ruined it’s really hard to put back together. Sometimes you can. Most of the time you can’t. So before I even looked at one page of Absolutely Bat-A-Tat-Tat-Man I knew, I knew that it wasn’t going to be as great as New 52 Snyder. Sure I wanted it to be, but, the odds were slim to none. Well, I was right.

 

First, I'm not sure what to think about this cover. Bats is Yoke AF. Bats does Legs five times a week. Bats is really an Armenian from Glendale and his new Batmobile is probably going to be just a White Mercedes E-Class with a Bat Logo on it. Speaking of the logo, it looks like Feds redacted the actual Bat logo. Is this version of Bats looking wack AF? Absolutely! Maybe that's why it's Absolute Batman. Maybe they should've called Absolutely Batman and it could've been the two Absolutely Fabulous Ladies running around Gotham in Bat Outfits fighting the crimes of people who don't get sarcasm.

The comic feels a lot like 'The Dark Knight Returns', there's a bunch of newscasters on TV panels that reminds me of that vibe. Maybe that's what they were going for, an 80s vibe. That might explain why Bruce Wayne looks like Akira. Tell me this isn't Akira from the legendary Akira Anime Film of the 80s:

Now don't get me wrong I would fucking love a Bat-Kira comic but this feels just like a tease not a promise. Plus, throw in the fact that Bat-Kira is running around in a bad ass motorcycle like Akira and it's clear that an Inspector Gadget Cameo is forthcoming in the soon to be released issues.

Next we have the Bowling Ball Crime Family, a family that has most of their head covered in a bowling ball. I'm not sure which DC Suit has a fantasy about a babe coming out of a pool in a bikini with a bowling ball on her head but it made it into this comic book.

 

 

 

I suppose I would be intrigued and disgusted by an underground brothel called 'Bang & Bowl' where you could enjoy the company of a babe and then see if you could toss her down a lane for a spare afterward. Has an exchange like this ever happened where it was a literal reference:

 

 

Bang & Bowler #1: How was Sapphire?

Bang & Bowler #2: Dude, she was a gutterball. 

Word is Harvey Weinstein and Oprah bowled girls all the time in Haiti. I will say this, the action sequence at the end of the book was fan-fucking-tastic. A+. Wow. One of the better Bat Beatdowns you'll see. Overall, this comic was what I expected, nothing spectacular yet enjoyable enough to keep grabbing future ishes. There's been a slew of reprints already and the variant cover list is up to 46. 46! Forty Six Fucking Covers. This is like the Beatles 'Yesterday' of comic books. If I see one of those blank covers at my comic book shop I plan on picking up so I can have a cool comic book artist sketch the Absolute Bat Dude on my blank cover. There will be one important detail that they'll have to incorporate into the cover. There's going to have to be a text bubble over Bats that says "You lift Bro?".

 

 

RATING: 7.5

VERDICT: Pull, Bang & Bowl