THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2024

                   THE BEST COMIC BOOKS OF 2024

It was a magical year for comic books. Well, maybe not magical. It was a prestigious year for comic books. Well, maybe not exactly prestigious. It was literally a year of the Prestige, as in the oversized Prestige releases; they were everywhere you looked. Since the "Prestige" in magic is the actual trick then it was most definitely a magical year for comics, as in now you see them - now you don’t.

These oversized editions truly began in earnest a couple years ago with DC’s Black Label. Despite the sticker shock they were absolutely worth it, books like ‘Wonder Woman:Historia’, ‘Lonely City’ and ‘Harleen’ were all triumphant releases; each one reminded you how amazing comic books could be. These books felt like something special, like they had to make it big to live up to how good it was - at least it felt that way. Whereas it seemed as if DC cut back on the oversized black label comics this year one new publisher decided to go balls to the wall with them: DSTLRY - or as I like to call them Dusty Larry. Dusty Larry doubled down on fancy shmancy comics deciding to only release oversized editions, promising to hire only the best in the biz for the ballsiest books on the shmaltziest racks. It was an interesting strategy and from what I can tell it’s paid off. 

 

According to sales numbers Dusty Larry just broke into the Top 10 in revenue generators for comic book shops in October, coming in at 9 after only one year on the scene. Now granted, Larry be selling dem books for 9 bones so it’s easier for them to pile up the dillies but it’s still impressive. I mean, they’re not gonna catch the Big Poo (Marvisney & DC) but do they really need to?


As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, these prestige comics are a sweet little trap and a genius marketing approach for comic book geeks especially since most stories only go 3 issues, maybe 4. All Dusty Larry, or anybody for that matter, has to do is rope you in with flashy art, pull-tastic writers and a dynamic premise for you to plunk down your cashish on one of their oversized hubba hubba books. Unless it’s God Awful, which some are, you’ll be back for the second issue. Now, the second issue could very well suck, but - there’s only one issue left! Clearly it’s gonna end with a bang. I mean, it would be silly to just buy 2 and not complete the story with the 3rd. So you buy it. Whether it sucks or not doesn’t matter. You bought all 3 issues for about $30. Dusty Larry takes your dingy money to his murky safety deposit box and says thanks. 

 

Now comic geeks are wont to froth at the mouth at shiny magic tricks with shiny nekkid boobs and butts but eventually they wise up. I would think that it’s going to get to the point consumers will realize ‘Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t just grab all of Dusty Larry’s offerings? Maybe I should wait until one of their premises seems extraordinary.’ That’s what I’ve already begun doing. I mean, it’s like Steak & Lobster. If you have Steak & Lobster every day it gets boring so I’m not sure if Dusty Larry is sustainable. I think they need to diversify and get on the normal sized comic wagon and maybe even do a 6 or 12 Maxi issue series every now and then.

 

That said, I’m shocked that Marvisney hasn’t joined in the Prestige-Palooza. I mean, Marvisney has all but turned to shit. Save for maybe one or two titles their books are unreadable. I can’t imagine someone hasn’t at least suggested putting out more adult themed prestige editions to create a new audience (and probably been dipped in a cauldron of hot wax). I assume Satan isn’t interested in bringing joy to comic book geeks. I think if they do, and writers are allowed to cook (as the kids would say) it could revitalize the entire Marvel Universe and maybe even bring fresh ideas to possible cinematic experiences. I suppose that’s like expecting every girl I match with on dating apps to respond to my messages…it ain’t happening!

 

 

In other news, I think Image had a down year. Seems like they used to put out nothing but hits and were the darling of indie comics. That’s definitely not the case anymore especially with a Blah year from Saga. Overall with the majority of the Big Poo dropping Poop-a-rific comics it was challenging to sift through and find the gems but there were out there. In a world where we are over saturated with content it’s becoming more and more challenging to actually find the good stuff. Seems like you just have to trust your gut, assume you’ll pick up some junk, and just plow through those solicits to feed your passion for sequential art goodness.

 

Lastly, my tale of the tape this year was pretty much unchanged as far as my pull was concerned. I grabbed 146 comics, down only 3 from 149 last year, but I spent 10% more this year which probably went to Dusty Larry’s Musty Safe. That’s still the lowest number in the 14 years that I started keeping track. So yeah, I didn’t grab a lot, but these tasty morsels below made the year worth it. 

 

This list, like Spinal Tap's Amps, goes to 11, not 10, 11! Presto Pull-Oh!

11. the Bat-man, first knight - The only dedicated Bats Book to make my list this year was actually a Prestige version as well. It’s like DC read my mind: Do a Year One/Old School 1939 Batman story where he’s figuring it all out set in gritty Gotham with Dames, Broads and Cement Mixers. Then DC saw all the middle fingers and WTFs in my mind when it came to their offerings and swiftly departed. Dan Jurgens had an engaging enough story, nothing spectacular, but it moved well and didn’t settle for cliches as it wrapped itself up. The star of this book was definitely Mike Perkin’s art which perfectly captured the look and feel of 30s Gotham. You really were swept away when you opened these pages whereas most of the other Bat Books just got swept under a rug. Gone too soon but at least First Knight was a Holy Moly Good Night.

 

 

 

 

10. wonder woman - This series would be a lot higher in the rankings if not for that gut wrenchingly bad cross over event that hijacked this title for 3 issues. I don’t even remember the name of it, I’ve shaved it out of my mind like Liberal women have shaved their heads post Election. Those issues notwithstanding, Tom King and Daniel Sampere have put on a clinic on how to write and draw a compelling visually yowza Dubz series. Their first issue back after the cross over event, Ish #14, may be the most emotionally heartfelt issue of the year; gave me all the feels and a whimper. There’s a lot of love going into this title right now and it shows. King is probably the Writer of the Year in my book. Between this, Love Everlasting and another title below, he’s undefeated. I would also like to shout out the “Absolute Wonder Woman” series by Kelly Thompson and Hayden Sherman. They’re creatively kicking ass and the pages are gorgeous but the whole ‘Dubs was raised by Circe in Hell’ premise doesn’t really sit well with me. Put these two on anything and I’m there.

9. Doom - Maybe Hickman should do a one shot for every Marvisney series so whatever creative team comes on after can just follow his blueprint. Or maybe Hickman should just clone himself a few times so he can write every Marvisney series. Or maybe Hickman should hang out with some billionaires who fund him to buy and separate Marvel from Disney so we have great Marvel comics again. Doom in an epic cosmic battle with Galactus? Nuff said. Pure escapist fun with that classic Marvel feel. It’s like we’ve been drinking a shitty coca cola formula for the past 5 years or so with Marvisney comics. Just go back to the original formula and take out whatever poison you’ve put in our favorite books. This one shot was the shit. 

8. falling in love on the path to hell - A Cowboy and a feisty Samurai Babe from the 1800s die and meet on a Zombie Island which acts as a sort of purgatory for their souls. Rather than falling in line with an asshole Indian Dude who acts as the self appointed head of the army that has to kill zombies every day, they rebel together. In their joint act of rebellion they slowly fall for each other while they plan their escape from the island. If someone pitched this idea to me I’d have a blank look on my face for several seconds and then I’d go ‘Lemme see the pages’. Well, the pages took a few issues to get warmed up but the fire has been stoked and this series is officially bananas enough to be great. Image has had a lot of misses the past year or two but this is a bullseye. I hope it gets the long form treatment and gives itself 25 issues or more to tell this tale. Also, this book ranks as having the 2nd sexiest sex scenes of the year in their most recent issue. As the kids would say, that shit was fire. There's an Indian Food joke here that's too easy and you're not getting it.

7. A vicious circle -  This isn’t technically a ‘Best of 2024’ since this limited 3 issue series debuted in 2022. Yet they’ve basically put out one of these a year and each is so unbelievably beautiful, if they released one of these a year for the next 10 years each year it’d be on every one of my “Best Of’ lists. Lee Bermejo gave a master class on sequential art. Like, seriously, get this dude one of those ‘Masterclass’ videos: The attention to details, the various artistic styles, the paneling - holy fuckamoley. This reminds me of Wonder Woman ‘Historia’ from a few years ago where the art was just mind boggling. Not to be outdone, Mattson Tomlin’s dropped a riveting story of time travelers connected to the hip through their own deaths in various time periods and the women whose love haunts them throughout the millennia. Just a glorious work by these two. I feel like the ending was really good, but not great. I think there was more meat on the bone that was left due to the whole ‘3 Issue Prestige Mandate’ that seems to be afflicting the industry. Given how the creators put so much of themselves into these three issues I think they get a pass on the abrupt ending and should be lauded for their heroic work on a series that will stay with you long after it hits your bags and boards. 

 

 

 

 

6. Conan the barbarian -  There's no better time to be a Conan fan than right now thanks to Titan Comics. Last year's 'Comic of the Year' kept the pedal to the chain mail metal and churned out a whole bunch of Cimmerian Goodness from the thrilling retelling of the Frost Giant's Daughter to retro yet new 'Savage Sword of Conan' books that took you back to being a horny teenager in your attic inspecting black and white boobs on a maiden who carried tankards of ale on a tray while the whispy silk around her hips barely covered anything. I wish Robert De La Torre would be chained to his chair so he does nothing else in his career but the art for Conan. Having artists jump in between arcs is fine but admittedly they can't compare to his pencils. Also, Titan's crossover event "Battle of the Black Stone" that brought together of all of Robert E. Howard's famous characters was bit of a miss; it felt a bit contrived. Still, the main title has yet to disappoint so by Crom, get yourself one to celebrate an Indie Publisher doing a mainstream hero the right way.

5. the boy wonder -  The only reason I even grabbed this book to begin with was because of Juni Ba's work on an issue of the wonderful 'Deep Cuts' anthology series from last year; his particular issue was the best of the bunch. I had no interest in reading another Robin Origin Story and the first couple of issues confirmed my suspicions regarding the material. Yet something happened midway through, Juni took this story, which seemed to be way too tame for a Black Label imprint, and elevated it to something that transcended the medium. I'm not even sure how he did it but his commitment to diving into the psyche of these heroes and mining for emotional gold really touched me in a way I wasn't expecting. I don't think you can just reduce this to a 'Bat Family' book. I think it's really a book about family and how messy it gets whether you're wearing jeans or capes. Juni Ba: A Star is Born.

 

 

 

 

4. ultimate spider-man - I get nervous every time I get set to read one of these issues. Why? Well, it’s been so unbelievably uhh-mayyzing and fun to have a great Spidey comic on my lap again that I’m worried Marvisney is going to find someway to fuck it up and ruin it, like they do with everything that’s good in the world. It’s like dating a beautiful woman in LA who checks ever single box you can think of. It’s LA. You always wonder "Is this the night she tells me she performs as a ventriloquist wearing a crotchless spandex onesie in Fetish Dungeons and still bangs Michael Bay on the side?" Well, so far Hickman has kept the Jackals at bay. Every issue has pretty much been a blast: Simple, Heroic, Action Packed. I'd go so far as to say this is the best Spidey book in over 30 years. I'm not a huge fan of 'Alt Universes' but clearly they needed to get far away from whatever current Universe the main Marvisney books are in to create this web slinging masterpiece. That’s two by Hicksy on this list. I’m almost ready to forgive him for not finishing the ‘Black Monday Murders’ and the ‘Dying and the Dead’…almost.

3. spectregraph - I’m not a huge fan of the Horror genre. I’m not a huge fan of James Tynion the 5th or 16th (stop cloning this dude it's diluting his work) or whatever comes after his name. I am an enormous Christian Ward fan so when I saw his name on this Dusty Larry book I had to pick it up figuring the art alone would be worth the price of admission. Well, turns out all James Tynion the XXV needed is Christian Ward by his side to put out one of the most riveting and enjoyable books of the year. Dusty Larry probably realized how fucking good it was and gave them an extra ish (four) to wrap things up rather than the standard three. I seriously hope that the best team-up that comic books had this year, (the single Mom vanilla blonde Real Estate Agent and the 20 something self absorbed red headed Goth), get their own series or a Streaming Show or get turned into a Cabaret Revue; they fucking ruled the roost. Maybe all Tynion MCMX needed was a shorter format to reign him in so he could deliver a concise and brilliant story on the quest for immortality in a creepy beach side Malibu home. I fucking loved this comic.   

2. helen of wyndhorn - I’m out of superlatives when it comes to describing how magnificent this series has been. I feel like I've been trumpeting and extolling the brilliance of this comic every month and if I wasn't, I should have been. This series may not be for everyone but maybe it should be. Maybe everyone should read this comic to witness the absolutely gorgeous panels that Bilquis Evely delivered. Maybe everyone should read this fantastic fantasy penned by Tom King who is fast becoming a virtuoso at writing stories that capture your imagination. Maybe if we show up to Comic Cons holding books like this in front of our chests to the editors and publishers who show up they'll get the fucking point. This comic reminded me a lot of 'The Unwritten', one of the greatest comics in the history of the medium. When someone asks me what non-superhero comic they should read I almost always tell them Saga and the Unwritten. 'The Unwritten' had over 70 issues to tell their tale. I feel like had Helen of Wyndhorn had that many I'd be sticking it right up there next to Saga. As it stands it only had 6 but what a magical 6 they were. In a year of 'Prestige' this comic left the card tricks on the table and within a normal sized book gave us a spellbinding tale for the ages. 

1. SOMNA - The true measure of Great Art, regardless of the medium, is that which stays with you long after the experience. No, soul crushing dates in LA that have you googling for trips to Mars do not qualify as great art since they stay with you long after the experience, but comic books like Somna does. Without question, the Crown Jewel of all of Dusty Larry’s oversized magic books was this one.They were smart enough to release this early on in their schedule because after reading this one you wondered ‘Wait, are all of Dusty Larry’s books going to be the best comics ever?’. 

 

Again, I’m not a fan of the Horror genre, but this went far beyond any hack and slash effort, this was pure genius. The juxtaposition of two distinct visual styles was done in a way that I’ve never seen before, notwithstanding the fact that both were bonkers unbelievably beautiful. I’ve never seen a Writer/Artist Duo both write and create art for a book the way that Lotay and Cloonan did. The two of them together are the Prestige, it’s pure fucking magic. Yes, one could argue that the story of hunting down women for patriarchal superstitions in the time of the Salem Witch trials has been done to death, yet Somna killed it. It can’t be done anymore. They literally put this time period to an end with this book. As for the Sex? I mean, I didn’t have naughty sizzling inter-dimensional Demon Sex getting me all  hot and bothered on my 2024 Bingo Card, now I know better. I will follow Lotay & Cloonan wherever they go, especially since there's no more Diddy parties. I could see Diddy getting baby oil dreams after reading these issues. I hope it’s soon, whatever they're working on. I’ve been longing for their work. Let’s give them a 50 Issue Prestige Run so they can show the world how it’s done. Somna, one for the ages and Numero Uno in 2024.

 

 

 

 

That’s it! What a wacky year. What a wacky time for entertainment. I think it’s safe to say that all mediums are going through a transitory period. All mediums are on shaky ground, wondering where to pivot next and how consumers of their content will choose to engage their work.

I have to say it’s kinda rough out there for comic books. I mean, yes, as I’ve shown, there were some spectacular books this year. Yet as I look at my pull list, it’s pretty slim. I’ve got a bunch of hero books, a Lemire book, a bunch on hiatus and a bunch of facsimiles. Rifling through January solicits I don’t see much that has me chomping at the bit. As often as I rag on the Big Poo (DC & Marvisney) deep down I want them to be great again. It’s like sports, when the iconic franchises of a sport are doing well the whole sport is doing well. Hopefully we will see a course correction in the new year. If not, we’ll be left to scrounging and digging for gems like the ones above to remind us how much we love comic books. Great Art and Great Stories will always remind us that things will get better. This year also showed us that Inter-Dimensional Demon Sex with a hot Salem Babe with bouncy bazoobas can help you forget about all those crappy comics you wish you never pulled.

 

 

Here's to a Prosperous Prestigious 2025 - Issac 

ABSOLUTE BATMAN #1 - Review

DC Comic Book Suits meet once a week in a darkened conference room in Burbank lit only by candlelight. The room reeks of repressed trauma, Chex Mix and Febreze ‘Linen & Sky’. Standing behind the chairs of the Suits are hooded figures who wield three foot steel pokers and week-old bagels from the Bagel Broker in LA (in other words, the hardest known material on Planet Earth). A hologram of Disney’s Stock Price dances in the middle of the coference table and placards showing the gross earnings of all of the MCU movies are placed in front of each of the suits.

 

 

This purpose of this weekly meeting is twofold: One, to humiliate and physically abuse the DC Comic Book Suits so they fear for their life from the Dark Lord that they worship. The other is to come up with at least 40-50 new names for Batman Titles that will soon be paired up with Batman Ideas that are spit out by the dozens from the asscheeks of a sloth that resides in their Dark Lord’s lair…in Brentwood.

 

 

Thesaurus’s are not allowed at this meeting, nor are phones. Suits must just come up with Batman Titles on their own, inspired by their own Bat Lunacy and need to maintain their Equinox gym memberships. When the Hooded Figures start poking the Suits, the Suits begin to whinge and wheedle; they roar out the names of possible new Bat Books one by one:

 

Unadulterated Batman!

 

Keto Batman!

 

The Dark Nighty Nite!

 

Peppermint Batty!

 

Murky Gloomy Dingy Batman!

 

The Golden At-Batman!

 

Cardi B-ats!

 

Batman: Folie a Trois!

 

Bat-a-Bar: The Last Bat-Bender!

 

And on and on and on it goes, for hours on end. Conservative estimates predict that by 2026 there will be 400 Batman Comics released by DC every year, those are conservative estimates. As it stands we get about 100 or so, clearly we’re in the lean years of being Batman fans, hang in there guys! This may all seem like pure sarcasm to you, but, is it? There’s a Bat Werewolf comic that’s coming out along with a Batman the Barbarian one. We’ve had a Bat Vampire, Bat Zombie, Bat Knight from the Middle Ages and a soon to be Bat Chef on the show ‘Chopped’ where he opens up Bat-skets of oddly paired food items.

 

 

In this particular comic they settled on ‘Absolute’. How you ask? Well, word has it that after a few mounds of coke and a little meth they decied that every Hero in the DC Universe should get an Absolute title. Then a fight broke out over the merits of an ‘Absolute Martian Manhunter’ series. It was started by a DC Suit, who was naked by this time, and who was sporting a large Plastic Man tat on his left butt cheek. This guy apparently assaulted the DC Suit who was pining for an Absolute Martian Manhunter. The Naked Plastic Man Dude had to be restrained and all he kept bellowing was ‘J’onn J’onzz is the stupidest fucking name for a fucking character ever!’.

 

I’d have to agree with Plastic Suit on that one, I mean, J’onn J’onnzz should either be the name of a Mumble Rapper, a forgotten member of Color Me Badd or a fancy cologne from Chanel. Anyway, looks like all we’re getting is Absolute Bats, Supes & Dubz. I picked up Bats simply because, well, Scott Snyder. I feel for ya Scott. You were writing the best Batman run in the past, oh, I dunno, 25 years maybe, when you started at the New 52 back in 2011. I mean, that Court of Owls story line was bananas. It had been years since I was so amped for a monthly. That, coupled with Azzarello and Chiang’s Wonder Woman run was a major part of the halcyon days of me buying comic books. I was pulling like 25-30 a month, it was heaven.

 

Well, shit ended weird for Snyder by the time he was on the Mr Bloom story line in 2015. Don’t get me wrong, this new villain was dope but, it felt like, DC meddled. The whole story had a bizarre ending, it didn’t feel like it came from Snyder and next thing you know he was unceremoniously replaced by someone else. I couldn’t even tell you who but I remember it sucking balls after Synder. What happened? Don’t know. Yet I got the feeling like DC felt bad about the way things went down and gave him this Wham Bam Slam ‘Dark Nights: Metal’ Mega Event to smooth things over with him. The Mega Event was Mega Boring and Mega DC Corny AF Character Heavy; it kinda soured me on Snyder a bit. I feel like that’s what they’ve been doing since the Bloom fiasco; trying to give Snyder stuff to make up for ruining his stellar run on Bats. Unfortunately, nothing has come close to that four year run of his.

 

Something similar to this happened to me in my Stand-Up Career. I was working with this Music Producer and making a Comedy Music album with like, real bonafide dance tracks and poignant lyrics. It was going to be huge; he knew people. I began writing a new One Man Show that we were going to record live over a few performances and intersperse the material throughout the album along with sketches. I ended up creating one of the best shows I had put together in years, a Bat-Snyderian-Owl show for the ages. The tracks were ready, the sketches were ready, all we had to do was record the show.

 

Now, this producer was eccentric and flighty as most Producers in LA are. After securing a great venue in Hollywood I let him know that he needed to go down and check out the audio set-up before the show to make sure everything would synch up with whatever he was planning to use to record the shows. He said, sure man, no problem. Days and weeks passed, the show was getting closer and Producer Dude had yet to go down to the venue. Reassurances. Eye rolls. It’s fine. Days to the show. No Producer Dude at venue. Dude. Go. To. The. Venue. Going tomorrow. No Producer Dude at venue. Day of shows. Okay, get there early. Sure. One hour to show time. No Producer Dude at venue. Crowd filing in. Producer Dude finally shows up with some equipment. We’ve had zero sound check. He says, chill, it’s fine.

 

I do my shows. I don’t care how arrogant this sounds but I murdered them. Murdered. Both shows. Hurt them. 

 

I knew the album was going to be an enormous success. Hmm, which canyon should I live in? Laurel, Nichols, Coldwater, hmmm.

So, Producer Dude, how’d it come out?

 

It didn’t.

 

Not one second.

 

His set up failed. Nothing was recorded. From that night on Producer Dude would get me lots of performance opportunities to recreate the shows that I did. It was his way of saying sorry and also his way of making good on the project. Every show after the original ones were ‘Dark Nights:Metal’ shows; they were all blah. The project was dead.

 

Now, that’s on me as well. I needed to find whatever was within me to have another murderous show, but I didn’t. Why? Because once something is ruined it’s really hard to put back together. Sometimes you can. Most of the time you can’t. So before I even looked at one page of Absolutely Bat-A-Tat-Tat-Man I knew, I knew that it wasn’t going to be as great as New 52 Snyder. Sure I wanted it to be, but, the odds were slim to none. Well, I was right.

 

First, I'm not sure what to think about this cover. Bats is Yoke AF. Bats does Legs five times a week. Bats is really an Armenian from Glendale and his new Batmobile is probably going to be just a White Mercedes E-Class with a Bat Logo on it. Speaking of the logo, it looks like Feds redacted the actual Bat logo. Is this version of Bats looking wack AF? Absolutely! Maybe that's why it's Absolute Batman. Maybe they should've called Absolutely Batman and it could've been the two Absolutely Fabulous Ladies running around Gotham in Bat Outfits fighting the crimes of people who don't get sarcasm.

The comic feels a lot like 'The Dark Knight Returns', there's a bunch of newscasters on TV panels that reminds me of that vibe. Maybe that's what they were going for, an 80s vibe. That might explain why Bruce Wayne looks like Akira. Tell me this isn't Akira from the legendary Akira Anime Film of the 80s:

Now don't get me wrong I would fucking love a Bat-Kira comic but this feels just like a tease not a promise. Plus, throw in the fact that Bat-Kira is running around in a bad ass motorcycle like Akira and it's clear that an Inspector Gadget Cameo is forthcoming in the soon to be released issues.

Next we have the Bowling Ball Crime Family, a family that has most of their head covered in a bowling ball. I'm not sure which DC Suit has a fantasy about a babe coming out of a pool in a bikini with a bowling ball on her head but it made it into this comic book.

 

 

 

I suppose I would be intrigued and disgusted by an underground brothel called 'Bang & Bowl' where you could enjoy the company of a babe and then see if you could toss her down a lane for a spare afterward. Has an exchange like this ever happened where it was a literal reference:

 

 

Bang & Bowler #1: How was Sapphire?

Bang & Bowler #2: Dude, she was a gutterball. 

Word is Harvey Weinstein and Oprah bowled girls all the time in Haiti. I will say this, the action sequence at the end of the book was fan-fucking-tastic. A+. Wow. One of the better Bat Beatdowns you'll see. Overall, this comic was what I expected, nothing spectacular yet enjoyable enough to keep grabbing future ishes. There's been a slew of reprints already and the variant cover list is up to 46. 46! Forty Six Fucking Covers. This is like the Beatles 'Yesterday' of comic books. If I see one of those blank covers at my comic book shop I plan on picking up so I can have a cool comic book artist sketch the Absolute Bat Dude on my blank cover. There will be one important detail that they'll have to incorporate into the cover. There's going to have to be a text bubble over Bats that says "You lift Bro?".

 

 

RATING: 7.5

VERDICT: Pull, Bang & Bowl

October '24 Reading Round Up

 

Well, another election come and gone. One group is losing their minds while another group gloats. We’ve got meltdowns, sanctimonious finger pointing and doom and gloomers gloomily dooming and damning all of us. My reaction to all of this is…yeah, so what, DC and Marvel still suck wrinkly donkey scrotum.

Which got me to thinking - could there be a Comic Book Election??? Like, could the comic book masses finally be able to influence these corporate conglomerates to bend to their will? I get that these are privately owned companies but they deeply exist within the public sphere, shouldn’t there be more accountability rather than the effects seen on their bottom line when geeks say yuck to their titles? Consumers can always vote with their dollars but sometimes they’re too stupid to realize they keep voting for caca poop because they’re used to it.

It’s like pop vocalists. So many of them are auto tuned or can’t sing for shit yet when one comes out who can actually sing and hit a note or two everyone loses their minds simply because the bar has been set so low. That’s where we are with the Big Poo. The bar has been set so low that when a decent comic comes out everyone goes bonkers.

So what if the Comic Book Community came together - okay that will never happen but, what if it did - and collectively approached all the major comic book publishers and said:

‘From now on we are going to vote every four years for our feeling about the Head/CEO of all the major comic book publishers: Marvel, DC, Image, Dark Horse, Boom, IDW etc. If your approval rating dips below 33%, meaning 2 outta every 3 comic geeks thinks your comics suck, then you have to replace the head with somebody else otherwise we will collectively abstain from purchasing your comics’

A far fetched fantasy? Sure. Yet I would be interested to see a poll that is sent out to the comic book buying masses to see how they felt about all the publishers. Would they listen? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s no secret that the American Comic Book Market is in a free fall, perhaps a vote by those who care the most would crystallize the discontent to the point where there are shifts in leadership.

Then if the publishers ignored the will of the geeks the geeks could revolt and have the equivalent of a Boston Tea Party but instead of tossing tea over the bow of a ship the geeks could just be tossing comics out of their long boxes. Imagine a country just littered with comic books everywhere! Of course they would all be bagged and boarded because nobody would take the time to take them out of the bags and boards and eventually geeks would stop and rifle through all the piles of comics looking for gems and then the country would basically turn into one enormous garage sale of free comic books for everyone.

So, yeah, nothing would ever get done with the losers who might be running the comic book industry but hey, what a glorious day to celebrate where comic geeks are huddled over comics, stopping traffic everywhere while checking their apps for variant cover prices, we’d turn the entire country into one big local comic shop for a week. Here’s what I got into this past month:

 

 

I gave this a shot, because, I dunno, my pull was low? Yeah, no bueno. It reads like one of those cheap Penguin Paperbacks you used to get from the library when you were a kid from the Mystery aisle. A group of friends befriend a new adopted kid in grammar school who’s a cripple. Of course the cripple is the best of all that humanity has to offer and becomes a genius and a superhero because that’s what all people with handicaps do. He gets brutally murdered and of course the savvy sassy chick of the group is out to find who it is, and surprise surprise it’s probably one of the friends from their childhood. Whatever. Another dud from Image. Now excuse me while I pick up where I left off in my Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys Mystery ‘The Secret of the Silent Dating App’  6.2

 

 

 

 

 

If you love fantasy and literature and you’re not reading this comic then you’re truly missing out on an absolutely astounding series by Tom King. Wyndhorne may very well be his best work ever and Bilquis Ivey is fast becoming one of my favorite artists. The story is being so perfectly executed and paced that it’s hard to not get excited for every upcoming issue; that’s no small task these days. This issue in particular was riveting and the moment with the Helen's Elder Custodian Lady berating Helen's Grandfather for not loving Helen enough as he's forced to kill a dragon that appeared because of her wheedling was especially fun. Typical for an English broad to not be impressed enough with a Dragon to put a halt to her reprimand. I feel like English girls and Latinas would not let a dragon get in the way of telling you how wrong you are about everything. Curl up with a hot cup of tea and get lost in this magical story. 9.5

 

 

 

 

 

Saga has hit a wall. Seems like we’re in this loop of awkward pre-teen angst and growing pains mixed with somebody is convincing somebody to give up information on somebody so they can hunt them down and kill them. Actually, it’s a lot of: Tell me where this person with wings or horns or a retractable dick is! I don’t even know why anybody is being hunted down at this point. Is there still a war going on? I don’t know. What did they do again? I’ve forgotten. Where are they running to or where are they hiding out? No fucking clue. Again, Fiona Staples could illustrate Bazooka Joe comics and I would buy them up every day but this story is officially in Duds-ville. After one of the most scintillating 54 issues to mark the first half of this epic tale, the last 15 have been blah; it’s SaBlah. Hey, it happens to the best of them. Can BKV turn it around, well, duh. Yet this comic has dropped into ‘Monstress’ territory where I still buy it every month yet give it the stink eye. It’s a very stinky eye. 6.9

 

 

 

 

The classic “Frost Giant’s Daughter” story by Robert E. Howard is being tackled by the brilliant creative team behind the main Conan title. I’ve seen this story before in previous Conan iterations, the last great one was by Kurt Busiek and Cary Nord when Conan was at Dark Horse. The results here are of course spectacular, why would you expect anything less? Now that I’ve seen this tale a bunch it got me to thinking about it and, well, I think it’s basically a story about a bar fight. Check this out and tell me this isn’t the core plot of the Frost Giant’s Daughter:

 

So, there’s a huge bar fight and a bunch of burly dudes are beating the shit out of each other. The strongest dude wins and lays waste to all the other drunk losers. A hot Redhead at the bar who’s bored yet intrigued by the melee watches the whole thing and realizes, hmm, the Dude that won is actually a stud. She’s wearing hot pants and a crop top. She flirts with him a whole lot and obviously, after kicking all this ass, he’s up for some ass. She teases him and teases him to the point that he’s frothing at the mouth.

 

She then leaves the bar and gets in a cab. So does he. He tails her tail. Realizing she went a bit too far she has the cabby take her to her house in Queens. She’s texting her meathead brothers that a guy is following her. By the time she gets there they’re ready for him. The Dude finally shows up and the brothers are like ‘Yo, what the fuck, leave our Sis alone asshole’. They fight the Dude and the Dude kicks their ass as well. Now the redhead is freaking the fuck out, she screams for Daddy. Her pops pulls up in a Çadillac, cuz he's a Pimp like that, and scoops her up before the Dude knows what’s going on. He’s completely bewildered, like, WTF? Was this chick even real? Where did she go? He notices that there’s a business card on the ground, picks it up, reads it. It says – ‘For a Great Insurance Quote call Frosty’s Insurance’. I know, I’m good. 9.0

 

 

 

 

Without a doubt, this is the best Spider Man comic since, I dunno, McFarlane? I never read Spidey past the 80s or 90s, seemed like everything since then has been butt. Yeah, yeah, you’ll disagree and say this guy or that guy had a good run and I’ll say, a good run at being a butt comic. This just feels right. It feels like what a great Spidey comic should be. Hickman is masterfully handling all the elements to a tee and also, dare I say it, making it really fun. A Spidey comic should be fucking fun! My goodness! It’s rough out there, is it too much to ask to have a fun Spidey comic to read once a month?? I don’t know why and how Marvisney hasn’t fucked this up yet, oh wait, they did when they stuffed another artist and storyline in for two months at the beginning. Somebody find Hickman and put a security detail around him so Marvisney dipshits don’t mess with his flow. I will say that Hicksy did have a blunder during this issue. After Spidey belted the villain dude onto the street, he and Green Gobby call for an ambulance and an action heading then read ‘Minutes Later’. Umm, yeah, this is New York right? More like, ohh, an hour or so later. I think my head would’ve exploded if Hicksy drew in Flava Flav on the sidewalk and had him yell up from the street to Spidey and Gobs that ‘911 is a Joke’. 9.3

 

 

 

 

I think this wacky, throw a ridiculous off the wall premise at the ceiling and see if it sticks, comic is becoming one of the best titles that I’m reading right now. I didn’t think it had legs after the first two or three issues but it really turned a corner and now I’m totally invested in the Cowboy and the Samurai chick on a Zombie Island in purgatory. The fact that it’s also at Image guarantees that the creative team will be allowed to cook and won’t have meddlers in suits with unhealthy eating habits telling them what to do. In lesser hands this probably would have crashed and burned after 5 issues but with Duggan at the helm it’s being nicely simmered. Image’s website says ‘This series is stabby, shooty, and horny, and you know you need it’. Clearly that’s going to be my new bio for my dating app profile: I’m stabby, shooty and horny and you know you need me! I mean, that’s guaranteed to reel in at least a few pyscho goth actresses or a Social Media Manager/Creative Director who hates herself and is way taller than me. 8.7

 

 

 

 

Wait, what? We're getting a fourth issue of this??? No fucking way! Praise DSTLRY! I think this may be the first of the prestige formats that were locked into this inane '3 Issues a Series Max' mandate to extend to 4. Well, it's a long time coming and of all of the prestige format series currently going this is by far the best of them. It may actually be turning into one of my favorites of the year. What a perfect pairing between Tynion and Ward. I hope they become the new Waid & Samnee or Bendis & Maleev of the industry and keep churning out stories. This one in particular has been an absolute thrill to read while taking in Ward's otherworldly art work. Huge recommendation to pick this up. Also, is it me or do you the word DSTLRY and think it means Dusty Larry? I think that's what I'm going to call them from now on. Man, Dusty Larry has been putting out some uhhmayyyzing comic books this year. Go Larry! 9.8

 

 

That's all I got! Next month I'll be dropping my best of 2024. See you then...